Just as a gay person shouldn't feel ashamed of what they are because of media reporting on the actions of Larry Craig, neither should you feel ashamed because of something someone says about transgender people.
Just as a gay person shouldn't feel ashamed of what they are because of media reporting on the actions of Larry Craig, neither should you feel ashamed because of something someone says about transgender people.
I think we need to view what we have as a great gift. The fact that others do not understand that is their problem now ours. If we can rejoice together then we can be happy with who we are.
When I am living in shame, I shame others so they can feel what I feel, and then I can forget how I feel, or feel the pleasure of miserable company.
When I am shamed by someone else, it has NOTHING to do with me. Healthy people do not SHAME others.
Healthy people say "when you do this, I feel this way", or "when you do this, I am concerned that such-and-such might happen to so-and-so". Healthy people present choices; They don't shame people. They might say, I'd be ashamed if I was seen doing what you are doing.
It is OK to be comfortable doing thing that others are uncomfortable with.
I don't think it is OK to do things that hurt people, even myself.
You are not hurting anyone.
Anyone who shames you is dumping their own trip on you.
Anyone who was healthy enough to have a healthy concern about you or the impact of your choices would say so in a civilized and concerned manner.
you are beautiful, no question.
share your beauty in the way you choose.
if you have compassion for the shame-based people who want you to join their victim-pool, it may be easier for you if you forgive them for their misguided words and actions as you continue to live your inspiration.
Congratulations for not brooding alone with these feelings of shame that have been dumped on you.
Roberta
Last edited by RobertaFermina; 09-28-2007 at 05:20 PM.
[COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :
Can you feel the love that is just oooooozing from this thread??
Others have said it well already. Hold your head up.
Joanne and Rylie, read Veronica's and the other great post 100 times and if you still can't believe it write it down 100 times.
You are a special and gifted person, but special and gifted persons have special challenges to master.Originally Posted by Veronica Fallon
Well Joanne, I know for fact that I'm a much better person because of having such a strong feminine aspect, & I'm sure you are too. IMO the ones who should be ashamed of themselves are the ones who think they are the judge of other peoples worthiness. I hope you'll listen to your heart instead of your head. It knows you are "blessed" to have this inside of you. Your mother-in-law is simply "cursed" with ignorance & fear. Please stay open with your sisters here & feel free to borrow some of their pride until your own heals from the damaging remarks of others.
Warm Hugz,
Veronica
It's true, we probably will be faced to situations you experienced our entire life, but I am positive that we are able to reverse the ratio Jenni mentions, just because we are special.
It's not easy and we have to try hard but it can work out.
Maybe best we start with a
Last edited by Marla S; 09-28-2007 at 07:05 PM.
For a long time i was afraid to let my feminine side out and fought it so very hard. I started playing around with my mother's makeup at age 12. I would try some of her clothes and makeup when the folks were out for the evening. They figured it out of course Mom pretty understanding about it - Dad considered me a sissy. They got me "help" sent me to a child psychologist so i could be cured. Lots of shame and guilt- knowing that I wasn't normal. For a while after that I hide my true desires but was never cured.
I have finally have decided to come out and feel so much better about myself.I still have alot of things to do and buy before i am able to go out en femme. Going out all Dolled up is something I really want to do. Being here with you girls helps- its so nice not to be alone.
Hugs
Chloe Jean
Please don't be ashamed. We are closer to being whole, healthy individuals than most of those chimps out there.
[SIZE="2"]Always be true to yourself because the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.[/SIZE]
I would like to thank you all for your kind words and support i am lucky to have found such a place as this with so many nice people, and as far as my motherinlaw go`s my wife did say to her that if you can not except him for what he is then i will stay away from you as well but then that makes me feel more guilty for putting my wife in that position so in the end i agreed to tolerate her mother so that she could keep in touch with her , but it just go`s to show that what i think is just such a simple thing, showing my fem side can cause so much unnecessary stress in a family, and for what the lack of understanding (i hope that is not making me sound selfish now ) but for some re son it doe`s hurt me when i hear of marriages getting into trouble because of Cding i think that is my guilt coming through a bit, i always wish that i could do some thing to help them through it .
Many thanks again
joanne
Last edited by Joanne f; 09-29-2007 at 06:53 AM.
Very well put, Amanda. Bravo!
Yes, it does hurt. IMO the best thing we can do as CD is to come to terms with ourself as quick as possible, I think that could help a lot. Sometimes I have the impression the GGs here are learning faster than we CDs. We have to support them to help us.
Last edited by Marla S; 09-29-2007 at 08:22 AM.
My wife knew that I had crossdressed before we were married. That was over 15 years ago. She came across some pictures I guess and her first reaction was "I hope you don't this after we are married" Well, I promised her that I would not and I was faithful ever since until this year. We all know that xdressing this is not something that can be stuffed in a closet forever, and in the Spring, Rita re-emerged so to speak. So I had to tell my wife the whole truth, like not only was I crossdresser but that I was also transgendered and had applied for SRS only to be denied because of my medical history.
At first it was quite a shock and very difficult for her to accept, but patience and openly talking about it and being honest about everything has helped her understand. Of course she still has issues with what will the kids and neighbors think if they ever find out. From our conversations we have managed to agree on some ground rules and conditions which both of us can live with. Although I still have not obtained her complete approval with what I am and what I do, she is beginning to see some very positive aspects of it. The key in all of this is patience and understanding. Of course money helps too. I have come out of retirement and I am working part time which provides me with enough money to support my little "habit" so there's no money coming out of the household budget which was another of her concerns.
Again, patience, patience, patience
It not like we are hurting anyone. Being able accept yourself and others is only a good thing- so why we picked on?
Chloe Jean
Listen to the others here. Their experience is wisdom to take from.
Myself, I spent allot of time reacting to others, and not using my head in these situations. I can tell you that I like myself completely now. No shame any longer.
It's all up to you and nobody else.
What 'Unfortunate'? I feel very fortunate for being given the gift of insight into the femenine world. Whilst I would be the first to admit, there are things we would never be able to experience, we of the TG kind are able to swing between both worlds, something GG's or GM's could never really understand.
Sarah R.
Every time I walk down the street, I see every eye on me.
Every time they look at me, I wonder, who do they see?
Perfection in disguise,with regimes and alibis.
The girl in the mirror , isn't the same as the girl in my heart
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
If you try to do good help others don't do bad thing to others there is no way you should feel ashamed of dressing. If you are a good person naver bee ashamed of what you do A very wise man said let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Hold your head up and be proud of yourself
Angie
joanne -- you are sooooooooooooooooooooo NOT ALONE!!!
in my life i have felt very very ashamed and guilty and sad..
but i've also felt fulfilled and happy and one thing to keep in mind is that NOBODY!!!! can tell you what makes you feel good and nobody else can tell you how to think about yourself...
many of us are totally in the closet and some are out and some have had surgery, some of us pass(sometimes) and some of us have no chance to pass....but in our hearts we are all the same and i'm glad you can come here and vent your thoughts and get the support of lots of girls who share your feelings and especially can relate to your feelings..
Seems to me that the biggest problem here is the lack of understanding and unconditional love from your mother-in-law. Not an unusual circumstance from what I observe in the human condition. Many mother-in-laws create these situations, and cross dressing is only what comes to the surface in your particular case. When it comes to mother-in-laws, they can find anything to be critical of if they wish. Wrong job, wrong friends, wrong house, wrong...anything. This really is not about you. It is about her, and she should be ashamed.
Your wife is wonderful, and your support of her is very important. You made a great choice when you made her a part of your life. You will do the right thing about this, too, and hopefully there will be a time when your mother-in-law comes around. Mother-in-laws can say very hurtful things, but remember, they are human too, and subject to the same failings and short-comings that we hope others forgive in us. Let it go, if you can.
Just to be clear, I don't consider cross dressing a failing or a short-coming. You didn't choose your eye color, nor your cross dressing. It is part of the essential you. No shame. Shame should be reserved for actions where we have a choice, and treat others without compassion, or are selfish in our actions. Like the comment made by your mother-in-law.
Hope things work out.
Lauren
my shame made me an emotional cripple for years - and quite unable to give fully into a relationship. No more guilt and shame. my wife gets the benefit - even if she doesn't recognise it
mitch
Ashamed, Guilt feelings, Been there, done that! But I have since learned that when I dress from time to time, I am a happier person and much easier to live with, (my wife would agree with that statment). To deny who you are can lead to depression and anger, after all it is a harmless practice and leads to inter peace so how can that be so bad.
We never know how much time we are allowed on this earth, don't waste it feeling bad about who you are, because no matter how much you worry about who you are, you are still just you, and that is who you have to live with.
Tina B.
how did the old song go "Be Happy, Don't Worry"
"Don't worry. Be Happy."
Why let the close mindedness of a few others dampen your feelings of self worth, being born the way we are, was a gift from god!! He made you this way, so you can feel all you can, and enjoy life this way, he didnt make you this way so you can feel badly!! Enjoy life, you only get one kick at this can, Judgment is a sickness humanity is learning to overcome!! even if it comes from a loved one!!
WE give people power over ourselves when we ascribe to them our feelings. No one, and i do mean no one, has power over your feelings/emotions but yourself. If you feel ashamed it is your doing alone, not something someone has done (or said to or) for you. Thus only you can control this "feeling" of shame.
Yes i feel ashamed of myself sometimes for CD'ing but i know it is a self-imposed emotion. And when i feel that way i am reminded of how it seems to be "the thing" these days to apoligize for the behaviour of past generations. It's pure bullocks for anyone to do this. It's history. A part of our past, not our present, and in some cases hopefully not of our future. But if we find ourselves in such needs again then i fully support anyone with the gonads to trip that trigger once more. I will not ever apoligize (and i do not want someone doing it in my name {national leader/figurehead}) for those things done by past generations, which were right at the time, no matter how wrong they seem today.
i am all for telling the M.I.L. to take a hike and don't come back until she is willing to accept you. All of who you are, not just the part she seems to like or is willing to accept at the present time.
Now, that said, i do agree with her (and you might use this as an arguement some time) there are some folks who should not be allowed to marry and breed. Folks like, child molesters, murderers, rapists, sexual prediators of any keen, wife/women - men/husband bashers, dictators, religious fanatics like Osama Bin Ladin, etc..
(Your arguement might be along these lines, "Well yes, i CD, but would you prefer i be like one of these?")
SarahLynn
Last edited by SarahLynn; 09-30-2007 at 06:15 PM.
I, too used to feel that way, but since i joined this forum, i feel like i have a family here i can talk to and share my feelings with them. i glad i found this forum.
janielatb: I'm in love with the person inside me.
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