DATING GGs?

[IMkrystal]

I have been a member here for over a year. From the various responses I guess I am one of a few who are still looking. Those of us asking about dating, threads are pushed to the back of the pile quickly because there seems to be a lack of interest.

I have posted this avatar picture on several dating sits. One site, "BPM,” when I told her, I was a crossdresser. Responded with the following reply "if we were married, I would think about it. But, because you told me before any relationship, I don't think so.”

When it comes to dating good looking, very good looking, and stunning women are threatened by the competition. While all we want is to go to bed and wake up, and thank God for the beautiful woman sleeping next to us! It is understandable, something most women know nothing, would back out of dating a CD.

Having read many SO threads on here concerning their fears, and finds out after being married for ten years. I found this reply going against many ggs on here. If anyone else has tried online dating, I am curious of the response you have gotten. Is there a secret? It seems wining the lottery is easier!

[docrobbysherry]

I find it very difficult WITHOUT throwing in the CD factor.
U appear to be a very attractive CD. I'll bet u r as a man, too.

Maybe u should just date awhile until u find someone who u feel is special. Maybe she will feel that way about u, too. Then, bring up your CDing? Unless u feel it's a major part of u. Like, if u want to dress fulltime? In that case, you'll probably want her to know up front.

[AmberTG]

I hate to have to say this, but I think most women would rather date a "real man", not someone who has the kind of "issues" that we have. There are exceptions, but they're in the minority, I think.

[IMkrystal]

I find it very difficult WITHOUT throwing in the CD factor.
U appear to be a very attractive CD. I'll bet u r as a man, too.

Maybe u should just date awhile until u find someone who u feel is special. Maybe she will feel that way about u, too. Then, bring up your CDing? Unless u feel it's a major part of u. Like, if u want to dress full time? In that case, you'll probably want her to know up front.

docrobbysherry,

Thanks for the response. Is hiding this info been successful for you? I understand you answer, but having been a member for some time, the ggs stories of finding this out while married sound horrible.

Let say you were married and came home to find your SO dressed like Superman or a Football player? She tells you she likes to dress like this! How would you feel?

[Michelle04240]

First off I think it's great your being upfront about it, and in the long run will work out better...as long as you have a little patience.

Perhaps meeting people in other ways where they can talk with and get to know YOU (dressed or not) as opposed to not being able to get past the picture online.?

IDK..I told my wife long after marriage and have not had to look for a date since I was 18. Good luck with your search.

[DeeInGeorgia]

IMkrystal,

I feel for you. While I did not tell my wife until we had been married for 12 years or so. But it took me years to find my wife. It took me years to find a girlfriend, an I attribute it to the fact that I did not exhibit traits of a masucline enough man.

I had one short term girlfriend tell me that. I came up with my theory of what a woman looks for in a man, and that is someone like their father. Most women look for a man to take the lead, someone that they can bask in is limelight.

I grew up in Virginia, and worked for seven years after college in Kansas. I was not the father figure that southern and midwestern women looked for. So when I had the chance to take a job in California, I took it as I expected that some of the women would be different than those in the midwest and south.

I was right, I found my wife to be within a couple of months of moving to California. And I did not hide the fact that I moved to California to find a wife, and that was at the age of 30.

So my suggestion is to understand the type of woman that would accept a feminine man and expend your efforts there.

Dee

[YangGuiFei]

Maybe u should just date awhile until u find someone who u feel is special. Maybe she will feel that way about u, too. Then, bring up your CDing?

THAT can spell disaster real easily. Sometimes it's good to get things out into the open.

[vivianann]

I am looking for a GG also, however I have found I attract the very pretty ones when I am dressed up as a woman, when I am in male mode women do not like me. I have decided that I am looking for a GG while I am dressed as one.

[RikkiOfLA]

I have to agree with the many girls who have said be honest from the beginning. Maybe your problem isn't crossdressing, but the artificially competitive world of online dating?

Compared with when I was in the closet, I find that women are far more comfortable around me now that I'm out. When you have a big secret, I think it makes women nervous around you. All people, actually.

My wife is an old friend, who first met me on a crossdresser board like this one. She had a crush on me for years. When my first wife was dying of cancer, she came out to California to help take care of her (and me). I was starting to feel attracted to her after she had been here a few months. We got married a few months after my first wife died. BTW, we never did anything physical until my first wife had passed.

In other words, I believe that if you are honest about who you are (whatever that might be), you will attract the right kind of people, the ones who find you (the real you) attractive. And isn't that the best way to find a relationship?

And the rest of the women in the world? Don't worry about them. They're not your type!

Blessings,
Rikki

[Amy Hepker]

Try sissy.com, Alt.com, true@crypnd.com, fling.com, I have a lot of responses from fling it may be worth it to try that one. There really Ladies out there that do want us. I know if I become single again I will try Fling.com.

[waspookie6]

Hmmm, tough to find a one size fits all answer. The only thing I keep thinking is "love is blind" but you have to get your foot in the door so to speak first.

A good friend tends to do some casual talk in online dating forums, it's always given him a good idea if he can trust the person to tell them without getting either no response ever again or question if they are sane. He recently found someone after about a month of chit-chatting (about 2 evenings a week) and said he really felt like there was a connection - did she feel the same? When she said yes, he told her he had a "secret", one that might scare her off. She also replied she had a secret as well!

They finally met up and its gone swimmingly for both and she confessed that her first marriage ended because her ex left her for another man. Of course she didn't tell him that at first.

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet and as one friend of mine says "I don't have a few skeletons, I've got a grave yard!"

Take it for what it's worth, I think getting an idea of what the person is like first may be easier.

[Kelsy]

[SIZE="3"]Krystal,

It might be best to not divulge your most intimate secrets before you meet someone. Your best approach is to be your man self at the start and if things develop and get serious (like marriage serious) the it would be best to reveal more of yourself then. Of course at that point she may reject you but you have a better chance if there is trust and love involved

Kelsy[/SIZE]

[KrissyTN]

Hi Krystal,

I'm not sure I have much advice for you other than to offer how I "stumbled" upon a very understanding girlfriend who is now my wife of 14 years.

First, she told me that she had a gay brother who she was very close to. I think that demonstrated to me that she is a very accepting person. (He doesn't know about my cding by the way) Then, she told me that her major in college was sociology with a minor in human sexuality. So, I gathered that she had heard of crossdressing before.

On about our fourth date I decided to share with her that I was a cd. The only question that she asked was if I was gay or not. I replied no but I really like to cd. She reassured me that she was really ok with it then over the next few dates told me all about the history of the English and French and how all of the Kings wore silk & wigs so she really didn't understand why society these days is all hung up about it.

So, that's my story....don't know if any of it will help but if you find yourself on a date with a girl with a gay brother...and she's ok with that then chances are you've found yourself a very accepting person.

Hugs,
Krissy

[MJ]

while all we want is to go to bed and wake up, and thank God for the beautiful woman sleeping next to us!

if you ask me i would be Thankful even grateful waking up next to any gg who can accept me .. but those days are long gone .... hmm time to buy a a few ticket

[Nicole Erin]

It is only natural for any guy to want to date a good looking woman. I mean no guy really wants to have to settle for a situation that sucks, like seeing other guys with a good looking wife or girlfriend while he had to date the dogs.

The dating thing is very complicated as it is. To find a good looking GG, to know how to play all the games it would take to be able to date them, and keep them, it is very hard. Adding CD'ing to the picture is not going to help.

I think if all you are really wanting is one night stands with the true babes, you might want to keep the CD'ing private. You should not worry about disclosing that part of your life unless it looks like the relationship might get serious like living together or possibly marriage.

Hey I will be the first to admit that if I thought I had a chance to bag a beautiful woman, the CD'ing would be shoved way back in the closet.

[SweetCaroline]

What worked for me, and my GF was to be friends first. I know it sounds corny but if anything, if the relationship doesn't work out, at least you made a friend.

I met my current SO on Match.com back in December 2006. I did not mention, or even hint, that I was a crossdresser. We both decided to take the relationship slow, and see what happens. Neither of us were looking for anyone else, so that helped.

For seven months we went on, meeting in the afternoons for coffee, chatting on-line, and talking on the phone, but then last summer things changed. I started going out dressing.

It was maybe two weeks into me going out that I decided to tell her. I decided our relationship was at the point were I trusted her enough to take it to the next level. Keep in mind I was still very closeted at this point, sneaking around just to go out. She was a bit taken aback at first, then casually grew into it, then I invited her to join me and my friends at one of our SISTERS gatherings, and she was blown away. She now joins us every chance she gets and loves me and my crossdressing friends.

I don't know why I'm posting this except to say to the OP, that it can happen. I never dreamed it could happen myself, but it did. Maybe it's best not to tell her you're a crossdresser at first, win her over with your other charms. But I do think it is important to tell as soon as you can. When you feel you know each other well enough, especially if you're a public crossdresser like me. She'll respect you for being honest with her, and trusting her. She may not approve at first, but if you are both interested in any mutual relationship, she will accept you for who you are.

Good luck out there.

[Genifer Teal]

How did you tell her? What did you say?

The world is full of misconceptions about cross dressing. Add to that the wide spectrum of needs and intrests within our community. Trying to explain this to someone who already has their own ideas (and possibly fears) about CDing is like fighting an uphill battle.

Depending on the circumstances, you may only get one chance to explain. Then you have to deal with other peoples 2 cents. Everyone has an opinion and they will all have something (probbably negative) to say to the person you came out to. It is human nature to talk to others, especially when there is a reason to stop dating someone. Friends want to know why. They will ask.

Most of you know I am a positive person. There are more woman than most of us realize, who can embrace our femme side. The difficulty I see is getting past all the misconceptions - both theirs and their friends. I wonder how many women faced with this revalation, bother to listen and learn? If leaving is an option, they may just find it easier to cut their losses and run. So, how do we get past that? What did you try?

Gen

[ChrisP]

There are more and more open minded people in the world these days, of all genders. We obviously have a ways to go in terms of people understanding the spectrum of gender, but still, it's not 1952.

I say be upfront, just as you are doing. You are looking for an uncommon woman, and your search would be just as difficult if you were a guy searching for a woman who shares an interest in kayaking in South America.

Meaning, they are out there, and those women will be attracted to you for characteristics that you've posted in your profile, including your crossdressing.

Be sure to mention other positives that are really you. Do you like travel?
Fine dining? Writing? List all of those activities as well.

Your picture is lovely, and that alone will attract a fair number of respondents. I would however post a good (maybe professionally done) picture of your boy-self too. I realize that makes you a bit vulnerable in terms of discovery, but you are seeking a woman who likes all aspects of you.
The male picture will help draw in more ladies who want time with both aspects of your gender(s).

Please keep us all posted about your success, we are rooting for you!

Chris

[Jilmac]

Last September I posted personal ads on Yahoo and craigslist, I also responded to ads from GG's. I didn't say anything in my profile about CDing, nor did I mention it in any of my replys to GG's. I made several connections and two very good GG friends who I told about my CDing after they got to know me as a human being. Both of them are still very much my friends and I have become intimate with one who has been supportive and very encouraging.

There are GG's out there who can see beyond the stereotype of what society calls a man. It's always a good thing to be truthful and up front, and women appreciate that, but I would suggest giving them some time to know the real you, then bring up the subject of transgender to seek out an opinion, and if you pick up good vibes, gently tell them about yourself. all you have to lose is a potential relationship, but don't give up hope there is someone out there who will like you or even love you no matter what clothes you choose to wear. Luv and Jill

[IMkrystal]

How did you tell her? What did you say?

The world is full of misconceptions about cross dressing. Add to that the wide spectrum of needs and intrests within our community. Trying to explain this to someone who already has their own ideas (and possibly fears) about CDing is like fighting an uphill battle.

Depending on the circumstances, you may only get one chance to explain. Then you have to deal with other peoples 2 cents. Everyone has an opinion and they will all have something (probbably negative) to say to the person you came out to. It is human nature to talk to others, especially when there is a reason to stop dating someone. Friends want to know why. They will ask.

Most of you know I am a positive person. There are more woman than most of us realize, who can embrace our femme side. The difficulty I see is getting past all the misconceptions - both theirs and their friends. I wonder how many women faced with this revalation, bother to listen and learn? If leaving is an option, they may just find it easier to cut their losses and run. So, how do we get past that? What did you try?

Gen

There has been no clear path, from the answers I have been receiving:

On the "BPM" dating site there are two profiles. One where I talk about crossdressing and the other where I am a man's man. I never have both profiles on at the same time. Surprisingly the crossdresser profile receives more than 30 views per night with multiple messages of “Welcome and Good Luck in Your Search!” Outside of these polite messages, there have not been any takers.

On the other hand, my man profile would seem perfect for many women after reading their profiles. But for some reason the interest just is not there. IT receives fewer views, even after sending cordial hellos to many women. In the last seven days, since this profile has been up, I have received less than ten messages. I believe women are afraid of the man, but see the CD as just another woman. It is really strange, and this is from good to stunning women.

[DemonicDaughter]

For those of you who are unsure of whether or not to tell someone right away, put yourself in the other person's shoes. What if you were dating/married to someone for any length of time and they suddenly spring a BIG personality issue on you? What if they told you they were once a man/woman? What if they stated they use to be a prostitute or a drug addict? What if they said they were Muslim instead of whatever religion they claimed originally? (These are just examples of big personality difference and NOT a stab at anyone's lifestyle, occupation or beliefs.) If it doesn't change how you feel about them, then give them the same opportunity to make that choice for themselves. If you have issues with it, would it have been better to know up front?

The truth is, it depends on the person and the level of comfortableness. Some people look for CDers. Some just need to be educated a bit.

To instantly hide a secret does two things:

A) Implies you care for someone that doesn't know the "real" you and what does that say about yourself?

B) Never gives the person the opportunity to know who you really are... and anyone could wonder why most partners are upset when they are told after years of dating/marriage. You would feel you didn't know your partner either were the shoe on the other foot.

[Stargirl]

I will take the whole "diamond." Imperfect ? I would hope so. What good is a perfect diamond ? His male component, or his female component ? I can't neglect one for the other. They are a package. Love is a gift, not a competition. Conditional love says " I would love you more...if you...." Hell with that. Who wants to be saddled by a bunch of rules ?
We either love one another, or we don't. Of course, the flame can get low, but that's to be expected in this material world.

[KittenKraske]

I would agree with the predominate opinion that you should be honest and up front about who you are and what you want. Odds are that if you hide it or lie, you may well sabotage your chances later. I have noticed that alot of the time when a woman finds out her husband is a CDer it puts immense strain on the relationship, often causing it to collapse. I was EXTREMELY fortunate to find a bi-sexual mate who really appreciates the woman in me. She feels that she now gets the best of both worlds and is excited as she could be. I think that A)you need to be really patient, and I mean patient! DO NOT hold expectations just put yourself out there as you are and be friendly and honest, but don't allow yourself to get desperate, that puts energy out that most people don't respond to. and B)Perhaps start searching for a bi-sexual woman, it may be a long shot but I think finding love usually is anyway so it is worth a try. I wish you all the best!

[crunchysoda]

Hmmm, tough to find a one size fits all answer. The only thing I keep thinking is "love is blind" but you have to get your foot in the door so to speak first.

A good friend tends to do some casual talk in online dating forums, it's always given him a good idea if he can trust the person to tell them without getting either no response ever again or question if they are sane. He recently found someone after about a month of chit-chatting (about 2 evenings a week) and said he really felt like there was a connection - did she feel the same? When she said yes, he told her he had a "secret", one that might scare her off. She also replied she had a secret as well!

They finally met up and its gone swimmingly for both and she confessed that her first marriage ended because her ex left her for another man. Of course she didn't tell him that at first.

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet and as one friend of mine says "I don't have a few skeletons, I've got a grave yard!"

Take it for what it's worth, I think getting an idea of what the person is like first may be easier.

I really like what she said, yeah that!
I mean telling someone first time you speak to them, they don't have a chance to get to know the whole you, but keeping it a secret till your ready to propose IMO is way way way too long.

Get your foot in the door but not not so deep in the relationship that both parties will feel beyond devastated if the relationship doesn't continue. Don't give your life story on the first date, but after a few dates where your like "I really like this woman, Id like us to be in a committed relationship(not marriage just boyfriend/girlfriend)" then that would be a good time to tell her, IMO.

Also you keep mentioning, "Very good to stunning looking women", seems you have expectations as well. We all have expectations of course, not saying you should settle for someone you aren't attracted to, but you keep mentioning this as a major factor.
Cliché time: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", "Beauty is only skin deep"
also those "stunning women" tend (generalizing) to be very high maintenance.

Just saying if you want others to be open minded maybe you should be too? I'm not trying to point the finger, just some observations.

[Ema1234 GG]

When it comes to dating good looking, very good looking, and stunning women are threatened by the competition.

How would you know? Are you a good looking, very good looking for stunning GG? No, then please don't presume to answer for us.

How on earth do you know it's about competition? Maybe it's because they aren't bi, they don't find women attractive, they want to date someone they perceive as "all man" and don't want to get into anything that's more complicated than it needs to be.

And you're saying they are being too picky when it comes to dating. From your post, you come across as someone who is looking only at the superficial aspects of these women... Perhaps if you focused a little less on looks, and tried instead to find a person with a nice personality you might find someone whose more likely to see past such things.