Why is it so hard to find cd friends who aren’t looking for sex?

[stef]

<begin rant>
Anyone else here have difficulty finding face-to-face friends who share your interests in crossdressing and don't want a little more than friendship?

As anyone knows who has lived in the Middle East, crossdressing is not an acceptable practice here. While many see Dubai as a beacon of liberty in this giant sand pit, it still has a long, long way to go. With the encouragement of my wife, I’ve been on a journey for many years trying to branch out and meet new friends to hang out with who share my crossdressing interests. As it stands now, it’s just me and my wife. She’s the only face-to-face friend who has ever known. Having no social or support groups here (for fear of jail) and a lack of folks here at crossdressers.com who seem to live in the UAE, I’ve found that Yahoo 360 offers the best chance to connect to quite a few expats living in the Middle East and who share similar interests. But, no matter how hard I look, everyone seems to have one more interest than I do: Sex.

Are guys - who might wear a dress or not - really this thick? My 360 page clearly states something along these lines: happily married, looking for friendship only, not gay or bi, looking for people who share interests in dressing for conversation, blah, blah, blah. And what do I get? “i am a nice guy sexy sweat nice and seeking friends before anything else” Anything else? There’s NO anything else. “I’m free. Do you want to *** over for a visit?” What a tool. Do grown men actually spell come that way? “You’re sexy. You want to get together for some fun?” **smacks forehead and rolls eyes** And on and on... Who the f%@k are these degenerates? Is there this big gay cding scene all over the world that I’m so ignorant of? Can’t crossdressers just have a friendship and nothing else?

Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe it’s because of this sexually repressed region I’m working in. I’m ready to give up. Anyone have suggestions for finding friends here? Anyone else have stories of messaging harassment or cders/admirers who just don’t seem to get the message?
</end rant>

-Stef

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Stef,

I'm afraid it isn't just the Middle East. Even here in the good ol' USA, I've encountered the same thing. Repeatedly.

Those who are looking for sex (often on the down low) are willing not to take NO for an answer. (I guess they think they're god's gift to men, or that no means maybe???)

And those who are looking for just friendship are scared to meet anyone new (possibly because of all the ones looking for sex?).

All I can say is, persevere. Keep looking. Keep being clear about what you want (and don't want). And you will find friends. I did. Took a while though.

Blessings,
Rikki

[MJ]

Dear Stef,

it's everywhere i get that crap too .. i just don't respond anymore i know it's rude but if i open up a dialog it never ends ..it's like just because i dress as a chick they think i am ever ready for sex or something.. hell no eww . it is hard to find decent friends only.. but keep looking were out there somewhere

[docrobbysherry]

Dear Stef,

I'm afraid it isn't just the Middle East. Even here in the good ol' USA, I've encountered the same thing. Repeatedly.

Those who are looking for sex (often on the down low) are willing not to take NO for an answer. (I guess they think they're god's gift to men, or that no means maybe???)

And those who are looking for just friendship are scared to meet anyone new (possibly because of all the ones looking for sex?).

All I can say is, persevere. Keep looking. Keep being clear about what you want (and don't want). And you will find friends. I did. Took a while though.

Blessings,
Rikki

I've had the same experiences as Rikki. Not on this site, but another CD dating site. I get hit on a lot over there, by guys.

It seems there is a fine line between the CDs that want to "dress together" and those that really want to "undress together"!

[Stargirl]

You look very nice. Many other people do not think above the waist, sad to say. For them, friendship may be a vague concept, because they never looked above the waist, and never had a genuine friendship. They have a "Johnny One Note" mentality. (Same old predictable motives.) I imagine that it is also impossible for women to dress in a tuxedo in Dubai, and take their girlfriends out on the town. In the meantime, you have us. We are capable of good friendship, and we can think below or above the waist, but we aren't likely to enjoy making others ill at ease with unwelcomed sex talk.

[Bravesoul]

This is probably the number reason I don't try. I do not want get into this situation. I would love to meet like minded people, but the unknown keeps me from trying.

[pamela_a]

Meeting for friendship is one thing. What gets me is just trying to find someone to chat with. I go to several different chat room to just meet others and talk but it never fails at least once (on a good day) someone wants to bring sex into it. I think, sadly, that many males think only with their little head and they "bother" to chat with you only long enough to get your a/s/l then it's off to the virtual bedroom.

I feel the same way. I'd love to meet others. I think it would be great to be able to talk to someone face to face who understands but the risks seem to outweigh the potential gain of a new friend.

-Paula-

[missattitude]

because all crossdressers are horny. hehe.

[vivianann]

thanks Stef for your rant, I think it is gross when males crossdress for sex with other men I do not have any interest for that at ALL. it would be nice to meet other cders who do not have any interest sex. friendship with cders is fun when all you do is share your common interests in crossdressing, cars, or any other hobbies.

[rose382832]

i have made several very important freinds thru this site. when they ask for a meeting let them know you are married and that your wife will be there? that is what i have done and we have never had problems. maybe you should only be looking for married cds ?

[DemonicDaughter]

Welcome to the world of women hun. Sorry to say, this is a common problem for a LOT of women! Perfect example... I have a profile on a website that clearly states numerous times not to bother to contact me regarding sex, cybering or anything of the sort. I specifically mention that I have a blog named "Idiots of the world try to score" in which I will post your user ID and the moronic conversation you attempted to have with me (along with some commentary of my own). They still contact me. As a matter of fact, the first thing a lot of them mention is how they would love to f*** me! Umm... excuse me? What the hell ever happened to "hello, my name is..."? People just don't bother to really read profiles nor get to know someone. Don't get discouraged though. It simply means when you do make a friend, you cherish them with all your being for they are a rare thing indeed.

[Deborah Jane]

i have made several very important freinds thru this site. when they ask for a meeting let them know you are married and that your wife will be there? that is what i have done and we have never had problems. maybe you should only be looking for married cds ?

What about us unmarried c/ds who just want someone to have a laugh with? I.E. Shopping, clubbing, etc!! I just want to meet people i can have fun with, i,m not even vaguely interested in sex with men or other c/ders..The idea does nothing for me at all!! I,d love to meet others for a laugh, nothing more, but they don,t seem to be out there!!

[annekathleen]

It's the same with anyone!
You can find friends, male or female who just want to be friends, and you can find friends who want to be sexually involved.
You can find gay friends, male or female, who just want to be friends, and you can find gay friends who want you for sex.
You can find fellow crossdressers , who just want to be friends, and you can find fellow crossdressers who want to have sex with you.

[joann07]

Hello Stef,

Unfortunately, I'm nowhere near you out there in the Middle East, but fortunately I am the "1 out of 10" who are not looking into the "sex" thing. I am only interested in GG's and if I was there, or if you were here, it would very much be a pleasure to do the girly things like shopping, dining out, or just talking about crossdressing with you.

Hugs!

[RobertaFermina]

Honey,

Men want sex. Men who don't are, perhaps, rarer than Crossdressers.

Roberta

[Emily Ann Brown]

Thanks Roberta...I think that was a compliment.


Emily Ann

[mikecd999]

I think Roberta is correct, no matter what is said before hand, every time I meet with another CD, or someone that is interested in "being friends" with a CD there is a problem. Even when my wife is along, before the evening is over, that "friend only" guy is trying to get my panties down or get inside of them. The only thing having my wife along seems to do is delay it till I go to the bathroom or she steps out to her bathroom.
So, we have become very sceptical of "Just friends" type and usually just evjoy the evenings out by ourselves.
Mikecd

[LizCD]

Hi Stef

I'm with you 100% on this one i've been looking for the same thing for over two years now and all I get is the same sort of responce that you are getting

[Kate Simmons]

They are out there Stef. I have several local friends that I get together with, usually at the club. We associate, we chat, we dance, we have a good time, all without even mentioning sex. I've also met several great friernds there from the Forum during special events. We always have a good time.

[JoAnnDallas]

This is one reason I joined Tri-Ess. All the girls in the chapter that I am in are there for friendship ONLY. Most are married anyway. We do get out together and/or in groups of 2-3 at times. Makes for a fun evening and being together we can keep the wolves away. It is a shame that there is no groups over there that you can join.
The way they handle women, sex, and marriage, it is a wonder that they have any kids in the first place.

[rachellegsep]

Hi Stef
Try contacting saramadelina@yahoo.com she is an expat South African who contracts in the UAE and is TV and is a member of our local TGSA site I have often chatted to her, but unfortunately never had a face to face as Ive always been out of town when she is here on leave. I know she would like to make contact there and has similar problems as yourself.

[Nicole Erin]

I guess it depends on where one goes looking for friends.
Also, yahoo is kind of a "meet market" for many.

In real life, I have not had a lot of CD friends who were wanting sex.
I imagine non-CD guys might be more likely to want to "hook up"

I also think that most non-CD guys who are attracted to us just don't understand that we are not that feminine under the clothes and makeup.

[RobertaFermina]

One thing I have heard told to people who say:

I hate it that all Men are <pick an ajdective> ! or .... I hate it that all women are <pick an adjective>!

that is...if you believe that all men are like that, that's the kind of men you will be comfortable with, same for women. By comfortable with, you will have landed on a judgment, and the creative tension of the encounter will collapse.

The minute someone shows up who is not that way, your fear that they ARE that way will lead to your discomfort. The creative tension of the initial encounter will be supercharged with the suspense over "is (s)he like the rest?"

That discomfort is picked up on at a nonverbal level by the (wo)man, ignorant of its source. If the conversation was platonic up to that point, they might think you were uncomfortable with platonic repartee, and they would move on to plan B.

I'm not saying its always so, but it could be a dynamic in play for some of us who are dramatically P.O.'d about the kind of men and women we meet.

Roberta

[Eugenie]

<begin rant>
Anyone else here have difficulty finding face-to-face friends who share your interests in crossdressing and don't want a little more than friendship?

I have many real friends among x-dressers. Actually most of them are "just friends", period.

Indeed I got a few who were looking for a partner... And in a couple of cases I moght have been interested

What I find more annoying is the style of the proposals, very rude... Direct offers to a sexual activity, no virtual "preliminaries". This is mostly the situation with men who look at our pictures... The best strategy is not responding at all...

With other sisters, even when the discussion becomes a little more intimate, it is generally done with a lot more style...


Eugenie

[deja true]

... but they don,t seem to be out there!!

They're not out there, girls! They're HERE!

Massively populated and well known meeting sites are the first, and usually only, hunting grounds for every sex starved dork in the world. Trying to sort through the 2 genuine people in the sea of millions of ******s is wasted effort, as far as I'm concerned. Especially if your looking for someone with a bit of compassion and understanding for an 'unusual hobby' like ours.

If you're into goth music or thimble collecting or 57 Chevy's, those are the places to go. If you want to meet real, thoughtful, empathetic friends, then this place or a very few others like it are the places to go.

The firewalls of the admission process (being okayed by the admins and the 10 posting rule) are the doors to this social (not sex-crazed)clubhouse. They do a good job.

I've never considered joining myspace or anything like it. Way too many weirdos. Gimme a bunch of down home, sensible (mostly), intelligent (big head, not little head) loquacious trannies any day!

As for living in a far away land with a very small population of people you really want to relate to, don't bother trying til your contract's up and you can get back to the big modern world. Getting found out there could be hell on earth.

Yes, they'll probably arrest you there for CDing, then deport you. That's not gonna look good on your work record and might keep you from travelling to a lot of other places. Be very, very careful if you're not in the 'First World'.

This is the voice of experience!

deja