I hope she just put them elsewhere.....but even that is not right of her to do. Looks like you two better talk and get somethings worked out between you.
I hope she just put them elsewhere.....but even that is not right of her to do. Looks like you two better talk and get somethings worked out between you.
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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I wouldn't call it purging. When YOU dump your girly things it is purging, when anyone else takes your things it is called theft. You need to set down with her and talk this out. She should not take things from you, whether she approves or not, she has not rights to your things. She needs to understand that taking your things is NOT going to suddenly "CURE" you. It is just going to cost money to replace the things she tossed. Hopefully you'll find she has hidden these things and after a long talk she returns them to you.Originally Posted by Sharoncd
Temporarily taking some of her things might make a point but it could be counterproductive. It could lean to an all out "WAR".
It does sound like you guys are due for a long talk...
Strong emotions are not an excuse for criminal and unethical behaviour. If she threw the items away she should apologise and replace them. If it was a 'cry for help' then she needs to go to counselling and apologise and replace those items. If she 'moved' them somewhere then she should tell you where and apologise for moving your stuff without permission.
If she'll cross one ethical line she might cross others.....
Are you sure you are safe?
Here goes Em again upstream against the current here, but it appears she thinks whatever she has said or done in the past was either ignored or unheard .... so she is yelling "THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM AND I NEED YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION TOWARDS A SOLUTION !". You said you two have had a problem, well it's time to put major attention on a solution to that problem, whether that be counselling or keeping your stuff where she can't get to it or a separation/divorce.
For the record I do agree with other sisters that it was drastic and just not right, but sometimes people feel ignored and they do drastic and awful things.
Emily Ann
Living with a heel in each world.
To be honest, I had the thought to do something similar early on. Fortunately I'm too practical (or cheap if you prefer); plus it really wasn't the stuff that I was angry about. It would've just been a convenient weapon to use to make him hurt as much as I was and most importantly, get his attention. Definitely not the most mature or productive course to take if trying to fix something.
Right or wrong - what's done is done. It's definitely time to get to the bottom of "why". Best of luck to you both.
She might be your SO but this is invasion of privacy, and thief of your belongings because you did not agree to this in the first place.....shes wrong and out of order!, you need to sit down and chat with each other, cos there doesnt seem much trust between you, oh and yeah find a new hiding place
Girls thank all of you for your input. I read all of the posting and I thought that I would tell the whole story.
#1. When I met my SO I crossdressed. She thought that this was fun and joined into the fun. She would buy me clothes and sex was great.
After several years she thought that I was being obsess with dressing. She thought that she was not being recognized as the woman in this relationship. So I purge and try not to dress but the felling was too strong.
#2. I'm not sure why I have done this but 3 times I have looked outside of our marriage for others. The first 2 times were really nothing but flirting. The last time was different.
The last time my SO was very angry. She says that it was because her sister died. But all that I saw was that she was pushing me out of her live. I met a woman that liked me and I started just gaming with her then it happened and sex happened. This happened just once and it was all over. We both felt the disconnect at the same time.
My SO was questioning my being out late at night, I worked swing shift. She started accusing me of sleeping with others. At this time I was not. She kept accusing me so finally I did. When she ask I lied and told her that she was wrong. I told her the truth this week when she asked again.
#3 My SO and I have not had sex for many years. We just have been friends. The last time we had sex was when she hit 290 pounds. It was not that great. So I turned it off. She hit 330
Now she is asking me what is wrong with her that I had sex with others but not her. I understand her question but I really do not want to tell her why.
PS she is now 250, gastric banding.
Conclusion:
My SO and I have been going to individual counseling and last week we went to our first marriage counseling. I do not want to end this marriage I just want it to get back to where it was. I have tried many times to kill Sharon but she keeps coming back. I have purged many times and at cost of thousands of dollars and she always came back. My counselor does not seam to be concern with my CD.
She has always known where my box was. I have not hiden it for quite awhile And I'm sure that I hurt her, with great regret. But before I started to counseling I decided that 1. I was a crossdresser. I was not going to purge any more; I was not going to hide it any more. 2. That I wanted to stay with her and make this work.
I guess that sometimes we start late in life and I started too late.
Girls thanks for everything. The road that we travel in life sometimes has a lot of bumps. I just hit a pot hole. She has told me that if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser. I guess that this would be considered a pot hole. I have lived through worst.
Sharon
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia ."
~Charles Schultz~
She was wrong to do this. I guess she does not realize that you will have to buy the stuff all over again.
There's alot going on there. I can see why she'd feel so much anger (with both you & at herself).
I'm glad you're both seeking professional help - hope it works out happily for you both.
I think we just had another thread where the SO threatened the same thing.
Look, this is emotional blackmail pure and simple. It's manipulative, disrespectful, and completely unacceptable behavior. This, combined with the fact that she threw out your clothes...ok you want to make this marriage work and that's laudable. But come on...this kind of crap MUST stop. I would demand this as part of the ground rules for counseling as part of basic respect.
Your wife wouldn't (well, at least I hope she wouldn't) go blasting about town screaming for all the world that XYZ person is gay would she? How does she think it's acceptable to do it to you? Would your wife take things from other people's property and throw them out because she found them objectionable? Your wife isn't giving you the same basic respect she would give absolute strangers. This is absurd.
You hurt her. You hurt her by cheating and you hurt her by being unattracted to her. I bet she knows why you are unattracted, and just wants to hear it from you.
Honestly, she JUST found out you cheated. Are you surprised that she threw your stuff away? It was retaliation. You both did terrible things. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how wrong she was, because some people deal with the hurt and loss by acting out this way. Do you think she would have done it if you hadn't cheated?
I bet some will disagree with me and say that there is no excuse for throwing your stuff away. Frankly, I think cheating is FAR FAR FAR worse than what she did. You can buy your stuff again. She can't buy trust for you. Cheating is a permanent affect. That's why, for most couples, the cheating is a deal breaker.
I don't care if you felt she pressured you to cheat. She can't make you do that. You did it on your own. You are a grown up and make your own decisions. You decided to betray her. Honestly, her throwing your lady clothes away doesn't compare in the slightest.
Sobe
Actually, Sobe I will agree with you.
Sure she could have dealt with this in a more adult way, but now that I know she just found out this week about you cheating on her I'm suprised she didn't decide to throw all of your stuff ( not just the fem stuff) out on the street. Cheating is almost always a deal breaker.
I have a feeling part of the reason she didn't throw you out is a) she's probably very commited to the relationship. b) since she is having weight issues and you two have not been intimate in a long time she is probably dealing with depression & self- worth issues as well.
If she is still with you I would suggest a lot of work on your side to show you still love her and are committed to this relationship.
I'm sorry to say this but you sound very self centered, you sound more concerned about you box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating! She did not push you to cheating, you could have talked to her and explained you felt she was pushing you away.
I'm sorry if I come off sounding like a BITCh but I find cheating for ANY Reason unacceptable and personally would have already been out the door. Thank your lucky stars she is still even there and willing to try and work on the relationship. Take good care of her she sounds like she needs all the love you can give her.
Do you live, do you die
Do you bleed for the fantasy?
In your mind, through your eyes
Do you see it's the fantasy? - 30 Seconds To Mars- The Fantasy
You cheated on her that was wrong she got rid of your clothes which was wrong but understandable with what she has found out.
I just hope the pair of you can work it out
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Sharon, a few things come to mind when reading your first and now second post under this thread.
Early on in our marriage my wife said some of my old male clothes needed to go. You know the things that you love and cherish, but are old, stained, and a bit thin and tight. I asked her what in her drawers needs to go. So now she lets me know the things both male and female that are too small, wrong color for me, wrong style, do not look good on me and what ever other reasons should be considered to be passed on. But read on for a different view.
The one thing that breaks up a relationship quickly is infidelity. And it almost happened to my wife and I. Your story sounds familiar, my spouse seemed to enjoy the CDing early on and she has struggled with weight and is very self concisest about it. I never let her weight get in the way of our relationship.
Forget her purging your clothes. You are just lucky she did not purge your butt out of the house for cheating on her. Get down to working on the real issues. I gave up CDing for over a year to work on the issues. Was it easy. No. But it showed I was committed to working on things. At this point you need to show the most commitment to working on the issues as you are the one with the lost of trust. Focus on working on things and it will make not CDing a lot easier.
You said that your wife said "if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser." While I would consider this blackmail, it is most likely a sign of a very scared wife and one going into protection mode. My wife very much so went into a protection mode.
I am proud of you and your wife to seek outside help. So many will not. And it is so hard to find good and the right counselors for both you and your wife and the situation. I hope you have ones that will work for the two of you. If not please look for different ones.
My wife and I have also had "hers", "mine", and our "ours" counselors and it can be expensive. We were lucky in that insurance picked up the biggest share of it. What my wife and I got out of the counseling was dealing with some personal things and things from the past and most important was how to communicate better as a couple. My wife and I ended up spending a lot of time just working on things at home ourselves in between the counseling sessions. And the counselors did very little with the CDing issues as that was done mostly between my wife and I.
You said "I wanted to stay with her and make this work". I hope your wife thinks the same. A great thing my wife said to me was that she loved me and was not ready to give up on our relationship. After we both mutually agreed we were both going to willing work on the issues together. She then said that we got to where we were our selves. We needed help to get back on track. "We" needed to go to counseling...... "so I could be fixed" is how it followed, but that is a novel in itself.
Good luck and I pray it goes well for you and your wife.
Last edited by KimberlyS; 06-20-2007 at 01:58 PM.
KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt. Being myself not trying to be some other CDer
Just trying to find a balance for my son and myself.
Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.
Well that is a shame.I hope she did it thinking it would help with the problem's your having and not just to be mean.Not to mention the fact that a lovely black skirt is laying in a dumpster some where. justabit
Thanks girls. This is something that I'm not proud of. I hated myself from the beginning. Maybe that's why I lied from the beginning. Now I have to live with what I have done for the rest of my life and pay for it on jugment day.
The issue really is not the clothes. I really do not want to sound selfesh. Yes it did make me mad but as I stated I'm willing to try it her way. The clothes does not make the person so why toss.
We are working things out. I'm waiting for our couseling session to talk about this. In the mean time I'm trying to not put up any road block and trying to show her who I really am and that I'm not the person from back when. I know she will never fully trust me but this is something I have to live with.
Thanks again girls
Sharon.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia ."
~Charles Schultz~
Sharon, trust is a funny thing. We often give or are given trust based on minimum requirements. But once trust is lost gaining it back again can seem un-doable. But in many cases it is very doable. In this case you must continue to be yourself like you always have been, only better. You must be a better person but yet the person she married. Be consistent in what you do from this point forward and go out of your way to do the little things that your wife likes and makes her feel loved. And the tough part is to do this with the attitude that you expect nothing in return. You just need to do them and require no acknowledgment that you did them. She must feel that you will, "and you should", do this the rest of your marriage. You are just doing it because you love you wife.
As one person once said to me. You must continue to court and date your wife through out your marriage.
KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt. Being myself not trying to be some other CDer
Just trying to find a balance for my son and myself.
Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.
ouch!!!
Hugs
Lovely Rita
The journey is about learning how to love and to do it with all our heart.
The Revolution moves forward!!!!!
aspiring to be "part of the cure and not the disease."
to quote Cold Play.
Becoming the person I was created to be
not the person you expect me to be
"Girls Just Want to Have FUN!"
You don't need an excuse to Love just an opportunity!
best of luck cos I think it's time for the both of you to sit down and have a long talk.
Love as always Jasminexxxxxxxx
I think it's Thomas Hardy. Anyway, the quote is: "You can never go home anymore." I'm sure that Hardy meant that nothing stays the same and you can't recapture what was in the past.
Whatever you do with your marriage, you can't go back to "how things were." All you can do is start a new relationship, which might be better, it might be worse. What you two do with that relationship is all a matter of choices, your choices!.
Having said all that, you screwed up having an affair(s). That never helps anything. You get a short-term ego stroke and then you have to pay the consequences! You need to straighten out that stuff, seek forgiveness, and get on with your life. Doing penance for the rest of your days, gets you NOTHING!
Your wife needs to accept your CD, it's not going to disappear. She needs to understand that it's a part of who you are, whether she likes it or not. Perhaps a lot of the things that initially attracted her, are a part of your femme persona. She needs to understand that, and at least try and cope with the situation. Throwing out your clothes isn't going to make you stop.
There's a final reality to consider. If you two can't get along, if the torment continues, it's time to call it quits. Sometimes, that's the only choice left.
I wish you two good luck, your going to need it! Hope you can find accommodation.
Peace and Love, Joanie
I would sit down and discuss the matter thoroughly. You both have to compromise with the situation and set your boundaries. Should that fail, then a choice may have to be made. The relationship can not go forward until this is resolved.
Sarah R.
Every time I walk down the street, I see every eye on me.
Every time they look at me, I wonder, who do they see?
Perfection in disguise,with regimes and alibis.
The girl in the mirror , isn't the same as the girl in my heart
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
You cheated 3 times and she just threw out your clothes? You were lucky. Some people murder over things like this.
[SIZE=3]I have to say that it is amazing to me that some of you gurls don't see anything wrong with Sharon having cheated on his wife but you are aghast at her having thrown out his femme things. I am glad to see that Sharon at least has remorse. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Sharon it is good that y'all are seeing a profesional and I truly hope you can work through your marriage issues. Trust is a big one. To rebuild your wife's trust in you will be a long slow tedius proccess, one that will be measured in baby steps and constantly questioned, by her. But I know if you love her enough, and it sounds like you do, that you can win her trust back. Don't give up. Your marriage is worth fighting for. If you believe in God, then turn this over to Him and pray that He will help to restore your marriage.I will be praying for y'all and I know that God can help to see you through this. Communication is the key . Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Reassure her of your love for her. You can never tell her to many times how sorry you are or how much she means to you and how much you love her. Take care. Let us know how things are going.
[SIZE=4]Country Girl GG
[SIZE=3]The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]When you find something good... Grab it with both hands and do all you can do to keep it![/SIZE]
Well then..................hope you can rebuild this......................but I would have done much more than throw your things away.....................hope you two can work through this.........hope she can trust you again.........................and a long time before she will prob trust you if ever.
But what really gets me is you wrote a post about her throwing your things out.....( the orig beginning post) when there is much more going on here to be upset about......things can be replaced. I agree with Stacy........... You sound very self centered, AND sound more concerned about your box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating!
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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