Do you Identify with a parent?

[wannabie]

I posted a question in the MtF forum and I feel that I have to ask this from the Gents of this group.

Do you Identify with your father or a male figure in your life?
Uncle maybe?
or maybe a very stong female figure?


If so what traits do you think you have in common?

[Leo Lane]

Innaresting question. My father left the family before I was born and I was raised solely by my mother, who is what you might call 'a strong female figure' and has never been feminine in dress or manner. I identified strongly with her as I was growing up, and because of her conflicts with my father I absorbed at a very young age the belief that male-female relationships are damaging to the woman. Understandably, therefore, the idea of being a woman, particularly a heterosexual woman, was never greatly attractive to me.

[Sares]

I think I'm in a similar position to Leo Lane. My dad and I get along sometimes, but we've always butted heads. I know he's ostensibly proud of me -- he brags about my academic achievements to all his buddies and co-workers, and I later find out about it when I meet those people -- but he doesn't seem to like me very much, as an individual. Nor do I seem to like him very much. He's everything I've never wanted in a male companion: he drinks cheap beer, has a hairy beer gut, hunts and fishes, has rude table manners, treats his gay friends well but still makes homophobic jokes, and treats my dear mother terribly. Maybe that explains, at least in part, why I have some uncomfortable feelings about being in a heterosexual relationship. I don't know.

My mom is kind, sweet-tempered, a little goofy, and sometimes very hardheaded, but still generally easy to get along with. We talk a lot, and I enjoy her company. I've become a little bit distant from her since my winter depression and gender issues really set in, and as a result she calls to check up on me more often. I don't tell her what's bothering me -- I chalk it up to cabin fever -- but sometimes I just want to break down on the phone, and tell her that sometimes I hate wearing women's clothes and sometimes I wish I'd been a boy, and just pour out all the pent-up emotion and let her make it all better. She's that kind of mom.

This evening, in the midst of being plagued by more gender-related thoughts, I wondered what I would miss about being a woman if I ceased to be one, and suddenly I got a text message from my mom, saying "I wuv u." Baby-talk, cutesy as hell -- and I thought, "This is what I would miss, this cutesy mother-daughter relationship." Of course, if I had been born a boy, or if I did transition, or if I woke up tomorrow to find that I had magically been transformed into a man, then my mother and I would have the stereotypical relationship between a gay son and his mother. I'd be taking her shopping all over NYC and having afternoon tea with her and...sending cutesy text messages. Maybe nothing would change after all...

Interestingly enough, it's the traits I've gotten from my mother -- the shyness, the goofiness, the over-the-top politeness and friendliness that lead me to smile and apologize when I bump into people on the street, the feminine "cuteness" that I allegedly have -- that would most get in the way of passing. And on the few occasions when I've been mistaken for a 12-year-old boy in front of both of my parents, it's my dad who has been less disturbed by it. But I sort of interpret my mom's distress as a sign that she's even more concerned about me.

[Felix]

My Dad and my Big Brother xx Felix

[John]

with my mum. She's strateforward, sensible, practical, logical, polite, cairing, and not overly girly.

[Drake]

I'm a lot like my mom and my brother(yeah, I know, not a parent). She's pretty sensible and stuff. I get my whole artistic side from her and we're both good at math. We're also very lucky, even when something bad happens, I mean horrible, it always has a happy ending, so we both feel if given the choice to change anything in the past, anything we regret, we'd change nothing.
I'm nothing like my dad. I'm not even gonna get started on the guy.

[Kieron Andrew]

I don't and didn't really Identify with either genetic parent....growing up i identified better with a 'father figure' who was my best friend and surrogate father...who gave me every bit of stability and support and did everything for me as I only hoped a father would do, he also encouraged me to embrace my transness

People say I'm a lot like my father was as a boy...Don't know if that is a compliment really as he is a very judgemental and shallow person when it comes to people of difference with in the LGBT community and also Black/Asian community, whereas i am most definitely not, so when people say I'm alot like my father was as a boy I'm not rightly sure what they mean....I do NOT like the man my father has become so to be told im just like he was as a boy angers me a bit

I do have my mothers independence and stubborn streak, and my fathers zest for travel and exploration of the world

[SirTrey]

Growing up, I didn't identify with either parent, I have a lousy relationship with My father and haven't spoken to him for about ten years.....but I will say that at times, I do exhibit some of his less attractive personality traits in spite of Myself....and I'm not happy about that.....**Trey**

[Cai]

I suppose I identify more with my father. He really is the kind of person I'd like to be. So far, he's been accepting of my transition, though at this point it's just a desire to go farther (further?).

My parents split up when I was 12, and I've lived 60/40 between my dad and my mom. But my mother isn't the most stable or consistent of people, and we had some pretty good flare-ups between the two of us. I've never been tremendously close to her.

[keaton]

I suppose, as with most folks,I have traits of both parents but I'm most like my fathers bad traits,much to my dismay,I am very nice and likable etc. but I can be a real ******* too.

[NateX]

Personally, I've always been terrified of my father, he's got a hell of a temper, but my grandad has always been my role model. *nods*

[CaptLex]

People say I'm a lot like my father was as a boy...I do NOT like the man my father has become so to be told im just like he was as a boy angers me a bit

You too, huh? People used to tell me that when I was younger, and they probably still think it. It's true my father and I have some traits in common (and the Irish temper is probably the biggest one), but he's a huge bigot and I'm the least judgmental and prejudiced person most people know.

Like you, Trey, my father and I haven't spoken in a really long time. But I don't miss it - it's not like he ever had much to say to me beyond criticizing and complaining about something. It's weird, though . . . he and I never had a relationship (and we certainly don't now), but people have told me that he speaks well of me these days (he didn't before).

I don't really feel I identify with either parent, though I have some personality traits in common with both. The person I identify with most is my father's older sister, who was like a grandmother to me (she raised my father when their mom died). She was definitely the matriarch for the extended family, and she was tough but also very loving and giving. I've never met anyone who didn't love and respect her - even the other side of the family loved her. She's my role model, and if I can be half the person she was, it would be a lot.

[DanielMacBride]

I don't identify with either parent and have never had any kind of relationship with them (frankly I detest the pair of them and think they are an absolute waste of space and oxygen). I don't have any personality traits in common with them either - I have consciously gone out of My way to dissociate from them and NOT be like they are, and as a result I am about as far removed from them as it would be possible to get, and I LIKE it. I haven't spoken to either of them in about 8 years or so except at Christmas because I have to go to their place to see all of My kids for Christmas day, and even then it's very frosty and they make My skin crawl. My father is a violent, bullying, lying and manipulative control freak and I loathe him with a passion. My mother is your textbook doormat and queen of denial (I actually call her Cleopatra LOL), so ditto re loathing her.

I never had a male role model as such growing up, My father was always very distant and never engaged with Me on any level other than to belittle or criticise Me or tell Me I was not "enough" in whatever way he was picking on at the time. I have 2 brothers but My youngest brother is 5yrs younger than Me and I hated him (still don't like him much, he's an arrogant, chauvinist, homophobic, bigoted pig who needs a good butt-kicking to bring him down a few pegs, and if he opens his mouth to Me again I'd be MORE than happy to be the one to do it)....My older brother did not live with us so I only ever saw him at Christmas time and the occasional holiday so didn't really get to know him when I was growing up, but funnily enough he is the one I get on best with out of My whole family, the only one who actually seems to have any sort of clue as to who I am. I also did not spend any time with uncles or other male relatives, except maybe a bit of time with My grandpa as a kid when he used to read Me bedtime stories on the weekends.

Daniel

[ZenFrost]

In a word, nope.

I have some really wonderful parents, and I love them dearly, but I don't really identify with them. I do have many traits in common with each of them, I'm guessing it's genetic (or maybe learned, they did raise me after all) but I don't really see myself as being a lot like either of them. And I love my sister, but we might be from different planets, though we do have a lot of 'sibling moments' (like both saying the same thing at the same time, even though we haven't lived in the same house in years).

Growing up I identified strongly with my brother, but that was a long time ago.

My mother's side of the family are all ******** so I certainly don't identify with them. My father's side is cool, but the only one I was ever able to really identify with was, as I said, my brother.

[Leo Lane]

This evening, in the midst of being plagued by more gender-related thoughts, I wondered what I would miss about being a woman if I ceased to be one, and suddenly I got a text message from my mom, saying "I wuv u." Baby-talk, cutesy as hell -- and I thought, "This is what I would miss, this cutesy mother-daughter relationship."

I feel like that too, a lot.