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Thread: someone help me

  1. #1
    the velvet kid
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    Question someone help me

    hi i'm 24 and very confused on what i should do. I've always loved girls cloths but never ever ever told anyone. Sould I tell my fiance, should i talk to you guys what should i do????????????
    Last edited by Julie; 06-04-2004 at 03:37 AM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member VanessaCD's Avatar
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    Well I would'nt go rushing out to tell your fiance, unless you know her fairly well and what type of person she is. There are ways to go about easing this subject, when trying to tell someone about a secret... Feel out the situation and go from there. You're always free to talk about stuff here so dont be afraid to post.. Wish there was some simple answer, but all situations differ. You may want to expand abit on your frustrations and why you all of a sudden feel this need to tell the world..
    That way at least we, can respond with more detailed suggestions....

    Vanessa.
    [SIZE=3]"It's All an Illusion...."[/SIZE]

  3. #3
    :) Gabrielle's Avatar
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    Question A Must

    As per my experience, I would have to say. Tell her before getting married!

    Normally, the sooner the better. That way if she's really not OK with it, then it can end before any strong attachments are made.

    For me, I only told my wife 4 years after being married, and that is the one thing that seem to have bothered her the most. Although we are still together, the relationship hasn't been the same since.

    On that note though, I would suggest you talking to some others here, or simply going through many of the posts here on how to approach this.

    There are a lot of girls here with good knowledge and experiences that would help you with this.

    Wishing you the best!
    Gabrielle
    Last edited by Gabrielle; 06-03-2004 at 08:12 PM.
    Lovin' every minute of it!

  4. #4
    Member PaulaJeanette's Avatar
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    Welcome Erica!

    You're a very attractive lady. Your make-up is flawless and your wig is just perfect. Hope you and your wife work it out. I told my wife about a year ago and she is still bothered by it even though she has bought me a few pairs of panties to wear when we are intimate.

    You'll enjoy being a part of this forum. All of the ladies here are very helpful with their love and advice.

    Paula J.
    Love to wear matching bras, panties, and garter belts

  5. #5
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    I've been crossdressing off and on for 45 years. I go through periods of
    denial, but the urge always returns. I'm on my second wife and I haven't
    been able to tell her; my first wife did not know either. Keeping this secret
    means that I have been unable to explore some of the areas of crossdressing
    that I have been unable to experience ( breasts, wigs, make-up, nails ).
    Also it does not help to foster as fulfilling a relationship since you will always
    be on edge and worried about being caught.

    Good Luck with your decision.

    Debra

  6. #6
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    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by the velvet kid
    hi i'm 24 and very confused on what i should do. I've always loved girls cloths but never ever ever told anyone. Sould I tell my fiance, should i talk to you guys what should i do????????????
    Velvet,

    Here's a link to a thread that addressed this subject earlier. There were a lot of very good responses.

    And , glad you joined us. It's a great group here thats both fun and helpful.


  7. #7
    Velvet Crossdresseruperer ~Tammy~'s Avatar
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    The truth is there is no definitive time you should tell your fiancee. Everyones situation is unique. Some will totally despise the idea of guys wearing girl clothes, some will embrace it and some will just simply accept it.
    The hardest part of deciding if and when to tell someone, is trying to figure out what the person will think about it. It will most certainly change their view of you and if you wait too long, like most girls have said here, she will feel more betrayed about you having kept that secret from her.

    Here's the link some useful posts I think Julie was going to provide

    > When to tell that special someone <
    Last edited by ~Tammy~; 06-04-2004 at 05:42 AM.

  8. #8
    CDKathy
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    Honesty is always best.

    Hi Velvet,

    By all means, do keep posting here. There are a lot of people here to help and we all understand, at least to some degree, what you are going through.

    While I currently do not have a wife, girlfriend or SO, I have had a marriage fall apart at least in part due to my attempting to hide my dressing. We had other problems that we were working through but, when she found my "stash", that was the end.

    So I would add my voice to those who say to tell her as soon as possible and definitely BEFORE the wedding. However, I also agree that you should try to find out how supportive she may be before dropping such a bomb on her.

    Given all the news coverage about same sex marriage, you mught casually ask her opinion about that. If she strongly opposes that, then she may not be too tolerant of men wearing women's clothing even if you are NOT gay. But if she is open to that or even supportive, then you can broaden the conversation out to more general issues regarding gender and take it from there.

    Kathy

  9. #9
    Member Danielle1960's Avatar
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    Must tell

    It will be one of the hardest things you do, to actually tell her because of a bunch of reasons. For me it was opening up to someone my area of volunerability, plus I'm sure you would be concerned about loosing her if she wasn't able to support you. However at this point in your life (not being married and knowing you want to dress) you should move the conversations there and let her know your feelings. The worst case is..... :mad: but the best case would be she would find it appealing and want to support you in this part of you life.

    I only really discovered this aspect of my self just lasts year. So after 19 years of marriage my wife is really not accepting at all. :mad: Hopefully that will change, but if I had know 19 years ago I would have stepped up and let her know.

    I hope this is of help. Your in a difficult spot. Good luck.
    Danielle

  10. #10
    Wife's best friend Jenny Beth's Avatar
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    Hi Velvet,

    There is some really good advice here. All of us at some time or another feel the need to be accepted but more importantly I think is the need to be honest with those we care most about. We don't choose to be deceitful but many of us early on don't really know all the reasons we dress and that's what makes it difficult to be honest. So if you decide to come out to your fiancee you should at least have an understanding of yourself. Saying to her "I crossdress, but don't know why", will leave her thinking "What comes next"?

    Jenny B

  11. #11
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    Red face

    [QUOTE=~Tammy~]Here's the link some useful posts I think Julie was going to provide QUOTE]

    Tammy,

    Thanks for bailing me out. Must be slipping here

  12. #12
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    Lucky

    I was very fortnuate. I have a wife that from day one has been totally supportive. It took a week or two after we started dating but I finally told her all of my fetishs. I had kept everything a secret from my previous ladies and wanted this relationship to be special or not happen at all.

    She immediately ordered me some clothes on E-Bay and bought herself more high heels so we could be "classy" together. She doesn't fully understand all of my desires but is always willing to let me be me and often participate.

    10 years later we still have an unbelievable loving relationship.

    So I guess the bottom line is that even though there is a great risk in letting someone know what you do if you find the right person who will accept you for you then the rewards can be unbelievable.

    But the decision must be yours ... my wife is probably one in a thousand or maybe one hundred thousand ...

  13. #13
    the velvet kid
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    thank you everybody. i just wrot a page of reply but lost it because i did quick reply and then hit post. im new to this site and am tired of writing. get back soon

  14. #14
    the velvet kid
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    allright heres myh deal. I'm a blue coller worker. I work with my hands all day. I 6'2 and 230 pound. I'm a big boy. not fat but big and muscular. my fiance is bout 5'8 and 130 punds. she has blond hair and blue eyes. very very pretty. she is a perfect catch. very family oriented and suprisenely a freak in the sak. she can please me beyond belief, but i am still not satisfied. i need to dress up while i am maing love to her.

    three times i was able to swindle either her bra or panties from her. each time i was drunk. each time was also the most satisfying and excitng tiimes of sex i ever had. after the third time she old me she was getting kind of wiered out by it. so i did not pursue it again. i c an't restrain it muc h longer. we don't live together so at my place i have all kinds of dresses panties and pantyhose at my place. im sure she has seen it but has not said anything, i wish she would.

    do you ever find yourself getting jelous over girls just because of what they are and what they can do. i am not gay at all but i would do anythingg to be a hot girl lesbien.

    sometimes i get pissed at my fiance because she does not wear soft sexual sensual womans clothing. i hate it when she weqrs jeans. i tell her nicely come on babe wear a dress or a skirt. i dream of dresses and pantyhoe. snd when she does where az dress i slways make love to her while shes weraring it. what a turn on

  15. #15
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    I was married for 17 yrs and I was never able to tell my wife, she was just not the type of person who would understand. I have been divorced for about 6 months now and I am finding it hard to get back into the dating scene because dressing up is a very important part of who I am and I don't know how I could find someone who would be totally accepting. I won't give up on meeting someone but right now I am happy with the freedom I have to be myself. I am straight, but I will be honest and say that when I am dressed up and in my "Tamara" mode, I actually fantasize and wonder what it would be like to be with a man. Does anyone else out there experience this? When I am in my daily life I would'nt even consider it, but when I am Tamara I think I would actually go thru with it if the opportunity was there.

    Sorry, I did'nt mean to change the subject, it is something that I am bothered with. Tamara

  16. #16
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    Velvet,

    Your situation is not unusual at all. You are this big macho looking guy who everyone has expected to be a rough tough man of a man and you've probably lived up to that expectation for many close to you. While physically I'm not as big we have many similar things between us. In guy mode not a soul would ever expect there to be a trace of femiminity in me. I work construction and have run crews as large as 40 men most of whom would support me in just about anything ... but if they found out I dresssed it would be all over.

    My wife tolerates because she loves the masculine side of me but she doesn't see that the CD part of me was so instrumental in making me the person I am, in her words kind, caring and loving. But I know if I didn't have this in me I would have been a ruthless dictator (and probably very rich) and I would have been a prick. I saw these traits emerging when I was younger (I'm 53 now) and it was the CD part of me that hated it and kept those traits from taking over.

    Maybe in telling her you have to make her realize that many of the traits she loves about you come from this feminine part of you. Most women want their men to be compassionate, caring, thoughtful and kind but in the testosterone driven world of masculinity few of these traits are taught or even appreciated.

    A lot depends on the level of your relationship at this point. If it's strongly physical but the emotional side still has a way to go she may not really recognize the traits I mentioned. If on the other hand you guys have emotionally bonded she already knows about them and might be more receptive to appreciating what made you that way.

    I wish there was a perfect answer but so much depends on your ability to analyze exactly where the two of you are at this moment in time.

    I wish you nothing but the best and hope all works out welll for you,

    Julie

  17. #17
    AllisonVamp Allison Vamp's Avatar
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    it does make marriage alot easier when your wife knows and you don't have to sneak behind her back all the time. my wife is cool about it and also helps me out with make up and stuff, it just doesn't turn her on like i wish it would. but that's ok, i still have the freedom and the openeness to by myself. i couldn't imagine it any other way. would you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life who made you supress something you enjoyed?

  18. #18
    Ted
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    funny you mention the dichotomy. In my man role, I am a platoon sergeant in the Army. Obviously CDing would not be tolerated or accepted, so I have to keep in quiet.

  19. #19
    New Member jade's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Tell her ASAP

    Hi all
    I've been married for nearly 25 years and my wife still does not know about the dressing. My biggest regret is that I did not tell her before we got married. One way or the other, life would have continued without the hiding and those lies if I had told her. I know that I would be a better person if I had been honest from the start
    I am now in the process of getting ready to have that conversation with my wife. That is why I've joined you girls, for help and advise

    Good luck
    Jade

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