If a guy approached...

[Christina Louise]

This might be a nobrainer but here goes -

If you were out and about en femme (not in a social setting such as a CD friendly club but just shopping, walking down the street, everyday situations) would you ever want a guy, a stranger on his own, to approach you even if it turned out that he only wanted to say how great you look? Or are there just too many idiots around?

If the roles were reversed and you were in drab and saw someone that you were quite certain was a CD, would you consider going up to them just to say hi?

For me, the 1st scenario is hypothetical since I've never been out and in the 2nd situation I've always assumed that they would rather be left alone.

[Angela Burke]

1. Yes there are too many idiots about
2. I would never just walk up to someone I don't know and start making personal queries about them.

[Alayna]

living in the "hate state", I'm guarded every time I'm approached by strangers.

[Angie G]

If it was a true complement why hot.
And I'm not much for starting conversations with people I don't know
Angie

[Amy Hepker]

I would accept good compliments from all who thought I looked good.

[Shelly Preston]

I guess it would depend on how I was approached but I would be very nervous and careful

[Christine Kelly]

I think that often, when we are out dressed, we just assume that anyone who approaches us is going to give us a hard time. This, however, is not always the case. More than likely, they (women and men) just want to compliment you.

Too often, I think that we forgot that there are a lot more of us out there then we think. And when one of us sees another like us, out and about, we want to show some support for that person because they are helping to advance our own desire to dress and go out and have fun.

I also think that they are quite a lot of women who enjoy seeing men dressed. So, it is natural for them to want to show support too. Its interesting for them. Especially the ones who are into fashion.

[Lilith Moon]

It happened to me twice in one weekend in mid 2007.

First time was traumatic...I was taking some pics and a car stopped alongside. I panicked, got to my car and drove off. He gave chase ! Eventually, I got trapped in a narrow lane and had to face my adversory. He quickly told me no harm intended and he just wanted to say hi because he was a crossdresser as well.

Here's the full story:

http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57931

The very same weekend I was walking from my car to a TG venue when a guy gave me a wolf whistle. I ignored (but enjoyed) this and continued on my way.

It turned out that I had the wrong date for the TG meeting and as I was returning to my car the guy approached me and told me I looked great. Well, actually he said I looked like a "gorgeous tranny" which I suppose is the best I can expect since I don't fool anyone. We chatted for a short while (fairly busy town location so I felt safe) but then he started hitting on me. When I told him nothing doing he became quite persistant but I managed to dismiss him with no major problems. I did look over my shoulder a few times while getting back to my car. Oddly, I'm getting on in years but this guy looked less than half my age.

What to do when approached ? It depends on location, the other persons body language, your own confidence (I'm tall and fit, could handle myself if I had to). You have to react to each event as it happens. On the first occasion I felt threatened at first, then OK as we chatted. On the second occasion it started out OK but rapidly went creepy. On both occasions I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee myself but stayed apparently calm and collected but alert.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Shelly. It depends on the situation really. A lot of wackos out there for sure.

[Vicky_Scot]

If you were out and about en femme (not in a social setting such as a CD friendly club but just shopping, walking down the street, everyday situations) would you ever want a guy, a stranger on his own, to approach you even if it turned out that he only wanted to say how great you look? - No Thanks.

Or are there just too many idiots around? - Yes but that goes for when I am out not dressed also.

If the roles were reversed and you were in drab and saw someone that you were quite certain was a CD, would you consider going up to them just to say hi? - Never

For me, the 1st scenario is hypothetical since I've never been out and in the 2nd situation - You need to get out girl

I've always assumed that they would rather be left alone. - You are correct.

Xx Vicky xX

[Nicki B]

IME, people don't stop you in the street (male or female) to tell you how good you look - you're more likely to get a warm smile, but most people are more wrapped up in their own lives?

They do stop you if they're honestly lost - or sometimes (particularly the youngsters) if they're not sure what you are and what to ask a dumb question, just to hear your voice..

Try to be pleasant, unless someone is hitting on you - remember, how you come over directly affects the next girl who comes along, too? So try to appear confident - even if you don't feel it?

[Kathy Renee]

1. My first instinct would be self preservation and would consider him to be an idiot or a crazy. Of course circumstances would dictate my reaction; however, I would probably smile and leave.

2. It has been years since I attended any meetings from a local gender support group. At the time they had a rule or strong recommendation that if you met a CD in public from the support group, they/you should not be approached. Again depending on the circumstances, I would not want to be approached and would not approach another CD.


Perhaps CDs need a secret handshake like the fraternal organizations to identify ourselves to each other.

[Littlej10]

I think I would be scared witless if anyone approached me, male or female. A smile and a nod would be the furthest I would go to acknowledge another CD.

[suzy]

I would be uncomfortable in both scenerios. In a word Guarded....very guarded and ready to make a fast exit as quickly as possible.

[docrobbysherry]

I remember back in the old days. I owned a Porsche. There were very few on the road. Whenever another approached, we always flashed our headlites at each other.
Maybe CD's should develope a signal. Like a secret hand/finger signal, to wave at other approaching possible CD's? No NOT the middle finger! Too many others use that signal. Lol
RS

[MonicaDD]

Most men I know and have met, are to scared to just walk up to a girl and say how nice she looks, but it does happen, it has happened to me many times, on the other hand most men that DO stop me and say how nice I look are looking to meet someone, possible date. For the best of them after I tell them Im a guy(truth up front no suprizes latter) they just say excuse me or something polite like that and go about their way, but some get very excited about meeting a CD and after a little chit chat a phone number is asked for, and I give it to them of course, and dates are set up. I have met, a few men, that have gotten abusive after knowing I was a guy and verbily attacked me but I just make a quick exit and no one really knows the better, after all Im not the one drawing attention. So to the first part YES I adore attention from men and the more so if they have no idea Im a guy, and I Love being told how nice I look and meeting new guys and quite a few women too, its funny though that women are usually the ones to see the male in us and are usually the ones to drop a quick compliment.
For the second part, when dressed as a guy, yuk, I have seen a few CD's and TG's out and if I am about to run into them I do tell them how nice they look(if they look nice) and then just depart with no conversation.
I guess its the "GIRL" in me and I love attention and love giving out compliments when deserved. Monica

[Mitzi]

The few times someone complimented me while I was out en femme, I just smiled and mouthed a thank you and moved on. The problem...if the person doesn't realize you're tg, and hears your voice, could be awkward. If the person recognizes I'm tg, I'd have no problem speaking to him/her, unless it's obviously a come on. Hasn't happened in a long awhile though...sigh.

If I'm in guy mode, and see a tg and it's in a locale where no one is likely to know me, I'm strongly tempted to approach her. But the same problem here too...she doesn't know whether I realize she is tg, and doesn't want to give herself away.

Mitzi

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I think that most men will not approach a perfect stranger to "hit" on them or anything else. I know that there are some out there that will but they are very rare animals and you are more likely going to have to deal with a wacko than a real admirer so I would play the odds and avoid the contact. As for talking to another crossdresser while you are in "drab" I say that's probably OK as long as you are doing it in a supportive fashion and you can give away your secret as well, this would be re-assuring to them to know they have a sister out there. At least it would be OK for me. Also if a man came up to me I would never want the advance as a sexual situation since I am happily married and in no way Bi- curious, if I found out he was a sister though that would be great.

[Deborah Jane]

1..IF, i was out and about and a guy walked up to me i expect i would be vary weary of his intentions, possibly just turn and walk into a shop or something...Like you say "too many idiots around".
2..I would never go up to someone i was quite certain was a c/d because, A they may not be and B i think it could be quite embarresing for both of us.

[shenangovalleygal]

i wouldnt mind a guy coming up and say 'im hot, lets go out to eat somewhere my treat' wouldnt mind a who did so either.

[lawnmanmo]

Hello girls
I have been a member of the forum for many years now and I am an admirer. I really hate that word. It's as if I have nothing else better to do but hang out on a corner or in a mall just to pounce on or annoy CDs.
I guess that I must be one of those so called nuts or screwballs that you are all taking about. BUT I beg to differ on most of your opinions. I have been an admirer for as long as I can remember. I have no idea why I have this "quirk" in my genes but nevertheless, its there. I have also this ability to pick out a CD even the ones that pass very very well with great accuracy and I have no problem with approaching them, like a gentleman, and striking up a conversation. I do agree that you girls have to be careful because not all admirers (for the lack of a better word) are "gentleman". I have often said on this forum that if you girls like to dress and enjoy your "public" time as women, then you WILL attract those men such as I who ARE aroused by you. The thought that you ARE men and out there as women does without doubt excite men like myself. I am not speaking here that after a guy (or I) approach a CD that I have seen in a mall, that its an automatic sexual encounter leading to rape or something worse. You have every reason to be on guard. But remember, if you should have a situation like this, examine the situation at hand, talk to the guy and get to know his motivation and ideas. You usually can tell within a few minutes what your dealing with. As I said, I have ALWAYS been a gentleman and it has never failed me. You can take it from there as to YOUR next action.....leave, stay, talk, or get more involved.
Not all admirers are madmen....Some are great guys looking for great girls.
Jerry

[Jilmac]

Christina, I don't think it's a no brainer at all, In fact it seems to me you gave it quite a bit of thought. If it was me en femme and some bloke approached me, I would probably be cautious but also gracious. I know a lot of guys can be jerks, but no the other hand, some can be downright genuine. So I think I would have to go with a gut reaction on whether to trust him or not.

As for part two of the question, If I was in drab and saw someone who appeared to be a dresser, I would probably smile and wink at her and keep on walking unless I recognized her as someone I knew. Then I would stop and greet her. Luv and Jill

[Chiana]

It is easier for me to answer question #2 first. I have seen some CD's out in public. And while I was tempted to say something, I never have. It felt like the body language that I have read from them is that they wouldn't want to be approached. All have seemed like they were introverted and withdrawn. No wanting to draw attention to themselves.

I have a lot of conflicting notions about question #1. My first thought was RUN. I have never be able to talk like a girl so I would be afraid to respond to him. I would also be concerned about my safety. I would have to question his visual capabilities. Basically, I am pretty shy anyway and don't consider myself as much of a talker. I would be both intrigued and scared of anythng going past a very casual single encounter. I really don't know what I would do.

[shenangovalleygal]

lawn,

you bring up some good points about being on our guard 24/7 when out in public. i dont know about yinz but even when im not enfemme i always carry some sort of protection. it may not be a bottle of mace but it works when i need it. i lived in a very bad dormitory filled the most wretched vile of scum and stupidity for three years. staying at a job corps center changes a person. just my :02 cent:

[Kate Simmons]

As I said previously, it depends on the situation but it also depends on the person. I will vouch for Jerry. He is a great guy and a real gentleman. One charming man I would never have a problem with and who makes a girl feel appreciated.