long shot but does anyone else identify with this ?

[Tee]

One of the problems some CDers have with relationships is that the CDing becomes their sole focus in life. If it is just a part of an otherwise well rounded life, a new relationship can flourish around the other areas. And the CDing can be seen as a part of you, NOT the whole you. If the other areas fit together with another person, she, even if not liking the CDing, can find enough to like to tolerate the CDing.

For example: I like skiing, golf, and CDing. My SO likes sking and golf. And, although she knows about my CDing, prefers not to be invloved with it. Really, two out of three is not bad. There are many long term relationships based on less.

My Point: The more different things someone likes about you, the less significant the disliked things become.

If you are serious about finding an SO, stop focusing on the negative and start looking around in the other areas of your life. (If there are no other areas of your life...get some!!!!) Find a connection, and if it seems to have a future, THEN tell her about the CDing. (Not on your first date.)

Let's face it. One trick ponys are B*O*R*I*N*G.


Good luck

Yep Yep... develop other parts of things in life that can help you build a foundation for a life together with this girl. walking in the countryside, listening to some type of music, taking some forms of holidays. when she have all these life with you, that she cannot have it with others, she can take the "unpleasant" stuff better as a package. its just like why and how she can tolerate "my hubby's weird family members".
if CD is the only stuff you do, i think it will be challenging to find someone accepting.
ha.. i gotten a lot of stick from her about my family members (parents, siblings) than about my CDing! She is most lovely to me when i treat children very well, and make children happy.

[Colleentg]

I got divorced almost 12 yrs ago because my S/O would no longer accept my feminine side. I have not dated much since, but once while in a close relationship with a female, I told her I would rather live a woman. At first, she found it interesting, but that changed much too quickly. So I know how hard it is meeting someone you want to share your life (style) with. I post what I'm looking for in several sites, and yes, most of the replies are from men!!! I have run into one female recently who seems very interested. WIsh me luck.

Colleen

[Holly]

First of all, be happy with yourself. Believe that you have something important to give to another person. Are there women who love cross dressers? Of course. And just because she doesn't want to participate with you in it doesn't mean that she doesn't or can't love you. Do all golfer's have wives that also play golf? Certainly not. The issue becomes a problem when the hobby/lifestyle overcomes the relationship. Your mate is out there. The search can be as fun as the find. Enjoy yourself and you will find what you are seeking.

[Mary Jane1]

It is a good question Shirley and I agree with most of the responses. The question got my attention because I'm in a similar situation and very concerned.

I just want to point out one thing. I keep hearing 'she allows me to dress when she's not around', 'she finally came around and now we've been married 93 years' etc. Or 'she knows and doesn't like it. but accepts it and still loves me for who I am"

I was married and now divorced (not cd related) and I'll never go into another serious relationship again without discussing it. But I hope for more than 'accepting I'm a cross dresser' Are there women who will celebrate, support and want to know my feminine side. Who think it's wonderful I'm a cd'er or even envious of my opportunity to know my full gender spectrum?

That's not really my question. I know those women are out there. My question should be, How do I find her?

[shirley1]

i have only been on the net a few months so i kinda thought this might be a good way to try and meet a gg and be honest in an advert ect - so far i've only had interest of a few women who just want to come to this country to get away from a poverty life elsewhere it seems - i want someone who wants me for me not for a meal ticket to a better lifestyle - but i will keep trying a few dating sites ect - there is always someone out there i guess just have to try and find them somehow !

[Christen3042]

[SIZE="3"]Shirley, that issue isn't a long shot. I'll bet that the majority of single CDs have the same concerns - I know that I do. I'm in my 50s and, from my point of view, the prospects of finding a GG willing to take me as I am are not promising.
Living alone certainly has its perqs, but the loneliness can be awful at times.[/SIZE]

[caroll]

Iam just like you,are you by chance in indy,maybe we could swap outfits

[highheelqueen]

you know woman that you are looking for hang around unicorns no really there are a couple of them out there just have keep looking mabe vist a couple lesbin bars or maybe a friend of a friend knows somebody like you say if you meet them dressed then you have no bomb shell to take out your closet remember good things are always worth waiting for

[Amy Hepker]

You may want to try other sites to find someone. Try www.flirt.com I have mine pic there and have had a few messages, although I have not answered them as of yet. There are GGs out there, take your time and the right one will come along. It is better to be up front and open about your CDing, and I do think you are going about it the right way to find someone. I have met many GGs dressed with me dressed as a male, and that is what they want, a MALE not a guy that likes to dress as a girl. Oh, sure it is fun for a while until they find out you want to dress all the time, then they don't want you. Be open truthful and get the word out the way you are doing it and sooner or later you will find someone to share yourself with.

[Melora]

What I now now and could have known back then, before I met HER.. It would have been ALOT different....
If I was single and in your place, I would go clubbing, cybering and adventuring!! Check out all of the different groups, contact pages, clubs and go to clubs that are open to this scene! There are alot too, depending where you live..
God I would have drank it ALL IN!
But I remained closeted for too long I feel, though I was lucky enough to meet a girl and marry.. She loves me, She accepts the hobby that I have, but will NOT take part in my hobby right now.. = "Kinda like in the middle , but not the best of both worlds".. You have THE CHOICE right NOW To look and seek.. As well as have some fun with it too! Have some adventures! I wish I was in your shoes sometimes, But IF I did I would lose soo much, if I were to do it NOW..
Just remember.. Be safe! & Trust nobody at first untill you get to KNOW THEM!!
Melora/Katie..

[Sally24]

I have been married for 30 years to a wonderful woman who knew at the start. Now granted neither of us knew it would go as far as it has so far. That didn't happen until 25 years later. Just the same, telling them near the beginning of the relationship is ESSENTIAL!!!! The biggest problem most women have with this is not the skirts and underwear! It is the LIES and DECEPTIONS. If you avoid these mistakes you should be able to find a GG who is supportive, maybe even enthusiastic. You can try meeting girls who are already into CDs at clubs or support groups. That does however almost make that a central part of the relationship. I'm not sure if that is the best way to start.

I would reccomend just dating open, honest women and letting them know a little at a time about the softer side of you. Many women are intent on finding a sensitve man who can appreaciate them. Just keep looking, they are out there!

[mishelle379]

i guess many of you on here would say i'm quite lucky being single ie no So to have to consider or worry about but in some ways am i ? i have the freedom to cd whenever i want have accumilated a big stash of clothes but i still want to meet a gg for some kind of a relationship even if its just friendship/dating - i sit at home and am so happy at having and wearin all these clothes whenever i want and am even plannin on going out soon - but at the same time i worry that all this could be detramental to me ever having a normal loving relationship with a women ie the more clothing i accumilate the further i seem to be from meetin anyone (does that make sense ?) i just dont see how i could possibly meet someone to accept me as i am - it seems most people on here seem to get married and have kids anyway and then let the bombshell out about their cding but at nearly 40 i dont want to go down that road now i would sooner be honest with someone from the start or just stay on my own - or be forced to make a choice between cdin or relationship - is it really possible to combine the two things ie meet a gg who accepts you have this need and be able to have some kind of normal relationship ? i have advertised on a site as a cder looking to meet a girl but the only replies i'm getting are from guys which just doesnt appeal to me at the moment - maybe never will ! are there really women out there that want to meet guys like us or is cding really only seen as a gay/bi or slightly perverted thing to do !

oh there r, trust me, but u must be honest from yhe start

[mishelle379]

plus, u will find out who your true friends really r

[mishelle379]

we r so much alike, same age, same living situation, i WOULD LOVE TO GET TO KNOW U

[mishelle379]

Yep Yep... develop other parts of things in life that can help you build a foundation for a life together with this girl. walking in the countryside, listening to some type of music, taking some forms of holidays. when she have all these life with you, that she cannot have it with others, she can take the "unpleasant" stuff better as a package. its just like why and how she can tolerate "my hubby's weird family members".
if CD is the only stuff you do, i think it will be challenging to find someone accepting.
ha.. i gotten a lot of stick from her about my family members (parents, siblings) than about my CDing! She is most lovely to me when i treat children very well, and make children happy.

VERY WELL SAID AND VERY TRUE

[Glenda]

I may not be the most qualified to answer this question. My ex divorced me 17 years ago, long before I even discovered my desire to crossdress. I guess I'm just afraid that if someone I was totally in love with and had what I thought was a successful marriage for 23 years and still refers to me as her best friend chose to give up on a marriage that I believed in......well, what chance do I have of finding someone else that I can fully trust to remain in the marriage? Yes Shirley, I have my hang-ups too.

Obviously, I have dated a lot since my divorce. First it was all of my friends trying to set me up with their friends. Then it was me seeing someone who caught my eye and either approached me or I approached her. I have met and dated a lot of very fine women but none that I have fallen in love with. I do want to find that one special person that will fulfill my needs for a loving and lasting relationship too. I just haven't yet. I have been proposed to five times since my divorce.

My point is this.........I didn't meet any of those wonderful women, all of whom I still remain friends with, by sitting around my house in a skirt and high heels. I was involved in life and sharing interests with other people. Outside of my house. We all have interests, hobbies, passions and needs. You have to get out in the world and do what you enjoy doing. That enables you to meet other people with similar interests. Once you meet someone and find that you enjoy sharing those interests then you expand your friendship and learn more about each other. I don't hide my crossdressing, but it is not my reason for being. It is an important and integral part of me, but it is not the whole package.

My advice is to turn off the computer at times and just enjoy living life. You are more likely to meet someone that can fill the empty and lonely void that only another person can fill than sitting in front of the computer screen and hoping that a miracle will happen. And, even if you don't, you will still be living a more enriching life.

One other confession from me.........I have never joined an internet dating site. I don't think they are bad or wrong. I know a lot of people have found their mates on them. Even one of my sons, who now has four children of his own. So take my advice with a grain of salt. Some of what I say may apply but some obviously won't. I do wish you luck in your quest though.

[Carol Richards]

I can totally relate to your situation. I had been in so many relationships over the past few years, even tried the internet dating thing, but just couldn't seem to find any body to have some kind of relationship with, let alone tell them about my cding. Being near 40 and figured that being single and a little miserable alone was alot better than being in a bad relationship where I couldn't be happy.


Then I got set up on a blind date(something I said I would never do ever again). Things went real well and after a couple of weeks I knew this was somebody I cared about and knew that I needed to tell about my crossdressing. I was sick as a dog on the day I decided to tell her about it. After work I went to her house and told her, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. After I told her, she was relieved(so was I), she thought it was going to be something far worse. She said she didn't understand it, but it also wasn't going to drive her away.


So ,long story short, we have been married for almost 2 years now, something I never thought was never going to happen. Slowly, she has let me dress more and more frequently and even helps me out with clothes and make up, etc.

I have gotten alot of advise from all the ladies on this website, and every situation is differen't, But in my opinion, if you think a relationship is going somewhere, the sooner you tell her the better, and don't sell yourself short. There are alot of very open minded women out there. Like I told my wife, I am all man, I just like to wear womens clothes.

I hope my long winded response has helped you or somebody else. This webstie helped me to realize that I wasn't the only one. Thanks to everybody on this website.

[Joy Carter]

My lovely wife tells me she loves all of me (acknowledges but non acceptance). But when I say "all" she clams up from there. Dam.

[Ria]

You can't advertise "Crossdresser looking for a relationship with a women" and get a decent return on that ad! Dating is numbers game at best, you need to date women. More than one to meet the right one (normally) Your not hiding anything by staying quiet about it. Look...When you meet the right one and time has revealed she is worthy of knowing then tell her, or don't. The price of meeting the right women is to keep the CD thing to yourself until such time you feel you can bring it up. She's not going to tell you if there is an "abnormal" or freeky thing that she is into on the first date. Nor do people air their dirty laundry on the first date, normally. Get into that later. You need to stop CDing enough to get out and meet some women dude. Start thinking of yourslef as a dude. CDing is a side thing. If you treat it as more than that your going to have very tough time meeting a women, they wont respond to that type of ad.

I do think there is a fair amount of self dulision that goes on here. It seems to get passed along quite a bit. Everything has a price. You can't have your cake and eat it also.

What do you want? What's the price? Resolve to pay that price, then get busy.

Fire away.

[Claire3]

Ive was married 4 19 years,she found out about my cd,it wasnt the reason we parted,found a new girlfriend,cd was the reason it didnt work out although i have 2 say i didnt say im claire at the begining.Im ok as i am,work full time,have my border collie Beth and have outside intrests.Been single 4 a while and grow more selfish as the days and weeks go by.Guess if a cd wants a relationship,need 2b honest from day 1 and need 2b aware of any reproccussions.

[shirley1]

You can't advertise "Crossdresser looking for a relationship with a women" and get a decent return on that ad! Dating is numbers game at best, you need to date women. More than one to meet the right one (normally) Your not hiding anything by staying quiet about it. Look...When you meet the right one and time has revealed she is worthy of knowing then tell her, or don't. The price of meeting the right women is to keep the CD thing to yourself until such time you feel you can bring it up. She's not going to tell you if there is an "abnormal" or freeky thing that she is into on the first date. Nor do people air their dirty laundry on the first date, normally. Get into that later. You need to stop CDing enough to get out and meet some women dude. Start thinking of yourslef as a dude. CDing is a side thing. If you treat it as more than that your going to have very tough time meeting a women, they wont respond to that type of ad.

I do think there is a fair amount of self dulision that goes on here. It seems to get passed along quite a bit. Everything has a price. You can't have your cake and eat it also.

What do you want? What's the price? Resolve to pay that price, then get busy.

Fire away.

i think you are probably right - i am only gettin replies from guys - there seem to be plenty of bi curious males out there that would just love to date a cder and more ! no good if your straight ! dont they call them cd admirers ? or maybe some have been in jail and have had the experience of a relationship with an male cder ! i dont know but yeh i maybe got it wrong thinking i could advertise myself as a cder looking for female but what about for frienship only ? shopping trips ? female company would do for the meantime !

[DemonicDaughter]

I can honestly say, I LOVE CDs and seem to specifically date them! And as I was reading this thread, I was thinking, there has to be some sort of dating site for this, right? I mean they have everything else on the web! If they don't, then we should make one!!! If anyone has any links to some, that would be a good idea to. I don't recall seeing any "Links" section... hmmm...

[JennaKnots]

You absolutely can meet a GG who will not only love you for who you are, but will actually be into the crossdressing. My situation around this w/my wife right now is far from ideal, but she's known from the start and we've been together 14 years.

Prior to her, I've been in three relationships (yes with GGs) where the women were into me CDing. So there is NO doubt that someone for you is out there. It just aint easy is all.

[jenniferj]

Married 36 years here - I didn't tell my wife before (something I will always feel guilty for) but did as soon as I realized that the "love of a (very) good woman" would not "cure" me.

She has been tolerant over the years, but never was encouraging. In the last year or so with the kids gone and me working at home, I've been able to dress far more than I could have hoped/imagined. Most weekdays, she comes home to find JJ cooking dinner with a glass of wine already poured for her. Since I am home, I do most of the housework, and all of the laundry. She has started to bring me flowers and candy - I can't begin to tell you how nice that makes me feel.

We talked seriously a couple of months go, and she offered the classic logical analysis - she loves me, and all that I am. If I weren't a CD, I would be a different person, and she probably wouldn't be so fond of me.

So we sleep together when I'm dressed (but don't snuggle) and she has started to borrow things when they seem to complete an outfit. I love that, thinking back over the years and how much of her stuff I have borrowed. We use the same perfumes, so that neither of us leave a trail when we wear each other's things. My taste tends to be girlier, so when she needs something dressy, there is a good chance I can help out. Truth be told, I have more nice things than she has.

She has never addressed me as JJ, or as a girl, but she looks at me without averting her eyes. I am overwhelmed by how much I love her. I wish you all the same luck and good fortune.

- jj