my fiancee crossdresses...

[fairyfly63]

Greetings all...I am looking for advice. I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love with all my heart...and I have questions I would like to run by you all here.
I have asked him why he like to crossdress and he honestly does not know. This is all new to him. He wasnt allowed to crossdress in his past relationship (marriage of 12 years) and now he is, because I see nothing wrong with it. He has never done it before and now he does about onece a week, just briefly and sometimes wears my nighties to bed. I encourage his to do as he wishes, for I love him for "him".
He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

[Jill]

I don't think anyone can really give you one good reason why, it's different for everyone. I doubt anyone can really tell you why. I think though in general, we just like how it makes us feel.

[Nina]

I don't know why I like to dress as a woman. I think there are 100's of reasons. For most it just turns them on(the look and feel of womens clothing) The way they look when they look at them self. I am straight and never had any feelings for other men. I guess I just love women and love the look like one as well. I don't think anyone really knows.

[VanessaCD]

Well I have to agree with the others.. There are so many different reasons and so many different instances. The feeling of the clothing is one thing (touch wise). The feeling that actually wearing it can bring, can be another. It can be purely sexual in nature and is for all crossdressers at one time or another, whether they admit that or not. But for most that have been a part of this lifestyle for some time, it seems to grow in stages and slowly evades the pure sexual arousal stages. It manifests itself into the enjoyment of the act of dressing itself. The act of getting in touch with gentle based emotions, that men sometimes repress in the attempt to show a masculine personality.. As strange as it sounds to some, the feminine clothing actually helps accomplish this. Since it is mostly out of the ordinary, as taught by the up-bringing society of our world.. Although nothing could be farther from the truth when it comes to crossdressing being something wicked or evil or irregular.. If all the men in the United States were honest and answered the question, if they had ever tried on womens clothing and enjoyed it, I think people would be astounded of the shear numbers involved..

All I can say is this: If you truly embrace your boyfriends need in that area and come to the realization that he is not suffering from a disease called crossdressing, then the act of your acceptance will come back to you in the form of a more loving relationship than you may have ever known. And also that he has ever known himself to be capable of.... CD's that love women like myself, in majority, can only dream of finding a woman like yourself to love and share....

Please post if you need to, we are always checking in.
Vanessa....

[Cathe TV]

Well ... you say you love your finacee with all your heart. Correct? Then why should it matter? I have all my life and I can't give you an answer why. Basically, I NEED to. It completes me emotionally. If I'm under a lot of stress, or things aren't going right, or whatever ... if I dress it all goes away. I'm a different person with different feelings. It just feels right.

[PaulaMea]

This is truly the million dollar question. I've come to believe that we all do it for a variety of reasons and that there are many facets to the individuals unique impulse to crossdress. I just read My Husband Betty and this subject is covered quite quite well in the book. It is a good read for both crossdresser and spouse/significant other. As a crosssdresser, I feel so lucky to have a wife who is accepting (for the most part) of my quirk. It (crossdressing) has done wonders for our sex life too. I sprung it on her after many years of marriage and it's a wonder she did not have a more negative reaction. My best advice is to set boundaries. This has been our worst blunder. How often, who else can know about it, stay out of my closet, don't use my cosmetics, role playing etc....
Honestly, I'm just beginning to understand the "why" myself, let alone being able to explain it.
Again, read the book My Husband Betty , it may be of help.
Peace -
Paula

[fairyfly63]

Well ... you say you love your finacee with all your heart. Correct? Then why should it matter?

It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
Fairyfly

[fairyfly63]

[QUOTE=VanessaCD]
All I can say is this: If you truly embrace your boyfriends need in that area and come to the realization that he is not suffering from a disease called crossdressing, then the act of your acceptance will come back to you in the form of a more loving relationship than you may have ever known. And also that he has ever known himself to be capable of.... CD's that love women like myself, in majority, can only dream of finding a woman like yourself to love and share....
QUOTE]

This literly brought tears to my eyes....
I sometimes feel that we (my fiancee and I) were once part of the same peron....that perhaps in a past life that we one being. We get married on the 19th and I truely cannot ever see myself with out him. He is the most careing, sensitive and wonderful man I have ever known. I do not see his crossdressing as a flaw, but as an aspect of the man I fell in love with.
Fairyfly

[fairyfly63]

My best advice is to set boundaries. This has been our worst blunder. How often, who else can know about it, stay out of my closet, don't use my cosmetics, role playing etc....

Why would I tell him to stay out of my closet and makeup.....it doubles our wardrobe and cosmetics if we share.
Fairyfly

[Cathe TV]

It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
Fairyfly

I guess you didn't read the second part of my post, hon. The fact that you are willing to go as far as you are to understand and make your hubby comfortable will do more for your relationship than any excuse he could likely come up with. As you've seen - not many of us really know why we do what we do. All we ask for is a woman like you who is willing to understand and possibly help. It's difficult enough having this need without society rejecting us as if we have some sort of disease or something.

I only wish my wife was as accepting as you <wistful sigh>

[jamie]

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The reasons everyone has are different. My reason for the occassional cross dressing is not that I want to be a women.
It is a manifestion of a desire I have for "role reversal".
I have found a way that I do not have to be in charge. In fact, I can not even go outside without help when I am dressed.
It might be, that your friend is also asking for you to be in charge for a little while.
I wish you the best as you two explore the new horizons that he is providing for you.

Jamie

[CDKathy]

Here is a link to a site with several essays regarding the nature of crossdressing. I have found it to be quite helpful in my own quest.

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homep...ytg/essays.htm

In particular, I found "Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing" to be quite interesting.

Kathy

[Julie]

Fairyfly,

It took me a long timr to come to this conclusion but I truly believe it to be accurate. Crossdressing is a personality trait. Asking why someone crossdresses is just like asking someone why they like the color blue or why they prefer wood siding over vinyl siding. It's just how we look at the world. The truly lucky people are those that can see the world through the eyes of others. It seems like that's what you are able to do. When you can do that you enter the soul of that person and become one.

[Summer]

I don't believe there is a reason any of us do this. I live my life dressed as a woman. My wife and children think nothing of it. My features are very femine. So I have absolutely no problems being out in public. (One of the lucky ones.) I like the feel of womens clothing and I think if the manufactures and designers would design and manufacture clothing for guys that are the same as womens, I think it would be more accepted life style.
I meet my wife early in College, I dressed then as I do now. We have never discussed why? Just an accepted way of life for me and she loves me so end of story. She went on to be come a Physician while I went on to Engineering and Building.
I don't dress outlandishly. And yes I am very straight, heterosexual. I think we have as close a relationship as married people can have.
I think if you accept him for who he is and don't question him, you will be doing the right thing. As we grow older the desire to dress becomes ever increasing.
Hope I helped.
Summer

[fairyfly63]

I want to thank all of you for all the advice you have given me on this subject. I have refered my "soon to be husband" to this site and he will be joining it shortly.(after he lurks for a bit) I think we can both learn a lot from you all here. Thank you.
Blessings
Fairyfly

[Vivian Best]

Hi Fairyfly and soon-to-be husband,

Welcome to both of you! Glad to have you here. I think both of you being members can bring a unique perspective to many of the topics. Fairyfly, I hope you soon understand that most of us are as straight as an arrow and will stay that way and that most of us have no idea why we like to dress in women's clothes, we just do! You will also find that many of have been dressing since before puberty or before we can even remember.

Good to have both of you!

[laurie]

It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
Fairyfly

hONEY i DONT THINK ANY OF US KNOW WHY. AS FOR MY SELF I THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN A WOMAN. IS THERE A RATIONAL BEHIND ALL THIS NO. I HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE MYSELF OUT CANT DO IT AND PHYSO HELP COST TOO MUCH AND I WOULD DOUBT IF THEY HAD AN ANSWER.
SO SUPPORT HIM YOUR SEX LIFE WILL BE BETTER LAURIE

[laurie]

Greetings all...I am looking for advice. I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love with all my heart...and I have questions I would like to run by you all here.
I have asked him why he like to crossdress and he honestly does not know. This is all new to him. He wasnt allowed to crossdress in his past relationship (marriage of 12 years) and now he is, because I see nothing wrong with it. He has never done it before and now he does about onece a week, just briefly and sometimes wears my nighties to bed. I encourage his to do as he wishes, for I love him for "him".
He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

SWEETHEART IF YOU FIGURE IT OUT LET ME KNOW I CROSS AND CANT FIGURE IT OUT BUT I LOVE WHO I AM AND SO SHOULD HE.

[PaulaMea]

These were just meant to be examples. Your boundaries are unique to your relationship. For us, rather than me rooting in my wife's cosmetics, I've put together my own bag (with her help and guidance). She's fair and I'm somewhat olive complected. She's size 8, I'm 14 to 16...If I try on her knits, they're stretched out..So, I have my own clothes (for the most part). I love to shave my legs in the winter, non-shorts months and she does not mind. When I shaved my chest, she became upset...we discovered a new boundary. I've found that shaving seems to be an issue with couples..have others found this to be true?

Why would I tell him to stay out of my closet and makeup.....it doubles our wardrobe and cosmetics if we share.
Fairyfly

[Darby]

Darling, you truly are a wonderful sole and the both of you are very lucky. My first wife wasn't conducive to my dressing at all. It, as well as alot of other things made life dreadful. My sweet wife now (and forever) knows and jokes about it but doesn't care to see it (I also don't want my 6 yr old son to know either!!!). Once in awhile, while we're making love, she has a favorite long wig on and I have one by my side and manage to pop it on for a truly memorable and exhausting time.
Of course this guy is wonderful to you... you allow his need to express himself and he is exploring his feminine side. My wife loves that in me too as I think most woman would like a gentle person to be with. Your relationship will most likely flourish beyond your dreams.
For myself, I absolutely love the feeling of womans cloths. What I choose to wear, angora, silk, mohair and cashmere as well as some really soft frillies and heels are wonderful as is what your boyfriend feels about his cloths.
Think about it, you both could go cloths shopping and truly enjoy each other. Don't fret over this and enjoy each other!

[PaulaMea]

Did your soon-to-be-husband join?
Regards,
P

I want to thank all of you for all the advice you have given me on this subject. I have refered my "soon to be husband" to this site and he will be joining it shortly.(after he lurks for a bit) I think we can both learn a lot from you all here. Thank you.
Blessings
Fairyfly

[Miss Vicki]

There are probably a multitude of reasons why a person crossdresses. One of my own reasons is that I want to be as sexy and feminine as the women that I see either on the street or on television. The way that they wear thier dresses and walk in heels makes me jealous and I want to be her. Also just the feel of womens clothing on my body relaxes me. Your fiancee is one lucky person to have an understanding women like you. Do you have any sisters?

[Jocee]

I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

Most of the other girls have answered this....... but, I truely feel it's because of the way I was wired at birth. Kudo's for your attitude!

[Jennifer_Ph]

It took me a long time to come up with why. For me, it's about two people, Jennifer and Mike. Mike is rough and tough - he builds and races off road trucks, can fix anything, likes being dirty and working with his hands. He's also feminine somewhat - likes to go to the theater, loves to cook, etc.

Jennifer is someone that I can be to honestly express my feminine side. There is so much man going on when Mike's around that my femininity gets bottled up, so to speak. When I am Jennifer I can truly relax. I become more comfortable - I mean really, what is more comfortable a skirt or jeans? I get to be someone I'm not for a period of time. I get to be cute, fun, frilly, sexy, colorful. Crossdressing for me isn't about being straight or gay - I'm straight - it's about releasing the inner femininity that is inside me. Jennifer is an extension of who I am, without her I am only partially me.

Women (GG) can express masculinity whenever they want - jeans and a t-shirt and hair tucked into a baseball cap is just fine. A man tries to let out a little femininity and the world goes nuts. Understand that your boyfriend is only expressing a part of him - and it's a part of him that makes him the guy you love. A macho dude that represses all his femininity is not someone that is as sensative to the world as someone who is honest with themselves about who they are.

My experience is that CD's are some of the greatest guys AND girls you'd ever want to meet. We're aware of our feelings. Aware of others feelings. We can laugh with you when you say your hose are creeping south and that your heels are killing you.

Men are supposed to be men. And Mike is. Jennifer is a part of Mike - the part that makes him a sensative and caring person and lover. Being in love with a CD is a bonus, not a minus. Instead of repressing who he is, he's expressing it - and that is not something that a "normal" man has the balls to do.

[jenny_k78]

Hi, Jennifer, You took the words right out of my mouth, I think along those same lines.

It took me a long time to come up with why. For me, it's about two people, Jennifer and Mike. Mike is rough and tough - he builds and races off road trucks, can fix anything, likes being dirty and working with his hands. He's also feminine somewhat - likes to go to the theater, loves to cook, etc.

Jennifer is someone that I can be to honestly express my feminine side. There is so much man going on when Mike's around that my femininity gets bottled up, so to speak. When I am Jennifer I can truly relax. I become more comfortable - I mean really, what is more comfortable a skirt or jeans? I get to be someone I'm not for a period of time. I get to be cute, fun, frilly, sexy, colorful. Crossdressing for me isn't about being straight or gay - I'm straight - it's about releasing the inner femininity that is inside me. Jennifer is an extension of who I am, without her I am only partially me.

Women (GG) can express masculinity whenever they want - jeans and a t-shirt and hair tucked into a baseball cap is just fine. A man tries to let out a little femininity and the world goes nuts. Understand that your boyfriend is only expressing a part of him - and it's a part of him that makes him the guy you love. A macho dude that represses all his femininity is not someone that is as sensative to the world as someone who is honest with themselves about who they are.

My experience is that CD's are some of the greatest guys AND girls you'd ever want to meet. We're aware of our feelings. Aware of others feelings. We can laugh with you when you say your hose are creeping south and that your heels are killing you.

Men are supposed to be men. And Mike is. Jennifer is a part of Mike - the part that makes him a sensative and caring person and lover. Being in love with a CD is a bonus, not a minus. Instead of repressing who he is, he's expressing it - and that is not something that a "normal" man has the balls to do.