The Meaning of Life for Crossdressers (?)

[Ophelia D'Void]

Have you ever wondered, if there is a God, why he/she created us to be crossdressers? I see the many beautiful and illustrious members of this most enlightened board as diamonds in the rough. We come from many different social, political, religious(or lack of religion), and ethnic backgrounds. We try, to the best of our ability, to treat each other with dignity and respect, and for the most part succeed.

That being said, there still is a bit of trouble in paradise... GG's and CD's butting heads, some off color comments about people with other sexual or religious preferences, and don't even get me started on politics.

I came to realize that perhaps we weren't made crossdressers by accident, but rather if there is such a thing as serendipity or God's will, there was some greater purpose behind it all.

Perhaps that purpose is widen our awareness and tolerance of people with other beliefs and lifestyles. Maybe, in the context of this site, people who never would have gotten together are joined by the common thread of wearing panties, and that might be part of the growing pains we've encountered on the site.

I can think of few other places where there are as many liberals and conservatives holding hands, gays and straights chatting without judgement, protestants high-fiving catholics and agnostics, so on and so forth with the sappy imagery. It seems like when we focus on each other's differences, rather than the sameness, that's when the conflicts start.

I for one probably never would have been as open minded without having been a crossdresser. With my background, I probably would be as intolerant as the next guy, but nope, I have this compunction to wear a dress from time to time. It's hard to judge the next guy when you have your own baggage to deal with.

Point being (sorry this is another long one, but if you've ever read one of my/Charlotte's posts before, you won't be surprised) that perhaps we need to take it to the next level. Sure we're more tolerant of crossdressers, only because we are crossdressers ourselves. Now, knowing what it's like being on the other side of the tracks, perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge people in general. If we can take the mindset of seeing others as similar, rather than different, outside of this little community of ours, perhaps we can make this world a little better?

Just a thought.

[sarah]

Judge not and you shall not be judged.........

[Deidra Cowen]

I think its wired (bad metaphor sorry! ) into us somehow in our genes.

[ChristineRenee]

And a very good thought indeed Ophelia. I used to be a very angry young person. I wondered why I was the way I was...why I was "different" and not "normal" like my contemporaries. I have learned over time to embrace who I am and look at it as a positive rather than a negative. Accordingly, I believe I have gained a lot more insight and awareness of the diversity in all of us and I always try to see the good in people rather than immediately looking for the bad or the negative.

I won't say that CD's or the transgendered community in general are all special and gifted people...we are people same as everybody else. But I do agree with the idea that perhaps many of us tend to be a little less judgmental in our view of others simply because we too realize that we are different. Different...not abnormal, mentally ill, subhuman, or whatever else some of mainstream society wants to brand us with. Labels can be useful in life to identify but they can also be very damaging when used to marginalize others, single them out, and hate or persecute them.

If it is too much to ask or expect in this world to love each other, we can at least respect each other as people and respect our God given right to be who we are. The world would be a much happier...and safer place for all of us if this were followed.

Good thread Ophelia...thanks for posting it.

[Wendy me]

veary well said. ithink that what you said abought being open minded was so right on the money . before i came to terms with my cding i was a veary judgeing type ... like you said when you/ we / us have our own baggage then the outher person is like not that mutch of a issue.......

we even judge our selfes untill we can see who we realy are...for shure i have changed the way i look at and see all around me ....this side of me is truly a mutch better side and we are rubbing off on "him"..........just think of what is possable if every one stopped judgeing each outher and just ....let each outher just be...........

veary good thread.........

[Tristen Cox]

It seems like when we focus on each other's differences, rather than the sameness, that's when the conflicts start.

Exactily! Have you been reading into the same things I have? Yep all fun and games and happy adventures but bring politics and religion into the mix and all (I wasn't gonna say it)..breaks loose. There's people here I know would never have given me the time of day offline, and you know what? Some of them have become my best friends. There's a forum for everything, and this little one we have here has become quite splendid. I would like a perfect world too, but I accept this just ain't gonna happen. As long as we do try though, there's hope. And with that said, is there a typers class for people who like long nails? This is getting rediculous

[Sharon]

Just a thought.

And an outstanding thought it is Char..., er, I mean Ophelia!
If we can be tolerant and nonjudgemental of one anothers sexuality and choice of clothing, then we should be capable of doing so for other choices we make, even if they're on the other side of the spectrum from our own.

[Dragster]

Ophelia,
This in an incredible thread for only your seventh. God are you making us think!
For what it's worth, I'm well known for being laid back (horizontal!), trusting (sometimes blind!), and optimistic (I can even see the advantages of being on crutches for 3 months (2 to go!)), and I don't know the meaning of "road rage", even though I'm a bit of a racing driver on the roads. I'm still confused by my need to crossdress, so I just do it, but in secret from my wife (developments to come soon I hope). But I love her dearly, and she's the only one (male or female) I have, or wish, to make love to.

So you think I may have developed this character as a result of being a crossdresser. I could use that to explain the advantage to her of being married to a CDer when I try to change her mind about accepting my "hobby", but I wonder if she'll buy it!

Well it's certainly an interesting thought, but I really have no idea! Having seen a few posts here (and more particularly on other fora), it obviously does not apply to all CDers. Step forward all ye psychologists (I'm an engineer), professional and amateur, I want to hear your views.

Tony

[Amelie]

While it is nice to say that one should be non-judgemental and tolerant of others, there are some people out there that make this quite a diificult thing. If someone or group has done harm to someome else, it is very hard to tolerate any other people who might belong to the same group. For instance, I will never tolerate the klan or accept there voice in any way. There are other groups who I feel the same about, but I will not mention them all, I feel no need right now to bring them up. I am not someone who loves thy enemy, I don't even think my enemies should be free to discuss their hatred.

Now, I know not all Cds fall into these groups, but since coming to this forum, I am quite surprised how some CDs can belong to groups that if it was known, these groups would hate the CD or worse, bash them on the street.

I also know that there are many different Cds with different oppinions, and they are quite free to discuss their oppinions here on this forum. But like what was mentioned somewhere else on this thread about the different points the CDs fall on the CD spectrum, I just wish there were more CDs who are on the same spot of the CD spectrum as me. Sometimes this forum seems so alien to me.

[Julie York]

In the bigger scheme of things, why did God create crossdressers?

To teach them humility, empathy, paranoia, and a BIG sense of the ridiculous.

[Danielle1960]

I'm not sure God created crossdressers, but I think he did create us with individual personalities, and an understanding of what our weaknesses are. Sorry if the part might offend I hope not... But If we believe in God then we believe in the adversary (Satan) and I think that the great tempor works on our know weakness to get us to stray away from God. That doesn't mean that we CDers are bad people but might mean that there are more forces at play than just us and God. With that in mind I aggree that we need humility, charity and other godly attributes. A few years ago I would have considered my self so conservative in thinking that I made Pres Regan look like a New Dealer. Today after suffering 3 family losses in 2 years and about of 10 major financial set backs plus a one year layoff that I was at the end of my rope. When I discovered this things we call crossdressing I've grown in so many ways and feel that I'm a better person for it. My wife she doesn't agree in that she feels it is a perversion. That unfortunately is her problem and we have aggreed to disaggree.

I would say God must have a real sense of humor to look down on some of the Darwinian things we do. But I think he will have compassion on us and Clothing won't really matter. After all he is concerned with the things of the spirit not temporal world.

Whew.. I feel better! Great thread
Danielle

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Ophelia,

Great thread.You certainly have us thinking.I still have a long way to go on my journey to a softer,gentler side so I am not going to say some things that I would have said a month ago.I am much more accepting of people than I used to be and am trying to be more understanding and less judgemental.You have given me much to think about.Thank You.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Elysia]

Interesting thoughts, thanks Ophelia.

I speculate that cross-dressers' only learn tolerance for others, as the result of being a cross-dresser, to the extent that they have learned to accept themselves. When I reacted to my own behavior with self loathing it pushed me towards less tolerance. I didn’t think others would tolerate my behavior; I was not tolerant of my own behavior and so why, I was inclined to think, should I be tolerant of other's behavior. Conversely, when I learned to be tolerant of myself and found others tolerant of me, then I thought, I should be tolerant of others.

[Melissa A.]

This thread was appropriate and timely, at least for me, albeit a little late.

In the last 24 hours, I've learned that lack of tolerance and patience with other points of view doesn't always come in a hateful and maliscious package.
I wrote a post which I thought, at the time, was very clever and funny. It was not. In the context of the thread it was presented in, it was very disrespectful, and though not meant to be mean, appeared that way.

I have, although I have strong opinions on many subjects, always considered myself a tolerant, open minded person. Now I have learned that I could be much more patient when it comes to certain subjects. And that I sometimes need to think before I speak.

I wrote a post on the thread apologizing to every one, and a PM with a sincere apology to the one person I thought I hurt the most. And believe me, I am truly sorry, and more than a little ashamed of what I did. Thankfully,it was not too late and this person forgives me.

Thank you for reinforcing what I have learned in the past day with this thread. I guess it's never too late to learn something about yourself. Or to strive to improve.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Ophelia D'Void]

I admit that many of my conclusions appear to be tourism ads for Utopia, but I'm glad to the many people that have responded to my thread. It's interesting how I actually came about thinking about this thread...

The other day, I was thinking about certain issues regarding intolerance of gays, and I started getting pretty upset. I told my SO, and I quote.... "I hate people that are intolerant!" The second the words came out of my mouth I felt rather hypocritical, and started a cascade of self evaluations.

I can see where Amelie's coming from, in the past I'd been victim to racially motivated slurs, my family has been subject to racist prank calls (being an Asian/Pacific Islander family in a white neighborhood), etc. etc. Yet I've had it easy compared to some, so I don't own the final word on victimization.

All that I'm saying is that because of the diversity of this board, we should try to evaluate factors in our own lives, since we can only live for ourselves. Those of us that are Christians need to ask ourselves, "Why do we hate gay people? Because of the Bible? Um, we're kinda mentioned in there too". Those of us that are racist need to ask ourselves "why do we hate people of different ethnic backgrounds? Some of the best people that I know on the board aren't white/black/asian/martian, so maybe people are just people". Etc.Etc.

Ask yourselves questions, challenge yourselves, then take it a step further. I, myself, need to take it up a notch, and stand up for the underdog. Next time I hear someone badmouthing gay people, I should say "Hey, what makes you so great?". In the past I would have turned away, to draw attention away from myself, but I gotta quit the "Shy" part of my past. Heck, in the past I would have pointed at a crossdresser in the street and said "hey, look at the freak" since I was so f*#$ng uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm no saint by any stretch of the imagination, just a guy that's continually trying to make good choices, but sometimes make bad ones due to weakness.

Honestly, I think I'm preaching to the choir. Everyone that's responded to this post so far gets it, and has elaborated on it, so I'm probably just wasting my breath. It's the guy who trades his wig for a white hood that I'm hoping reads this, or the guy who's pointing fingers at the two guys holding hands on the corner when he should be pointing at himself, or even the politicos who shout at the left or the right (yep, hafta admit even we Liberals can get into name calling). I guess to quote Sarah, quoting the Bible, quoting God, etc. etc., "Judge not lest ye be judged".

[Priscilla1018]

Very well said No longer SHY charlote.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[emily21]

The Meaning of Life for Crossdressers (?) (posted by Ophelia D'Void)

wow! very deep..And here's me thinking i had answer to the meaning of life and everything.
I always thought it was 42 (Hitchikers guide to the Galaxy)

[Shy Charlotte]

Hmm, is it just me, or does it seem like the meaning of this thread got sidetracked. Must be what Jesus felt like, when people started killing each other in his name. Wonder if he was thinking to himself "DOH!".

Um, maybe this thread, is, perhaps, about getting along? Maybe???

And maybe, this thread is about, ya know, being less intolerant with people you normally would be intolerant with? Could be...

Maybe this was meant to reach out to those people that are intolerant, and don't know they're being intolerant, so they might evaluate themselves, and say "Oops, that's me too, I'd better fix that"

And, maybe, just maybe, this thread was originally meant (without naming names or groups) to say to certain, judgemental groups of individuals (not naming religion, and definitely not a major Western religion... oh no), need to pull back on the throttle just a tad??

Um, maybe, the meaning could be to lay off of the judging and the hating? 'Don't kiss that boy, you'll go to hell' said the man in the dress to the two sailors as all three sank in the ship. Could it be a metaphor for something else? Who knows?

Um, you can't have marriage like we have marriage, but you can have your own thing.... kinda separate but equal (but it never worked out totally equal, now did it?).... um, kinda like segragation, although we'd never really call it that, or even find a parallel, because that was wrong, but we're right...

The fact is: I sin, you sin, we all sin (for ice cream). In some religions (like the Jainists of India) even eating food... any food... is a sin, and their ultimate goal is to harm no living thing, and thus to starve to death. I'm sure if you argued with them, they'd be able to quote their beliefs back to a book that's older that Dame Edna and half as pretty, but what can I say? Bill Cosby should have a show called "Books say the Strangest Things".

Ah, but I digress, and am guilty of ranting as well.

Sorry Ophelia! Guess I got carried away too.

And Emily, for crossdressers I think it'd be 71