long shot but does anyone else identify with this ?

[shirley1]

i guess many of you on here would say i'm quite lucky being single ie no So to have to consider or worry about but in some ways am i ? i have the freedom to cd whenever i want have accumilated a big stash of clothes but i still want to meet a gg for some kind of a relationship even if its just friendship/dating - i sit at home and am so happy at having and wearin all these clothes whenever i want and am even plannin on going out soon - but at the same time i worry that all this could be detramental to me ever having a normal loving relationship with a women ie the more clothing i accumilate the further i seem to be from meetin anyone (does that make sense ?) i just dont see how i could possibly meet someone to accept me as i am - it seems most people on here seem to get married and have kids anyway and then let the bombshell out about their cding but at nearly 40 i dont want to go down that road now i would sooner be honest with someone from the start or just stay on my own - or be forced to make a choice between cdin or relationship - is it really possible to combine the two things ie meet a gg who accepts you have this need and be able to have some kind of normal relationship ? i have advertised on a site as a cder looking to meet a girl but the only replies i'm getting are from guys which just doesnt appeal to me at the moment - maybe never will ! are there really women out there that want to meet guys like us or is cding really only seen as a gay/bi or slightly perverted thing to do !

[TeriAnn]

Well I say there are ladies out there would at first might be a little shocked but will accept you and the need to cross. I didn't tell my wife until five years into our marriage she is fine with it. I should have told her from the get go but I was to big of a coward at the time to be honest with her. I realized that it would not be the end of the world if she left but I new I had to tell her. Keep looking there is someone out there for you and if it is not the first one keep trying you will find that right somebody. She is out there Check out mu signature this is my strong belif

[Talon DeRojo]

Shirley - I was nearly 40 when I met the woman who later became my wife. I had some of the same concerns that you have voiced. I told her about my CDing on our first date because I figured that it would be better for both of us to have that on the table from the start. I didn't want to hide it only to have it b;ow things up years later. We've been married for 16 years.
Talon

[jeniinnylons]

We would all be lucky if we could find women like Paige

[shirley1]

put it another way i sit here and can see a pair of shoes high heeled that are mine and i dont see anything wrong with that they are just my shoes - but to most people they are womens shoes and i am a man so what am i doing thinking that i can own a pair of them let alone wear them - put it another way meet a gg she will probably own these same type of shoes but i cant own any like this anymore because i have made the decision to give up my femininity for a relationship with a gg but maybe it would have been easier to just force myself into a relationship first and then worry about how i'm going to cd because having the freedom to it now before settlin down with someone is like the old saying you dont miss things so much if youve never done them or had the freedom to do so - i mean its like telling a gg she can never wear a skirt again your gonna feel like youve had something taken away from you - maybe what i'm saying doesnt make much sense to a lot of people but i guess if i wasnt ever bothered about meetin anyone of the opposite sex it wouldnt matter ! its that that sticks in my throat caus i really dont see why i cant have have both women and womens clothes in my life ! if not life really does suck !

[TxKimberly]

I like posts something like this. With important questions like "is there love for a crossdresser", or "are there woman out there that can love us". In my opinion, this is a worthwhile use of the internet and this forum.
So, talk is cheap - I can give you a few facts that seem to say that yes, there can be love.
I've been happily married for 20 years and have two beautiful children. My wife knows and has known all about me.
Holly, a moderator here on this forum has been married longer, I think in the area of 30 years. Her wife knows all about Holly too.
Missy Anne of this forum has also been married for decades, I think either 20 or 30 years. Her wife knows all about it as well.
Gina, a good friend of mine in Indianapolis has also been married between 20 to 30 years.
Do you see a trend here? Not only married, but with a marriage that is long lasting and enduring.
So yes, there can be love for a crossdresser, and you may yet find it! :-)

[Mitzi]

Your post struck a chord... Waaaay back, when I was still single, I could dress whenever I wanted, but I was achingly lonesome, and wanted a girlfriend in the worst way. Maybe it was the crossdressing that got in the way, but I was never aggressive with girls.

Then I met my wife, love at first sight on my part. I assumed the urge to dress would go away, once I had a love interest. Wrong!! as we all know... I loved her dearly, but still felt trapped in not being able to dress freely.

What would I do now if I were young and single, knowing what I know now? Honestly, I don't know... Of course, being honest up front is the recommended course, but the fear of rejection, and being outed makes that tough, especially if you have mutual friends. Maybe look for someone outside of your circle of friends.

Mitzi

[melissaK]

Yep, CDing limits the dating pool some, but lots of GG will love ya anyway. And maybe you wouldn't want to be married to a GG that is that intolerant.

In my third marriage I told soon - not first date, but after I knew we liked each other a lot. In the first couple dates you can gauge a persons tolerance for some things. Then you tell and take your chances.

Now having said that, my wife was supportive for about a year (shopping, make-up tips, etc), then due to some issues of her own withdrew support. And I have a huge TS streak and the issues run deeper for me than amusing cross-dressing which further taxed her supportiveness. Still, we have found our wy together, raised kids, kept high paying jobs, will have been together 16 yrs on Feb 8 - and I'd not wish to have done them with anyone else.

hugs,
'lissa

[Jilmac]

Shirley, it may seem like a long shot, I thought it was too, but you never know where that nonjudgemental woman will be. Here is my story. I knew my first wife for four years and dated her for two years before I married her. I told her about my dressing before we tied the knot, so she could have backed out if she had wanted to. She never approved of my dressing and called it my "problem" during the ten years I was married to her. When I met my second wife, I told her a month later that I dressed. She could have headed for the hills, but she chose to stick with me even though she didn't understand my dressing, and thought it would "turn me gay". I lost my wife to cancer last August, and I had to start all over again at age 62.

I'm single now, but have two lady friends who I met first on line, then in person. I met them both with the intention of having a friendship with "benefits". I had nothing to hide so I told each one that I enjoyed dressing. Neither one of them dropped me. one is a platonic friend,and the other one is intimate. In fact I was just intimate with her tonight, and when she left to go home, I became my femme self again. Both women like me for who I am, not for the clothes I wear. Even though they both know I dress, I won't come out to them as Jill until they are ready.

The point I'm trying to make is that there are women out there who will like you for who you are. There will also be some (many) who will perceive you as a pervert, or worse, and will head for the hills. I found that being honest from the start works the best for me. Now I don't have to hide, I can dress whenever I want, Unless one of my lady friends is coming by, which is totally my choice. Best of all, I can talk freely and openly to either one of them about my dressing and it doesn't become a big issue.

So hang in there Girl, if you want to continue to dress, do it. But be honest about it. If you meet a woman who rejects you just because of the clothes you choose to wear, then she wasn't really meant for you. Eventually Ms right will come along, but nobody knows for sure just when. I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Luv and Jill

[MsToriJones]

If I were single right now I would like to say that I would not let the fact that a guy cds determine if I would date him. I would like to say I would go on personality.

I am not single so I can only say "I would like to say" because until I am put in that situation, I can't say for certain 100%

[VtVicky]

One of the problems some CDers have with relationships is that the CDing becomes their sole focus in life. If it is just a part of an otherwise well rounded life, a new relationship can flourish around the other areas. And the CDing can be seen as a part of you, NOT the whole you. If the other areas fit together with another person, she, even if not liking the CDing, can find enough to like to tolerate the CDing.

For example: I like skiing, golf, and CDing. My SO likes sking and golf. And, although she knows about my CDing, prefers not to be invloved with it. Really, two out of three is not bad. There are many long term relationships based on less.

My Point: The more different things someone likes about you, the less significant the disliked things become.

If you are serious about finding an SO, stop focusing on the negative and start looking around in the other areas of your life. (If there are no other areas of your life...get some!!!!) Find a connection, and if it seems to have a future, THEN tell her about the CDing. (Not on your first date.)

Let's face it. One trick ponys are B*O*R*I*N*G.


Good luck

[TxKimberly]

One of the problems some CDers have with relationships is that the CDing becomes their sole focus in life. If it is just a part of an otherwise well rounded life, a new relationship can flourish around the other areas. And the CDing can be seen as a part of you, NOT the whole you. If the other areas fit together with another person, she, even if not liking the CDing, can find enough to like to tolerate the CDing.

Outstanding points! I'm falling a bit short in this department myself these days. I think anyone would resent your "hobby" if crossdressing is all you are interested in and all you will particiapate in. If this is but a single part of you, it is much more likely to be accepted with the over all package.

[vivianann]

Whatever you do, be honest, never hide the fact that you crossdress to a potential girlfriend/wife. If you can go out enfemme to stores where there is alot of women you will get alot of attention from the women out there, you may or may not find a sweetheart out there when dressed, but you will meet alot of women who find it intriging. I go out in public crossdressed alot, and I do love the attention I get from the GG's out there.
Like you I do love the freedom to crossdress, but it can get lonely at times.

[jennydl]

Hi Shirley,you must have been reading my mind.I could have written this post word for word,the only difference is I turned 40 a few months ago heheh.We seem to be in the same boat so I totally identify with this.
hugs
jenny

[Katelyn]

Next relationship I jump into, I plan on letting the person know about all of me around the third month. I will tell them that this is me and if you truly love me, you have to accept all of me. If you can't then it would be best to go our separate ways now before things get even more serious. The only friend that I'll probably let her meet is another cd friend of mine here. She won't know that he's a cd, but if she decides to tell him to get back at me, The damage has already been controlled before it started. That's my plan. Now after I tell her about me, maybe she still loves me dearly and I love her dearly, but she doesn't want any part of this, then at that point we can talk. This is where negotiations about still being able to dress up, but not around her will take place. Hopefully this plan works... You may be able to modify it for you and make it work for you too.

[Angie G]

there must be some out there Shirley. My wife knows I dress and is OK with it but I think if I told her before we Got married she'd been gone I don't have an answer for you but wish you all thev luck in finding some one hun
Angie

[Sandra]

Next relationship I jump into, I plan on letting the person know about all of me around the third month. I will tell them that this is me and if you truly love me, you have to accept all of me. If you can't then it would be best to go our separate ways now before things get even more serious.

Well lets just hope things haven't already become more serious for her after 3 months. It's just lies and this is more damaging than the cding it's self.

Now after I tell her about me, maybe she still loves me dearly and I love her dearly, but she doesn't want any part of this, then at that point we can talk. This is where negotiations about still being able to dress up, but not around her will take place. Hopefully this plan works... You may be able to modify it for you and make it work for you too.

You should be talking right from the begining. Is there any wonder GGs get so cross and upset.


shirley

There are GGs out there that have no problem with cding. Being honest at the begining is one of the most improtant things you can do, it saves a lot of upset and heartache on both sides.

And yes Marriages can work as has already been said. I've been married to Nigella for 20 years.

[jeniinnylons]

I'm very afraid myself I may just be alone the rest of my life.

I most of the time wish it would just go away or stop.

[Scotty]

The story of my own life.

Being single is nice, wear femme clothes at night if I want, or not..
Wear a night shirt to bed, bra/panties every day..

But it has it's lonely side and I too have the same wonders.

[MJ]

you know if you just live your CD life out in the real world woman will see you for who you are .. and you may find one that accepts ..

or meet her in drab and fear . and tell after you marry her ... we all know how well that works ..

[Merry]

Shirley1, I'm this girl!!!!!!!
My boy friend also CD's, & I accepted & support him, so you can.^^

[Littlej10]

There are GGs out there in all shapes and varieties of temperament. The best advice that has been given is to join the rest of the world, and mingle, take a class, join a club for any activity that will give a good ratio of genders.
Keep trying, be yourself and good luck.

[Merry]

Clarissa, I'm very identify^^

[docrobbysherry]

I got with my ex-wife when I was 45. Way after I was sure I would never marry or have a family. I raised a stepchild and had my own at 50. My divorce had nothing to do with dressing. Which got serious only after we separated. If marriage is important to u, u still have time!

At this point in my life, I wish to have a GG girlfriend. My CD conflict comes NOT from telling them I do it, but rather from competition in my mind. Sherry is NOT a great companion, but she is SO HOT in bed!
When I find a girlfriend I really care about, I will deal with telling her, or not, about my CDing. And sex with the GG girlfriend would have to be incredible, for me to give up Sherry!
RS

[Gisele]

Yes, there are many wonderful women out there. I have met many that know and support my lifestyle. I have made many friends on the net and in person. If I were not seeing someone now I could have a huge litter to pick from.

Just like some said just be yourself and they will come. Join a support group and get out with the other "girls" you will end up meeting some GG's out there. Trust me.