Advice on Full-Time?

[ZenFrost]

I've been in college since 2004 (I've basically been goofing off this whole time, I'm nowhere near any degree yet) and since the begining I've been going by my male name. On the first day of class when they call role I inform them that I go by my male name. I've done this in every class I've taken. It's easy enough to get people to call me by my male name but the part I have trouble with is getting them to see me as male.

I haven't actually come out yet (as being either gynophilic or transgendered) and to be truthful I wouldn't mind doing so. I'm not afraid of bluntly telling people that I'm trans, but there's a bit of a problem. I live in a very anti-LGBT city. In a couple of my classes in the past, various LGBT issues have come up and were met with an overwhelmingly negative response. Some people are accepting of LGBT but those people are few and far between.

Now while I'm not actually afraid to just come out and say what I am, I really don't want to spend the entire semester dealing with unacceptance in every class. But I can't go through the semester and not present as male. In all my past semesters I've just barely gotten away with being gender neutral, but people still thought of me as a girl. I've got a very female voice, I'm fairly short, and while my face may be androgynous, my overall body shape is definately not.

So I was wondering if you guys (and gals) had any advice for me on trying to pass/present as male full time to people I'll be getting to know personally (it's a small college, classes are small and the students get to know each other very well by the end of the semester) without actually having to come out as trans?

Worst case scenario is I'll either stick to the gender-neutral thing, or tell people there was a mix-up at the hospital when I was born concerning my gender... which is sorta true when you think about it.

[Devon James]

So I was wondering if you guys (and gals) had any advice for me on trying to pass/present as male full time to people I'll be getting to know personally (it's a small college, classes are small and the students get to know each other very well by the end of the semester) without actually having to come out as trans?

I've been reading this twice..my thought is to be honest and come out. I feel your classmates already know something is going on, telling will clear things up. And if there are people unaccepting think: **** it! It's always better then pretending. Not to forget; younger people are better in accepting than the older part of the community out there (I hope).
For you it might also be better to concentrate on your study, instead of concentrating on "should I/shouldn't I".

I had a same sort of problem on my school, this is about me being lesbian in a catholic community, I was in doubt telling or not. I wasn't happy, people were acting strange coz they thought I was different and bullied me. After I told some of them I was still bullied but only by the ones who didnt know what to do or say or didn't even know it excisted. In return I also finally got some people being friendly coz they finally knew the missing info and I wasn't that weird after all.

On passing as a male, I wouldn't know any advice other then: just be yourself. When I saw your pics I directly felt you are a male, and a good looking one too

I hope you can take some thoughts out of my story...

[CaptLex]

Well, Zen . . . when you tell them your male name, you might also let them know that you prefer male pronouns. Some will get it and use them, others will ignore that or it may take them some time to get used to it (but don't hesitate to remind them). I think eventually the cool ones will treat you as you ask to be treated and the ones that have a problem with it will not deal with you too much. But that's the choice most of us have to make. Your attitude will determine how people treat you. If you act with confidence, it will go a long way - even with the non-accepting ones. Just be you, hon, and be happy.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Zen, When something has to be accomplished, I am the king (queen, whatever) of practicality. You have positive things to accomplish, so don't let gender issues get in the way of that. The point is YOU and WE know who you are regardless of what anyone else thinks and you are respected and appreciated for who you are. Never think you are alone in this my friend. Even if we can't be there with you, we are with you in spirit. There is a lot to be said for that I think. Still, you have to do whatever you need to to be comfortable being yourself in your situation and whatever you decide to do, you have my support for sure.

[BarbaraTalbot]

I was wondering how you came to pick where you are going to school. Was it strictly an academic choice? Financial?

I wondered if either you had other priotities at the time you went, or did your strong feelings of needing to present in your inner gender come later?

I wouldnt suggest you abandon your present course in a vague search for say another more accepting community, but if you do make changes for any reason, maybe consider those things when selecting a place to settle?

I do wonder though if any place is as accepting, or as close minded as the most vocal people in those areas would cause you to assume. The loudest voice get the most notice.

I would imagine you could encounter horrible bigotry in San Frnacisco, or gentle acceptance in the Bible Belt, but it does make sense to go with the percentages.

[brylram]

How much physical violence is directed at LGBT people in your area? I'd look very carefully at what actions are being taken around you rather than what is being said when making this decision, unless there are few enough LGBT people visible in your city for you not to be able to judge. Many of the people who shout the loudest, and say the most disgusting and hateful things, will shrink back and shut up when they find themselves faced with an actual person. Kinda like how some people will say whatever they want on the internet, but don't have the guts in person do deal with their problems. Chances are the hugely negative responses in-class may have something to do with how 'safe' it is to be hateful behind someone's (or a group of people's) back.

If the threat of physical violence is relatively low, then I'd go ahead with it despite how difficult it might be, or what people might say. Besides, some people might surprise you. When I came out at school, my math teacher was the first to call me Logan, and never slipped on pronouns, and he was the last one I would have expected that from.

[ZenFrost]

Thanks for your replies, you guys and gals are really helpful.

Not to forget; younger people are better in accepting than the older part of the community out there (I hope).
For you it might also be better to concentrate on your study, instead of concentrating on "should I/shouldn't I".

Most of the people in my college are older people. Some are around my age but I've always been the youngest in my classes. Many of my classmates are 30, 40, 50, or even 60 years old. And so far I've been concentrating on my studies and ignoring my gender issues, it's no fun to pretend to be something I'm not.

I was wondering how you came to pick where you are going to school. Was it strictly an academic choice? Financial?

I had double jaw surgery last April, and I spent several years getting ready for that. I'm still recovering. I choose the nearby community college because it would have been really hard to deal with all the surgery stuff if I lived/went to college elsewhere. Also, I don't have any clear idea of what I want to do so by taking a variety of classes at a cheaper college, I'm hoping I'll be able to figure out what I like before I go spend tens of thousands of dollars on a university.

I wondered if either you had other priotities at the time you went, or did your strong feelings of needing to present in your inner gender come later?

My priorities have been to get this surgery over and done with, and to pass all my classes. I don't make friends or talk to anyone outside of class and because of where I live I thought it'd be best to just repress my sexuality and gender issues. The reason I need to present as male now is because I'm planning on changing my name before the end of the year, and if I present as female that's going to cause a whole bunch of other problems.

I wouldnt suggest you abandon your present course in a vague search for say another more accepting community, but if you do make changes for any reason, maybe consider those things when selecting a place to settle?

Just to be clear, I hate it here and want to leave as soon as possible. In another year, once my recovery is done, I plan to move back to Chicago and go to college there but for now I'm stuck here and stuck going to this college.

How much physical violence is directed at LGBT people in your area?

Looking at the reported crime rates there doesn't seem to be an excessive amount of violence towards LGBT, but from personal experience I've been hit, kicked, cut, yelled at, locked in a closet, threatened, and had things thrown at me. All because I'm 'different.' So I don't have much faith in the 'decresed reports of physical violence towards the LGBT community' in my area.

[boi_0h]

I'd try emailing your professors if possible before classes and inform them that even though your legal/given name is {insert female name here} you are trans-identified and go as {insert male name here} and use male pronouns as such.

I've got friends who do this and they haven't had any problems yet.

[Cai]

I'd try emailing your professors if possible before classes and inform them that even though your legal/given name is {insert female name here} you are trans-identified and go as {insert male name here} and use male pronouns as such.

I've got friends who do this and they haven't had any problems yet.

That's probably best. Most students will follow the professor's lead, and if the professor is calling you by a male name and using male pronouns, the students won't think twice about doing the same.

[Dasein9]

First and foremost, it's important to be safe. Physically and emotionally, that is.

That said, there's something to be said for coming out. I've found all my life that being "weird" is a really good protection against the kind of jerk I don't want to be around anyway. They just stay away from me, and that's fine.

But, I've been learning in the past year that being a kind of unidentified and unidentifiable "weird" also chases away some pretty awesome people, and since I've started coming out, I've found that other people are more comfortable around me. There are still the ones who avoid me, but that's no real loss. This way, by being open and honest, I actually made it possible for other people to treat me better, if that makes any sense.

So, that's my two cents, for what it's worth.

[Taylor105]

[QUOTE=ZenFrost;960664]Thanks for your replies, you guys and gals are really helpful.



Most of the people in my college are older people. Some are around my age but I've always been the youngest in my classes. Many of my classmates are 30, 40, 50, or even 60 years old. And so far I've been concentrating on my studies and ignoring my gender issues, it's no fun to pretend to be something I'm not.



I had double jaw surgery last April, and I spent several years getting ready for that. I'm still recovering. I choose the nearby community college because it would have been really hard to deal with all the surgery stuff if I lived/went to college elsewhere. Also, I don't have any clear idea of what I want to do so by taking a variety of classes at a cheaper college, I'm hoping I'll be able to figure out what I like before I go spend tens of thousands of dollars on a university.



My priorities have been to get this surgery over and done with, and to pass all my classes. I don't make friends or talk to anyone outside of class and because of where I live I thought it'd be best to just repress my sexuality and gender issues. The reason I need to present as male now is because I'm planning on changing my name before the end of the year, and if I present as female that's going to cause a whole bunch of other problems.



Just to be clear, I hate it here and want to leave as soon as possible. In another year, once my recovery is done, I plan to move back to Chicago and go to college there but for now I'm stuck here and stuck going to this college.



Looking at the reported crime rates there doesn't seem to be an excessive amount of violence towards LGBT,




QUOTE]

but from personal experience I've been hit, kicked, cut, yelled at, locked in a closet, threatened, and had things thrown at me. All because I'm 'different.' So I don't have much faith in the 'decresed reports of physical violence towards the LGBT community' in my area.[/


This is why I started taking taekwondo as soon as I was old enough to pay for the lessons. So I can protect myself from sick people who would hurt me for being who I am. I am sorry that you have been hurt by people.