Told My Parents

[laceyjessica]

Well as everyone has a taste my marraige isnt the best of things. My parents keep thinking it is all my wife, well i finally told my mother on wednesday that I am a crossdresser. She was shocked even though she had found some things years ago. While I was talking to her she had my dad get on the phone and asked me to tell him the same thing, I didnt think I would ever tell them because they are both homophobic. I think it went well i was drinking at the time (only was I could tell them I suppose). I jsut wish I dint have as much to drink as I did for I dont remember the conversation except for telling them. I just fear if something happens with my marraige they will understand that it is not my wife that ultimately broke us apart but Jessica. I am definitely going for the makeuver and go out on april 11th in wilmington delaware if anyone wants to meet up with me. I just hope I did the right thing by telling my parents, I am 41 I shouldnt need there approval and dont but I at least want them to know why my marraige might fail, because I as I have said in my other thread my wife would have never married me if she had know I crossdressed.

[annekathleen]

I am currently divorced, but while I was married, my crossdressing was usually limited to wearing her panties, and once in a great while, trying to squeeze into some of her outfits.
I would gladly trade in the opportunity to save my marriage, if it meant giving up any form of crossdressing.
When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a friend who had lost his wife. From my perspective, I thought that losing your wife through death was easier to accept than losing your wife through a divorce and to another man. My logic: At least you knew your wife loved you when she passed away.
From his perspective, I'd rather have my wife divorce me than to lose her through death. At least I know she would still be alive, and my children would still have their mother.
Maybe the point that I am trying to make is trying to put your life into proper perspective. I believe your marriage should ultimately come first before your love or passion of crossdressing.
I would give up every article of female clothing, if I can find another woman who would want to spend the rest of our lifes together.

[laceyjessica]

thanks ann I really appreaciate that perspective because I still think I am in my pink fog which is certainly clouding my judgement. I cant beleive I told my parents, and I almost tod a lady friend of mine yesterday

[KandisTX]

I have been married 4 times, I am still married to wife number 4 (GlitterGG on this forum). Out of all of them, only one did not know about Kandis before we married, she was wife #1 and she used it against me as a way to maintain custody of our son whom I have not seen since he was 3. He will be 21 this month. Life is what YOU make of it. From reading your previous threads, you seem to have made a decision already on what you are going to do and if you ask me, you are being quite selfish about the whole thing. Then again, from your previous postings you have also stated that the intimacy of your marriage has been non-existant for years now so depending on when your wife found out about Jessica, and the end of intimacy you could blame it all on her dislike of your crossdressing. However if she did not know about Jessica at the point intimacy stopped, you cannot blame Jessica for a failed marriage. I do not blame my failed marriages on Kandis, I blame it on the fact that I chose the wrong women and wrong reasons three times to marry. My current wife has known about Kandis since the day after we met and has ALWAYS supported me with my dressing. Our daughter (12 years old) knows about Kandis as does her father (daughter is my step daughter), and he too is supportive. My step-son does NOT know about Kandis and probably will never be told about her as his level of ADHD makes it difficult for him to handle change very well. I wish you the best but in all honesty I cannot condone the choices you have made as in my personal opinion they are being made for purely selfish reasons without thought to anyone but yourself.

Kandis

[KrissyTN]

Jessica,

Please allow me to offer a different perspective than Kandis. I believe that you are doing what's best for you and until you figure yourself out, and become comfortable with yourself then you can not bring 100% of yourself into a relationship with someone else.

My first wife was tolerant of my dressing, just didn't want to know about it most times. When we split I spent some time figuring out who I was and what I was all about. I then met my second wife and we've been married 14 years now. She learned about my dressing on about our 4th date and has been extremely supportive ever since and to this day.

So, Jessica....please take the necessary time to discover you....only then can you bring you into a relationship hon!

Hugs,
Krissy

[TerriM]

Hi
I'm a 59yr old married CD. I told my wife after 10yrs of marriage, we are married 36yrs now. I think you should stop right now, and sit down and think what you really want. After that don't do anything for at least a month. I don't want to sound like a know it all but I have seen other CD's do exactly what you are doing and they regretted what they did. Think of what really is important to you. Myself, my family always came first, then the dressing. I have been able to balance my femme side and male side throughout my life. It hasnt been easy but it i think it was worth it.

Terri
.

[Bravesoul]

It's not very often, I get into these deep discussions about relationships, but I am sorry, I have to agree with Kandis on this one. If you love her, fight for it, and don't let any come in your way.(even CDing) Put others before yourself, don't be selfish

The heart of a good woman is worth keeping.
Only you can judge what the next steps will be.

Good luck

[Joy Carter]

I think you should stop right now, and sit down and think what you really want. After that don't do anything for at least a month. I don't want to sound like a know it all but I have seen other CD's do exactly what you are doing and they regretted what they did. Think of what really is important to you. Myself, my family always came first, then the dressing. I have been able to balance my femme side and male side throughout my life. It hasnt been easy but it i think it was worth it.

Ditto's !

[lucya_od]

Jessica,

Please allow me to offer a different perspective than Kandis. I believe that you are doing what's best for you and until you figure yourself out, and become comfortable with yourself then you can not bring 100% of yourself into a relationship with someone else.

My first wife was tolerant of my dressing, just didn't want to know about it most times. When we split I spent some time figuring out who I was and what I was all about. I then met my second wife and we've been married 14 years now. She learned about my dressing on about our 4th date and has been extremely supportive ever since and to this day.

So, Jessica....please take the necessary time to discover you....only then can you bring you into a relationship hon!

Hugs,
Krissy

i have to go with what krissy said, the 1st thing i have done, is the find the real person deep inside, then think what you want in YOUR LIFE. you only have one life, or in some cases 2 lives, (one man, and the other life is your woman side) i only have 1 1/2 life, lucya is one life and the other 1/2 is my man side. love ya girl friends, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx lucya

[Danielle Hyatt]

I am happy for you!!! But what about your kids?

Your Friend
Dan

[laceyjessica]

wow kind of 50/50! Thanks everyone for the advice and support this forum has been the berst hthing for me to figure things out or try to anyway. Please understand there is so much mnore I havnt told and maybe I should, but I didnt want to write a 3 page post, My wife and me havnt been intimate for 6 years, the last time in order for me to close the deal I had asked her if i could dress, thus putting on my bra panties gater hose and babydoll, that night we conceived our daughter, and everytime her birthday comes up is a horrible reminder for my wife on how she was conceived. that is the las time we had sex. she said she just cant get that image out of her head. I think I told my parents the truth because I want them to understand why my wife is angry and unloving to me, so they dont think she is just a bit$#, second because in addition every time I upset her she will cut my lingerie becasue she said that is the only thing that gets my attention or if my parents visit she will tel me either i do this or she will tell my parents(blackmail). I really do think this is part of my own acceptance of Jessica. The kids, everyone asks I love them more than life itself, they are overshadowed by there protective mom, as they should be, I refuse to use them to get to my wife the way my wife uses them to get to me I do love them and wish this wasnt affecting them but i know it is..I love you all Jessica

[lucya_od]

i know this is hard but i tryed to do the same with my ex. she wanted me to stop so i did for 3 weeks , after that i couldent take it any more, i am lucya, and i will always be, no mater how hard you try to get rid of your woman hood, its always going to be there. all i can say is, take time to find out who you really are. a woman or a man? i know that my life is 95% lucya and 5% is my man hood. so next year i am plaining to be 100% lucya. if you decide that you want to be a woman, we are aways here to help you. love, lucya xxxxxx

[laceyjessica]

thanks for the advice everyone

[RobertaFermina]

Now that you have told your parents, your wife cannot blackmail you by threatening to tell them. This is my favorite form of relief in a blackmail situation. "Beat them to it." The fact that you CD is less threatening if you are not secretive about it. Whatever you say about your CDing has more credibility if you reveal it. Once someone has "ratted on you", you will appear as someone intent on "looking good" rather than "being honest."

So I think you did a good thing. Next time you "come clean", try doing it sober. You can insure your best results when you are clear of mind.


The advice to get clear and lay off for a month is ok. At least set a limit on the number of hours and purchases you will spend on CD, and keep it. If it hurts, so much the better. A little pain will sharpen the mind, while Pink Fog is just as bad as strong drink.

Still confused about where it is you are really coming from, and concerned for you nonetheless.

Roberta

[Amy Hepker]

You really should have told her you were a CD before the marriage as a matter of fact you should have told her before dating her. I did not tell my first wife and told her after the marriage was months old, well it only lasted for 4 years, the second wife knew before we were married and it lasted 16 years although I found out she had cheated on me about 4 years into our marriage. I just got out of control for control. Yes, I wanted her to control it and help me with it, she did, she won't do anything with it or me, that was her control. NOTHING! Anyway you should always be truthful with the Lady of your life, CDing is not something to spring on someone down the road. I know of a couple that have been married for 20+ years and she just found out last year he was a CDer. She is fighting within herself to stay with him and try to understand why he would not tell her before they were ever married. Think before you leap. Now all you can do is talk and talk to her and hopefully she will understand. If not, well???

[laceyjessica]

thanks Roberta and Amy, i will definitely use your advice and thoughts. I know I have been all over the place awith what I am doing and I am sorry to everyone that is putting up with me I just dont know what to say and how much to say without being overpwering and that too has seemed to over power me. I told my wife last night that I told my parents and she was releived but still said she would stay if I didnt cross her boundaries of just wearing panties. boy if she just snooped a little in the house the outfits wigs makeup etc she would find. Anyway i am still planng for april 11th I hope this turns out great. I want to invite my parents for easter just dont know what to expect now that they know i crossdress