Straight in a gay bar. Anyone ever done this?

[SweetCaroline]

A curious question I need to ask as a straight man. Have any of you who are straight, ever been in a gay bar, either in male or female mode, I kinda need to know both.

The thing is, since becoming more open about my other persona, I've been looking to find some other groups and meet other's like me, and have joined several clubs, at least via the internet, and I want to go out and meet them. The thing is one of them meets in a gay bar and ...

A) I've never been in a gay bar.

B) I'm not gay, and have no interest in becoming gay.

I'm not homophobic, and I don't mind "being seen" at a gay bar, part of me coming out is for me to overcome the fear. I plan on going the first time in male mode, but I do tend to look quite effeminate even then (I have long hair and all).

I'm just curious what to expect. Whether there were any signals or types of clothing I should avoid. How are the other gentlemen there going to react to having a straight man among them.

I'm open minded, and I think it would be a positive learning experience for me and all, but it's still a bar. Any any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Pete

[KandisTX]

yes, I have in both male and femme modes. Honestly there is nothing to worry about if you are not interested in advances, you can tell them and they will pretty much leave you alone (as has been my experience). They may question your motives as to why you are there, but if you are dressed, odds are they'll know you are just trying to be out someplace. Go on gurl, put on your heels and kick them up for a bit.

Kandis

[Joy Carter]

Never had a problem yet. But then I guess it could be my looks that keeps them away.

[loki_uk]

I met my wife in a gay bar and she's never once asked if I was gay, still it took her 12 years to ask the next obvious question are you one of those trannies lol

But seriously, for a lot of us before the internet came along, gay bars were about the only safe place to go out dressed and really I mean safe, I've been hit on far more in tranny bars than any gay bar...they dont fancy trannies they like blokes to be blokes in general so its pretty hassle free

The only worry is that some lesbians might take offense if you use the ladies loo, luckily its not always like that (as that's where I met my wife....)

But still you'd be safer as bloke in a dress, go in bob mode and you're more likely to get chatted up as they're not likely to think oh it's a tranny in bob mode

[Jessica1]

Hi Caroline,

You really don't have anything to worry about as gay men are attracted to masculine features by and large (if you're in a dress / make-up / wig / etc you're not really on their radar). The t-girl admirers: that is an entirely different matter ...

Have fun

[SweetCaroline]

Thanks for the replys so far everyone. I just want to make sure I'm following the proper decorum. I believe the bar is slightly "upscale" so I doubt there would be any problem with fellahs not taking "no" for an answer. I think I'll check it out. Tho I'm planning on doing it in drab, I might bring along my purse.

[angela2112]

When I was in Philadelphia on holiday with my girlfriend we were looking for a cheap restaurant......end up in Hamburger Mary's,had no idea it was a gay bar until we clocked the waiter/barman,even got our bill in a stiletto shoe......brilliant!

[Charleen]

Yep, met some girls at a gay bar in Orlado during "Gay Days". Not a problem. Even used the Ladies room without a hassle. Go. Enjoy yourself!

[Emily Ann Brown]

GO DRESSED......they will all know why you are there.

And I have never had anyone be offensive. One guy came over to chat, but he seemed to know I was there as the TG in GLTG. You will see some interesting sights there for sure.


Emily Ann

[KimberlyS]

Caroline/Pete,

Can a straight/hetro person go to a gay bar/club?

Have Gay people ever been straight bars/clubs?

I think you are asking the wrong question here. When I go out enfemme, the question I ask myself is the place I am going safe. Would I let my daughter or wife go there alone? And in your case you are meeting people and being part of a group. I would think the group already has a safety level with the place. When I get out in Kim presentation, being a gay bar/club, straight bar/club, a mall, a store..... where ever it may be, safety is my own question.

If I am not sure on the safety of a place I will first check out the place in male mode. I do this most of the places I go out enfemme. Checking out a place before hand does two things for me. The first is to check out my feel of the safety of the place. And second I can check out the clothing attire of those that are their so I can dress of similar attire to blend in.

[Rita Knight]

Hi Caroline,
First I must say that I have never gone into a gay bar in male mode. Second, dressed as a CD, I never experienced overt prejudice towards me. However, I refuse to go to a gay bar to "hang out' if I do not know that other CDs will be there. I will make exceptions for drag shows, Halloween and meeting other CDs at such a club. It is just the vibes I get from maybe being the only CD in such a club.

[Dixie]

[SIZE="3"]You'll be fine sweety, nothing to fear but fear itself. If asked out a polite no will send your message without a hassle.[/SIZE]

[sterling12]

Well, having been in quite a few GLBT Bars, I would suggest you DON'T WEAR YOUR GUY CLOTHES. If you look effeminate, and your dressed like a guy your gonna get hit on....a lot!

When I go with The Gurl's to a lot of these places, we usually get ignored, or people are cordial, but not overly-friendly. Most Gay men know that CD's are straight, and they aren't attracted to someone who looks like a woman.

One caveat, at a lot of the gay places I will often run into gurl's who are alone, and they are there looking for something. Not every CD who comes by themselves is like that, but it's often the case. So if you go alone, probably will get hit on.

Here's the fun part, just tell the guy your straight and not interested. Watch how quickly they move away, looks like they have been shot out of a cannon.

OK, now you know most of The Ground Rules. If you feel like you need friends with you, join a Support Group. Just about always some of The Gals go out to a club after a meeting and often will get together and go out during the month.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kristen Marie]

In June I went to two gay bars as Kristen. I couldn’t have had a nicer time or treated with more respect.

On my trips coming up to Chicago and Orlando, I have some trips planned to gay bars. They both have special evenings for TGirls as well.

[Stephenie S]

Well for goodness sake, hon. A bar is a bar. A gay bar is just a bar where gay people go. The real question you want to ask is not, "Can I go to a gay bar?", it's is the bar safe? There are gay bars and then there are gay bars. There are some pretty rough gay bars (just like there are some pretty rough straight bars) and there are some really upscale gay bars you could take your mother to (just like there are some pretty upscale straight bars you could take your mother to).

If the CD club is meeting there, it's bound to be a safe bar. You don't have to worry about "gay protocol" any more than in any other bar. There is none to speak of. Gay people are real people, just like you. They act and feel just like you. They just sleep with others of the same sex. That's it hon. Other than that they are just like you.

If you are aproached in a bar, what do you do? If you want to interact with the person who aproached you you go for it. If not, you say no. You do exactly the same in a gay bar, dear. If someone aproaches you that you do not want to interact with, you tell them so. Easy, isn't it?

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Alice B]

I am not in the least bit gay, but have been in many gay bars. Most are no different than your average bar, but I've been to a couple where I had to fend off many an approach. These were always when I was with a friend that is gay and he helped keep the wolfs at bay. It can be fun and is nothing to fear.

[SweetCaroline]

Again, thanks all. I think you pretty much answer my questions. The group I'm meeting is T-gendered, so I think I'll be safe, among them. Yet I'm still new to this "going out" thing, and I just want to meet people, and belong to a group, for the first time in my entire life.

Interestingly, I have been around a couple "biker" bars. And have found them to be among the most down to earth, honest people I have ever met. LOL.

The difference was they liked Harleys, I liked hosiery.

[Kitty Kat]

i'm not gay but i think gay people can be really supportive, the last time i went to a gay bar i felt so unsure of myself as i was dressed as a Lolita maid and was wearing my hair falls, a gay man came up to me and started to buy me drinks all night to help me calm my nerves, awwww he was so sweet ^^

[hotbobbie]

Go for it dressed as you will find it to be a very good feeling.

[Kitty Kat]

i agree with Hotbobbie, it does feel very liberating

[Betty H]

Hi Carrie,

I'm sure this is difficult for you - but there is really no cause for concern. I started going out in public dressed approximately one year ago.A gay bar was the first place I ever went to- I went alone.It was a very good experience. Now my CD friends and I frequent various local gay and gay friendly establishments (always dressed) approximately 2 or 3 times per week ( some straight places too) to dance,dine, socialize and/or watch drag shows.I feel very much at home at these places and have always had good experiences. You will experience a variety of responses form the regular crowd ranging from lack of interest, to friendly interaction ,to getting wonderful compliments on your appearance and sometimes having advances made.What is probably more important than the clothes that you are wearing is your own behaviour and personality. People generally react to how you present yourself to them.If you are confident and friendly etc...you will be treated in the same manner. I like to dance and there are times when my friends are not availabe to go out.During those times I will go to gay clubs and search out dance partners somtimes guys sometimes girls.I have had some nights that i thought might be a dud turn out to be a blast. If someone shows more interest in you than you care to have directed to you you can always decline gracefully.I have never had anyone be rude or obnoxious as yet. Just one caveat to all the above though; and that is : each club/bar has a different "personality" and sometimes that personality also depends on what night of the week it is.There are different theme nights.So, for example you would not necessarily want to go on a night that is a guy / guy flirt night. You may wish to go on a dance night when the crowd is a bit more varied.You have to do your research and also experience some of this for yourself to see what you feel comfortable with. Now honey just put on your dancing shoes and get out there-you'll have the time of your life.

[Kitty Kat]

i'd get beaten up if i went to a straight club/bar.... England is such an unforgiving place...

[SweetCaroline]

i'd get beaten up if i went to a straight club/bar.... England is such an unforgiving place...

America is much the same.

Luckily I'm, like in New England. The place founded by a bunch of men in tights, buckled shoes, and powdered wigs. LOL!

[vbcdgrl]

Hi, Carrie. I haven't posted in a while...been too busy with my drab life, but I thought I should reply to your question. I am also straight, but, as a CDer, I have gone to gay/lesbian clubs many times. Most of the clubs that welcome CDers are really gay clubs. I have never had a problem with this, although the gay guys kind of ignore us for the most part. The lesbians seem to warm up more easily to CDers. I wouldn't go to any club just "cold turkey", make sure if/when they welcome CDers. Have fun!

Vikki

[trannie T]

What a scared little bunch of bunnies we are. I'm afraid to buy panties. I'm afraid to wear panties. I'm afraid to dress up in my house. I'm afraid to go outside dressed. I'm afraid to go to a gay bar.
Just take a deep breath, pull up your panties and do it!
I have had the same fears myself, overcame them and have had great times.