Is Sexual Orientation an Issue? (All Can Answer)

[kerrianna]

Exactly Kehleyr.....although some of us Identify as straight MEN too, i do!

...I know.


...here, I'll save you the trouble....

Carol!!!




Charllote, you'll find what you refer to as a FTM crossdresser a rare species here and elsewhere on the net. This has been discussed on many other threads as to why, but most people who identify as FTM here and elsewhere I have found to self-identify as either male or genderqueer or genderquestioning. Maybe the best way to look at it is to think of the MTF CDers here who do identify as hetero males who like to crossover as being more in their own special class. And I think that's primarily because of the restrictions, self and otherwise, that men are under currently with the way they feel free to express themselves.

That special MTF CD class is however the predominant make-up of this site, hence the name crossdressers.com

The fact that there is room here for gender variant people is due to the makeup and desires of the people on it, from staff to members. Hopefully that fosters understanding and compassion from everyone involved.

As far as watching sports, etc... I think a lot of gender stereotypes are enforced by society. I disagree that men are from mars and women are from venus. We're far more alike and often just get steered in directions because of our assigned gender. And cultural things dictate a lot. Ace is right. Hockey is a very popular sport among women in Canada. But when I watch UK 'footie' I do notice there are not a lot of women in the stands. I've never been at a game there, but I bet a lot of the reason is because women aren't made to feel welcome or safe for the most part. I notice when I watch games on TV from smaller parks in the UK that there are more women and families.

And now I've taken this way off topic.

What were we discussing again?

Oh yeah.

SEX!

Sex and sports.

....
Maybe I should just slip quietly away now.

:shifty:


(talk about perpetuating gender stereotypes)

[charllote34]

Thanks for that reply most eye opening , the best thing with this site is learning about you all so thanks for that .Re footie would say it is a lot of males watching it , but families do make up a percentage now ie mums and dad s and kids.The truth is its so expensive to watch soccer these days not a lot of families can afford it !! Off topic sorry

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, All I know is the guys here are all good looking and have great personalities. Hard to find that in one spot anywhere else. Works for me anyway.

[CaptLex]

Hi alll my first post in your little world.

Welcome, charllote! We like visitors, especially open-minded ones that ask questions and want to learn, rather than those that assume they know what we're all about. So feel free to ask away, we don't bite . . . too hard.

I feel certain that most MTF feel like that would be interesting to know how many FTM (this is confusing!) like male sports and male things and whats the percentage that are straight i.e sleep with genetic males and prefer the company of men to women.

I couldn't give you statistics about sports but as some have already pointed out, a lot of these supposed "male" things really aren't limited to men. For example, there are plenty of genetic females at work that get together to play "Monday morning quaterback" - that is, to discuss the (American) football games they watched over the weekend. Also, I know genetic women that are very handy with a tool belt and can change their own oil, etc. So I imagine FtMs are just as interested or disinterested in these things as the rest of the general population.

As for sexual orientation, as others have also pointed out, those of us that identify as transmen and not crossdressers generally consider ourselves gay if we're attracted to men. I don't know exact numbers there either, but I've heard estimates that approximately 50% of us are straight (that is, are attracted to women), about 30% are gay (like myself) and the remaining 20% fall into other categories such as bi, pansexual, asexual, etc.

Hope that helps.

[charllote34]

Hey Capt !!

Thanks for that you have answered my question well and can i wish you and all the other boys a fantastic new year and all the best for 2008
Hugs and love Charllote xxxxx

[Felix]

Ok here is my Worth. I keep trying to ignore this thread but I feel now I am going to try to answer it. It shouldn't matter what or who we are but it does unfortunately cos society has deemed it so.The majority of my friends are gay men and my circle seems to be increasing. Yesterday I met someone who was the friend of a friend and we got talking about gender and sexuality, everything you can imagine. The issue of my difference came up and the friend had thought me a bloke as soon as he saw me until I opened my mouth lol but all credit to him he calls me Felix and says thats how he knows me. I tested my thoughts on whether what sexual orientation you was mattered as he had said that difference didn't matter to him.

I said, "Ok you say difference doesn't matter could you be with someone like me?" Answer straight away, "No."
I asked, "Why you said difference didn't matter?"
Answer, "Because you haven't got a penis."
Point proven so although people say difference doesn't matter whether it be sexual orientation or gender to most it does matter I would think.

I have been pondering the question of sexual orientation for a while now and I think all these labels cause too much trouble if we could just see ourselves humans who might or might not be attracted to one another lol in an ideal world of course, it would be so much easier. I just find life so complicated with all this stuff I seem to be attracted to gay men and them to me but I don't see myself as a gay man I see myself as a very multifaceted individual which complicates things really but it's something I will work out over time. I know right now I don't wanna be labeled at all I just wanna be Felix that's good enough for me xx Felix

[Fab Karen]

I can speak for here in the U.S. ( hopefully things are getting better for kids these days )- at least til now our society has pushed a rigid definition of what a man is supposed to be, while for women things over time became more fluid. It says quite a lot that the base definition for men is supposed to be: not like a woman. Men who enjoy other men, according to this silly definition, are "being like a woman" which is "not manly"- which really means, having lower status than. So to be called gay is to "be like a woman" ( probably where the association of mtf cd's being gay comes from ) and is an insult to some men. In reality it's an insult to women.
"I'm not supposed to be attracted to someone with a penis, someone who looks masculine, not supposed to be attracted to someone with a vagina, someone who looks feminine" these are made up "rules" & people would be happier throwing them out. I personally know it's not easy to throw off the programming we got growing up ( coming to the realization I'm pansexual didn't happen overnight ) but as the song goes,"I gotta be me."

[Joanne f]

I can remember reading somewhere that some psychologist said that if we all forgot about what we have been brought up to think ,most would be Bi.
Now wouldn't that make life a lot easier


joanne

[CaptLex]

I can remember reading somewhere that some psychologist said that if we all forgot about what we have been brought up to think ,most would be Bi. Now wouldn't that make life a lot easier

joanne

It would double our chances for a date Saturday night, at least.

[Joanne f]

It would double our chances for a date Saturday night, at least.

don`t know why but that just made me think of the bit in the crocodile dundee where he checked the ladies bits


joanne

[Ashley Williams]

I cross-dress but am not gay - and deal with the assumption that I might be gay as just one of a list of false impressions people might get about me.

For me, the dressing is part of a difficulty defining myself in conventional terms that goes way beyond what I wear.

In so many ways I appear not to conveniently tick easy boxes - and up to now that has largely been a strength. Only since I have told my wife about the dressing has she appeared to suddenly decide that everything that is unconventional about me is bad!

This does make life more difficult than it need. I understand why people like shorthand definitions - it makes everything much clearer without the effort of thinking too hard.

All the Best

Lesley

[Nicki B]

.... you know my friend once called a VCR "gay" when she really meant "stupid" ... I mean how could an inanimate object have an inherent sexuality??? just doesn't make sense...

Sadly, 'gay' as a term for 'bad' has become increasingly widespread, particularly amongst kids at school..

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-6656.html

[Taylor105]

Sadly, 'gay' as a term for 'bad' has become increasingly widespread, particularly amongst kids at school..

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-6656.html

I know and that's a bout the most stupid thing I have ever heard. So now when I'm around one of my nieces who loves to use that term I say "Oh Destiny! That's sooo straight!" When she says something is so gay. haha Gets her every time.

[ZenFrost]

Sadly, 'gay' as a term for 'bad' has become increasingly widespread, particularly amongst kids at school..

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-6656.html

It really bugs me when my friends use it like that, I always tell them not to but it just seems like it's mainstream lingo to use 'gay' as a really negative word.

[bi_weird]

It really bugs me when my friends use it like that, I always tell them not to but it just seems like it's mainstream lingo to use 'gay' as a really negative word.

Yeah that always bothers me...and now I'm in the awkward position that this senior grad student says it like that, and I'm afraid to tell her that I find it insulting. Ugh.

[Stephanie Anne]

So many born as men are raise to fear being attracted to the same sex. Homophobia is drilled into us. We are not supposed to share intimacy with anyone who does not have a uterus. Becasue of that we have such big hangups about sexuality. We also see the gay community as an extreme. we see it as a forced expression of taste and choice more than a natural progression toward not being uptight little missionary children.

My best friend and I started talking about these topics, she is attracted to gay men and was wondering about the hangups people have over what is feminine and what is masculine. She always gets tagged as sir and has learned to just brush it off.

One thing lead to another and we got to talking about if I could ever find a man attractive.

My thoughts are I could easily fall in love with a man just as I could a woman. I have no sexual desire for a man however but if it happened I would love and enjoy it all the same. I just do not see the restrictions we have as valid. Oh do not get me wrong, I was raised very strict and still have a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach about sexuality (curse you bible thumpers!).

What I seem to be trying to get to is that the feminine culture is so very less uptight about intimacy while the masculine is all about repression. Of course it also seems more women get offended by transwomen than men do. It always gets me when a woman gets freaked out that a man like to feel like a woman too.

I think there is also the whole stigma that so many of use carry baggage that is easily interpreted or even misinterpreted as why we do what we do.

we try and run around categorizing and justifying our "conditions" instead of just accepting it and not making a big deal out of it. Too bad so many not of the like mind get so bent out of shape that we are deceiving them that they hate us simply because we exist. And here is where I stop my soap box.

Love to all my sisters and brothers here

[CaptLex]

Thanks, Viktoriya, you give me hope that maybe homophobia can be "cured" in my lifetime.

[Samson]

Interesting thread Apologies for my leave of absence, my reali life has been getting in the way of my internet life :mad:, tsk.

Discussions about gender and sexuality will be never ending because it is all very fluid and therefore it is wrong to put any individual into any one box - but sadly it happens.

My Specialist at the Gender Clinic summed it up very succinctly when she said "Gender is in the head, sexuality is between the legs" and that is pretty much it. To that end, it comes down to the person and no two people will ever be the same and we all have varied likes, dislikes, preferences (whether that be sexuality, food, clothes, music etc.).

Unfortunately people will always make detrimental assumptions when they are ignorant of facts. The most important thing in gender and sexuality is to be true to yourself and how you feel - when people criticise or label us wrongly, that is their failing and stereotypical attitudes.

[Nicki B]

Yeah that always bothers me...and now I'm in the awkward position that this senior grad student says it like that, and I'm afraid to tell her that I find it insulting. Ugh.

Bi, try calling her 'Vanilla' now and again... :winking:

Of course it also seems more women get offended by transwomen than men do. It always gets me when a woman gets freaked out that a man like to feel like a woman too.

Eh?? I've always found it hugely the opposite - it's the men that make a big deal about it? And I've found no problems with either, in Vegas?

See the comments here? Note it's all the men getting uptight about which toilets (US = restrooms) get used - the genetic women are completely unfazed about it....

[Leo Lane]

Our society is more uptight and rigid about sexual preference than a lot of others are and have been. It's not really necessary, in many cases, to pick one side of the fence. It's not even necessary to have a fence!

Personally, I get kind of annoyed when even the scientific literature says that "virtually all [FtMs] will receive the specifier Sexually Attracted to Female". I'm FtM, but I'm a homosexual guy -- that is how I feel. I'm kind of an old-fashioned homosexual, though. Conventional heterosexuality leaves me cold, but so does much of modern homosexual culture -- the cruising and the gay bars on the one hand and the middle-class monogamy on the other. The current male homosexual ideal of beauty is positively repellent to my taste. That's why I call myself homosexual, not gay; as far as I'm concerned, to say 'I'm gay' is to identify oneself with modern Western homosexual mores, and I don't. I have very little real-life experience, but certainly the books and films which I find most closely express my own homosexual feelings tend to be from a while back -- the Forties, Fifties, Sixties, Seventies. See my avatar, for instance.

[StephanieT]

Many men are intigued by a bisexual women but put-off by a bisexual man. Go figure!

maybe the intrigue is because of a fantasy many men have of a 3some.

[mylilsecret8]

Hello All. I'm fairly new here and just wanted to say that this is an amazing thread and I have learned so much. Although I have been crossdressing in some way or the other most of my life (I was born male) I admit I am very naive to other people's experiences.

Regarding sexual orientation and gender identity, I can only speak for myself. Most of the time I dress and appear male but most days try to satisfy my feminine side by wearing womens panties or secretly wear nail polish on my toes. Occassionally I will wear skirts and dresses but mostly when dressed femme I wear womens pants or tops in what I call my Tom Boy look.

I consider myself slightly bisexual because I have a much stronger preference to women and usually am only occassionally attracted to genetic men when I am dressed femme. Funny thing is I am EXTREMELLY attracted to TransMen and very Girlie Genetic Women. Don't ask me why because I don't really understand it myself, since they are at the two ends of the spectrum. My personal experience, is most genetic women find MTF crossdressers semi interesting but most are not attracted to it at all which makes it pretty discouraging to meet someone since the only people who have shown an interest in me are gay men.

I look forward to learning from all of you!

[CaptLex]

I am EXTREMELLY attracted to TransMen and very Girlie Genetic Women.

Nothing wrong with that, but I have a question for you, um . . . don't know what to call you . . . Lil? . . . Secret?

How do you see transmen? In other words, as male? Female? Somewhere in between? Just wondering.

[mylilsecret8]

Nothing wrong with that, but I have a question for you, um . . . don't know what to call you . . . Lil? . . . Secret?

How do you see transmen? In other words, as male? Female? Somewhere in between? Just wondering.

Hi Capt Lex - Sorry, I forgot to sign my name. You can call me Allie.

Good question. I guess I see people as either masculine or feminine and in the back of my mind I see their birth gender as either male or female. So someone who looked masculine, presented themselves as a male I'd consider them male. But if either they told me they were born female or something led me to believe they had, I guess to be honest I'd file all of that away, along with other characteristics that make them who they are. Does that make sense?

Allie

[CaptLex]

Hi Capt Lex - Sorry, I forgot to sign my name. You can call me Allie.

Nice to meet you, Allie.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, I think you answered my question. So you see us as guys who were born female, right?

BTW, your answers sound like mine - might be why I got that.