A dilemma

[Stephenie S]

I don't think any charade would be helpful. Just be firm, don't explain or excuse yourself.
'Because I want to' is a valid reason. If they can't accept that, just repeat the sentance.

It's your life. Respect for them is one thing, explaining your every action is another. If you don't feel you can come out to them then just be private. There is no need for lies or excuses, even though they might seem easier you'll benefit more from just being firm.

Dear Princess,

Read this quote from Batty. Then read it again. Then print it out and put it in your purse, or pocket, or where ever and read it some more.

Please don't lie to your parents. They are your parents. Also your mother will probably see through any lie you can come up with (she is your mother, after all). And if she knows or suspects that you are lying she will imagine the worst. So don't lie, dear. Relationships based on lies are doomed from the start. Don't do it!

Just be firm about your life. You are staying overnight in Brisbane because you want to. It's your business. Just keep repeating that over and over. "Because I want to"! That's it. That's all.

I am sure you have heard the expression, "What part of NO don't you understand?" This is a very usefull concept, and you need to learn this if you want to grow up. Your parents will respect you more when they discover that you have your own life to live and that you still love them anyway. This is just part of growing up, and it will serve you well for the rest of your life. Whenever you give someone an elaborate excuse why you can't do something they will figure out a way for you to overcome this. Just say no and stop. It's no one's business why. Just say no, it's not possible, it's not happening.

The same concept applies here. Just tell your parents when you will be home and leave it at that. You are spending the weekend in Brisbane and you will be home after the weekend. You never have to explain every detail of your life to anyone, even your parents. Learn this and prosper.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Denielleinheels]

I would just say there is a party at the close of the conference and you don't want to miss it. But it will be over late.

[stormrider]

You're 31 girl, they don't need to know your every move. I had a mother like that at one time (I was 19 at the time though). Once I decided that she no longer had the right or privilege to know my every move, she came to the same decision. Bear in mind though she is still your mum and she will still ask.

Michelle

[EricaCD]

Don't lie. Say that you have a social occasion to attend there. If they press, just tell them some acquaintances are getting together. Your parents do not need to know it's a crossdressing event, and frankly you are old enought that, even if you live in their house, you are entitled to your own life.

[battybattybats]

Have you had the pleasure of cane toad's though? They're such lovely creatures

I've only met one once, recently at a relatives yard when visiting Qld. It was certainly a cool critter. Shame about the damage it's doing to the environment though.

[Princess29]

I ended up just saying to her "I just feel like staying in brisbane" and she pretty much left it at that.
She doesn't need to know my every move (and there's plenty I don't tell her) but doesn't stop her from trying to find out.
I know its time to move (its been that way for years). I need a job first (the training course in brisbane should take care of that) and then its full steam ahead.


Melissa

[Sheri 4242]

Just be firm . . . Because I want to' is a valid reason. If they can't accept that, just repeat the sentance. It's your life. Respect for them is one thing, explaining your every action is another.

Respect for your parents doesn't mean they are entitled to run your life -- there comes a time in every person's life when they have to, "start cutting the apron strings." (Don't know if you have that saying where you live, but it is a saying I have heard all my life where I live. Bottom line: it is a true saying!!!) Living in the so-called "bible-belt" of the States, we often hear of controlling and/or manipulative parents say (to their adult children), "the bible says you're supposed to honor your mother and father." BUT, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have your own life -- and you are not dishonoring them by having your own life -- and your not dishonoring them if you you, as an adult, refuse to be subservient to them.

You know, if you are sensitive about lying to your mom, then just tell her outright: "mom, I am staying over b/c I want to -- I want a day away, and please don't think of this in any way, shape or form as disrespectful, but at 31, I don't really think I need to explain my every move, motivation, or action. This isn't about love and respect; it IS about each of us having and needing space -- space to think -- space to become all that we can become."

Or, as someone else said, tell her you've got an opportunity to socialize with some lady friends -- and since you are looking to gain employment and move out, you can tell her that such "networking" could lead to a great job!!! (And, maybe it could!!! It doesn't matter if it does, the mere fact that it "could" makes it a plausible statement.)

Listen, don't take this as being too crtical, b/c I have true empathy for your situation!!!!!!! I just think that, at your age, it is time to get the message across that you love your parents, you respect them, you care about them, and that you value all they have done for you -- BUT, you are old enough to pursue interests (etc.) without having to gain permission or explain your every move. I have seen a number of people in your situation who didn't become proactive for themselves, and they ended up miserable -- and tied to one or the other (or both) parents for 50-60 years -- and they were miserable. Their lives weren't their own!!!

Take charge of YOUR life!!! Respectful - yes!!! Adamantly - yes, absolutely, with respect.

[Kelsy]

[SIZE="3"]Princess,

IMO I think the real dilemma is that your living at home with your parents. You might consider looking for a place of your own and with that comes your freedom to dress when you want to and to go anywhere you want to without being questioned.

Jennifer[/SIZE]

[Princess29]

[SIZE="3"]Princess,

IMO I think the real dilemma is that your living at home with your parents. You might consider looking for a place of your own and with that comes your freedom to dress when you want to and to go anywhere you want to without being questioned.

Jennifer[/SIZE]

Yeah, Jennifer I know. For years I've been just kind of plodding along and being content to grab times to dress when my parents went out for a long enough period of time. Since going overseas on the most recent trip, I have had an awakening of sorts and want to take things further than ever before.
Up until a few months back, I didn't have a femme name, didn't refer to myself or other males in female terms, didn't have a wig or any makeup and wouldn't even consider going out in public just yet (although I reckon I wanted to) and I want the freedom to do that whenever I want.
I guess the money that I could have spent on investing in a house, I spent seeing the world and now I have to start almost from scratch, rebuilding my finances. One good thing about living with my parents is that I am able to save lots of money (when I'm working especially).
So even if I moved out now, I would either have to live by myself and unless I can get a decent paying job, then that's going to be rather expensive or share a place with someone but then unless I tell them about melissa, then I'm right back where I started.
So I guess you're right jennifer that is the main dilemma now. That and what am I going to wear to the ball?
I realised that with the cold weather snap that has just come through, I have a hoodie that I bought while in vegas and should come in very handy. It fits perfectly and says on the front "you say I"m daddy's girl like its a bad thing".


Melissa