son crossdressing

[Cai]

If he's anything like I was when I was 12, he thinks of himself as grown-up and able to make his own decisions. I'd agree with Lawren's advice to tell him all the positives and negatives of going dressed at Disney, and then let him decide.

As far as the police/Child Services getting involved, again, at 12 he probably feels old enough to decide things for himself. If there was an issue, all it would take would be him saying that he chose to dress that way, and they'd probably drop the matter. Crossdressing by choice is not considered child abuse, as far as I know.

Does he even want to go dressed to Disney? I've seen you ask if he should be allowed, but you never said if he asked you if he could, or if you just thought it might be a good opportunity.

Definitely sit down and have a talk with him. Find out how far he wants to go, whether he just wants to crossdress or if he actually feels like a girl.

[MJ]

wow what can i say you are a great dad .. my questions are could your son pass as a girl ? does he have long hair ? and his build ?
if you are going to let your son dress as a girl then it might be a good idea for you to see what other girls his age are wearing and go to a thrift store and fine something like it ..
example most 12 year olds were white or pink runners , jeans and tee- shirts and a training bra ... now the problem is how long is his hair .. is a wig needed does your son wear studs in his ears ( i bet he would love pierced ears ) for xmas ..
should you chose to do this i wish you all the very best please let us know how it turns out thank you

as a dad with 3 girls and 1 son i wish you all the best ..

[jennifer41356]

I think at 12 he probably will look like a girl and if he wants to be a girl let him..maybe bring some shorts and a top just in case he realizes he doesnt want to go out in a dress, As long as he knows you are there for him , he will have the time of his life

[Jilmac]

Hi Jason, it's time for me to add my I'm 62 and have been dressing secretly since I was 15. I never had the courage to ask my parents and siblings, or come out to my friends. Your son has demonstrated a great deal of courage and maturity by confiding in you. And you are demonstrating your own courage in supporting him. I think a theme park such as Disney world is a great place for him to "come out". I believe it will be a good learning expreience for him, you , and his brother. I know you are getting many suggestions and input from members of this forum and I believe you have come to the right place to get honest responses. It is certainly a good feeling to know that a dad can have such unconditional love that he would seek out information from the very people your son wants to be a part of.

You said your son is 12 and at that age it is fairly easy for a boy to pass as a girl, as long as it's done right. One suggestion I have is to have a female accompany you and your son to stores to pick out clothes that will make him appear feminine, but will also blend in with all the other pre teen girls who will be there as well. If he was my son I would buy enough clothes for the whole vacation starting with undrewear, panties, training bra, etc. then an assortment of girls shorts and tops, and some skirts and dresses. also he should have some light makeup and learn how to apply it. He should never be overdressed or garish, that will only draw attention and perhaps ridecule.

As suggested in some of the other replys, a femme name would be appropriate, especially in a public place such as Disney World. You and his brother should call him/her by that name in public to avoid confusion, and not be singled out by those who are less understanding. One hint of caution though, be aware of child predators! you certainly wouldn't want a wonderful experience for your son/daughter to become a tragedy. You truly seem to be a loving, caring and compassionate dad and i hope your trip is a joyus occasion for all concerned. PS you didn't mention if your other son is supportive. I hope he can be as willing to accept his sibling as a sister as your willingness to accept him/her as a daughter. Please let us all know how your trip went, I'm sure there will be many more praises from other members of this forum. Many hugs Jill

[Paige.]

Jason,

I think you have some deeper issues to discuss with your son. I am sorry to hear your that your wife died of cancer. Not only was that a tradgedy for you, but both your sons lost their mother. Perhaps the root cause of your son's behavior and desire to dress as a girl is related to the death of his mother.

You don't say whether or not his personality or mood changed but in his asking if he can dress, I hear him asking for something feminine in his life. He was at a very critical and impressionable age when he lost his mom and no matter how stoic he is, he must miss her very much. (Big boys don't cry syndrome). He still needs to be hugged and touched and loved by a woman, preferably his mother.

Single parenting is difficult at the best of times but I assume he doesn't have a male/female, mother/father balance in his world at home. I also assume he is currently living in an all male environment doing thing guys do. Unless you have re-married or have a close relationship with a g/f, he is starving for something soft and feminine in his life and like many CD's he is looking to find that missing feminine part within himself. Crossdresing may be the manifestation of that search.

Perhaps some of the CD's can express this better than I can.

I know your initial post asked for advice on how you can make a safe vacation for you son. I didn't address that issue but you have received some good advice here about helping him. Your son is fortunate to have a father that he can be so open with. You have a pivotal role helping him find a balance in his life.

[KayHenderson]

I live in Orlando, and it is my impression that the key to crossdressing at Disney World is to dress appropriately. It's as simple as that.

If the other visitors don't notice and make trouble, the staff couldn't care less. And the other visitors won't be paying much attention to anything except having their own fun.

The annual "Gay Days" is a big event for them. They're quite GLBT-friendly.

[AmandaM]

Paige is dead on here. Does he want to cause he misses his mom? Also, where are you located? Is there a Cding org nearby? Is there a female friend, etc. that can help? I think it would be best for him to dress at home if he wants to dress. Home should be his safe place. He could do it in the privacy of his room. Also, as far as underdressing goes, a woman could shop easier for him, and get him some unfrilly underwear, etc. so if they are seen he's not outed.

[Julie York]

Perhaps the root cause of your son's behavior and desire to dress as a girl is related to the death of his mother.

That's absolute rubbish! Don't confuse the poor guy. The kid might need a hug from a woman (don't we all), but that has nothing AT ALL all to do with gender issues and wishing to dress as a girl.

You should stop reading out of date books by Freud!


:mad:

[Stephenie S]

If he wants to wear a dress at disneyland-I strongly suggest that you also consider a wig, make-up and lipstick- I would not show up half dressed anywhere - for fear of what poeple think or do. You dont want to hear snide comments all day do you?

My God, no. Would your 12 year old daughter wear a wig and makeup at DW? A 12 YO at DW would wear shorts or jeans, sneaks or flip-flops, cute top, hoody?, that's all.

Ask HIM what he wants to wear.

Lovies, Stephenie

[DonnaT]

OK, first, a wig is not a good idea for a trip to Disney. I could easily fly off on a ride, or get yanked off accidentally by a passerby. If his hair isn't long enough to pass for a girls, then I would suggest not dressing in the park.

If he needs a wig, get a human hair wig. Then limit his dressing to simple activities, like shopping or eating out.

Second, the three of you need to get comfortable with your son's dressing up before going out in public.

Note that he should be able to safely dress at home without worrying about friends finding out, as long as neither son have friends who just pop in without knocking first.

If he has friends that come over occasionally, then he'll need to store his fem clothes somewhere besides his bedroom.

He'll need to get in the habit of sitting every time he uses the toilet.

When you feel the time is right, make a few trips out in public in a city not too near you. Like to a shopping mall where you won't run into anyone you know. This includes eating out. And using the ladies room.

If he wants to wear a skirt, he's going to need to learn how to sit appropriately in a skirt. Preferably a jean skirt that won't fly up in the wind.

He'll need to wear a trainging bra and tight panties. The tight panties are to keep little willy hidden. A little bulge in a skirt, shorts or jeans is a dead givaway.

Then there is the issue of body hair. At 12 I assume it's not much, but if he's hairier than an average 12 yr old girl, he's also going to need to be comfortable with shaved legs and arms.

Girls his age do not normally wear pantyhose. Especially when dressed in casual clothes.

Take a trip with him to a mall and sit on a bench and watch the girls go by. See how they dress, walk, what they carry, etc.

You'll all need to get use to using a female name and pronouns.

Now, once everyone is use to this side of your son, a trip to Disney should be no problem for the most part. There are transgendered children who go. The park is LGBT friendly. No one is going to call child services. If your son is transgendered then how you deal with it as a parent is your choice and right.

Note, if he's allowed to dress quite often at home, then he may not feel the need to go out in public or to Disney dressed enfemme.

Check out this link:
http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildre...der/guide.aspx

[glossy]

[SIZE="3"]I think you need to help the boy since it will be more than a dress that he needs to express his feminine side. I think you have to think in terms of panties and maybe a training bra. You can buy these for him online so you'll not be too embarrassed in a store. But my experience is that salespeople generally are quite open and understanding. If you took him to a store lingerie department, the sales girl will point you and him in the right direction concerning the size of panties and the kind of material that he will find appealing. Ditto for the bra. You might also want to buy him some nighties. I like the notion that you should help him discover his cross-dressing in the safety of his own home. There he and you can discover the most approipriate way to express his femininity.[/SIZE]

[kiran kunder]

I have a son who is 12 and he has asked me about wanting to dress as a girl last summer. I kind of shrugged it off telling him that if he did it around the house his friends might pick on him. He said nothing more until I told the family we will be taking a vacation to disney world for christmas break. He then asked me again if he can crossdress again. Being arocund his friends won't be an issue this time. How or what can I do to make this a safe vacation for my son?

let him allow to try it atleast one to satisfy his desire. he may get over it

[Brianna Lovely]

There have been many good suggestions posted by the other girls, so I'm going to keep my reply brief.

First, I would consider what other girls your son's age are wearing. Then I would ask him/her, what he'd like to wear to Disney. Panties a training bra, pretty shorts and a cute top sounds about right to me.

If your child wishes to wear a dress or skirt, I would give that some serious thought. However, in the last year, there's been at least four news stories, where young teen boys have gone to school dressed as girls. Some wore dresses, some skirts and some did the whole thing, wig, makeup, fully fem.
In each case the courts have ruled that the schools had to let them wear fem clothes if they wanted to.

So times have changed.

Talk to your child and do the best you can, to help him/her be the wonderful person inside.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I have thought my input is not needed , then yeah it is, then no again........


I haven't seen anyone mention a compromise which is if you are driving to Disney then use the drive time to let your son try out being a girl. It's public and yet protected. Bathrooms are a snap...with male plumbing if the restrooms along the way are crowded use a container in the car and discretely empty somewhere. Food can be drive thru or pick an empty restaurant where you get the food and take it to the table.

A wig in Disney is a nono on the rides...and kids love rides. If there is time enough let your sons hair grow and then ask a beautician to style it fem if it still is short. Makeup at 12 probably isn't needed, but a training bra is SOP.

Don't pick a female name for your son...ASK HIM who he is as a girl. I'd bet he already has an idea.

Which brings me to the last issue. If he has been asking you earlier about being dressed female he may well have a true gender issue. Have you sat him down and asked him why this is of interest to him? You should. And be prepared for an answer you really don't want possibly. And be ready to share that information with his brother after you ask if he minds. Things will be a lot let stressful if your whole family knows what the whole picture is.

Gosh I wish you had been my father.


Emily Ann

[jason]

wow i was gone for a few hours and what a response from you all. truly amazing. thank you for all and every input that i have recieved or get . i will keep you posted on what we do and how things go. i am sure i will write back to some of you if not most of you. have a great day all.

[Paige.]

That's absolute rubbish! Don't confuse the poor guy. The kid might need a hug from a woman (don't we all), but that has nothing AT ALL all to do with gender issues and wishing to dress as a girl.

You should stop reading out of date books by Freud!


:mad:

Julie,

My post was specifically addressed to Jason, not to you or the boy. However, you do have every right to agree or disagree with any comment I make on a public forum. But my post was for Jason not you, and he can take my comment and consider it in any way he chooses. He can even retort in a knee jerk reaction like yours and I won't mind.

I have no way of knowing what is going on in his life and with his children and neither do you. I said something that he may not have considered before whether you like it or not.

I don't care one way or the other if you like the out of date books I read. I did ask if any CD might express it better than I could and I guess you answered the call with your wonderful support and erudite explanation.

With "rubbish" comments like yours it is no wonder I seldom post in this section.

[RobertaFermina]

His best protection is you remaining at his side.

At the park, NEVER let him be isolated from you.

Adults and children will be reasonably inbhibited from hassling him, if you are closely attached.

If he chooses to wander from you, make sure he has to do it with your permission and observation. That way, whatever happens, he knows he chose it, and you were close enough to keep him from greater harm (ridicule, etc.)

If he is ridiculed a bit while you are out there, it is not a bad thing, so long as he is not isolated and deeply ridiculed or bullied. He will learn the price of the Gift. That should help him decide about how to treat it, and whether to accept it.



Roberta

[Kate Simmons]

Sorry Jason. I would never presume to advise anyone in this way. That is a personal decision you have to make. You do, after all, know your Son better than anyone else.

[Nicole Erin]

Wow, this is a tough one.

For reasons already said, yeah dressing at the park may not be a great idea, but on the other hand, it is good that YOU are not making his life hell.

I don't think your son understands how much ridicule us CD's are subject to, especially the ones who go out but don't pass well.

As fas as catching hell from authorities, who really knows there? If you do decide to let him go en femme, do some research with that first.

[Julie York]

Julie,

My post was specifically addressed to Jason, not to you or the boy.

I know. That's what I found so horrifying.

[thatgirl]

Hi Jason, i would say as a young tg/cd myself, let your son dress as he wish. take him to the store let him pick out what he wants to wear. i advise you have someone genetic female to go with you two so she can help. you want him to blend in with the norm and not stick out. also like someone elas said bring some of his boy clothes incase want to wear them. if his hair is short i sugest a wig that fit him best to look normal as a girl. really dont need make much make up on. a trip to disney world will be a blast. not many people will be looking at him different or really paying attention at all, of coures their parent are as well looking after their own kids so they dont lose them. sorry about your wife, your doing a great job as a father to support your son. and have fun a Disney world.

[Marissa^^]

Jason,
You have a tremendous amount of feedback from everyone so please let me add just a few more comments. I know you will do whatever is necessary to keep your son safe but the most difficult will be dealing with the bathroom issue. A family bathroom is ideal but may not be possible so what bathroom will he be using if he goes as a girl.

As for dress I agree with the bra, panties, t-shirt and jeans or shorts. That is what girls wear there but also for a special treat you might want to consider a denim skirt. Those are also popular for girls. Makeup should be very light and maybe a light shade of lipstick. Good luck and please let us know what happens and how things went.

[Genifer Teal]

I have to jump in here.

I am focused on the fact that he is ONLY 12. In my opinion, makeup is not necessary at such a young age. Besides, who will apply it? If you want to give him a feel for make up, how about lip gloss? Something no too obvious would be forgiving of mistakes. Some even taste like candy.

As for choice of clothes, keep it simple and similar to what other girls his age will wear. Let him pick out the clothes if possible. Be there to steer him in the right direction. I don't think a dress is appropriate. You might need to point that out to him if he leans in that direction.

As for what to wear underneath, I don't think a bra is necessary. I wouldn't even suggest one or panties. See what he says. We here all know what we like. This is about your son. Let him guide you, as you guide him. He has already said he wants to dress on vacation, so that is your starting point.

I agree with several girls who mentioned the safety hazzard of a wig. See what he says first. I don't feel he needs one at that age. I am also afraid it might hurt more than help his look. He is only 12 so he won't need much. Keep it simple and don't suggest anything he doesn't ask for. Enlist the help of a female friend if at all possible.

As for the mental side of this, be prepared to explore that in the future. For now, see where he wants to go with this. Keep doing your own research so you will be prepared for his questions as they come. Many of us only came out later in life because we didn't have the internet which gave us the knowledge we now have. I thought I was the only one who felt this way till I was in my mid 20's.

Keep up the good work. You are a great dad for going to all this trouble for your son.

Gen

[DonnaT]

A class in self defense, martial arts would be a good idea too. In the long run. His brother can't always be there to protect him.

[Melissa Davis]

I have been asked to reply to this thread (in PM) so I give my

I'm not offering any advise on what to do about your 12 year old son. However, since I have been to disneyland dressed I can offer this:

Disneyland is probably one of the easiest public places to go dressed. I say this because everyone is so distracted by all the attractions, they probably would give little thought to a girl that kind of looks like a boy. The one thing that my wife told me that helped me was "look around at everything... you're at Disneyland! That's what everyone else is doing." This is oppsed to watching everyone wondering if they can tell that you are a CD.

As far as wigs and rides... yeah, they don't mix. I went to Six Flags on an LGBT night and rode all the rides dressed. I put my hood over my wig on everyride. Honestly I looked terreble afterwords. Like a hurricane victum... lol. So my advise is to go dressed on a day that you won't ride crazy rides. There are MANY attractions that won't mess up your hair. Honestly, there are only a handful that will. You can go in drab one day and do all the crazy rides and then the rest of the time you can dress up and do all the other fun stuff. Tons of great photo ops.

As far as this crap about 12 year old crossdressers and chilp protective services... being riddiculed... being stopped at the gate at DW... People - PLEASE... Stop being so parranoid and come back to reality. If you are only going to believe what you hear on the news (yes there are occasional stories of bad things that happen to TG's) then stay home. Don't eat food because it's all bad and don't drive your car because you will get into an accident.

I have seen so many 11-12-13 yearolds and even older teens that I had no idea if they were a boy or girl. That's the way a lot of them dress and groom their hair now adays. I had one teen come to our house with their parents (they were buying a dog from us) and the entire time they were there, I had no idea what gender they were. They were their for 30 minutes. Everytime I would think one way or the other, they would move their hair or sholders and I would have no clue. OMG Call Child Services! I Can't tell! please....