The computer gave me away

[teddybear]

As a new member and a GG to boot, I have to say that the electronic age can be a wonderful tool - for all sorts of things. However, this is how I found out about my husband - and of course I blew! Initially it wasn't about whether he's (apologies if gender title offends anyone) a CD, thinks he's trans or anything else regarding orientation - it was the fact that I discovered the lies and deceit - telling me he was attending church seminars and workshops, etc! That, and spending money on the quiet, was enough to freak me out totally.

However, two months down the line we have talked and talked and talked and I have done much goggling to try and find out more about the "other world" to which I have been introduced. And this world and its environment is confusing ...no wonder some wives freak out, no wonder CDs want to keep quiet ... there are no simple answers here

[Shelly67]

Evidence Eliminator - expensive but VERY worthwhile.

[StephanieH]

[SIZE="3"]Being very computer illiterate myself, I've noticed something odd about the crossdressers.com site. Each day before I log off the computer, at home or at work, I go to the "tools" bar and erase the cookies, erase the temporary internet files, and I erase the internet history files. Everything seems to go away EXCEPT the cookie for crossdressers.com. If I type in "www.c" the cookie for this site pops up. I can't get it to go away and this doesn't happen with any other site I mess around with. Any way to get rid of this or am I just being stupid?

Thanks all and take care![/SIZE]

[TxKimberly]

[SIZE=3]I suppose being honest about who you are is out of the question? But I've always thought honesty far outweighed lies and deciet. It has to be hard always sneaking around and trying to hide your tracks, or worrying about who might see what you've been up to. Just a thought. CG GG[/SIZE]

I think that this may be more complicated than your comment implies. Being honest with your wife/spouse - yes, I agree this is the ideal way to go and the way I myself went.
Being honest at work - I know this is not a good idea for me and imagine there are many others for whom this is true.
What about being honest with your children? Teenagers have enough drama in their lives, is it really always a good idea to add to it with this? Younger children (pre-teen) perhaps do not know the potential problems that can arise if they are not discreet and share this with someone else. No one in their right mind expects a young child to keep a significant confidence, so being "honest" with them is tantamount to outing yourself to the world.
I'm not saying your right or wrong, just saying it is not as simplistic as your question makes it sound. :-)

[Priscilla Ann]

From what I hear the only way to be perfectly safe is to take out your harddrive and smash it into little tiny bits with a 10 pound sledgehammer and then scatter the pieces....

[Julogden]

I don't worry too much about my kids, I'm more computer savvy than either of them, but my son's girlfriend is a real computer whiz, as is my brother, so when either of them will be visiting, I clean things up.

Remember to clear your "Recent Documents" if you have photos of yourself that you view or work on, as anyone who knows about that folder can go there and see what files you've been accessing recently.

A friend asked me to check her computer for traces of what her sons were doing, and by checking the Recent Documents folder, I found some porn photos they had on the computer.

If you work on photos of yourself in Photoshop, clear out the Recently Edited list too.

Carol

[Stlalice]

CG-GG and Teddybear,

I fully agree that being open and honest with a partner about who and what we are is in theory the best policy - if your partner is open minded enough to accept the idea and deal with it. It isn't a factor for me - I'm single and already "out" as both TS and lesbian. Potential partners are very much in for a "what you see is what you get" type situation. But the reality is that too many of our CD sisters are in a position where a partner doesn't want to know and/or can't handle the idea. Add in a large fear/shame factor on the part of many CD's and you have the basis for the mania for secrecy - as destructive as it might be in the long run. For these folks anything that helps them keep a handle on their privacy and/or stability relationship wise is a good thing. Hence why I'll help with ideas and pointers about how to secure their on line lives. You and I may not agree that such secrecy is right or proper - but if it helps someone to cope with the stress of their own situation who are we to say no? Feel free to contact me on PM if you want to talk further.

[_Cecilie_]

As a former IT consultant I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents here:

A general rule within the IT security world is that once someone has physical access to a computer, it can be opened and read. But this might be 99% avoided. Some tips:

- Create your own user with password (why wouldn't you anyway?). Remember to also click of on "make files private".
- Turn your browser to not store history or temp files
- Deselect auto suggestion in the browser
- Any files stored on the machine; zip and password
- Put files in hidden folder and make file names look like windows system files
- Confuse by putting files in system areas of the machine / or "hide" among many "boring" files

As a regular person, that's pretty much as safe as you'll get without spending money on computer security software and hardware.

I personally only zip files and password protect them as well as delete history and temp files.But then again we don't have kids, and my gf knows. Our little french bulldog really only seems interested in YouTube

[BIANCA LEE]

Its just something exciting about almost being discovered by someone. But with the kids around its a little different. I think it would be cool if you could get you a personal laptop that no one but you can use. Yeah I would have to say only do it when their not home and just be sure to delete cookies as well as offline content and check the picture thingy whatever its called the one program that pulls up pics from e-mails b/c they retain all jpg. images from most recent websites. Other than that, surf at your own risk babes!

B

[Linda Z]

As a new member and a GG to boot, I have to say that the electronic age can be a wonderful tool - for all sorts of things. However, this is how I found out about my husband - and of course I blew! Initially it wasn't about whether he's (apologies if gender title offends anyone) a CD, thinks he's trans or anything else regarding orientation - it was the fact that I discovered the lies and deceit - telling me he was attending church seminars and workshops, etc! That, and spending money on the quiet, was enough to freak me out totally.

However, two months down the line we have talked and talked and talked and I have done much goggling to try and find out more about the "other world" to which I have been introduced. And this world and its environment is confusing ...no wonder some wives freak out, no wonder CDs want to keep quiet ... there are no simple answers here

let him be open and you may have less issues.
Lindia

[DonnaT]

Running across stuff on my PC is how my son found out.

He's not had any problem with it at all.

[angelfire]

Personally, I think the USB key is a good plan. Or even an SD card if you have a card reader. I have a 40gig external hard drive to transport files around.

But I have my own personal computer, so the only time I both deleting history and such is if I am having company over who might get snoopy.

[Billiemarie]

[SIZE="3"]Being very computer illiterate myself, I've noticed something odd about the crossdressers.com site. Each day before I log off the computer, at home or at work, I go to the "tools" bar and erase the cookies, erase the temporary internet files, and I erase the internet history files. Everything seems to go away EXCEPT the cookie for crossdressers.com. If I type in "www.c" the cookie for this site pops up. I can't get it to go away and this doesn't happen with any other site I mess around with. Any way to get rid of this or am I just being stupid?

Thanks all and take care![/SIZE]

Try running CCleaner. Its a free program and when I run it after being on CD sites and type in "www.c" Nothing comes up to show where I've been.
I did double check this to be sure that what I am telling you is correct.
I just make a habit of doing this before I shut down so I don't forget. Some of my coworkers may pick up my laptop and use it so I make sure all history is gone which CCleaner does. It works for me.
Billiemarie

[Shadeauxmarie]

Truecrypt is a solution I use. On a USB drive (8 gig) that has room for plenty of pictures. Just make sure your password is good. Add numbers in the middle and use the shift key also. You can run an entire Linux distro on these keys now. The 8 gig ran $79.99 plus tax and free shipping.

As with most things, the prices will drop.

[Sheri 4242]

What about Mac users? Simply erasing the history and clearing the cache won't do it. (My wife and I both only access this website through our respective laptops, both of which are MacBooks.) I can erase my history, clear the cache, and still see that this website was accessed via several different ways. Go to the dropdown window named "Window," then open "Activity." Bingo! Photos, and I don't mean stored photos, just photos you've downloaded once and worked with -- like to upload to tis site -- have a nasty way of showing up, too -- they can be found by going to the document section of "Recent Items." These are but a couple of ways for someone to snoop. We have a Dell for our main desktop computer and NEVER go to this website on that computer -- it's easier to snoop through than the MacBook. Any of our adult children could drop over, ask (or not ask) to check their email or something, and two (well, two-and-a half) of them are savvy enough to find all kinds of evidence. The browser "Safari" has an option called "Private Browsing" that might be secure -- I'll have to check it out sometime. For the time being, my laptop stays out of sight!

[SIZE=3]I suppose being honest about who you are is out of the question? But I've always thought honesty far outweighed lies and deciet. It has to be hard always sneaking around and trying to hide your tracks, or worrying about who might see what you've been up to. Just a thought. CG GG[/SIZE]

Country Girl -- I can't think of a time when I have ever disagreed with you. You know from my previous posts that I believe in honesty with one's spouse -- that I was, indeed, honest with mine once I saw that we were starting to get serious. In an ideal world, it would be great to be honest with everybody, but the world isn't there, yet. You have to consider the complex issues with children knowing, or friends, or employers. In the main, my CDing might not be the business of a friend or employer -- I might even have legal protections under the law regarding my job and something I never bring to the workplace (and never let reflect upon the business) -- but "at will" employment laws give employers too much to use, EEOC protections notwithstanding.

I have two children who know and have no problem with it. I have two more who would have a problem with it -- and one is mean as a snake!!! She'd use it to keep me from seeing my grandchild when such suited her purpose -- she'd out me in a heartbeat if she thought it would be advantageous to her. So'ooo, honest with one's spouse or SO??? Absolutely!!! The rest of the world??? Selectively!!!

[alanaundie]

I guess there are many of us who feel the same about the PC being a giveaway for the CD. I really have to follow a rigid routine each time I have been using the computer so as to cover the trail! I've also invested in Cyberscrub Professional software and would highly recommend it!

[Drucilla]

I store my CD related bookmarks off site at www.favurl.com.
Access is password protected and it assures that you do not have bookmarks on your PC that could "out" you.
I use CCCleaner (free) to clean all history, cookies, recent documents, etc.
I use Foxfire for browsing and have it set to erase all history, cookies, etc when you close it.
This combination makes for a very "clean" PC.
My problem is that I sometimes sit in my easy chair and read this site late at night on my laptop while my wife is watching TV. I sometimes doze off and awake to find a picture or some other item that raise a lot of questions if she were to walk over and look at my laptop. As a partial solution to this I have my screen saver set to start in 5 min. In reality, there is no perfect solution to keeping everything you do on line private and I am sure that someday I will be outed by my laptop !!!!
That being said I get so much enjoyment out of being able to log on to a whole world that I don't normally have access to that the risk is worth the reward.

[Felicity]

I meant to post this earlier and forgot. I have a 7/31 file for this that I never finished:

I heard allot of good advice and I think I can offer a few more ideas. The USB think is a good idea, but if you have a more modern cell phone, you can get the micro SD rams. I picked my 2 GB memory up for $35 at Radio Shack. It came with an adapter for the standard size SD cards. For another $15, I picked up the USB converter, also at Radio Shack. Optionally, you can use a USB bluetooth adaptor and work with your files wirelessly, and some cell phones now have data cables available. I don't have any files on my phone to give me away, I just work on more than one computer and the bluetooth/phone has become my portable storage. Anyway, any files, and even the portable Firefox could be loaded on one of these and used like a USB in the computer, and conveniently stored un your cell phone where you always know where it is, and not just picked up by others.

As for computer files, there is also one called "index.dat" that can be explored by those who know how. It can be safely deleted and it rebuilds itself, at least on WIN 98. I haven't bothered trying to delete it on XP, and haven't even checked if it still exists on XP, but I think it does.

Although the Firefox and memory stick is a great idea, there are still other dangers.

For example, I take pics of my outings and or outfits. When I edit them, the last ones stay in the program history. So it's possible to "find" them even if one wouldn't have a clue where to look on the directory.

This brings me to getting "Spybot Search and Destroy" It has an option under "Advanced Settings" to check for tracks, mark the programs OK to store tracks and mark programs to flag to delete them. Spybot will delete the program tracks for you.

I also suggest if you have a computer savvy type in your household to check for "keyloggers" with Spybot also. Make sure in the "exceptions" that a keylogger isn't marked as an OK program too. A computer savvy type will change this setting to make the keylogger invisible to Spybots search for destruction.

Spybot has hackers trying to trick people into fake products, so be careful not to use the wrong site for them Start here:

http://www.safer-networking.org/

Make sure you don't go to dot-com....

Spybot is free, and the author asks for donations. There is nothing bad about this product. I have run it for a few years now, and I am very satisfied.

Last and not least, if you really have a wiz in your household, there are programs that you can buy to remove all traces of files. They write ones and zeroes to the unused spaces of the hard drive. I forget what they are called since I don't worry about it. They are available on programs like Norton Utilites. Just defragging the hard drive will relocate files, likely over the top of deleted files.

[gmss]

Two words: Fedora Core.

I found that my setting up a linux desktop, even with the minimal cosmetic differences, it was more than enough to confuse and annoy my wife and kids for about 2 1/2 years. However, in all that time, I never got any kind of viruses on my only personal Windows machine (that was on the same network.)

They are finally getting comfortable with surfing and chatting. None of them is computer saavy, never mind opening up an xterm and typing 'ls -al'. Like Windows of course, there's a few similar GUI settings required to really batten down the hatches.

It's like Mac, only FREE.

It's not for everyone, but it worked a treat for me.

[Athena]

[SIZE=3]If you have a recent machine, you could look into Microsoft Virtual PC. (free download [/SIZE][SIZE=3]http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/winfamily/virtualpc/default.mspx[/SIZE][SIZE=3])[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]It creates a true PC within the PC. You can install a clean OS (98/XP/Vista/ etc) on it with its own private HD. No-one can get to your (temp) files or history if you add a User account and password.[/SIZE]
Athena

[KateW]

I downloaded a handy free program called "Privacy Guardian". It not only deletes your cookies, temp files, and page history, but it also gets rid of those pesky search results you typed into google. Well worth a look!

[Anthea]

I just got my son his own PC, there are no possibilities of him stumbling across anything that way.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I forgot to clear the browser history and when he started typing a web address into the explorer, it very helpfully gave him a list of sites that matched what he had typed so far. As he was looking for an address that started with "C" "Crossdressers.com" was suggested to him! lol
The good news is he is cool with it - no great trauma.

I don't type Crossdressers into the address bar. I have it 'Hidden' in my favourites and link from there, and then I clear the history regularly. My wife knows so there is no problem. I use this method because of frequent visits by our neice and nephew who use our computer all of the time.

Sarah R.

[Jacqui]

Here's a pretty scary program: http://www.m
onitoring-spy-software.com/

If you want to turn the tables, you can start this spy program when someone else is using your computer. It runs in the "background". When they get off, open it up, see exactly what they have typed, letter by letter. If they've hit "crossdressers.com" and typed in "Jacqui," the next keystrokes will be their password, clear as day. If they've typed a reply, you'll see it word for word. You can set the program to take a screenshot every few minutes. Click on the screenshot and you're looking at what they were looking at...maybe a shot of you in that new dress you borrowed!

So, if someone looked at your sites or your pictures or your writings either on purpose or accidentally, now YOU know that they know! And Knowledge is Power!

Jacqui

[Stlalice]

Sarah,

If there is any chance that the kids could access your favorites list while "just looking around" you might want to look at a program called My Personal Favorites by Webroot. It allows you to maintain a separate favorites list that is password protected for stuff like your preferred TG sites and others. Pays never to assume anything where kids and computers are concerned.