Do I telll her?

[JasmineH]

I was sat here at the computer about 20 minutes ago fully dressed en femme but luckily without make up when my partner unexpectedly came home from work to collect something she had forgotten.

Before she got up the stairs I managed to remove my wig and throw on a dressing gown but I'm sure she noticed that I was wearing stockings and high heels.

If she did notice she didn't directly mention it but did say "what are you hiding".
I replied " nothing just messing around on the computer " and she left it at that.

As she left I said to her " I love you " and her reply was " if you loved me then you wouldn't keep secrets "

With this in mind should I come out and admit to her that I enjoy crossdressing?

[Crystal Harmony]

It took me two years to tell my girlfriend but i could just not bear it any longer,i told her and she was a little shocked but shes very open minded and shes cool with it,we go shopping together and i give her fashion advice all the time.In the end im glad i told her,so now i can be myself.

Good luck and i hope she understands.

[Tristen Cox]

Uh oh. Yeah I think she does know more than a little something. It may be better to have a sit down and talk to her about it than trying to hide things. In her own words if you love her you won't keep secrets. Also remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Venture forward with caution. Anticipate what she might say and try to avoid rushing too much on her all at once. Take care how you handle that inevitable question "so are you gay", how you handle that one can be tricky. Above all remind her you do infact love her and are no less of a person for what you do. Rather this is part of the wonderful person you are. My best to you and good luck.

Love
Tristen

[Tamara Croft]

Should you admit it...... well after her statement about secrets, I think you should tell her. She knows your hiding something from her and most partners think that it's either one thing or the other 'affair or gay'. So please, don't make her suffer anymore than she needs to and tell her. Be prepared for anything, some hate it, some love it.

Tamara x

[Di]

After her saying if you loved me you would,nt keep secrets,,,,You will have to talk with her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,often with the SECRETS they feel betrayed.....and ditto on Tristens advise beING prepared on what she might ask ect,,,and tell her over and over you LOVE HER good luck

[sophie/girl]

dear jasmineh
i have had lots of relationships beeing a girl i allways had 2 choose between them or my dressing up now i have this understanding girlfriend that helps me with makeup @ clothes but she say's she will never call me a girl - good luck girl i hope it works out
love sophie/girl

[sarah]

Yes you should admit what you enjoy !! look at everybodys remarks and pick what suits you and use it .best advice available is secrets wreck relationships ...xxx

[ChristineRenee]

Uh...yup! Keeping secrets from your spouse or SO erodes trust...and now she already suspects that you have been hiding this from her. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions and answer them very honestly and forthrightly. She will be running the gamut of emotions here in assessing what to make of this and how she is going to respond to it, so be patient with her while reassuring her that you are still the man that she fell in love with and that this will not change that.

Best of luck to the both of you in working this out together.

Love,
Chrissie

[Danielle1960]

I would definately say telling her is the best way to go. Keeping secrets only hurt your relationship.
Danielle

[Wendy me]

lets put it this way i have been marryed for a long time my wife knows but is not realy happy abought it . in hinde sight if i had told her from the begining i think that things would be a bit diffrent .... too manny years and too manny secrets... i think that the secrets are worse than what we are trying to hide..........fix this before it way out of controll....i wish i had..................

huge wendy hugs to you........

[Dragster]

Jasmine, you knew the answer to your question before you posted. If you value your relationship, you have to explain to her what she has seen. And, as everyone has already said, (especially all the GGs who have responded - isn't it great to have them here!), honesty is the best policy, but take it slowly, and really LISTEN to her replies, fears, questions, whatever!

Good luck,
Tony

[Teddie]

Honey. It's time to be up front and honest with her. Keeping a secret only strains relationships. Unfortunatly, sometimes telling a secret like ours will also strain the relationship to the breaking point. But, it's only fair to her, to tell her. I hope and pray that it works out for you, and she understands.

[jenny c]

I would say yes tell but be very cautious pick the right time and be prepared for her reaction. i myself told my wife over 4 years ago because i was keeping it secret from her for so long it got so unbearable.....but when i told her i was surprised by the reaction i got because she said she had an idea what i had been up call that womens intuition. wow i do not know how they do it!! now things are great we are so happy and she is very supportive.

[Holly]

Jasmine, I can only support what the others have said. In many cases, the crossdressing is not the primary issue but your GG's perception of your lack of trust in the relationship by virtue of the fact that you've been keeping secrets from her. And let's face it... she alreadys knows. Good luck, honey... let us know how it goes.

[Stephanie]

I agree with everybody else here. It sounds like she knows that "something" is up so you might as well "come clean" about it. Whether she suspects that you are crossdressing or not, clearly she feels you are keeping SOMETHING secret from her. I just recently told my wife of 1 year(partner for 3-4 years) about it. It turns out that I had ALREADY told her about it a long time ago (women seem to have the most AMAZING ability to remember EVERYTHING) around the time that we had just met and were only friends so she wasn't really shocked plus she told me that her ex-husband did some crossdressing himself so she was already somewhat knowlegeable about it. She was actually quite "relieved" by the time we finished the conversation because with the seriousness with which I approached the conversation, she seemed convinced I was going to announce to her that I was either gay, having an affair, or wanting to end our marriage (none of which, fortunately, was true). Right now, your partner might be worrying about some of the same things, so for that reason alone, it would be a good idea to help put her fears to rest. It is possible, unfortunately, that your partner may not be able to deal with your crossdressing and it MAY mean the end of your relationship unless you plan to totally stop crossdressing (although your desire to crossdress will probably never FULLY disappear) but at least you would both know about whether or not you are meant to continue to be together and if not, both of you would be free to find somebody else who better meets your needs. I sincerely hope that everything works out o.k., though. Just take it slow, be reassuring, be sensistive to her needs and feelings, and be willing to address her questions and concerns in a thoughtful manner. Good luck!

[GypsyKaren]

I've done the "dance" many times myself over the years, running through the house shedding clothes because my wife came home early.I'm sure we all have. All I can do is tell you what I did, which is I told her the truth and put enough trust in our love. I not only told her about my life-long dressing career, but that I'm also a transexual. It wasn't pretty, but we survived, and now she supports me all the way. I wish I had told her the truth from the get-go, but we get used to the wall of lies we use to keep our secret,and I for one couldn"t live like that anymore.Now I can dress whenever I want to, and we even talk about it quite a lot. She even buys me bling bling. So I say tell her the truthy and get that weight of guilt you have from lying off your shoulders. You would be amazed at how much better you'd feel. I know I was.
good luck sister
GypsyKaren

[~Dee~]

Id agree wholeheartedly with what has been said here.

I think you do know what you want to say to her, and I think we are pretty unanimous in our support.

I know for my relationship the actual dressing wasnt nearly as much of a problem for us to work through than the hurt of keeping the secret for so long.

good luck.

Dee.

[Sharon]

I agree with the other girls Jasmine -- it's time to 'fess up and be honest!

[Celeste GG]

Yep... she knows...something... and you probably looked so guilty and like you were coving up something...

maybe let her find one more little clue and be prepared for what u have to say... but don't come over all guilty... start with ... "you probably know already" I have to tell u caus u are my sould mate or something romantic!!!

[Sigrid]

When I came out to my wife she thanked me for opening up to her and simply told me "just be honest, be faithful and have fun".

Your wife may or may not accept your lifestyle, but she'll never tolerate deceit.

~Sigrid

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Jasmine,

The only thing you can do is tell the truth,I think you know that.By all means be ready for the Gay question,most of society seems to think we are.
This could be the start of a wonderful life together.We are all here to offer support but,you are the one that has to do it.Best of luck and let us know how this turns out for you.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Katie Ashe]

Well this is a tricky thing... Being you kinda got caught, tell her. If she truely loved you you have nothing to fear. This could be the time to fly or die, only you can tell if you relationship will keep. Best of luck for someone whom just told his wife

Katie

[caitlin]

I have to agree with being open and honest. As has been mentioned she knows something is going on and she may have seen what you were wearing...time will tell, if it hasn't already. My wife was much the same in the category of my keeping a secret from her, and I don't blame her. Now that she knows we have had a chance to talk about it my relationship with her has actually gotten stronger...strange as it may seem...yet I know I am not alone in that, others have said the same thing...I was fortunate.

[alicorsetant]

To be certain if she did not notice the stockings, she will have seen the heels, girls notice that sort of thing.
For her to come out with the comment of the secrets, then it would seem that she has has suspitions for some time, they know how they leave thier clothes, draws etc.
To go forward you must discuss this with her, go slowly, with plenty of reassurance and total respect for her concerns, she will either walk or the relationship will become VERY strong and how you deal with this, and when you choose to talk to her will determine the outcome, I would suggest you dont leave it for too long or this will just play on her mind, the best you can do is lay your cards on the table and be very attentive to what she says.
All the best..

[Flicka's SO]

Hi ........... I just read your post and it is my belief that if you really want to have a lasting relationship you must be totally honest with your partner. Consider HER feelings. Telling her the truth will not be easy; IT NEVER IS but if you continue to be secretive somewhere down the track you will be found out and that will be heartbreak for you both.With true loving relationships there must be NO secrets. Be strong, and think through how you will approach this very delicate discussion. If your love for one another is strong enough it will work out. But remember, above all else, to tell your wife that you love her dearly, and that your idiosyncrasy has no impact upon your loving relationship.
This thread has appeared time after time, in one form or another. Many marriages are needlessly destroyed by secrecy and deception. It is imperative that when one first discovers one is attracted to a girl one should, before a commitment of marriage, put one's cards on the table and tell her of your CD interest.

I'll be thinking of you ... Good luck!