How can I overcome the guilt?

[Tamara C.]

I have been secretly dressing off and on for the past 30 yrs or so. When I was younger it was just exciting and my only fear was getting caught. Thru the yrs I have wrestled with guilt and the feeling that I am letting people around me down. I know that what I am doing isn't hurting anyone and I am very careful about not getting caught. I am divorced and have an 18 yr old daughter living with me, she just graduated hs and is hardly ever home so I am finding myself dressing more and more and loving every minute of it. But I still have the guilt that I am decieving her even though it is not affecting her life at all. I know that she would be devastated if she knew so I will do everything in my power to keep it from her. As she goes off to college and beyond into the next phase of her life, I know I will be able to be myself for the majority of the time when I am at home. So how can I get past the guilt? Any comments and advice would be much appreciated, Thanks..Tamara

[Allison Vamp]

your making yourself feel guilty for no reason. just think for a second what the worse thing that could possibly happen if someone found it. you're not killing kittens for god's sake! feeling guilty will only ruin the experience. you should just relax and think of it as a hobby. nobody needs to know about it but you. trust me, people keep worse secrets. when i was younger i used to think it was the worse thing ever, after i told a few people i realized that most people didn't even care. i dropped it on my girlfriend (now my wife) and made it sound like i had something so horrible to tell her that by the time i did, she was just happy that that was it all it was, she thought i was going to tell her i had an std or something. just remember, you're one of the few (or not) lucky ones that gets to enjoy such an experience. relax and accept it. guilt will only ruin it and make you regret the fact that you felt guilty about being normal.

[Tamara C.]

Thanks Allison, I am working on it, my daughter is at the beach for the week so I have been able to just be myself. This site has really helped me a lot, I really appreciate your input........Tamara

[diane]

There is nothing sick or weird about what you are doing so why should you feel guilty? Even the medical community has decided that we're normal ... so if you want to keep it to yourself just be careful and have fun!

[sarina]

Just stay away from her panty drawer! And everything will be fine!!!

[Tamara C.]

Thanks Diane, I do realize that there is nothing wrong with our lifestyle, I think I developed the guilt during my marriage because my ex was the type who would never approve. I really feel lucky because I am single again and not having to worry about what a spouse will think. Hopefully I will eventually meet someone open minded enough to understand and I won't have to be miserable in the next relationship.

[Elinor]

Well said Alison I agree with every word.

[Jenny Beth]

Hi Tamara,

Guilt is something we all experience and getting over it usually depends on how we accept ourselves. As males we are not "supposed" to have anything feminine about us and that's what makes us think we are doing something wrong. Having to be deceptive to those around us certainly contributes to the guilt but the fact is we have a feminine side we did not choose. I look at it this way.....my fem side is nobody's business, just like my financial situation. I may disclose all or nothing, it's my choice and there is nothing to feel guilty about.
Enjoy your fem side, you are being true to your feelings and once you get over the guilt trip you will begin to discover who you really are.

Jenny B

[Jenny]

I agree with Jenny-Beth (we Jennies are notorious for sticking together). You have to enjoy your so-called feminine side. I think what we all call feminine in nature is merely our more gentle and caring side and for the life of me I don't see what is wrong with being gentle and caring. The world could certainly use a little more of it and maybe a little bit less macho posturing. I get teased all the time because I cry so easy at movies and television shows. If a movie has a sad or even a happy ending, I usually have to wait until every else leaves before I leave. My girl friends (friends who are girls; not girlfriends) think it is so cute that I cry at all kinds of stuff. I just can't help it. It is a part of me. The same is true of my dressing. I can't help it so I have accepted it and find I love it so much more now that I have accepted it.

This is kind of rambling but I guess my point is that we would all be much better off if we can just accept who we are and who other people are without trying so hard to change everything.

[jenny_k78]

Another Jenny in the group. I have to agree with the others on this one. I don't really have any guilty feelings b/c I've decided to enjoy the things in life.

[Tamara C.]

I know all of you girls are right, and I am actually feeling a lot less guilty each day thanks to finding this site and all of you lovely women. Thanks so much.......Tamara

[cutething44]

hi there , i know what you are going threw. i have a 18 year old son and a 17 year old daugther living with me. but the know about me crossdressing and they tried to understand but i do not dress around them because it make them uneasy.

helen

[CindyT]

I share your feelings, I have kids around that age too. I relieve the guilty feelings by making a special time to spend with each child before I depart for MY private time, then I don't feel so bad. Sometimes when I'm away, I'll get each one a little gift, just something for no special occasion and the smile on their face erases all guilt!
Just a suggestion...... works for me.