Worth saying again, IMHO...Originally Posted by tamarav
A couple of friends of mine were eating in the restaurant at the top of Harvey Nicks in London, when they were approached by some genetic girls sitting at a nearby table - would they please mind moving, as the boys at the table on the other side were only looking at them?
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
To me the secret is "Be yourself".
deborah trying to get out the front door is like "a leap of faith"
when i step out for the first time i open and close the front door
20 or 30 times in case someone was come along the pavement
(side walk) that was in one night, i said to my self if i don't go out tonight
i might not get a chance, once you are out that door you will want to go
further than you plan.
let us know how you got on
best of luck
go for it
carolyn xx
it's just your fear debs . i wish i was there to help you ... but you have some great advice . print off some small pictures of your t- friends put them in your hand bag. and that way we are all with you ..
you have nothing to fear you look better than i do for god's sake i'am the ugly sister next to you and i am full time. i wish i had your hot bod .. you can do it ..you look great .. just do it
There must be sisters in the uk near you.. plan a outing with them .. or come to canada hun i'll look after you
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
There is no secret! "Do what you fear most and you will control the fear", don't let it control you.
We don't know your situation in life so it is difficult to give advise, everyones situation is a little different but in general terms it is all about your getting what you want and not giving in.
Good luck!
Di is absolutely right. I felt intimidated by the assumed stares intially. Like everyone else, after I had been out enfemme, I expected mobs to converge at my home with bullhorns and burning torches! For the most part, no one really cares! Confidence and composure is the key.
The one important piece of advice I can give: It's not against the law!
My favorite fragrance is Estee Lauder Pleasures. My favorite store is Victoria's Secrets. I have a zero balance on my credit card, what more could a girl want?
Lol, that's what I was thinking! If you're worried about being outed, your own street, even your own neighborhood, is the last place you need to be strolling around. IMO, the most important thing is finding a more suitable place for your outing, a place where you can feel reasonably safe and interact with other people without fear of being recognized by someone who knows you. I also recommend doing your first first few outings at night -- daylight can be rather daunting at first.
Initially, I suggest a gay bar, preferably in a different neighborhood than your own, or in a different city. If it will make you feel better, call ahead to confirm that you will be welcome. Then just do it -- you won't believe how much difference a friendly smile makes, and how exhilarating an outing is. Make friends with the bartender first, and be sure to tip him generously right off the bat. If the bartender likes you, he or she will smooth the way to you meeting other people.
But if you're not ready for that, do as others have suggested and go to a TriEss meeting or something. And remember, you don't have to have a perfect look before you start going out -- trust me, that will come as you get feedback and gain experience.
Last edited by JessieB; 02-29-2008 at 12:09 PM.
You look fine.
I would suggest as othe rgirls have that you have an objective, something simple. The strategy I found easiest to handle was to post a letter. Choose a post box away from home, (no neighbour/acquaintance problems), but somewhere you are familiar with, preferably with a car park handy. Take a few minutes after you park to become familiar with your situation before getting out of the car. Take your time, try to appear casual in everything you do, locking the car, walking etc. - I know you will be turmoil inside but appearance is everything. Casual and confident means noone will bother you.
Beauty is in the smile of the beholder
Just returned from Burger King, fully excpecting a frown, but it turned into a great lunch, the sales girl was fabulous and asked several questions and I felt right at home, and all the time my stomach was doing summersalts,and recieved a lot of compiments about being able to go out in public dressed in shorts and a nice top and my bra and forms underneath, even put on some of the S Os perfume and her Gold necklace, shes away for 3 days so Im a bacherlet this weekend,
go for it, Charolette
Last edited by Charolette time; 02-29-2008 at 12:14 PM.
Di
I couldnt say it better myself, so what she said
I went "out" within safe groups and found myself (as Roberta) there. That is, I went there, dressed, participated, "un"-dressed and returned to my male world.
Once I felt confident of who I was, I realized how much fun I could have being free to go out without a scheduled meeting to attend, or bringing myself in a bag in a box.
I went "over the threshold" in my way. When there is something fun I want to do, and I feel like I might be shamed or laughed at, or disapproved of, I get angry. It is not OK for someone else to set MY boundaries.
So I decided, "so I'm 'read', or 'busted' or 'accosted'....so what!?" I went out the door "already dead", resigned that everything I feared (short of assault or murder) was *going-to-happen* and I was going to enjoy my freedom anyway.
When I went out, I was still concerned whether anyone found my "well-dressed" or "semi-passable" but I was not concerned about being universally approved or accepted. I'm so glad that it all went well. I found people who have something to say, do it with nervous glances, or pregnant silences....politely. I have heard two insults over a year of dressing and going out, and I had snappy comebacks for them before I realized I had been insulted.
I can't recommend my "angry approach", since I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's "CrossDresser bites Dog" story, but it is what I did. Notice I didn't employ the "rage approach." Anyhow, anger is the emotion that leads to action, and in measured amounts it is quite positive.
Hope you find something in here that works for you, Dear!
Roberta
Last edited by RobertaFermina; 02-29-2008 at 01:03 PM.
[COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :
TONIGHT I,M GOING OUT AS DEBS!!
If i don,t do it now i,ll lose face and any respect i may have on this forum!!
I,m planning to go out in my car and when i feel comfortable i,ll park up and try and go for a small walk!! I intend to go in 2 hours.
Thanks for the help and advice...Wish me luck!!
BTW I feel nervous as hell and i,m shaking, but this is MY choice to go tonight..If i don,t do it now i never will!!
Last edited by Deborah Jane; 02-29-2008 at 01:29 PM.
But Debs, you do have a lifeboat.
Drive careful, ( heels and the gas pedal do not go very well ) do not forget your licence and remember getting out of a car with a skirt is tricky.
Spare car key ? (I locked myself out once.) Plenty petrol ?
Do not worry too much about the makeup, light is poor in the streets - keep in well lit areas please, places with people around -. Not that anybody is going to attck you or go close to you.
Remember people do not look closely at other people, and at night there is not that much to see, except a female shape occupied by a blonde good looking female.
All the very best and we do know you will enjoy the surge
Huggsses
~Samm
.
'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"
Dear Deb,
you can't lose face or respect....this is a sisterhood facing a challenging fate *together*. Whatever challenge you face, win-lose-or-draw, you are always welcome with me.
it might just help going out when you know you have a warm and friendly place to return to.
[COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :
Is there a support group near you.
I would never have made it out the first time if I did not have someone to go with.
Anna
The secret is quite simple... and you're obviously doing it all wrong... so do this: -
1. Put the key in the lock and turn it until the lock is open.
2. Turn handle on the door until the door can be moved away from the frame.
3. Pull the door towards you, put your left foot foot first, then your right.. and so on, until you're outside the door.
4. Close door behind you
So, now you know how to go out the door properly, there's nothing stopping you is there?
(this is posted in humour incase you can't see the smilies)
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 02-29-2008 at 01:43 PM.
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Good advice Tamara...I,ll let you know later if it workedThe secret is quite simple... and you're obviously doing it all wrong... so do this: -
1. Put the key in the lock and turn it until the lock is open.
2. Turn handle on the door until the door can be moved away from the frame.
3. Pull the door towards you, put your left foot foot first, then your right.. and so on, until you're outside the door.
4. Close door behind you
So, now you know how to go out the door properly, there's nothing stopping you is there?
I appreciate the humour..It,s making me less nervous!!lol
The trick is... putting the key the right way up... maybe you're doing that wrong?Good advice Tamara...I,ll let you know later if it worked
(you know I'm going to get slapped for this don't you)
*adds lots of smilies*
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Any time out of the house is scary!! Don't make plans it causes stress and ruins a good day out. Just be your self and have a good time. What we don't know our have the courage to face scares us and we can't let that happen. We all have our own ways of day too day stuff so really can't help much but if up to me to say Go out girl and have some fun.
Love Always,
Wendi
This is ironic but the honest truth Deborah Jane. Back when I was deep in the closet, dazed and confused, eye's bleeding from all the porn my internet searches were turning up, but slowly began to find out "I was not alone" and there were "cross dressers" that looked so lovely and classy, and one personal web site that inspired me the most was a CD that lived in the UK. Both her site and her pictures were beautiful and elegant, but the one thing that stunned and excited me the most was "O....M....G! she goes out in public dressed", with pics of her and her friends out on the town having a good time in London. I thought I would have to actually go to the UK if I wanted to go out, not knowing that just 2 hours north of me is one of the most T friendly cities on the planet, Atlanta. Today I'm free and open and go out when I can. I was terrified at first too, but it passes with experience. You've gotten a lot of great advice so there's nothing I can add. Looking forward to reading your first "Out and About" post.
Thanks everyone for your support
In about 30 minutes i unleash Deborah Jane on an unsuspecting world!!
I have to go out now..I,ve said it in front of witnesses!!
OMG what have i done??
He knows
.
'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"
My first real outing where I had to enteract with others up close was HEF2006. I remember sitting in the SUV all dressed and staring at the Hotel Front Entrance. I finially told myself that other CDer were in the Hotel and everyone in the Hotel knew it so it was not that bad. I got out of the SUV and walked to the Hotel entrance. As I was about to open the door a GM came out, looked at me, held the door for me, and said "Morning Mam". All of a sudden all my fears just dropped away. I smiled at him and walked in. I was no longer alone. When others found out it was my first public outing, they made it a coming out party for me. One of the forums that day was on "Going out in the Public".It was a full house. LOL I learned a lot that day and made many good friends too. After that, when ever I went out dressed, I was no longer nervious. Like many of us, I was afraid that people would see who I really was and start screaming and yelling at me. This is not the case. I have now found most people will not notice you, those who do may have doughts, and only less than 1% of whom you meet will really notice. Of that 1%, if they are GG's most of them may just smile and not bother you. As some have said, it is all ATITUDE. That is
1. Act like you belong there
2. Act like you do this everyday
3. Smile at people that look at you.
4. Don't dress over/under the top.
Don't worry so much about passing, just have fun. The whole point of going out is to be who you are. Once you get over the initial fear you have you will want to go out more and more.
I remember the first time going out with a GG friend, we went to Mel's Diner in Hollywood. I felt like everyone was staring at me, when we left a really cute girl came up to us on the street and said to me "OMG, you look so hot!" I was stunned and couldn't even say thank you. I had been "made", made extremely happy and proud that I went out.
It will soon be time for that drink Debs.
.
'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"
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