PREFACE:
Hi! Now, I know people say how you shouldn't seek answers to the 'why' when it comes to CDing or TGs, but, I still have some questions.
Yes, I already know that everyone is different and that each person has a different experience.
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Alright. I have known about my boyfriend, Leah B, being a cross dresser for a little over a year. He only started actually doing anything with it last May.
Over the course of the last couple of months, we've talked a lot about what it is to be a cross dresser and transgendered. I've also heard a lot of things on these boards. Some of it I totally get, other stuff, I don't.
Here's the things I don't get, so that some of you might be able to educate me:
- Some people say that they don't get where an SO is coming from when they are upset since it's just clothes? Then these same people turn around and say how much they need these clothes in order to express who they are inside. If the clothes weren't a big deal, like you'd like to tell an SO, then you, in theory, wouldn't need them in order to express yourself. Just be a guy then. So I think that theory is wrong and that people believe certain things only when it is convenient for them. Don't say it's only clothes when you feel you need those clothes in order to express who you are on the inside. If they were just clothes, you wouldn't need them.
OK so some of us need to think before we open our mouth i see what your saying how can we be one of the girls without the clothes
- My boyfriend said that he
needs to go out as a woman because he needs to be treated as a woman. He needs to be treated this way, and then he will feel complete. Now, I don't understand this at all. How does what strangers think have anything to do with who you are inside? You are still TG or CD, whether or not people see you. If you see you, then that's what you are. I also feel saddened that what strangers think is more important than what I, his girlfriend, thinks on the matter. Curious.
i am sorry i don't get that !!! . ""He needs to be treated this way, and then he will feel complete. "" whats next like me i need the surgery to feel complete !!! one step at a time Leah
- What is up with the whole 'if you don't like it, leave' attitude when it comes to MTF and their girlfriends/wives? If this was any other issue, we would certainly be able to voice our opinions and have compromises. But, since it is about your inner turmoil over who you are 'on the inside', we GGs sometimes lose our rights as people and partners. You even see it on the boards.
"Oh, well, this is who we are, so deal with it."
Let's say my boyfriend wanted to make a huge change that would affect our relationship in a large way forever. And let's say that it had nothing to do with his gender identity. I suppose only THEN would I, and other GGs have a say. I don't understand how that can be okay. Don't forget that it's a partnership. And I'm not saying that you should have to give up CDing. I will never say that is a good thing. Just COMPROMISE.
Just COMPROMISE. you can't do that in the bedroom , you can't go out side like that ... you can't put pictures on the net .. you can't wear makeup , you can't drive like that !!!
how about the gg take a step of Faith and stand by there wo /man and take one for our side instead of tighten the ball and chain
- Sometimes it seems like CDers aren't emulating real women, but their idealized and generalized view of a woman. It's very 1950's. They wear panty hose, which most women don't wear unless they absolutely have to. They wear clothes that are too young for them and skirts that are too short. When I first heard from my guy about what cross dressers were like, I assumed they were trying to be real women. Boy was I wrong! I don't mean to offend anyone with this one, so I'm sorry if I did.
hey sobe did you know most cd'r dress like the woman they would like to go out with so what does that tell you !!!!
i wear panty hose because they give my legs some color and they look nice and Evan in tone let me tell you if i had found a gg who wears short skirts hose and heels well would i be doing this " sorry a little joke " maybe we are trying to teach you gg how to dress please don't kill me i am just saying
- Speaking of what some CDers wear, I was talking with my guy and he said that he would, in reality, prefer to be on the androgynous side of the female identity. I said, "well, why now" and he said that since it was harder to pull off, he needs to be a whole lot more girly in his appearance. Umm, what? I thought this was about expressing who you truly are! This instead sounds like you are substituting one mask for another and still hiding from yourself. Do other people have this problem?
OK confession time i dress full time and it's bloody hard ... yes as Leah said to pull it off ...the androgynous side of the female identity. would make life better don't you think hey sobe how are we hiding from our self's i don't understand are you saying all cd'r are girls in the wrong bodies ?
- I've read people posting about how they knew they had gender issues when they: liked pink, preferred to avoid sports, liked cooking instead of sports cars, and etcetera. Umm... what decade are you living in? And honestly, so you liking things that go a bit against the norm all of a sudden makes you a girl on the inside? What message is that for young men? So if you see that your son would rather play with a Barbie, are you going to sit him down and tell him he's transgendered? He, and you, can like that stuff while still being a man. I think that hinders the progress of men everywhere to think that they can't like those things and still be manly. Preferring cooking over sports is NO indication of gender identity issues in my humble opinion.
now sobe you are trying to get in the head of a man ?? bad idea let me tell you something men are men they like to do the rough stuff try to fix things fight ,want to put as many notches on there belts in regards to woman they don't want to become a woman they want to do them.. real men never play with Barbie or cook / clean thats womans work and another thing BOYs live by one set of rules .. GIRLs live by another .... thats why we are in this mess in the first place... i wish we could change that but we have a long way to go
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Okay, I'm done. I realize that I can sometimes be abrasive in the language I choose, and I am sorry in advance for offending anyone. Feel free to tell me your side of these issues so that I can better understand what it means to be an MTF CD/TG/TS and so on.
Thanks!
Sobe