Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 89

Thread: Does being enfemme create a heterosexual experience?

  1. #1
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201

    Does being enfemme create a heterosexual experience?

    To date, I have meet 11 CDs…I had a short, intimate relationship with one.

    I cannot count the number of posts I have read where a CD will claim that being a CD does not equate to being gay, it does not equate to being bi-sexual. Of the eleven CDs I have met not one was truly heterosexual in the traditional sense. Some had homosexual experiences, some fantasized about having homosexual experiences, and a couple of them had homosexual experiences and continue to fantasize about homosexual experiences, but all of them claimed it was only while enfemme. They all claimed to have no attraction to men and they all claimed to be heterosexual and only want to be with a woman. Some wanted to be with a dominant woman. Dominance is a trait strongly associated with men.
    I have read many of the posts in this forum, but I don’t seem to ever find an answer to a question in the forums or from a conversation. Likely, I’m probably not asking the right one and few will elaborate beyond a point blank question. It’s the old, “If she doesn’t ask, I won’t tell”, mentality that drives women nuts and causes a lot of unnecessary grief.

    My question is, does being emfemme create the illusion of a heterosexual experience for you? Does being dressed like a female set your mind in a mode/state where you believe that sex with another male is a heterosexual experience? I am not certain which of those questions would be clearer for your understanding of what I am trying to ask.

    I understand that having fantasies and acting on those fantasies are two different things. I am also aware that the definition of the words 'fantasy' and 'desire' are often confused by the general population.

    I have nothing against someone exploring their sexuality, but I do have an issue with CDs claiming to be heterosexual yet still wanting homosexual experiences. It does seem to be an issue I share with many GGs.
    Having said that, is it okay for you to conceal your past homosexual activities/current homosexual fantasies from your SO? Hmmm, that’s probably another thread topic.


    Wickanne

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    24,704
    Well ya never met me.. Lol. Heterosexual and faithful to the wife of 31 years!!! And I'm not really a sexual person per say but sex with another man just doesn't even peak my curiosity.. Zip.. Nothing...

    Karren
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  3. #3
    The One True Diva KandisTX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Posts
    1,256
    Quote Originally Posted by Wickanne GG View Post
    To date, I have meet 11 CDs…I had a short, intimate relationship with one.

    I cannot count the number of posts I have read where a CD will claim that being a CD does not equate to being gay, it does not equate to being bi-sexual. Of the eleven CDs I have met not one was truly heterosexual in the traditional sense. Some had homosexual experiences, some fantasized about having homosexual experiences, and a couple of them had homosexual experiences and continue to fantasize about homosexual experiences, but all of them claimed it was only while enfemme. They all claimed to have no attraction to men and they all claimed to be heterosexual and only want to be with a woman. Some wanted to be with a dominant woman. Dominance is a trait strongly associated with men.
    I have read many of the posts in this forum, but I don’t seem to ever find an answer to a question in the forums or from a conversation. Likely, I’m probably not asking the right one and few will elaborate beyond a point blank question. It’s the old, “If she doesn’t ask, I won’t tell”, mentality that drives women nuts and causes a lot of unnecessary grief.

    My question is, does being emfemme create the illusion of a heterosexual experience for you? Does being dressed like a female set your mind in a mode/state where you believe that sex with another male is a heterosexual experience? I am not certain which of those questions would be clearer for your understanding of what I am trying to ask.

    I understand that having fantasies and acting on those fantasies are two different things. I am also aware that the definition of the words 'fantasy' and 'desire' are often confused by the general population.

    I have nothing against someone exploring their sexuality, but I do have an issue with CDs claiming to be heterosexual yet still wanting homosexual experiences. It does seem to be an issue I share with many GGs.
    Having said that, is it okay for you to conceal your past homosexual activities/current homosexual fantasies from your SO? Hmmm, that’s probably another thread topic.


    Wickanne

    1. I am a Heterosexual Male who crossdresses. Even if I were to fantasize about being with a man, that does not make me homosexual, it would make me more of a bi-curious status. Then again, here we go with the "labels" topic once more. As a man, I am sexually attracted to women, and that is whom I find as my partners. Have I had fantasies about men? most likely, but I don't recall any of them. Would I ever act on any of those fantasies? Doubtful. There are many CDs that are heterosexual who may or may not fantasize about being with a male, that does not make them homosexuals, nor does it make them bi-sexual. What it does make them is human.

    2. As to concealing your sexual past from an SO. In my opinion, this is NEVER a good idea, unless you were unfaithful to them in one of them then that's entirely on you anyway. Concealing the fact that you had a homosexual trist would be like say playing Russian roullette and loading all the chambers but one. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Take for instance, God forbid, you are dianosed with an STD that was unknown to you before your current relationship, explain to your SO how you caught said disease when the ONLY way to transfer it is through contact of a sexual nature or through the exchange of body fluids. If you had told your SO that you were a virgin before you met, and you have this disease, that trust that should be there in the relationship is now gone.


    Kandis
    Someone once told me "Put on Your big girl panties and deal with it". If they only knew, I WAS ALREADY WEARING THEM.

    I wear the bras and panties so my wife doesn't have to.

    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Daphne Renee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,110
    Quote Originally Posted by Wickanne GG View Post
    To date, I have meet 11 CDs…I had a short, intimate relationship with one.

    My question is, does being emfemme create the illusion of a heterosexual experience for you? Does being dressed like a female set your mind in a mode/state where you believe that sex with another male is a heterosexual experience? I am not certain which of those questions would be clearer for your understanding of what I am trying to ask.



    Wickanne

    Thats a question that will get you different answers for different people. Me personally I dont have a desire to be with men. I am not attracted to men while enfemme or in drab. I dont think there are many who would really believe a homosexual experience is anything other than just that.

    If I understand your post correctly you don't consider someone heterosexual if they had some fantasies about being dominated or other things.. This is just my opinion but it does seem like a very narrow view of heterosexuality.
    New facebook page feel free to add me as a friend. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn...00003349942987

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    4,675
    "Well ya never met me.. Lol. Heterosexual and faithful to the wife of 31 years!!! And I'm not really a sexual person per say but sex with another man just doesn't even peak my curiosity.. Zip.. Nothing...

    Karren"


    Nor me. I am in a loving, committed, and monogamous relationship with my dear partner. She is all and everything I could ever want. I have had many oportunities for a homosexual relationship over my lifetime. I never felt the need or the desire.

    Many seem to, however. Enough so that we would be hard put to say it wasn't a major feature in the CD experience. As I have said before, "Whatever floats yer boat".

    As long as you take full responsibility for your actions within your own relationship, I see no reason to reject or criticise it.

    Lovies,
    Stephenie
    Last edited by Stephenie S; 08-21-2007 at 01:18 PM.

  6. #6
    Toyah Toyah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    2,657
    No I find the male form repulsive sexually whether dressed or not
    I can assure you I have never had and certainly do not wish to have any such experiance TVM

  7. #7
    Just another Gurl Hacker Elsbeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Four Corners, Southwest
    Posts
    81
    Another vote for just into girls regardless of how I am dressed - or which persona is manifest at the moment. My sexual orientation remains constant, I like women.

    El

  8. #8
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Candy View Post
    If I understand your post correctly you don't consider someone heterosexual if they had some fantasies about being dominated or other things.. This is just my opinion but it does seem like a very narrow view of heterosexuality.
    Quite the opposite. I am a little more educated than that :-) thanks to being brought up in a liberal minded environment.


    Wickanne

  9. #9
    Hugging the Kurves! RobertaFermina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, No Cal
    Posts
    1,286
    I am *historically* heterosexual.
    In 32 years since my first sexual experience, I had one homosexual "sexual" experience.
    I have had a handful of experiences of the beauty, a feminine beauty, in a man that I was attracted to.
    I have had numerous moments when I thought "what a stud!" a man was, though I never felt sexual attraction alongside that.

    I reserve the right to change, or discover I have repressed parts of myself that are relevant to my sexual orientation.

    I believe I am attracted to femininity in women and in men.

    I am ready to discover that I gladly share this with like minded persons.

    I am happy to perform as a mostly masculine being. As for the other side of the plate...it remains only a curious, though tempting possibility!

    I did make a date once, and he cancelled....I'm patient...waiting for Mr. or 'Ms.' Right.....but I believe I AM Waiting !

    What allows me to be honest about this is to realize that a whole new world of human experience is awaiting me, and it would be a deeper shame to let any shame about appearances prevent me going wherever my soul has decreed its happy destiny !


    Roberta
    Last edited by RobertaFermina; 08-21-2007 at 01:37 PM.
    [COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :

  10. #10
    .
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    8,072
    Men just don,t do anything for me, it doesn,t matter what i wear i,ve never had the slightest interest in men sexually!! Nuff said!!

  11. #11
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Seems the background information may be interfering with the actual question. Let's try just the question:

    My question is, does being emfemme create the illusion of a heterosexual experience for you? Does being dressed like a female set your mind in a mode/state where you believe that sex with another male is a heterosexual experience? I am not certain which of those questions would be clearer for your understanding of what I am trying to ask.

    If men do nothing for you then this question wouldn't apply to you.

    If you have had/are having relations with a man then this question would apply to you.


    Wickanne
    Last edited by Wickanne GG; 08-21-2007 at 02:06 PM.

  12. #12
    Member Cheyenne Skye's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    313
    Let me start out by saying I have only been with (2) women in my life. My wife has confessed that she once had a relationship with another woman and considers herself bisexual. I suppose I should classify myself as bi-curious. However the only "male" that interests me would be an attractive "she-male" that to all outwards appearances is a woman and you would only know the difference once undressed. This applies whether I'm dressed or not. So I am definitely attracted to the more feminine aspects of people.
    If clothes make the man, I must not be one.

    If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, I am definitely from Earth. Somewhere in the middle.

    Originally posted by Inna
    If you find your self in pain, yet not able to stop the pursuit, rest assured, you are on the right path
    You may call me Dana B

  13. #13
    Hugging the Kurves! RobertaFermina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, No Cal
    Posts
    1,286
    illusion of heterosexual experience for me ?
    YES, I feel the illusion among women and other CD'ers.
    Haven't crossed into sex as a CD'er. Can't speak from there yet.

    being dressed set me up to believe sex with a male is heterosexual?.....YES! though only a possibility. After all, there are times when my femal partner was so 'masculine' in her energy I felt like the 'receiver.'

    Whatever I believe about a sexual liaison BEFORE it happens has nothing to do with the actual event.

    Roberta
    [COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :

  14. #14
    Emerging butterfly...
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    277
    Hmmm... this seems to be a complicated issue throughout the entire realm of transgenderism. Even the professionals don't always agree.

    I myself am really only attracted to females, meaning I'm not drawn to the appearance of males. However, I can very thoroughly enjoy sex with the right guy too. The only guys I find acceptable are slim/slender, smooth-skinned, soft-featured, & humble-natured. In "guy-mode" I prefer a male partner to be rather feminine in stature & appearance. As Veronica, I can accept a man with the above qualities, but either built slightly (like a woman) or also built buff (like a medium body-building man). My ideal for sex with a male is another very feminine T-girl, with substantial "maleness" where it counts!

    I guess that makes me a: Primarily hetro-sexual, trans-gendered, sexually submissive (I like BDSM too), totally bisexual, human mammal, who likes pizza, beer, adventure & sensuality!

    Call me whatever ya want, as long as you end with a compliment about my femininity!!

    Hugz,

    Veronica

    P.S.- After reading your added post, I'd like to add that my own personal view on the subject is that the labels of "hetro" VS. "bi" are established by biological gender, as opposed to gender-identity. If your partner has the same "panty-prizes" as you, it's a bisexual experience... period! Justifying it otherwise may make it easier to swallow (pun intended) but doesn't change the primary definition. Just MHO....
    Last edited by Veronica Fallon; 08-21-2007 at 02:18 PM.

  15. #15
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    14
    I remember reading once that part of the problem with a lot of surveys regarding sexuality was with labeling "men who have sexual encounters with men" as "homosexual". There would be lots of GM's who have had one or two sexual encounters with men but who would never consider themselves "homosexual".

    I suspect that among CD'ers just like across the general population there is a range of orientation. But as I was reading the original post, I couldn't help but start thinking about some of the language:

    Of the eleven CDs I have met not one was truly heterosexual in the traditional sense. Some had homosexual experiences, some fantasized about having homosexual experiences, and a couple of them had homosexual experiences and continue to fantasize about homosexual experiences, but all of them claimed it was only while enfemme.
    If a GM "fantasizes about having homosexual experiences" or perhaps has even had one or two ("in college", say) -- does that make them no longer "truly heterosexual"? I suspect they wouldn't be a 0 on the old Kinsey scale (0 = "exclusively hetero") but I don't know that it shifts them that far down.

    I think there's a tendency for people to assume that any GM who has (or fantasizes about) sexual encounters with a man is "gay". I think we're a lot more complicated animals than that and that there's a whole range of "gayness".

  16. #16
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Roberta

    Thank-you, you have given me an answer that applies to the question. I realize it is your comment and does not apply to CDs in general :-)

    Quote Originally Posted by BobbiC View Post
    If a GM "fantasizes about having homosexual experiences" or perhaps has even had one or two ("in college", say) -- does that make them no longer "truly heterosexual"? I suspect they wouldn't be a 0 on the old Kinsey scale (0 = "exclusively hetero") but I don't know that it shifts them that far down.
    Alfred Kinsey...I am not going to dis the man, but it is only one man's opinion. Since the question isn't about his opinion, or my opinion, I'll refrain from further comment.

    My question isn't about being gay nor is it about being bi-sexual.


    Wickanne

  17. #17
    Senior Member Robin Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia.
    Posts
    1,098
    I think it's fair to suggest that most CD/TG people are inclined to have more questions about their own sexuality than is usual. My advice has always been, if you are bi-curious, satisfy your curiosity by all means, but please don't do it while in a committed, closed relationship!

    I explored my sexuality in my late teens & early 20s. I've always preferred female partners, but I've had plenty of male ones as well. I had fun with men, but I never wanted a serious relationship with a man. I just didn't get the deep connection & fulfilment that you want with a life partner. In these 'experimental' days, I was either single, or in an open relationship.

    (Have I ever been unfaithful. Yes. I slept with a new gf before I had officially split up with the old. I didn't feel too guilty about it, though. I was leaving her because I was sick of her getting drunk & sleeping around.)

    I've been celibate for the last few years, but I'd say I'm primarily hetero, although I don't totally rule out that I could get intimate with another GM, if the circumstances were right. Unlikely, but not impossible.

    When I've been with men, it does bring out certain feminine energies in me, but overall the experience doesn't make me feel like a hetero female, it makes me feel like a gay male. I prefer to feel like a straight male, or a gay female. And I need female company for that.

    Now very few of my male lovers knew of my CDing tendencies. Almost none of the gay ones did. Mostly, I didn't think they'd be comfortable with it or attracted to me as a CD. Some of the bi ones did, and I even had some interactions with me wearing lingerie. I won't deny it was fun, but it didn't make me feel more girly to be with a man, en femme or not.

    I hope this was of interest to someone.



    Robin
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Diagonally parked in a parallel universe

  18. #18
    Kassandra kassandra richard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    200
    If I can quote the incomparable Eddie Izzard -- I'm a male lesbian En drab I'm attracted to women -- thus an encounter is going to be heterosexual. En femme, I'm attracted to women, theoretically making the encounter homosexual (if you want to cross labels all over the place). But since I don't really identify myself as a woman, even when en femme, if I were attracted to a guy it would still be a homosexual event.

    I think Wickanne that you're not liable to get a "straight" answer on this in so far as each of us is perceiving this facet of our existence differently. I know enough of my own thoughts and history to know that, given a different head and spiritual space, I'd probably be bisexual. Had that occurred, I suspect that the answer to your question would be a qualified maybe.

    Kassandra

  19. #19
    Hugging the Kurves! RobertaFermina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, No Cal
    Posts
    1,286
    I will add that, while I have not jumped into bed with a man yet, I have danced with a few.

    On one occasion, I let go entirely and was LED by him...I mean I REALLY LET GO and moved according to his will and imagination. I did not think about how he was touching my body to give cues and directions, except to notice how his hands felt and what I saw IN his eyes.

    This is all so romantic in my memories, and the release of control, and the sense of being protected and guided across the floor, and desired and, to some degree, worshipped remains real and desirable to me.

    It is unsettling to me, as a man, because this degree of connection and flexibility is the same as I experience in a positive sexual encounter. Dancing is Sex....metaphorically, and to the extent I experienced it, emotionally.

    It felt heterosexual. I was relating in a complementary way to the man, feeling feminine in my role and in the new colors of my emotional experience.

    Roberta
    [COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :

  20. #20
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Roberta

    I am impressed with your openess and I thank you for that. I do understand what you are saying to me :-)

    The whole point of a forum is to get different opinions...to allow someone with an open-mind to be educated and understand something that is not easily understood from a mere hushed conversation. It really boils down to you either feel like an interaction with another man, while enfemme, is either heterosexual or homosexual...ohhhh, if it was only that simple ;-)


    Wickanne

  21. #21
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    CITY of L.A., Ca
    Posts
    3,420
    Sounds like the question you're really asking is, does being a CD cause gay feelings? The answer is no. Sexuality is there regardless of ever starting to CD. Some people use CD'ing as an "excuse" to explore what they've been afraid to in male mode. If you went out & talked to a bunch of gay men, you'd hear them tell you that a lot of them went through a period of denial.

  22. #22
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    2,157
    I tried to discuss this idea recently but no one wanted to play out the discussion of gay, bi, and possibly something different in CD'ers and TS'es.
    I do not believe I am bi. I believe that I have two halves inside me, male and female. So, I would say yes, it would be a hetero experience for me mentally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fab Karen View Post
    Sounds like the question you're really asking is, does being a CD cause gay feelings? The answer is no. Sexuality is there regardless of ever starting to CD. Some people use CD'ing as an "excuse" to explore what they've been afraid to in male mode. If you went out & talked to a bunch of gay men, you'd hear them tell you that a lot of them went through a period of denial.
    How can you deny that there may be more going on in the CD'er than just gay or bi? Maybe they are sexually female when dressed.
    Last edited by Holly; 08-21-2007 at 07:59 PM. Reason: Please do not multi-post. Use the Multi-quote button or the EDIT button to add content.

  23. #23
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Fab Karen View Post
    Sounds like the question you're really asking is, does being a CD cause gay feelings? The answer is no. Sexuality is there regardless of ever starting to CD. Some people use CD'ing as an "excuse" to explore what they've been afraid to in male mode. If you went out & talked to a bunch of gay men, you'd hear them tell you that a lot of them went through a period of denial.
    No, that is not what I am asking, nor am I implying it. CDing doesn't "cause" gay feelings. To my knowledge nothing "causes" gay feelings..the root of "gay feelings" is biology.


    Wickanne

  24. #24
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    5,309
    Have never had a homosexual experience and do not think about it when dressed. I do think about having sex with a woman that is open to my dressing. Of course I love my wife and would never cheat on her, but I can not dress in front of her, thus can only have dreams. This is strange because once, before we got married she allowed me to dress in panties and nylons and she did my make up. We then make love like rabbits, but I think this relates to the newness of our relationship, the sexual attraction that goes with it and the fact that we were 17 years younger than we are today. But, hope springs eternal.

  25. #25
    Headed toward the future.
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Alice B View Post
    ...I do think about having sex with a woman that is open to my dressing...
    That actually opens up something I never thought about before. I am sure there must be a thread about it on the site already, but I'll go for the quick answer.

    I assumed that when a man is making love to a woman while he is enfemme he would feel very 'male'. So I'll flip my question for you. Do you think you would feel femme or masculine in that situation? If you felt femme, would you see it as a lesbian or a heterosexual encounter?


    Wickanne

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State