Food for Thought

[Maria2004]

So then the result for you of that thread was that you locked your closet door firmly shut to save your wife possible feelings of embarrassment or discomfort?

No, I was already out, had been out, I shut down to have a heart to heart with my wife, and re-evaluate our relationship and my dressing in light of this revelation that she felt that way. We've come to a new and better understanding and I'm more sensitive to her comfort level. I learned that finding out was such a severe blow, that when I'm pushing the envelope past the point she is ready to follow she can PTSD and I don't want that to happen.

[Melanie R]

This would never happen in my case. My wife loves my femininity as well as my masculinity as I love her femininity and her masculinity. I do know two couples where the wife did come out as a female to male crossdresser. In one of the couples the CD lives full time while the wife dresses as a woman for work and spends all of her time away from the job living as a man. With the other couple the wife lives full time as a man and the husband is enfemme most of the time away from the job. Both of these couples have very solid relationships.

[Joan Lea]

I see your point of view. But it wouldn't bother me in the least. I would love it. She is still the same person. It would certainly add spice to you life.

Joan Lea

[Ruth]

I understand what the original poster is trying to create, but I don't think it works as the opposite of MtF CDing. We try to look like well dressed women, not female slobs. (Or do some of you go for the ****ty, disarranged look?)

[Eugenie]

Interesting "thought experiment" indeed.

If she would tell me quite rudely about her FtM crossdressing mainly by exposing herself without any warning, just as you said, I might be upset for the same reason many GGs are upset: First for being put directly in front of the situation, then after calming somewhat, then I would be even more furious: "Why did you hide this to me for all these years? Why didn't you trust me?"

On the other question "Would I have married her if she had told me?" I can't answer. It may have depended upon what my own nature was. I might have reacted differently if I had always been a crossdresser myself than if the idea of crossdressing never crossed my mind (pun intended)...

But perhaps the "thought experiment" could be pushed further on: what if you suspected that your wife (S/O) was a FtM crossdresser and didn't tell you?

Last "thought experiment": did you ever think that she could be a FtM crossdresser and you just don't know? Just as many here do to their wives or S/Os...


Eugenie

[sandra-leigh]

Last "thought experiment": did you ever think that she could be a FtM crossdresser and you just don't know? Just as many here do to their wives or S/Os...

My wife? No, not likely. She has relatively low impulse control when it comes to buying niceities for herself; I would likely soon find out about it by signing for some package or other ordered over the internet. Hiding something like that from me would be enough of a strain on her behaviour that I would likely notice the spill-over as she cut down on buying other things.

On the other hand, I have a fairly high impulse control (at least in guy mode), much more the type to pre-plan purchases with an eye to the practical operation of concealing it ("Okay, hold off on this until Thursday night because she's working an hour later that night, which would give me time to get to the store and get home before her provided I get out of the store in time to take the 5:47pm #42 bus and transfer to {<etc>}")

[CLARRISA]

I'll make myself unpopular and just say what danicd wants to hear and give GG's that "oh is it really you chavanist pig". and thats.."Its different if you're man"..

[LACD]

Me walking in and finding wife/so in mens' wear? I think I would be dreaming. Seriously, don't women dress in mens wear almost every day? I see women in jeans, t-shirts, ball caps, etc., eveeryday. I would enjoy it if my wife would try some mens clothes on. I don't think she would, but maybe it give her a good idea of how I like womens clothes. At least she is accepting of my CD'ing. Anyway, I agree with the others, get that cigar outside.

[Amy Hepker]

It does not or would not bother me as I know what it is like. The thing is, is that, that is acceptable where what we do is not.

[Danicd]

When I said I guess what I should have said was I guess I should try to explain. The purpose of this exercise was to try and understand and respect others for there feelings and emotions just as we want others to respect and understand ours. By putting ourselfs in another persons position it sometimes helps us to decide how to handle different situations. I sincerely wish the world and society were different but we do have to live with what we have. All of us are different and have different situations to deal with. Personally I am not an advocate of anything but making good choices and living life without regrets.

Love and Happiness to All
Dani

[jessielee]

Dani's call to empathy thought experiment is very good to bear in mind.
a major difference between many of different genders, however, is i beliee more ggs are fine with gong out with their intimate female friends and partners whereas many men fear the way society would look uupin them being out together, unless it was bowluig, or at a sporting event, these are cliches, but you know what i mean. there is out and there is "out."
ot tomboy, i like that.
once dressed a platonic friend girl in a tuxedo for a job interview, even tied her bowtie, the old fashioned kind. never seemed masculine in the least. in fact, hot was and is hot.
but drinking my beer is too much. what's next, leaving the seat up and little hairs in the sink and on the soap? belching tunes? scratching in public?
ewwwww.
jessie
(don't drink or smoke or go out with guys who do!)

[Laura Jane]

this beautifull woman who alway's dressed and acted like a real girly girl. .... you come home unexpected and found her sitting in your recliner wearing nothing but your t-shirt, boxers, and work socks no make-up jewelry nothing. (maybe smoking a cigar and drinking your beer)

Does rather miss the point that women can dress in male mode in eveyday life and no on bats an eye, unlike a CDer wanting to dress feminine Couldn't see the scenario you paint coming true out of the Blue, ie dressing ultra feminine all the time then bam!

Now, if we talked about a tomboyish girl saying she wanted to grow or wear facial hair etc you might be more on the same level!

[charlie]

I can't stop thinking about how some of us feel about coming out to our SO's. So, I thought I'd try to put a different spin on it. Try if you can to imagine that you fell in love with this beautifull woman who alway's dressed and acted like a real girly girl. After you have been together for a number of years one night you come home unexpected and found her sitting in your recliner wearing nothing but your t-shirt, boxers, and work socks no make-up jewelry nothing. (maybe smoking a cigar and drinking your beer). You are shocked that she is not wearing her usuall nighty. So, you ask her what this is all about and she tells you that all her life she has secretly dressed as a man and felt more like herself this way. She goes on to tell you that she often wears your business suits and hides her hair when your not around. She, also say's that instead of Jeniffer she refers to herself as Jeff when dressed this way. She tells you she would love to make love this way and possibly try to go out and pass as a man. (I think you get the point by now). My question is would you want everybody to know that she dresses this way and would you be uncomfortable going out with her dressed this way. Another question is would you still have fallen in love with her if she told you this from the beginning or would you think differently finding out her secret later. Would you think she might be gay and want to be with another woman?

Wonderful point...and quite terrifying as well! I would noit accept it, so how could my wife?