Whole Family Knows

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Well it finally happened, our teenage kids found a pair of shoes that i ordered from ebay in the trunk of the car and started asking questions. My wife answered every question that they had as i was not there. Niether child had a problem with my dressing and our son who is 13 said he wants a nightgown to wear dont quite know what to do with this. He has been quite girly sience he was 3. he has loved makeup and dressing up in his sisters clothes. so it has been a rather intresting week in our house. any suggestions or thoughts?

[Stephenie S]

Two words. Support him.

Just think how great it would have been for you if someone had validated your behavior at that age. I remember back then and I knew that I was sick, sick, sick. That I had to hide every facet of this behavior as deep as I possibly could. I would have been much happier for much of my adult life if I had not had to bury my shame and guilt as a teenager.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[prettywithsideburns]

Well it finally happened, our teenage kids found a pair of shoes that i ordered from ebay in the trunk of the car and started asking questions. My wife answered every question that they had as i was not there. Niether child had a problem with my dressing and our son who is 13 said he wants a nightgown to wear dont quite know what to do with this. He has been quite girly sience he was 3. he has loved makeup and dressing up in his sisters clothes. so it has been a rather intresting week in our house. any suggestions or thoughts?

sounds like if nobody is freaked out about it then it's all the better! and if your thirteen year old son is bold enough to tell you he wants a nightgown it's sound like you've done a good job raising him to be comfortable with who he is. you may have some rather non-traditional father-son bonding moments in your future, but there's nothing wrong with that.

from the post it seems like this works out best for everyone.

[Angie G]

If it's OK with the family then go with it and let your son go with it also
Angie

[Sapphire]

I would suggest that you consider how you have managed to cope with your own crossdressing and ask yourself the question: How might life have turned out for me if I had been given the freedom and encouragement to crossdress when I was 13? It is a very sensitive time in a young person’s development so you need to tread very carefully. Finding a reputable and impartial professional to advise you might be a step in the right direction.

[Margie]

I tend to agree with Sapphire. I would go slowly and do a lot of talking with your wife and son. Best of luck Samantha!

[MJ]

Support him he wants a nightgown get him one
support your son help him in every way you can if he wants to dress let him
remember what it was like for us you can make the difference
just be there for him

[Julia Welch]

You have to support him but I would keep it a secret.....schools are very cruel places.

[Victoria Anne]

I must agree with evryone, support him,talk with him and your wife and seeking counceling to him him deal with his dressing will help him. Remember what it was like for you as a kid, I know it was hell for me with no support. Best of luck.
Viccy

[prettywithsideburns]

I must agree with evryone, support him,talk with him and your wife and seeking counceling to him him deal with his dressing will help him. Remember what it was like for you as a kid, I know it was hell for me with no support. Best of luck.
Viccy

I dunno, do you really think it's a good idea to get him into counseling if he's okay with it anyway? that just seems to me like it would end up sending the message that there's something wrong with it.

[Phoebe Reece]

Samantha, you should get together with DeeInGeorgia (on this forum) and compare notes. She has a son about the same age that has been appropriating some of her shoes and other things. Dee and her wife are still working out a strategy to deal with the situation.

[Ekatcha]

I have to agree with Saphire & Phoebe myself. A tricky situation to be certain, but so long as you show your love for your kids no matter who they are and support them, I think it'll all work out just fine.

[Sheri 4242]

Two words. Support him.

This advice is in agreement with current medical and psychological thought on therapy, which suggestes support and accomodation.

Finding a reputable and impartial professional to advise you might be a step in the right direction.

This might be a good step, too, as long as the psychologist or psychiatrist is experienced in gender issues. That should be an absolute requirement.


All in all, I'd say go ahead and buy him his own nightgown. BUT, also tell him that he must resist any impulse to tell about this at school or in conversation with his peers -- at this age, children can be very cruel (and it doesn't take much in the way of provocation). I have read of many families where they have done exactly what is being suggested here -- getting him his own nightgown -- and then gone on about family life making no big deal over it. You can then work on setting up counselling so that he learns what he is, and what is and isn't appropriate to the general public for the sake of his own safety.

[Tia]

Can't see much bad in getting a nightgown for him. After all my mother gave me one, when they had discovered that I used to dress in my mothers lingerie. And look at the results (Ok, for appearance, I'm not wearing a mask, I just happened to born on Halloween).

Seriously, as long as there isn't a big show about he wanting to wear it, I'd say that everythings ok. For me the reason for wanting one was that it had much nicer feeling than my own sleepingwear.

And like Barbara said, please make sure that he understands that everyone else aren't as tolerant. I know too many cases where kids whole life has been ruined by teasing them for a lot less. And I think that there nothing meaner than a kid of that age, when they have someone to tease.

Anyway, based on the response from your kids you have done a marvelous job in raising them! (Hopefully that's a correct term..)

[bobi jean]

Some really good advise above. I would also like to mention that the social services is even more cruel than school. (if they were to discover the fact that you and your SO were indeed encourageing your teen age son to crossdress. Therefor I would back off a little, BUT LET HIM KNOW THAT IF THAT IS INDEED WHAT HE WOULD LIKE TO DO, keep it at home, in private, but most importantly let it be his decision.
MOM, at your sons age, items of clothing left out are dreams come true.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I agree that you should support your son and show him you love him, it sounds like he and the rest of your family is supportive of you. I don't think that I would encourage him to do it though, I'd let him go at his own pace. I think that my youngest brother is a crossdresser also but I don't know for sure, I also think that I have at least a couple of cousins that crossdress but it is a deep dark secret for all of us. I used to think that my dad was a closet crossdresser but could never prove it. Glad your situation worked out well for you!

[JulieC]

I would support unequivocally. As to encourage...that's a different connotation. What does that entail? I think if I were in your shoes, I would try to ensure he understands that a) the lines of communication are always open, b) he is welcome to make requests for other items of clothing at his leisure, just as he would make a request for new shoes, or jeans; i.e. treat it as a normal part of his wardrobe, and c) he will never be seen as a freak within the family - EVER - he is always safe at home.

I think those are foundation precepts.

I think counseling might be a good idea IF...***IF***...it is not a plain jane psychologist but a specialist in this field. Any attempt to 'cure' him would backfire, and in no way should the counseling be viewed as being done because something is wrong with him, but rather as an aid to helping him understand himself in a society that doesn't provide much support for people outside the standard two gender boxes.

[Fab Karen]

Unchanging since age 3 clearly suggests the child is in the TG category ( anything from CD to TS ) - a talk about your acceptance of being who they are is a very loving thing a parent can do. As others have said, a therapist who understands gender issues could be of help.

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

thanks for all the replys finding a counceler here in podunk montana that is gender oriented is probaly a dream in its self. but i do plan on buying him a night gown and let him explore on his own. if he wants other items we will discuss them as his questions arrise. as long as his wordrobe dosnt get bigger than mine lol.

[iiiman5]

This is my first ever posting. Having grown up in a very strict household I would have loved the oportunity to have dressed up at home with the approval of my parents. I had always felt a draw to women and there clothes. My wife knows i were her panties and even have some of my own. It is my dream some day to be fully dressed with her approval. As for my 3 Boys I can only hope they would be as understanding. I would be open to letting them explore there fem side. My be some day we all can.

[aka.laura]

Great, just great. Exactly the thing most of us would have dreamed and hoped it would've happened to us. Support him where ever you can, let thing develop as they come but let him make his own choises. Think about what you would have liked your parents would have done when you were at his age. In my opinion, you're the best father your son could want. Whatever direction this goes, your relationship couldn't be better! Wow, I'm impressed. And jealous ;o)

[KandisTX]

I have to agree with everyone here that has suggested supporting your son. Hell, make it real fun.. If you have a daughter, go out and by all four of you matching nightgowns. sort of "campy" I know, but it would be a nice thing if everyone had one.

Also, make sure he understands that he cannot do this at school, or in public (yet).. Kids are cruel, moreso than adults and they will say what is on their minds no matter the consequences.

Kandis

[Chantelle CD]

Im glad it is not my decition....

I love the fact that i am a CD, though if i had acceptance at that age, my life would be totaly different than it is now, and i love my life as it is now, so im not sure what to say about this, other than to say use caution, for what happens to a young one at this age will greatly have an impact on his whole life forever, meaning, he may chose to want to become a TS/TG, nothing wrong with that, but becomeing one would greatly effect everything in his life, who he meets and falls in love with, the children he would have had, but cant now. So meny doors opening up at such a young age, rageing hormones, i dont know, be carfull here is all i can say, he may just be wanting to be like is best bud Daddy!!!! Let him be what he wants to be, but dont influance him in anyway, make sure it is what he wants.

[Joy Carter]

Glad for you that this is working out for your family.
Had I had such support would have I grown up not feeling dirty about myself ? Would I even be a cross dresser today if allowed to get it out of my system ? Or even maybe I would have know who I was and had done something with my gender confusion.