ridiculed for being in the closet

[connie rotten]

I ran across vicki rene's site while doing a google search . I was thrilled to see so many others like me. I have crossdressed all my life by my self.
When I ran across more links i joined some chat rooms that request a profile. I have no pics. When I do post some I want them to be flattering . I have seen some that are breath-taking. Until I can get some as nicly done I want to wait.
Well when confronted on line I explained my desire only to have pretty mean things typed at me by some queens with pics in their profile . They made comments about me being a faceless closet case.
The Rotten side of my name responded in it's defensive and prone to violence nature. I hate bullies in panties or not.
I'm sure I will be in this situation again until I post my pics. Do you girls have any recomendations: 1 how to get photos to meet my desires, 2 a better way to deal with ridicle on line.

[Mia001]

Hi,

A digital camera with a self timer is a good start. I think there are places where you can get makeovers and photos done but you would have to look for somewhere local to where you live. There are girls from all over who visit these forums and would be able to suggest somewhere.

You shouldn't feel pressured to put photos up or anything. I only put up my avatar and profile pic tonight and I've been coming here for a couple of months now. If you do want a pic up you can have one of a woman you look a bit like, would like to look like or who you just think is pretty. Absolutely your choice.

As for being in the closet, I only dress at home and none of my family or friends knows about it. I just don't treally see any great need to tell people. Once again, it's totally up to you.

My experience of visiting these forums over the last 2 months or so it that there is a lot of support and good advice available. You're in the right place.

Good luck,

Mark.

[Ava Mouse]

You can hide your face in a feminine way...

Fans and veils are one way. Not only will they hide your face, but they are a very feminine accessory and they are great for generating fun poses for your camera.

Strategic but natural placement of your hands in front of your face, use a large flower, a stuffed animal... Think how you could flirt with the camera while hiding...

As for the ridicule, well, you need to make a choice on whether it affects you or not.

[Julie York]

Connie. I am sorry you had such a horrible experience because most folk here ( I think) feel insecure about how they look and are not OUT in any way. So I would have felt very hurt if I'd had the same experience. What I have learned from using this forum is that my whole expectations of who I was and what I was expected to be, changed.

There are no rules to what it is that makes you want to dress up. You DON'T have to follow a predestined route.

I was very confused because I was under the impression that if I had these feelings I should be out there, party girl, my own website with a million photos (you HAVE to have a million photos!) and it was very confusing.

But the thing is, the ones that are OUT there are OUT there and they are the ones you bump into on the net with personal pages, chat etc. They become what you think is the normal way of being a TV or a TS or whatever. And it isn't true! In fact this forum is probably the most truthful cross section you will find on the internet. Most of us are headless, faceless photos, quietly enjoying something we don't quite understand.

It's like thinking "I am an Actress" and only working in a cafe. But the only people you meet are film stars.


Welcome to the cafe.

[mand]

Connie I know what some of the so called sisters can be like on other sites, don't let them bother you, the girls on here are great

love mand xxx

[jhnjks]

Good on you Julie, She is right there are no "right" ways to be you. You are who you are and no one has the right to say otherwise. That said, This forum can help with the items that you feel a need to ask or need help with. Feel free to ask and learn here.

[Katrina]

I'll second (or third or fourth...whatever) these statements. I'm out to my GF and nobody else (except for all you folks), and frankly, its nobody else's business what I do in private. I have a picture only because I was bored one night and wanted to have some fun with my digital camera.

I have found this forum to be quite a nice community as well since I used to feel very alone and now I know I'm not alone...

[Aloha_Dana]

Connie, Glad you're here. I myself felt the same way you do w/regards to having a photo up. For the longest time I just had a pic of my feet (actually just changed it yesterday). Though I have been here for just a few months, I have been visiting other sites for years w/out picts. I felt the pressure too, but I held off for the same reason you speak of, I wanted to be presentable.

If you want a picture of yourself, you'll find a way.

W/respect to the ridicule, don't go back or tell them to get a life.

Good luck!
Dana

[Marianne]

Connie,

Long response coming up...

First and foremost, remember that this side of us it *not* a competition, it's not the Oscars, it's not the Olympics, it's neither a beer-drinking contest, nor a humility contest (I already won that one!). Nor is it 'Star for a day', it's not MTV, it's not 'Celebrity Challenge', it's not 'Star Search', it's not 'American Idol', it's not 'The Apprentice', it's not 'Junkyard Wars' or "The World's Wildest TG Videos" (I've won that one too, right after winning the humility one!)

(yes, there is some humor here folks!)

As you start to use the power of the internet to help you in understanding yourself, take all of it (and yes, including this post!) with a grain of salt. There simply is NOT a 'right' and 'wrong' way'.

There simply is.

Each and every one of us is different, unique, and special.

We share common interests, we share common desires, we share the commanality that we understand something about ourselves.

We understand that we are 'different'. That we each, in our own way, seek to grow, to learn, to express who and what we are.

Me, I hid this side of me from the world for most of my life. Like many of 'us' (and bear in mind that my use of 'we', 'us' etc does NOT mean everyone here, it simply means that I recognize that I am a part of a larger community and that I share *something* with my 'sisters' here) we each have our own experiences, our own life story, our own needs, wants, feelings, desires and opinions.

The internet can be a scary place if you approach it and beleive that each an d every post, each and every message, each and every website is direct at you personally. There are places 'we' could visit where the response to admitting that we are transgendered will be "You are going to burn in hell sinner!". There are places where 'we' will be told "You should be raped, then taken out back and shot you freaking faggot!".

The reality of the internet is that if you simply run around it and say "Hey, I think 'Casablanca' was Bogarts' best movie!" you *will be met with "You are going to burn in hell sinner!" and "You shoudl be raped, then taken out back and shot u faggot!". (Insert ANY opinion, insert ANY 'fact' about yourself, you'll find the internet has someone who *will* disagree in no uncertain terms).

The exact same thing works in 'our' community of non-heterosexual, non-standard gender stereotypes.

Someone , somewhere, is going to say "What? You don't like to wear a pink tutu, thigh-length rubber waders, a plastic duck on your head and give oral sex to giraffes? Sinner, you will burn in hell!".

There's a 'pecking' order, a general feeling amongst some folks that if you're going to be 'transgendered' then you *must* look like Britney Spears, you *must* be totally attracted to macho males, that you *must* be employed as a Las Vegas Showgirl after going through sex reassignment surgery (SRS), and anything less is being a 'faceless closet case'.

Tell them to **** off.

I'd *love* to be a Las Vegas showgirl, or a PlayBoy centerfold, or a top Hollywood sex-symbol (well, except I'd lose my humility award!).

It's *not* a competition.

and to answer your specific questions.

1. Pics. Learn a little about lighting, about cameras, about makeup, about clothing , color, a touch of digital photo editing. Experiment, learn, test, be prepared to take several hundred photos and throw them all away if they 'suck'.

2. Tell them to **** off. If they only want to put you down instead of offering help, advice, suggestions, and help you *grow*, then ignore them. Their opinion matters as little as the 'geek' who spits on you and tells you that 'you suck' because you only have the third printing of some comic book instead of the original first edition printed on pigskin with the limited edition certificate (and if you don't have it, you're going to hell you sinner faggot!).

Welcome to the 'sisterhood'. There are *good* folks here. Most of them are much prettier than me, most are more experienced, most are further along their own path in life than I am. None of them are more humble

Here, we mostly try to uplift each other ( although we each do it in our own little ways), pull up a bar stool, flip it upside down and get comfortable.

[Holly]

Connie, don't you dare let anybody tell you how to live your life or tell you what YOU need to do. These are your decisions! I've been doing this for more years than I care to think about and have only really become more public and open during the last few... but it was MY decision.

Honey, we're here to help. We'll offer suggestions and give advice, if asked for, but YOU RUN THE SHOW. The most important thing is for you to feel good about Connie! Your adventures into new arenas, if any, will happen when the time is right... for YOU!

In the meantime, you're welcome to be yourself here!

[Deborah757]

Hey, don't worry about a picture until you feel comfortable putting one up. I didn't buy a digital camera until five months after I joined. And then take a lot of pictures until you find one you like. I have some that were so scary that I was kind of surprised the camera lens hadn't broken from the shock at what it had just seen .

And I have to agree with everything that Marianne said. This has to be about the most normal group of abnormal people anywhere on the internet. We are from all over the world, young and old, conservative and liberal, but all have something in common and generally are fully respectful of each other and polite in our posts.

Stay a while and I am sure you will fit right in.

[carolynhcd]

Connie,

Marianne is the bomb in our group or sisterhood and she has said everything that any of us could have hoped to express but so much better. Just find yourself with us, and do everything that Marianne suggested and you will be fine. M, love ya babe!

[Sharon]

Connie:
Each and every one of us has gone through each stage of crossdressing to be where we are today. Some of us are at what we may call the "beginners" stage, while others (but just a few) are living full time in female attire. The one thing I hope we all share is that we take ourselves seriously, and we respect each other's right to be who they are and how they wish to be presented.
I have dressed for thirty-five years and I only took my first photo of myself after I joined the forum last October, so don't feel as if you have anything to defend yourself against or apologize for. When you are ready, if ever, to show us a face to go with your name, then you will know it. Don't feel pressure though to feel as if you need to "compete" with any other girls here on beauty. Just treat yourself with respect and present yourself that way and we will see the beauty that you truly have.

[angieSP]

Connie, you have buillt up the the courage to do something I have not. You are brave and should not be discouraged by people who have nothing better to do. Why are they looking anyway!

[Wendy me]

girlfreind look just be you thats all you need .that school yard bs of oh you need to do this and you should do ....look if your happy being just the way you are .......then thats all that will ever matter.......

[Chrissycd]

act like bullies, aren't worth your worry, hon. They don't understand what the sisterhood is all about, and they don't merit a look at any photos you do produce. Some girls get all caught up in things that have nothing to do with womanhood. They are just so insecure with themselves that they tear up anyone who doesn't meet their supposed high standards. Why bother involving yourself with such sites? Who needs girlfriends like that anyway? Don't waste your time with them. They don't deserve to be friends with real girls. :mad:
Chrissy

[timme]

A pictures are concerned can't help you there don't have any of my own yet!
As far as the jerks are concerned on the various chat rooms forget those narrow minded people.I can understand fully why your in the closet I've been there most of cross dressing days.I didn't know who to tell trust or otherwise only my mummy,& brother knew about TIMME! I finding sites like this for cross dresses vary good in helping me become a little more out of the closet than I was.This site is the best by far since the girls on this site at least write back to me about how they feel and their lifes as cross dressers.I had no idea Colline that there were so many of us out there?I thought I was one of a vary few people that dressed up as a female.I give the Internet the credit and a site like this that has really open my eyes to everyday people like us who cross dressed.Would you believe that Hoover guy of the FBI was a cross dresser? Makes you wonder just who out there famious cross dresses?
HUGS
TIMME

[Niya W]

Not every one is ready or willing to be out. While it might saden that a girl might never want to go out I understand that and respect that. Any one that can not is not worth my time to me. Face it not all of us are in the same postion. For some of us being found out will hurt us at work and at home. Only you know when your ready to come out. With the weidos on the net I dont blame any girl for not wanting to show their face.

[debscd]

undefinedhi connie,im also a closet cd,just ignore the queens,even gays arnt 2 impressed with them either.reading through womens fashion mags can help with your look (sometimes),id worry the hell out of them all because im a straight crossdresser,no such thing most will say,what can i say im straight and love dressing in girls clothes,i dress head to foot as a girl,and paint my toenails have more clothes and makeup than my gf,anyway i digress.not having seen your pic,just do what feels good for you my e.mail is derekwatts69@btopenworld.com if u fancy a chat.not much help i no i use a mousse foundation which is fab and doesnt rub off on your clothes.

[azure]

you do what you want/feel you are capable of. If you try to walk before you can run, your going to get overwhelmed. GGs spend hours, and hours, money after moremoney to look perfect, and they still worry, and check each other out, to see if they are being judged. I know ,inside your screaming to wiggle down the street and feel fantastic, but know in your heart, that your simply not ready to take it to that level yet, coz theres one hell of a drop. Take good care x