Depression

[Corrine GG]

I was wondering, my SO has a Dr. appointment on Monday. He blames our lack of 'activity' on 'not feeling well'. He said that he is always tired, he sleeps so late when he can. It is now 11:00 and he is still in the bed.

I am thinking that he is depressed, he has not been able to 'dress' as much since we got married and all the kids are here. I am wondering if the depression is the cause of his physical symptoms. Any thoughts? I have had cases of depression but it hasn't caused me physical symptoms. He will also be 40 this year.

If you haven't read my other thread, he has thrown away all of his 'stash'. He wants to be 'normal' he said. I can't think of anything more deressing than having to deal with that.

[Karren H]

I'd say so!! I used to get depressed a lot before I accepted that I am who I and and that there's nothing wrong with doing what I love to do!! After that crossdressing became fun!! And yeah everyons life is busy.. Hell I haven't dressed in almost 8 weeks.. Way too busy and doesn't bother me a bit!! Lifes a balancing act no matter what you hobby is!!

Now go kick his ass out of bed.. Still plent of time to go shopping for something cute!!

Karren

[Katie Moore]

Now go kick his ass out of bed.. Still plent of time to go shopping for something cute!!


LOL!

[KandisTX]

I would say very much so. Depression is often a mental state that manifests itself in the physical body by causing the tired, listlessness that you are describing.

Kandis

[Valerie]

that it sounds like depression. Karren's method may work for a day, but for a longer period I would make sure the doctor is aware of his problem. There are some wonderful medicines around these days. One can throw away one's stash, but not one's deeper desires.

Best wishes,

Valerie

[Joanne f]

Depression can wear you out physically and mentally , but i think that you should try and talk to him and see what he thinks it might be,
i use to look upon my desire to dress as a curse that i could not get away from i felt abnormal, but it was my wife that helped me to realise that it is just another part of me that i should except and enjoy.

joanne

[Sally2005]

Wait for his doctor appt. CDing can be one major stress in your life. Depression results after a lot of stresses build up and you reach a tipping point. Major life changes also are stresses. You could help him by doing some of the things that you know he doesn't enjoy or that bring him some joy.

[diane59]

Mid life crisis, low testosterone, could be anything. I had same situation when I turned 40 & my testosterone levels were low. Nothing a "Patch" couldn't handle.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I experience periods of endless sleep if I get depressed....sounds like a good diagnosis hun. Now what could he be depressed about...hmmmmm......I wonder.

Emily Ann

[bobi jean]

I was wondering, my SO has a Dr. appointment on Monday. He blames our lack of 'activity' on 'not feeling well'. He said that he is always tired, he sleeps so late when he can. It is now 11:00 and he is still in the bed.

I am thinking that he is depressed, he has not been able to 'dress' as much since we got married and all the kids are here. I am wondering if the depression is the cause of his physical symptoms. Any thoughts? I have had cases of depression but it hasn't caused me physical symptoms. He will also be 40 this year.

If you haven't read my other thread, he has thrown away all of his 'stash'. He wants to be 'normal' he said. I can't think of anything more deressing than having to deal with that.

Corinne
Your husband is a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First thing I would do would be to take him to a doctor. At 40 yoa there are a lot of things that can cause physical symptoms such as depression, overly tired, and many many other like symptoms, DOCTOR FIRST.......
THEN, you and your husband need to define normal, (when you do, write it down, e-mail it to yourself and others, this is to prove later that you are the ones that defined normal with-in the crossdressing community) IT MAY BE WORTH A FORTUNE SOON.
He trashed his stash!!!! He does not understand why he is a crossdresser, He is probably un easy as to why you are so ready to accept and encourage the crossdressing. AS LONG AS HE IS IN THIS CONDITION, HE WILL REMAIN IN DENIAL TOWARDS NEARLY EVERY ASPECT OF HIS LIFE INCLUDING YOU AND THE KIDS.. THAT IS NOT GOOD, HAUL HIS ASS TO THE DOC, YOU MAY HAVE TO DO MOST OF THE TALKING AS HE IS IN DENIAL, BEING A MAN HE WILL LIE THRU HIS TEETH ABOUT HIS PHYSICAL CONDITION AND ESPECIALLY HIS CURRENT MENTAL STATE, BUT REFRAIN FROM TELLING MORE THAN YOU HAVE TO.
After his physical symptoms are checked, it is definately time for some counseling (for you both). I am not real big on this but I do not think he will ever adjust until he talks to a gender friendly or at least tolerant counselor or maybe even clergy.
Good luck to both of you and tell him that he is as normal as anyone else in the world, he is not the first to ever feel this way, won't be the last to feel this way, it is O K to feel this way, its not healthy but it is O K. Oh, and as normal as normal gets.........

[Cai]

Depression makes a lot of people very tired. It's one of the major symptoms.

I'd talk to a doctor about running tests to see if there's a physical problem, and if not, get a referral to a therapist.

[bobi jean]

Corrine
If memory serves me right, at some point and time you had mentioned that you guys didn't have much money to spare on counseling or other things.
Honey you can not afford not to now.. It may very well be a life saver..........

[aka.laura]

Please wait for the doc, Corinne. Don't underestimate a "real" depression, it' an illness and a severe one. You an't compare it with "feeling a bit depressed because of the weather". The last thing that will help is kicking his ass, it'll only make it worse. It's not that a depressed person doesn't want to do something, he CAN'T do it, (put in a different way: he can' even WANT it) and that's completely different. He can't help it, please realize this, he's not being stubborn: it's his illness (when it's a real depression). Medications may help, but only MAY. They are heavily overestimated, lots of people suffer from the side effects without any benefits. Do get counseling, go find a good psychiatrist. Try him out. In case your SO doesn't like him/her: find an otherone. He's going to have to trust him, maybe over years. Want a good book? (though a tick heavy on the pharma-side): Noondaydemon, Andrew Solomon. I wish you both the best. Love, Laura

[Lovely Rita]

I was wondering, my SO has a Dr. appointment on Monday. He blames our lack of 'activity' on 'not feeling well'. He said that he is always tired, he sleeps so late when he can. It is now 11:00 and he is still in the bed.

I am thinking that he is depressed, he has not been able to 'dress' as much since we got married and all the kids are here. I am wondering if the depression is the cause of his physical symptoms. Any thoughts? I have had cases of depression but it hasn't caused me physical symptoms. He will also be 40 this year.

If you haven't read my other thread, he has thrown away all of his 'stash'. He wants to be 'normal' he said. I can't think of anything more deressing than having to deal with that.

It could be a number of things like Chronic Fatigue symptoms or burn out. I have a friend who is a coucelor and has studied a lot about burn out.

Not being an expert I would not venture to diagnose but I share this in the event it may be useful.

The throwing away of stash maybe something he needs to do and is looking to move on. Whatever the choice I will pray that everything go weill with the doctor, treatments and general well being for you SO, who I know you love so very much. You are a heck of a good SO and your SO is very fortunate.

[Dee Talbot]

My SO has struggled with depression for years. It's not easy to live with someone who is dealing with a chemical imbalance along with their other baggage (Barb has trunks full). Seeing a professional is a must, not only for possible medication, but for counseling as needed. I hope you and your SO can find the help that is needed.

Dee

[cin]

You might want to look at supplements like DHEA and EPA/DHA that help very much and are lacking in the American diet and elsewhere. EPA/DHA is fish oil that affects lots of things in the body. The brain is largely made up of those kind if fatty acids. DHEA is a precursor to hormones like testosterone and estrogen. It directly affects depression and is also produced in the brain. The supplements are over the counter and very safeand also not expensive at all. This site has more info www.lef.org

You might also want to read a book written by Suzanne Somers called The Sexy Years. It has a section on depression in men.

That website has some good info but many places sell those supplements.

[Samantha B L]

Your SO could definately be depressed,it's true. And that's usually a chemical imbalance thing and it CAN be treated but CAN'T be totally and completely cured. Frustratingly enough. But there could be other reasons for the restlessness and never quite having enough sleep. Sleep apnea for one thing. Which can be treated with a special electronic inhaler contraption which circulates cooled currents of air into your sinuses,larynx and esophagus. Does he toss and turn and snore all night and does he never seem to have enough sleep? That could be it! But you did say that he purged everything and he wants to be "normal"? Please try to get him to see that he's fortunate to have a life that isn't "average" or "normal". I'm a 51 year old CD'r and I feel blessed to have a life that isn't exactly average or normal. As far as I'm concerned you can't get enough crossdressing unless you'd be risking getting booted out on the street or losing your job if certain people were to find out!Under those kinds of circumstances,sadly,anyone might temporarly go in the closet and purge,too. But,I guess this isn't the case. I can understand your SO not wanting the kids to find out. If that is part of the problem. You know, he could make time to dress without people finding out about it. These are just a few ideas,Corrine. As far as this B.S. goes about "Normal",I mean the normal folks in society do a whole hell of a lot to try to escape blandness. And remember if you accept normal you also accept the average I.Q. along with L.L.Bean Deer Hunting Fatigues,Beer and The Sunday Super Bowl. As for me I'll take the end of the deal I got that I was born with. I'm sorry if this post is a little long winded. Maybe you could try to get your SO to do some shopping with you. It could lift his spirits(?)

[Joy Carter]

The only way out for him is to admitt he has a problem and to tackel it head on. That goes for the dressing as well. He has to acceppt himself now. It's life or a slow death with stress and depression related illness.

[yingyang]

I've been chronicly, clinicly depressed for over 20 years. That means I've been taking drugs since before Prozac, and that made a big difference. Got what I was happiness and got married at 45, and only ended up worse. Depression can be treated, but despair is a killer.
You can't make it better, but don't ignore him and expect it to go away.
A few things about doctors and psychiatrists. Their just pill pushers and antidepressants are expensive. Try them one at a time, and ask about price. A good trusted family physician can be as good as most psychiatrists. I now take a concoction of 4 drugs and they cost me about $125 for a three month supply. What they do is keep me even keeled, they prevent me from getting into despair. But I can't say that I'm happy.
Mary

[Mary Morgan]

Corrine, I think he is confused. I am a CD and I am normal for whatever that is worth. He cannot get rid of his self-image by throwing it away. It is who he is. He needs to accept it and move on. His depression probably stems from his inability to deal with the real person that hee is and his embarrassment over getting caught. Ironically, you are an accepting, tolerant GG. and he could have it all if he would just get over himself. I think it is time for him to be honsest woth himself as well as you. We can all find excuses for our behavior. The trick is finding and implementing the cure. You are his cure. He is so lucky and so confused.

[Sandygal]

I'm just throwing out a thought. It very hard to admit to crossdressing. So for a husband or boyfriend to come clean and then become more depressed, well that made me think. What if he is holding back on something. What if he only told you half the truth. What if he wants more, much more than just crossdressing. What if he is upset with himself for not coming out all the way, I'm hoping you know what I'm getting at. Has he ever told you how far he truly wants to go? I know that no matter what I tell my wife, I still hold back. I always have a fear of losing her.

[SandyR]

Dressing is a major act of balance, that is between life and fun. There has been times I can't dress for weeks at a time, but Its worth the wait. Maybe cuddle with him and let him know how nice he looks in those red heels (my wife did last weekend at the lake). Helped me.

Hugs.

SandyR

[Country girl]

[SIZE=3]Corrine. Lots of people want to help you. They have good intentions. The only way to know for sure what is really wrong is to see a doctor. Then go see a psychiatrist. Rule out physical illness, and then mental illness such as depresion.Nothing to be ashamed of no matter what the findings might or might not be. your hubby needs help. You might need help too. this is a hard cold world we live in. To do the best we can sometimes requires help. I suffer from depression. I take medicine. There have been times in my life when things were great and I thought I didn't need my meds anymore, boy was I wrong. I went into a downhill spin rather quickly. I have now learned that I have to take my meds everyday, no matter what in order to feel good everyday. I hope you can get the help you seek. God's blessing upon you. CG GG PM me if you'd like.[/SIZE]

[battybattybats]

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is often misdiagnosed as depression and vice versa.. in fact much CFS research funding gets missappropriated by depression studies because of badly worded definitions! Then bogus conclusions are bandied about publicly because people who are 'fatigued' (as a result of depression but not CFS) got better through exercise or antidepressants.. bah!

Anyways Has he had a bad viral infection recently? Swollen glands? Sore joints and muscles? Trouble focusing remembering or thinking?

Both CFS and depression are serious medical conditions that should be treated as such. Often people with CFS develop depression as well.

The poor guy is clearly going through a mountain of pain and suffering which is spreading out and touching those around him. I really feel for him and everyone around him.

He needs a person or people he feels he can freely talk to. He needs a gentle helping hand. He may not be ready for the radical shifts his life seems to be going through and any recovery will likely be slow. Can you lure him to help with carrots as sticks will likely make him more defensive and unresponsive?