Has any one been with a guy?

[BarbaraTalbot]

Should a transgender, in a long term monogamous relationship, feel guilty to know what it's like, and act on it?

If a transgendered person considers themselves monogamous and chose to be in a monogamous relationship with someone of the gender they are not attracted to it would surely cause some angst.

If they wish to be with a person of a gender different than presented by person they are currently in a long term monogamous relationship, they have several options.

1) Suppress these urges and remain monogamous.

2) Talk to their partner about their feelings and urges and IF the partner assents, transform the relationship into a polyamorous relationship. If so, one should be prepared for allowing one's partner similar privileges to act on their urges what ever they may be.

A GREAT and healthy example is the following:

I've not been with a guy just yet but I am looking forward to a fun little encounter. My GF and I are really more interested in playing with another CD/TV rather then a masculine guy but we'll see how things go.:winking:

3) Allow their partner to continue to believe that they are in a mutually monogamous relationship while in a surreptitious manner, arranging assignations with a party or parties that are in fact not the person that is agreed to be one's monogamous partner. Many people like to use what is often thought of as a judgmental label for this behavior. The label that is often used is "cheating"

Now, your question basically pertains to option three. I realize you didn't ask about the label, so lets leave that aside. As far as whether you should feel guilty, that depends on the definition of should. If you mean is there something pathologically wrong with a person exercising option three and not feeling the unsettling feeling that we know as guilt, then yes. In order to do so and not feel guilt, one either has a special natural ability not to feel guilt. This is becoming more common. Some of these gifted persons are"labeled" as having psychopathy of some sort. More commonly these feelings of guilt can be assuaged by any number of constructions and rationalizations.

Some suggestions that seem effective for some are: (in no particular order) "My wife (husband/SO/dog/cousin) doesn't really understand me", "I am a very sexual being and don't to burden the other person with such rigorous duty", "I am enlightened enough to realize that all feelings of guilt are just societies way of controlling my spirit which yearns to soar free", "This has more to do with personal fulfillment of a side of us that has been suppressed and subjugated, than with adultery", "When I dress, (or on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or when it is overcast, or when the moon is in full phase) I FEEL like a different person/gender/animal and therefore I didn't actually do anything wrong. There are many other possibilities, feel free to substitute your own. Extra points for creativity.

[prettieboy]

i cannot understand what im hearing obviously u r not xdressers. a true cd is a cd because he cant get enough of the GG

[GINA-CD]

I haven't but I'd love to. Being with a guy (or two) is part of being a girl and I'm definitely thinking of guys when I'm enfemme. If I'm dressed like a girl, I think like a girl. Safety is priority one. That being said, I'd try with a nice man any day.

[LizBeth]

Years ago I was with a bimm discreetly for over 7 years untill he moved out of state, we had a loving relationship, I dressed all the time , him some time but I was the bottom or fem, I loved the way he treated me as a women and would please him in every way like a women, then he moved and nothing for a while , now with an older couple he is bi cd and she is just horny for an older women, its nice I miss the one on one with a man more my age , and being a fem bottom for him but this is a nice set up, best of both worlds now

[Melanie R]

I agree with you Veronica. This thread should not be on this forum. This type of discussion scares the hell out of wives. My wife this past weekend was counseling with a couple where the wife has now filed for divorce because her TG husband wants to have his one night a week to be in his femme self with men. He has agreed to give up this venture into being a woman but the wife has seen him make the same promise and in time go back to this practice. He wanted to be like Alice Novick, the author of Alice in Genderland. Alice is a CD who says his wife permits him to have one night each week as Alice with his boyfriend. I know my wife as most would be in divorce court if I wanted to have a boyfriend on the side. Marriage has to be scared or stay single and have all the boy friends you want. Now if your GF or wife agrees to sharing you with another man or another TG person that is their decision. I question that relationship.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs,

Melanie

Hmmm... I had to think hard about whether or not to post on this thread.

At first I was eager to, mostly because I thought my perspective on the subject was slightly different than what others had said, & just maybe my viewpoint (put with the rest) could help a new sister to understand herself better. I did not intend to share my sexuality here for any gratuitous thrill (although I'm not above doing that elsewhere).

Then... I read the posts from our GG's & was immediately reminded of what I consider to be the highest value of this forum- the enlightenment of the general public, with hopes of gradually diminishing the plague of ignorance & bigotry in our primitive society.

I'm not one who believes in censorship, but I have to agree with the GG's here. I've never been to the "private" forum, but it does seem like the logical place for this thread, all things considered. It would pain me to find out that an otherwise accepting S/O was forever tainted against crossdressing by this thread feeding her fears instead of diminishing them. And just think of the poor sister who loses her partner (& perhaps much more) just when she's at her most frightened & vulnerable!

So I am posting here, but only in support of our GG's views, & not to share my own sexuality. Another place, another time.

One more thing...
CHEATERS GET [SIZE="4"]NO [/SIZE]RESPECT FROM ME WHATSOEVER!!! GROW THE F**K UP & TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF!!

Veronica

[SatinDoll00]

This thread should not be on this forum. This type of discussion scares the hell out of wives.

Melanie

Would it be better that they not know??

This forum is called Crossdressers.com. It is setup so that people that crossdress, or those involved with them, can express their desires, their needs, their opinions, or otherwise just talk about issues. Is it not?

GGs and SOs should absolutely be included in these discussions. I love the fact that many of the GGs and SOs here are supportive of their CD SOs. Even the ones that are not have a place to learn things they did not know, and perhaps can find acceptance. If they can't, that is certainly understandable. I know for a cold, hard, fact, that if my wife wanted to dress only as a man, and wanted to seek relationships outside the marriage, that I would not stand for it.

But...

With all that said, burying your head in the sand does not erase the issues that surround Transgenderism. To exclude those that have these desires is not going to present a proper representation of what the TG community is really all about.

Does this mean that all TGs are homosexual or bisexual??? NO!

However, I think that the SO of a CD should understand that there are those out there that have these feelings! Imagine if you will an SO that just found out that her SO is a CD. She will have a million questions, and one of them should be ... 'are you interested in sexual relations with men?'.

By simply avoiding the subject, you are not addressing the needs of the relationship.

In many cases, the CD has no desire to be with men. In some cases that is not true...and the SO has every right to know that, so that they can make the most informed decision possible.

Many things in this world frighten us. Many things are "scary", but we have to deal with them. I personally believe (and GGs/SOs, please correct me if I am wrong here) that sexuality, as in sexual preference, is a huge underlying reason why a GG/SO may be hurt, afraid, or otherwise unaccepting of CD behavior.

Now before anyone gets worked up here...let me say this...and it is important.

WHEN A CD COMES OUT TO A GG/SO, THE GG/SO HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IF SHE OR HE WANTS TO!

Now I know this makes me a hypocrite in the regard that I have not come out to my wife as of yet. However, have no interest in perusing anything outside of our marriage. I will tell her, in my own time, when I feel that she is ready to handle it. I have been letting her know slowly in my own way, and already I have seen a change in her level of acceptance.

This issue is not something that needs to be swept under the rug. For many, it is the cornerstone of why they feel the urge to crossdress (again, not all). For this forum to censor such sentiment would not only be a disservice to the CDs that post here, but it would also be a disservice for the GGs/SOs that come here to try and gain an understanding of what motivates CDs to do what they do.

I am prepared for the flaming...let her rip!

Morgan

[suzi_cd]

I agree with you Veronica. This thread should not be on this forum. This type of discussion scares the hell out of wives. My wife this past weekend was counseling with a couple where the wife has now filed for divorce because her TG husband wants to have his one night a week to be in his femme self with men. He has agreed to give up this venture into being a woman but the wife has seen him make the same promise and in time go back to this practice. He wanted to be like Alice Novick, the author of Alice in Genderland. Alice is a CD who says his wife permits him to have one night each week as Alice with his boyfriend. I know my wife as most would be in divorce court if I wanted to have a boyfriend on the side. Marriage has to be scared or stay single and have all the boy friends you want. Now if your GF or wife agrees to sharing you with another man or another TG person that is their decision. I question that relationship.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs,

Melanie

So what about CDs without GF/Wife/SO who are quite happy to explore this side of their character? Or those with an SO who is happy for "their" CD to explore - I see you think that their relationships are "questionable". What makes you the person to judge other peoples relationships and the status of their marriages?


Is this a forum for CDs of all sorts or only for "straight" CDs who are involved with a GF/Wife/SO and who don't have "open" relationships. If so will someone delete my profile as I want no part of a forum that openly supports bigoted, narrow minded views that I thought had been dumped in the trash years ago with all those equally warped ideas about lesbians and gays

I find it amazing that the puritans on here who seem to have major problems with CDs exploring the sexual aspects of their CDing are quite happy to support people who lie, cheat and deceive their GF/Wife/SO and dress behind their backs.

[SatinDoll00]

I find it amazing that the puritans on here who seem to have major problems with CDs exploring the sexual aspects of their CDing are quite happy to support people who lie, cheat and deceive their GF/Wife/SO and dress behind their backs.

While I agree with much of what you said...let's not exclude those of us who are still closeted...okay??

There are many here that would seek to make this strictly a forum for the SOs of TGs that have come out to them.

This is not, in my opinion what the forum should be about. Exclusion is forcing someone back into a repressed state. We, I, do not want anyone that is TG/CD or their SOs to feel as though they cannot come here and express their feelings. BUT...we must all remember that at some point, our opinions stop being simply that...and they begin to infringe upon those around us.

I understand your point...and I know it is not directed at those of us that are closeted...but, we need all the support we can get too!!!

CDind is not a simple issue. There is no "one, right way". Many seek to shape us into their mold...but you, me, him, her, them, those...all fit into a different mold.

Intolerence is intolerence...

Morgan

[Cindy N]

I am pretty new at CDing. I don't know where it will lead, but for now I still like women. But some of the members look like they could certainly change my mind.

[SatinDoll00]

I am pretty new at CDing. I don't know where it will lead, but for now I still like women. But some of the members look like they could certainly change my mind.

Don't let anyone change you...that is for YOU!

You need to make up your own mind about things...we are only here to support you and help you.

Remember one thing...as it has been posted before...cheating is wrong!!

I am one of the strongest advocates of gay/bi rights here...but I do not abide cheating...and neither should anyone else.

I don't know your situation, but I would take your time and figure out exactly what it is that you want...just don't do it at the expense of a wonderful woman's sweet heart...they really, really, do deserve better than that!!

Morgan

[Jennaie]

I don't have a wife, gf, or significant other of any kind at the moment. So, I would not be cheating on anyone if I did have sex with man or a woman. We don't need to talk about this. We are born both male and female. We are all different and we need to respect that.

[SatinDoll00]

I don't have a wife, gf, or significant other of any kind at the moment. So, I would not be cheating on anyone if I did have sex with man or a woman. We don't need to talk about this. We are born both male and female. We are all different and we need to respect that.

Some of us don't need to talk about this. Some of us do.

And you are right...we are all different, and we absolutely need to respect that.

Thanks for your insight!!

Morgan

[geri]

girls,
let's think this one out. really................
i think that the only time we would want to be with a guy is when we have had srs and are totally transformed. otherwise, wouldn't we be gay or lesbian?
i am in the process of transformation and when i am finished, i will have and want delightful sex with a man. because that is what women do............ please their partners.
as a man, i rarely got satisfied because my SO was not into sex. i am starving for affection and plan on satisfying my man and he will satisfy his woman. ( me ).
i think this whole experience is terrific and i can't wait until i'm finished.
any replys are welcomed.
geri danielle

[SatinDoll00]

i think that the only time we would want to be with a guy is when we have had srs and are totally transformed. otherwise, wouldn't we be gay or lesbian?

And what exactly is wrong with that??

Morgan

[geri]

are you transsexual? just curios because that's the way i'm going.

[geri]

I have but not enfemm, not yet atleast.
My g/f and I were at a party and were very very drunk and we ended up having a threesome and it wasn't like i could just be like hey hold on let me go dress in drab! haha oh well you cant win them all!

kiera,
i am transforming and will want to be with a man when i'm finished. to do so before would make me gay.
and after tranformation, some girls want to be with women. my question is why go thru all the BS to be a lesbian.
i can only invision the feelings when a man touches me when i am totally womanized. ohhh.
geri danielle

[SatinDoll00]

are you transsexual? just curios because that's the way i'm going.

You know, I really don't know!!

I think I am. But it changes everyday.

Recently, my inclination has been toward complete male...but I cannot shake the feeling that I was born the way I was for a reason.

Your question raises so many issues for me.

1- Is there life after death?
Many believe so. Many Christians believe in Heaven and Hell. Many Hindus believe in reincarnation. Are they one? For me, heaven would be being re-born as a female, or at least a male without duality. Sometimes I wonder if I was female in a former life and that I cannot let go of it. Other times I think I am simply crazy!!! Who knows...not me.

2- Would I become female...damn the consequences??
No. I couldn't now...but there was a time that I would have. Many times in my life, I have found myself wanting exactly that. I am married now, and I cannot even imagine what my wife would think if I told her I want to be a woman. How do you deal with that?? More importantly...why should she have too? It is not possible...it is only my imagination...so why put her through it? Perhaps I can one day tell her that I like to dress as a female...but not now.

3- Am I a Transexual?
I have always thought that someone that was actually Transexual was someone that not only felt they were born in the wrong body (TG), but did something about it (hormones at least, possibly SRS).

I know this...

I am me...and me is two people...my male self and Morgan. I live every day in a constant struggle over who gets control. Most days it is me, unfortunately, because I feel she has more worth than I do. But I cannot deny that I like my life as a whole. What does this make me??? A freak? Certainly. A liar...almost certainly. Insane...perhaps. Dual personality? Maybe. I have no idea. I just wake up when the clock goes off. If it is a work day, I put on a suit, a male suit...and I go. If it isn't, and my wife is not home, I put on a dress and makeup. What more is there to say?? There is little I can do about any of it. I am torn down the middle. I am Morgan, I am my male self...I am both.

But I am okay with it.

And it is all I can do right now.

Morgan <----and her male self.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

[COLOR=black]

Would it be better that they not know??

This forum is called Crossdressers.com. It is setup so that people that crossdress, or those involved with them, can express their desires, their needs, their opinions, or otherwise just talk about issues. Is it not?

GGs and SOs should absolutely be included in these discussions. I love the fact that many of the GGs and SOs here are supportive of their CD SOs. Even the ones that are not have a place to learn things they did not know, and perhaps can find acceptance. If they can't, that is certainly understandable. I know for a cold, hard, fact, that if my wife wanted to dress only as a man, and wanted to seek relationships outside the marriage, that I would not stand for it.

But...

With all that said, burying your head in the sand does not erase the issues that surround Transgenderism. To exclude those that have these desires is not going to present a proper representation of what the TG community is really all about.

Does this mean that all TGs are homosexual or bisexual??? NO!

However, I think that the SO of a CD should understand that there are those out there that have these feelings! Imagine if you will an SO that just found out that her SO is a CD. She will have a million questions, and one of them should be ... 'are you interested in sexual relations with men?'.

By simply avoiding the subject, you are not addressing the needs of the relationship.

In many cases, the CD has no desire to be with men. In some cases that is not true...and the SO has every right to know that, so that they can make the most informed decision possible.

Many things in this world frighten us. Many things are "scary", but we have to deal with them. I personally believe (and GGs/SOs, please correct me if I am wrong here) that sexuality, as in sexual preference, is a huge underlying reason why a GG/SO may be hurt, afraid, or otherwise unaccepting of CD behavior.

Now before anyone gets worked up here...let me say this...and it is important.

WHEN A CD COMES OUT TO A GG/SO, THE GG/SO HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IF SHE OR HE WANTS TO!

Now I know this makes me a hypocrite in the regard that I have not come out to my wife as of yet. However, have no interest in perusing anything outside of our marriage. I will tell her, in my own time, when I feel that she is ready to handle it. I have been letting her know slowly in my own way, and already I have seen a change in her level of acceptance.

This issue is not something that needs to be swept under the rug. For many, it is the cornerstone of why they feel the urge to crossdress (again, not all). For this forum to censor such sentiment would not only be a disservice to the CDs that post here, but it would also be a disservice for the GGs/SOs that come here to try and gain an understanding of what motivates CDs to do what they do.

I am prepared for the flaming...let her rip!

Morgan

No flaming here although I did have to go back and pick up parts of your post to quote here. You make valid points the main one of which is that exclussion of certain discussions does no one any service. The question came up and deserves honest response, including the one you are responding to.

If you are in a relationship, you have no real business stepping out of it. However, if you have a modified relationship that allows for others to be part of it, or you are single, the question is still valid and should be looked at by yourself, at least, if by no one else.

I stepped out once because my second wife yelled at me to "get soemone who wants you." She clearly had lost that interest in me. The cost was excessive imo. I took a good friendship and tried to take it somewhere else. I was incredibly male-type stupid and I lost a dear friend. Before anyone asks, that was another young woman - not a male. I mention it to point out the validity of my earlier statement about being in an existing relationship.

I am pretty new at CDing. I don't know where it will lead, but for now I still like women. But some of the members look like they could certainly change my mind.

More than a few of those I have met in person would make me re-consider that also except that since they are in relationships, I would not even think of inserting myself between them and their partners. That would be wrong and I really do NOT want to be "the other woman" in anyones life.

girls,
let's think this one out. really................
i think that the only time we would want to be with a guy is when we have had srs and are totally transformed. otherwise, wouldn't we be gay or lesbian?
i am in the process of transformation and when i am finished, i will have and want delightful sex with a man. because that is what women do............ please their partners.
as a man, i rarely got satisfied because my SO was not into sex. i am starving for affection and plan on satisfying my man and he will satisfy his woman. ( me ).
i think this whole experience is terrific and i can't wait until i'm finished.
any replys are welcomed.
geri danielle

You go girl and more power to you!!!

[Rosaliy Lynne]

You know, I really don't know!!

I think I am. But it changes everyday.

Recently, my inclination has been toward complete male...but I cannot shake the feeling that I was born the way I was for a reason.

Your question raises so many issues for me.

1- Is there life after death?
Many believe so. Many Christians believe in Heaven and Hell. Many Hindus believe in reincarnation. Are they one? For me, heaven would be being re-born as a female, or at least a male without duality. Sometimes I wonder if I was female in a former life and that I cannot let go of it. Other times I think I am simply crazy!!! Who knows...not me.

2- Would I become female...damn the consequences??
No. I couldn't now...but there was a time that I would have. Many times in my life, I have found myself wanting exactly that. I am married now, and I cannot even imagine what my wife would think if I told her I want to be a woman. How do you deal with that?? More importantly...why should she have too? It is not possible...it is only my imagination...so why put her through it? Perhaps I can one day tell her that I like to dress as a female...but not now.

3- Am I a Transexual?
I have always thought that someone that was actually Transexual was someone that not only felt they were born in the wrong body (TG), but did something about it (hormones at least, possibly SRS).

I know this...

I am me...and me is two people...my male self and Morgan. I live every day in a constant struggle over who gets control. Most days it is me, unfortunately, because I feel she has more worth than I do. But I cannot deny that I like my life as a whole. What does this make me??? A freak? Certainly. A liar...almost certainly. Insane...perhaps. Dual personality? Maybe. I have no idea. I just wake up when the clock goes off. If it is a work day, I put on a suit, a male suit...and I go. If it isn't, and my wife is not home, I put on a dress and makeup. What more is there to say?? There is little I can do about any of it. I am torn down the middle. I am Morgan, I am my male self...I am both.

But I am okay with it.

And it is all I can do right now.

Morgan <----and her male self.

I know well where you are coming from although I do not struggle with who is in control. I am me - Rosaliy. He, the one on whom Rosaliy was built, is as essential to ME as Rosaliy is and yet, Rosaliy is really who I am. I have learned that I am neither bad, perverted or alone. There are many sisters out there who are a lot like me, and who are way different from me.

2: SRS would be the wrong choice for me as I KNOW it would upset the balance of THIS WHOLE person.

1: I believe in life after death. The jury is still out on reincarnation.

3: I am not but I do believe that someone who really is internally at variance with their outward gender appearance IS just that and needs to do something to reduce or remove the tension that trying to be one thing as perceived, causes them, while preventing their being WHO THEY ARE.

[BarbaraTalbot]

With all that said, burying your head in the sand does not erase the issues that surround Transgenderism. To exclude those that have these desires is not going to present a proper representation of what the TG community is really all about.

This issue is not something that needs to be swept under the rug. For many, it is the cornerstone of why they feel the urge to crossdress (again, not all).

I am prepared for the flaming...let her rip!

I have no intention of flaming you , you masochistic...er wait..take that back...

You correctly use the term transgenderism (the larger umbrella) as opposed to transsexualism (the feeling of being a girl in boy's body to over-simplify the point)

I agree that there are many crossdressers that from their posts I surmise that being with a guy if not the cornerstone of their interest in Cd-ing, it is certainly an important component of their experience.

The issue I see as misleading about a lot (but not even most) of the posts here on this subject is the apparent confusion between issues with gender identity and issues with or simply different sexual orientation. One COULD have both issues, and some do. Posts that state that they are attracted to men while dressed and that they have zero attraction when not, are demonstrating a rejection consciously of what is I submit a latent homosexual tendency. I see people mimicking all the attributes of someone with full transsexual feelings and issues, then reporting that these feelings come and go depending on clothingone wears or the gender of one's companion. I know we are all different, but I can't believe a qualified psychologist with gender identity expertise would not tell that person that their primary issue is orientation, not GID.

I have seen exactly one member express only interest in men and never women whether dressed or not. I believe he is in a committed relationship and that his partner (a man obviously) is aware of his dressing, but it is not something that his partner finds particularly appealing. (And I wish he'd pipe up here, because I am sincerely interested in what he thinks of this miracle conversion when dressed). In the post of his I am thinking of he expressed some feelings of isolation because so many claim a straight orientation.

Here is the thing about CD-ing and same sex attraction. Who are the men one involves oneself with if one has these feelings? Another CD kind of at least makes sense to me, because we do love the girl in the mirror. If one wants to involve yourself with straight men, what's the point? If they want to be with you, they aren't straight but in fact a little afraid of their own latent feelings. If one wants to attract gay men (who I would think would have good insight into the mechanics of same gender intimacy)..you would be using the wrong bait so to speak.

I recall one member that said he only likes men as men and only when dressed, and only likes woman as women when in drab. He even went so far as to say he would find a trans-man unappealing because women need to be femme for him to be interested. Seems pretty specific for an open-minded person.

[BarbaraTalbot]

girls,
i think that the only time we would want to be with a guy is when we have had srs and are totally transformed. .................
i am in the process of transformation and when i am finished, i will have and want delightful sex with a man.............
i think this whole experience is terrific and i can't wait until i'm finished.

In this case, if you can picture yourself with a man, and that is your long-term hearts desire, I see no reason for you to wait specifically till you are "finished" I read an excellent sticky in the transmasculine area about dating a transman and it is really relevant here if you just flip pronouns and such. I could see if you are uncomfortable yourself with your body as it is, it would require some sensitivity on the part of you partner, but I can't see why this is a insurmountable stumbling block.

[GACountrygal]

Let me tell yall this. And I am not going into details. But my SO and I are in a SERIOUS rift because of things that can be related to this whole thread. I dont know why I even bother to post this, but maybe it will help those who think threads like these belong in the open to members and guests forum.

Seeing this makes me want to run, hide, and reject everything I believe. Its way to sexual for the open board. If I had come to this forum because of the "rift" we're in looking for information and help, I can tell you, it wouldnt be pretty for me, my SO, or the whole family. I'd be devastated.

[EllenCD]

I cherish the company of men that appreciate the effort that goes into creating the Feminine Mystique of a beautiful woman. To be admired and treated as a Lady in every way makes the effort worthwhile.

[annekathleen]

We ALL share a common interest, "crossdressing" : but we have to respect each other for the reasons why each one of us individually chooses to engage in this activity. There are crossdressers who are straight, bi, and or gay. I'm O.K. with that. There are crossdressers who are married, single, or divorced. I'm O.K. with that. Some of us engage in different degrees of crossdressing, whether you are the guy who wears panties under your everyday clothing, to those who dress up completely and actually go out in public. I enjoy my crossdressing activities, whether it's just dressing up, or becoming curious about whatever you want to be curious about. We are a very diversified group of people, let's just respect each other for what ever our individual choices may be.

[phyllis47]

I Fantasize About It But Only As Phyllis.... I Am Not Totally Sure But I Think I Would Try It If The Opportunity Came Up. I Went Out For The First Time Last Weekend And Thought If A Guy Came Up To Me I Would See Where It Would Lead...