Would being labeled as gay be that bad?

[Dee Model]

The level of interest this thread has generated is indicative of the fact that society as a whole is still depressingly hung up on what every else does in bed...

Don't get me wrong, I find the subject of interest but I really couldn't care less if someone is gay, straight, bi, all, or none of the above. Apart from anything else, it ain't none of my business and it certainly would not affect how I treat them.

For what its worth, unsurprisingly, I have found straight people most intolerant. But that's their problem.

People like first of all put themselves in a box. Then they proceed to put every one else in a box too. They like to label, index, quantify and account for. They like to treat people not as unique multi-textured personalities with thoughts, feelings, emotions etc. but as either one definitive thing or another.

I couldn't care less what people think of me. If they wanna think I'm gay, that's fine: if it makes them feel better to do that so be it. I am not about to put my self in a box here.

The only time we should put someone in a box is when they're dead.

P.S. I'd liketo be buried in a little black dress, please!

[RobertaFermina]

My Homophobia has been a fear that I would like Gay Life and then would be persecuted for it. Or that I would be persecuted for my acceptance of Gay Persons or Perspectives.

So I'm not directly afraid of or hateful of Gays or Gayness, I'm afraid of my own Society's Homophobia, and knee-jerk Homophobics that sanction or assault anything that is Gay or Gay-Accepting.

Sadly, this only reinforces Society's Homophobia....so YES, I'm guilty. I'm a Functional Homophobic, though not a fearful or hateful of people just because they are Gay.

The good news is, I know it, and I feel it when it comes up, and to the best of my ability, I keep it from interfering with my relationships.


Besides, while I'm not Gay yet, I'm willing to be openly Gay if I discover that it is what I am and I have repressed it. Seriously! A year ago I did not know I was a CrossDresser!


Search Me ?

[eleventhdr]

but as for myself i really have no real desires to ever be a gay male as i just do love female's way to much i do think that i could love a transexxual one who has chnaged from male to female or an interesexed person one who has both male and female sex organs but if and when i was ever really chnaged to female then i think it would be very different for me as i do love women so much that if and when i were to become one that i would still love them enough to want to be with them sexual indeed lesbian but only as a women would i do this not as a guy.

OH well!

Suzy Ann!

[SylvieGurl155]

If I've learned anything in the past 22 years of my life,its that people, no mater what "clique", sect or anything, are going to be different. everyone will have thier own biasis, thoughts, ideas and whatevers! Alot of people make generalizations based on past experiences, and thats fine, but don't close yourself off from new ideas, thoughts or anything. So, yeah... ADD kicked in and i lost what i was going to type.... but you get the point right? LEARN from stuff, Be who you are, and Enjoy life. yep ~.~

(if i confused you, dont worry i confused myself too. )

[Albtraum]

There will never be across the board validation, for gays or any minority group. The day you can be who you are without discrimination is what's really important. Just IMHO

[Cara Allen]

It shouldn't matter, but...

First of all, we are not gay. If we were to roll ourselves into the gay community, we would be doing us and them a disservice. We will not be accepted until people understand who we are.

Secondly, why compromise? I happen to think it's important that we have a division. If we promote gay-ness about ourselves, it is not accurate. Most of us are not, and we need to be clear about our situation for personal growth. You can't grow with misinformation.

[Nicki B]

I have always thought that allowing my female side to the fore, and being attracted to women, doesn't really qualify me anymore as 'straight'...

The most homophobic people I know are CD's (at least here in Utah, part of the reason I lost my respect for triple letter sororities) (never paint with a broad brush). This is already a homophobic area and CD's don't want to be associated with or mistaken for gays. (Although they will frequent Gay Bars so they can go out dressed (Go Figure)

Genevera, I'm really glad I don't live where you do...

First of all, we are not gay.

Some of us DO classify ourselves that way?

It almost makes me want to stop cding. Which is something i plan to give up in a couple of years.

Riiiight.....

[docrobbysherry]

I have nothing against gays, but I have enough other (unrelated) problems without having to deal with having to take on the additional social burdens associated with being considered something I am NOT.

Also, to quietly accept and not challenge that you may be mistakenly considered gay, in MY opinion, only aggrivates and supports the CD=Gay stereotype.

Besides, if you think about, it would you want to be represented in the public eye by a person who wasn"t even in your group? I can see why this would disturb gays---- a "crazy, outragous" CD could be an embarrasment to gays if the public concidered the CD as one of them.

Once again, u have said what I'm thinking, only better, and with fewer words.

I would like to add: If u r single with no kids, and u can control your social circle, be who ever u r.
However, if u have kids in school, soccer, band, etc. be CAREFUL!
The family social scene has no place for either a gay and/or CD single dad. The ones hurt r the innocent children. I'm not doing that to mine. They have enough problems without being segregated and teased because of me. The other parents don't care one iota about the differences between gay or CD. They only think, " Pervert". And, " Keep our kids away from him and his kids".
RS

[Vaerise]

Most "straight" people find it convenient or easier to put labels on others who are different... some of them try really hard to understand, some don't even try... its not surprising to see a lot of misconception regarding our community..

Chester (Straight): So you are gay?
Paul (Gay): Yes
Chester: Does that mean you are going to chop off your dick and become a woman?
Paul: no, and I don't wear dresses either..

Dave (Straight): What you are telling me is that you want to be a woman..
Me: Yes..
Dave: You smoking pot man? You like guys don't you?
Me: No and yes..
Dave: So you are gay then?
Me: no.. not exactly..
Dave: Well make up your mind, you say you like man but you aren't gay
Me: I'm not gay! I'm transexual like those you see in thailand!
Dave: Well they are gay.
Me: nvm..

[Cara Allen]

Some of us DO classify ourselves that way?
Riiiight.....

And if you are gay, then that is cool. The point I am trying to make (I think I sounded homophobic, and I didn't mean to be,) is that they are two different things. By rolling everything together, we gain no understanding for who WE are from society. While some of us MAY be gay, many are not (a fact that constantly surprises many people.) The transgender issue, for clarity, is not partner preference, but gender preference. These are two distinctly different things. One can be transgendered and be gay, or be transgendered, and not gay. The focus may be gay, or it may be transgendered. You may have dual allegiances, and that is fine. But to reduce everything to gay/not gay is to eliminate and ignore transgender problems, needs, issues. You can be a readhead, and have green eyes, but to say that you are redhead will not imply anything about your eye color.

[Carol123]

wouldnt bother me at all

[marykay1957]

we are all gay straight bi or cders or black whtie assin so why should we allways put a labble on it just be

[charllote34]

Not to me because im not and if i were it wouldnt matter ! I feel genuine anguish for anybody thats persecuted because of there gender and i include all u my friends in that whats the song the higher you build your barriers the stronger i become!!

[kimmy p]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Eventually close friends would learn you weren't gay. Your family would learn you weren't gay and eventually everyone you knew would learn it.

If you could be out and accepted but people thought at first that you were gay would it be worth it?

Is it just that we don't want to be misconstrued, is it that we don't want to bear the burden of anit-gay prejudice on top of anti-TG prejudice, is it that we fear our chances with women would be massively reduced or lost totally (isn't that already a worry at the moment?) or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?

I don't want anyone to think I'm gay. I have gay friends and I fully support gay rights, but the thought of kissing another man is repellent to me. To each there own, but I'd prefer to be a male lesbian.

Kimmy

[AmandaLatex]

I think even in our community, it scares people to think they might not be 100% straight. Face it folks we are different. I think some may fear they might have an attraction to the same sex when dressed and it scares them. It does me to be honest. I think thats why so many times we have to argue for a "safe " label so we feel protected. I wish it wasn't this way.

Hugs, Amanda by the way the hugs are for gay or straight. i am a non discriminatory hugger

[Bobbie cd]

Nope, doesn't particularly bother me. I am sure that a lot of people at work and out in the general public look at me with the long hair and earrings and just automatically figure that I am flaming gay. So what? I find that I just can't be bothered to care about their meaningless opinions.

I had a guy approach me in the grocery store today and try to "chat me up" as it were. I didn't take offense from it, but neither did I encourage him. I was polite and then went on about my business. I am who I am and I am becoming more and more comfortable with my own self-image. When you get to that point, other people's narrow minded views become increasingly irrelevant.

[Billijo49504]

I really don't care what they call me, aslong as it not late for dinnner. But my wife would get upset if someone considered me gay...BJ

[JoAnnDallas]

I am sure that some of the women customers at my Nail Salon think I am Gay and I really don't care. Durn the summer, I would wear my ladies Hanes T-shirt and matching shorts, Green/Pink open toe sandels with my polished toes showing, Long acrylic nails with Lite Pink Polish to the Nail Salon. In fact I bet the average person would take one look at how I was dressed and the first thought in their head would be "GAY".

[Jamie001]

Most folks have this "brain-dead" mindset regarding TG folks that was created and cultivated by Hollywood stereotypes. We must work to change this by showing them that most TG folk are hetero, married, and could be your lawyer, doctor, clergy-person, etc...

I am sure that some of the women customers at my Nail Salon think I am Gay and I really don't care. Durn the summer, I would wear my ladies Hanes T-shirt and matching shorts, Green/Pink open toe sandels with my polished toes showing, Long acrylic nails with Lite Pink Polish to the Nail Salon. In fact I bet the average person would take one look at how I was dressed and the first thought in their head would be "GAY".

[Lovely Rita]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Eventually close friends would learn you weren't gay. Your family would learn you weren't gay and eventually everyone you knew would learn it.

If you could be out and accepted but people thought at first that you were gay would it be worth it?

Is it just that we don't want to be misconstrued, is it that we don't want to bear the burden of anit-gay prejudice on top of anti-TG prejudice, is it that we fear our chances with women would be massively reduced or lost totally (isn't that already a worry at the moment?) or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?

Considering that I am not gay. I do not look to be labeled as gay. As I mentioned before the label thing is not popular with me anyway and so being mislabeled is not something I am interested in either.

I do not consider myself homophobic in anyway shape or form. Being labeled gay is not bad but in my case it would be erroneous.

[lolitacd]

what is important is what is inside...plus what you do or dont is always your business...

[Ruth]

...unfortunately when you socialise with other people they can make your habits their business. I am a male hetero CDer and if I were labelled as gay and the label stuck, I could find myself in a lot of undesirable consequences.
The problem is that we can be effeminate without being gay, and some people just can't get their heads round that.

[Beth-GDB]

If people labelled me as gay because I CD, would it bother me?

Yes, but not as much as it would have in the past.

I developed in interest in feminine attire around the time I finished primary/elementory school. I spent most of my adolescent years questioning myself on why I was interested. "I must be gay if I want to look like a girl, mustn't I?". Every time I asked myself that question, I always came back to the same conclusion, "I'm not attracted to guys. I don't have any desire to hold hands with a guy, kiss a guy or date a guy. I am attracted to girls". I was very confused over the incongruance of wantling to appear like a girl and still be attracted to girls. I used to joke to myself that maybe I was a lesbian trapped inside a male body.

Growing up in a small conservative farming community where diversity was something found in other places didn't help. Compounded by the usual teenage angst over not wanting to be too different to the other boys my age, and completing my last few years of highschool at an all boys Catholic boarding school (talk about testosterone poisoning), I did develop something of a phobia of being labelled "gay". What other people did among themselves was their business, I never had a problem with that. What other people might say about me was something I had a problem with, although I'm a lot less defensive about that now (it will still irritate me, but I'm relaxed enough to just let it slide). Even so, I still guard my privacy from my relatives and co-workers.

It's not so much which specific label other people may apply to me that bothers me, it's when it's the wrong label, regardless of what that label is.

[michellebesweet]

Although I am not against any gays, male or female, I am not gay. I do not want people to think I am gay just because I CD. I am straight, and love my SO. I have many gay freinds, and most know I CD and have never crossed that line with them.

[Christine Andrews]

Would being labeled gay be that bad?

Yes it would, whilst I try not to care what other people think of me the idea of being lebeled something I am not evokes a strong mix of fear and anger. Fear that the label will stick and I will be branded something I am not by a society which doesn't care about anything except maintaining a facade of normality no matter the cost and would treat me accordingly and anger that people are lumping me in somewhere I don't belong and judging me on a false perception and accusing me accordingly.

Also, how do homosexuals feel about this? Whilst I cannot speak from any experience, whilst there may be a bond of being a minority, I'm sure that homosexuals aren't too fond of being labeled crossdressers because the labeling works both ways and is unfair to both parties.

I am a hetro-sexual male who iss very conflicted by crossdressing and trying to accept it. I dress to feel feminine and because I love (and to an extent envy) women and the thought of me being with a man in any capacity disgusts me to my core. I don't want to be labeled at all - but that is just a dream, we are all labeled whether we like or not and if I am going to be labeled, I don't want to be falsely labeled in a way which would damage my life and cause more pain upon my loved ones because labels are not only destructive to us - but our loved ones. I may struggle to accept who I am, but deep down I know what I am not, so I don't want that label.

I have nothing against homosexuals at all, I respect their bravery and strength to be honest and live as they choose and I believe that they should have the right to live as they wish so long as they are not harming anyone else in order to do so - which is also how I also feel about crossdressing.

So yes, accepting a false label is wrong because if this is accepted where could it go next and where could it end?