Advice needed

[kylie2000]

First of all I have to say what a wonderful site, and I have been reading alot of your posts and I have to say you all look fantastic! in your pictures.
( more feminine than me and I am female)
Also I hope you don't mind me being here on your site but I just needed to talk to someone that will understand. Ok to begin, I am 30 years old and my partner who I have been with for 8 years is 31. We have to daughters together. we have always had a fantastic sex life. My partner revealed to me about a week ago that he has always wanted to try on my stockings and as I have known that he has had what I would call a stocking fetish for as long as I can remember even put them on for him! I could see clearly the sheer delight on his face when he had them on, about ten minutes later he asked if I had anything (skirts dress's etc) that would fit him. Feeling quite confused at this point though didn't show it to him, found some of my clothes that he liked and basically since then everytime we had been intimate he has dressed up in my mini skirts etc. To be honoust with you all I don't have a huge problem with it, it is actually quite a turn on feeling sexy fabrics on someone who I am used to just seeing nude, though I was confused and him leaving me for a man. But after reading the forums that is abviously just "text book " for me . As this is something that can't be talked about with anyone I know I just wanted to hear from your side any advice you can give me abot how he is feeling as I am very nervous about asking him questions as I don't want my partner to be uncomfable as I know just this alone would have been extremly hard for him to express to me. Again thankyou for letting me be here on your wonderful web site and I hope maybe if you need anyadvice about your own wives that I might be able to give you advice in the future.
Take Care. Kylie xxxooo

[veronica]

First of all welcome. Now realize I have no training in counsiling, I am 44 years old and have never been married and have no children. With this in mind here goes.


Although a good number of crossdressers are straight, there is also those who are bi or gay. You made a choice to have this person for your partner/other half. If you have questions ask them if you expect to get any answers. It took 8 plus years to tell you about his desires.


Take care, and I hope this helps just a little.

[melissacd]

Kylie,

I can certainly appreciate how hard it was for him to open up to you about this. I am happy to see that you are open minded enough to see this as a possibility in your life. I am pretty sure that if he really loves you and you openly communicate with him about this he will be very happy to share it with you. I am pretty sure that he will love you all the more for your acceptance and it will richen and deepen your relationship. I am pretty sure that he does not want other men as most cross dressers are heterosexual (but you can certainly ask him when you feel more confident). Communication is key to making this work.

As long as you can establish acceptable ground rules for cross dressing in your relationship that feel comfortable for both of you then I feel that this will be a wonderful aspect in your life together. Embrace It.

You can share a whole level of things (fashion, shopping for clothings, make-up, perfumes, accessories, women's magazines, bubble baths, a closeness and intimacy, sharing at a level that most men and women generally don't achieve).

Please feel free to PM me if you have any other questions on what I have said here.

Hugs
Melissa

[StephanieCD]

You want insight into how he is feeling?

Last night, I wore a satin nightie chemise thing to bed with my girlfriend for the first time together. Meaning, this is the first time she saw me dressed. I've done it with another gf in the past but this was last night...

I felt insecure. Like I wanted to be approved of. I secretly fantasized she'd find me attractive. I was nervous. Scared of rejection. Scared she'd laugh - someone did once.

Sexually, it was and always is remarkable. When I'm alone I imagine I'm both people in my mind. When I'm with someone I'm very concerned with how they feel. To imagine what it was like to be both people, be with someone and have it feel sexy all the way around was astounding. Everything was sexy, even me - which is something I couldn't say as just a sweaty, naked man.

In general I'm embarassed and relieved. I'm excited that maybe we can do it again but I don't want it to become me.

That's the closest I can come to insight on how he's feeling right now.

[Nyx]

This situation has been brought up by many people before. I think the main problem is the associaton people make between crossdressing and homosexuality, which are not really associated.

I think you should talk about it with your partner. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should tell him and find an arrangement. Otherwise, then there should be no problem. You're two consenting adults and all you do in your bedroom is your own business and nobody else's.

[Wenda]

Welcome Kylie, and thank you for not going ballistic on your SO. There are some older threads on this forum ranking our sexual preference, and only a minority are gay or bi-sexual. I did a little dressing when I was young, and then kept it suppressed until last summer. I am 57, divorced (34 years married, and dressing was never an issue), with 4 adult children. Although I have parts of a complete wardrobe, my fetish is shoes, boots and gloves. Since you have had the presence of mind to find this forum, I would say you are a thoughtful, sensitive and open-minded person. Discuss this with your SO. You MUST have some fantasies and fetishes buried somewhere in the deep recesses of your sub-conscious. Trade them for his. As long as you are both open and honest (and you are off to a great start), it seems to me all you have to risk is loosing some long-held inhibitions and stereotypes. Welcome to the 21st century! Enjoy. wenda.

[Brandy_Marie]

Kylie,

Well, I can only speak on my experiences. Nyx is right, talking to your partner is the best place to start.

I'm 30, my wife is 35, and we just celebrated our 4th Anniversary earlier this month. I came out to my wife last year just before Valentine's Day, but I went through a stage of purging and denial until sometime around Jan-Feb of this year. She has been very understanding and accepting, which has helped things.

Like your description, we had a wonderful physical intimacy before I came out. Or so we thought. Since I've accepted myself, and she's accepted me for who I am, our physical intimacy has moved from (her words) 'incredible' to 'magical'. We are connecting now on an emotional and spiritual level that we never even knew existed before, and it has enhanced and improved every aspect of our relationship.

That being said, I know from my experiences, research, and listening to my sisters here that our relationship is, at best, a rarity. We may be the exception that proves the rule. I can't promise you that it will be the same for you. But, I believe if you are both open and honest with each other; able to accept each other, and help each other accept yourselves, that your relationship can only grow stronger and more powerful.

Wishing you both the best of luck,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[MarieTS]

Welcome, Kylie! You're one of us--Or rather, we want to be one of you! (smile).
It was very nice of you to write for our perspective on your situation. As someone who has recently been through an 'outing' with my own wife I can appreciate your situation and that of your SO's. But the bottom line is very simple. Can you live with his preference without any loss of respect for him? Can you still adore him in the same manner you did prior to finding out about his desires? If you can/do, that is great. But if you can't, you have some very difficult decisions to make that won't be easy for either of you. But decisions that none-the-less must be made. We all wish you luck.
Thank you for consulting us about your situation. Hopefully we have been able to help you as you have helped us by discussing your observations and concerns. On that same vein, perhaps you can help me with an item regarding my wife. I added a post on the thread "Bridal Pics"
Please give me your opinion on my idea. I guess I'm asking how you would react if you received a similiar pic from your SO.
Thanks for your perspective, and please continue to share your feelings with us.

[~Dee~]

Kylie,

Hello there,
Obviously many of the people on this forum would be able to relate to your husbands situation.
Many years wondering and then finally having the courage to come and tell you about his desires.
It is a hard thing to do - I know, I've been there before.

But I know that it is also very hard for our partners.
I have the most best wife I could possibly imagine. She is caring and accepting beyond reproach.
But it did take some time to come to terms with how everything was. There was a lot of unknowns to deal with and a lot of thoughts to have to clear out of the way.

Now - my wife goes out to run an errand and comes back with new surprise clothes she thought I would like. My biggest fan!

I dont know what advice I can give in order to help, BUT - I know someone who can.
So if you are interested, email me and I can give you my wifes email address and maybe she can help soothe any fears or help to clear out some of the worrying thoughts that come along with the territory.

Hope everything works out well for the both of you.


Dee.

[Tristen Cox]

I know this is coming from the wrong side of the fence and perhaps a GG(Real Girl) can help you more. I would say no that he is most likely not gay but just exploring this side of himself with you. And it's great that you are allowing this side to come out and not stay hidden. Rest assured this won't make him any less of a man. Yet more of a human being. Anyhow there is a section for just GGs to discuss things as well. If you would like to join them send a PM message to Tamara_GG and I'm sure you can get other views from Pattie, Debbie, Toni and the other girls like yourself with partners who crossdress. Anything else we can help you with out here, feel free to ask. BTW Welcome to the forum!

Love
T

[Jennifer_Ph]

Kylie, I think the best thing for you and your partner to do is buy and read the book, "My Husband Betty." It's a book written by the wife of a crossdresser and it is very, very informative for both you AND him.

[AnnaMaria]

Kylie,

After reading your post I began to think about the things that my wife and I have been through since I came out to her about being a cd. For her the two biggest fears were that I would want to leave her to be with a man, which is just way from the way that I feel, and the other was that I would want to transition which again I have no desire to do. I realize that there is no way for me to change her mind about this and that there will always be a fear there no matter how often we talk about it or how often I tell her that I don't want either. As far as I know these are the only real fears that she has to deal with other than the obvious fear of discovery.

As for actually dealing with the whole issue in general the best thing that I can tell you to do is to talk to him about it. Just make sure that it doesn't seem like you are attacking him about it. I am sure that he will not be able to answer all your questions right away and there will be some that he will probably never be able to answer simply because the information just isn't there for him to share. But as long as he realizes that you do want to support him and that you are there for him you will probably find that it will be much easier for him to reciprocate those feelings.

My wife and I have a long way to go in our trip of me being a cd. But I know that she will always be there for me and that as long as we talk and share our feelings about this we will be able to make it through the rough times. Just remember that the quickest way to get him to block you out when it comes to this is to make him think that you are attacking him in some way because of it. But you shouldn't be afraid to hide your feelings about it either. Because that will only cause resentment toward him adn he will precieve it and feel the same way toward you as a result.

I hope that this will in some way help. My prayers go out to you with the hope that you will find a way to talk to him. It won't be easy but it will be worth it in the long run because you will become closer than you have been and that is the best part of the whole thing in the first place.

huggs
anna

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Kylie,

Welcome to our family.I am 55 years old and have been crossdressing for 46 years.I joined the forum in early January and the wonderful people here helped me find the courage to come out to my wife of 24 years.She is very accepting and supportive,although,she did tell me to grow my beard back.I am heterosexual and always have been.I love my wife more than life itself;I would do anything for her.It is nice to finally not have to keep my life secret,there never should be secrets in a marriage,or partnership.The guilt is gone as is the shame.I believe we all have male and female sides and those sides make up the whole person we are.
All I can suggest is to talk with an open heart and mind;together you can make a wonderful life.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[emily21]

Kylie, I think the best thing for you and your partner to do is buy and read the book, "My Husband Betty." It's a book written by the wife of a crossdresser and it is very, very informative for both you AND him.

I agree with Jennifer Kylie. That is a wonderful book to read. Very informative!.. You should be able to get it from Amazon.

Best of luck Emily

[letsdance GG]

Grr! I had a reply ready and I took to long to type it! Grr!

Anyway, welcome Kylie.

I am sure you will have plenty of questions as you and your SO explore this new side of your relaitonship.

Trust me, telling you his secret was a really big deal. Men were called sissy boys if they even touched a doll. Imagine telling your wife/girlfriend that you like to wear womens clothes It is a potentional relationship ending secret. He ran the risk of your rejection or even worse, your disgust.

That being said, if he clams up when you want to talk about things, remember that he has many years of hiding to overcome in order to honestly answer your questions. Be patient.

Everything you may ask yourself is pretty normal. I wondered why I didn't flip out like I have heard other women do when they are told. I also wondered where all this was going.
Communication and patience are a must in this area. Take your time and feel free to come here as often as you can.

You can PM me if you have further questions or concerns. I am sure the other ladies here will be more than happy to help if they can. This place has helped me to understand my husband in so many ways. I really love some of the wonderful people here. I am sure you will feel more comfortable as the time goes by.

[DonnaT]

I just wanted to hear from your side any advice you can give me abot how he is feeling as I am very nervous about asking him questions as I don't want my partner to be uncomfable as I know just this alone would have been extremly hard for him to express to me.

It's really hard to say exactly what he is feeling. It could be that it is a sexual turn-on and that he gets even more aroused by the clothes than he ever has before. Thus making a fetish. In some cases, the fetishist just gets sexually turned on by the clothes, and in others, there is a fantasy going on in their mind. Fantasies vary from person to person, and if you find a need to know what he is thinking while engaged in sex, you'll just have to ask him. I've asked my wife if she has any fantasies, and she says no, which I doubt, but I leave it alone to be her own fantasy (if she has one) if that's the way she wants to keep it. Thus your partner may not want to tell you his, and if not, just go with it if you are enjoying the experience also.

It could be that this has awakened that crossdressing gene, for want of a better term, that was awakened in many of us when we first put on feminine attire. For me, that was when I was around 10~12 years old. For some others it was much earlier, and yet for quite a few it occurs much later in life. In this case, I don't know if it was a sence of euphoria or a feeling that of something that is "just right." But what ever it was, I have never been able to stop crossdressing. So if your partner's crossdressing isn't a sexual fetish, but instead goes deeper than that, then he may not be able to tell you exactly what he is feeling.