I went through nearly three weeks with no desire at all to dress. Yesterday was the first time that I dressed for a long time. It went good I guess, I enjoyed it but not as well as in the past. For that time that I didn't dress I was thinking a lot about quitting and selling my clothes. I guess I still kind of want to, anyway, I guess I am back for now.
Good to have you back Jill.... Whatever you do, if you dont have to get rid of your clothes, then don't.. You will end up kicking yourself in the butt later. Sure sometimes the feelings fade for an amount of time, but if they have been with you for a good part of your life, they will return again.. Maybe you just need to go thru that to understand, I dont know for sure.. If dressing is disturbing you somehow, then you may be right to try and move past it. Chances are though, that someday, something you see or hear will trigger your desire again and you will be scrounging for toilet paper to stuff a bra with, for the simple fact that you threw away your breastforms...lol..
You know whats best for you.
Follow your heart, Vanessa...
[SIZE=3]"It's All an Illusion...."[/SIZE]
It is so true Jill. If you toss your stuff you are going to regret it.I have been in the same boat like you where I didn't want anything to do it. I felt it was morally disgusting but it is a part of who you are and absolutely nothing will change that.Trust me I have tried. Don't do something that you are going to regret.Please reconsider if you need a Utah sister to support you I am here
Jessica
Jill,
Welcome back! Three weeks seems like a long time doesn't it? I once went for two years, although at the end of that time I was trying to repress the re-emerging feelings.
Imagine for one moment what you would be feeling about crossdressing if there were an open and accepting attitude toward it. Imagine being able to go out in public without fear of persecution. Imagine being able to put on your favorite outfit and take a walk, say hi to neighbors, pick up a paper, grab an ice cream cone, sit and chat with a friend - all just like you do in male mode with no change in reaction. If you can imagine this and still say you would want to quit crossdressing if this were a reality, then I'd say, sell, burn or whatever your girl stuff. If however you would like a world like I described then you most likely are like the rest of us. We've all been through the purge state only to regret it later. All you're doing is throwing money out the window unless you're planning on quitting for any length of time where the fashions change.
Jill, we will always be here for you. Feel lucky you have this outlet. Most of us older CDers had to weather the storm alone and I'd rather not have to describe how terribly lonely that was.
Your cybersister,
Julie
Last edited by Julie; 06-26-2004 at 09:35 PM.
I agree 100% ... if you want to take some time off then do it. But don't throw the clothes and shoes out unless you absolutely have to. Been there done that numerous times and there is a pair of pumps I burned when I was in my early 20 that I'd kill to have back today!
Just pack them up, put them in a safe place ... just in case you change your mind later on. No matter what reason I've quit (religious, embarassment, whatever .. I've probably done them all) I've always found my way back. And now in my early 50s have finally accepted who I am.
Hi Jill, welcome back! your going through growing pains, we all have pretty much tossed everything and say "I quit". Then go out and purchase a more expensive inventory. As we start to accept this thing, who we are. It gets easier. More fun! What you resist will persist, let it flow like a river, so to speak. Collette
You have really gotten some overwhelmingly positive advice in as much as keeping your stuff! Think of it, a good pair of shoes, $40+, a good wig costs over $100, don't even make me think of how much I paid for my forms and the dresses, shirts, sweaters, blouses and not to mention the price of pantyhose... sheeesh! It costs ALOT of money to look and feel good. I didn't say these things to sway you one way or the other but for you to realize that this is a part of you and your the only one to decide but do remember what has been said here. I don't think of the money I have spent just on wigs alone... I could have gotten several very expensive fly rods (maybe even bamboo ones!!!!) that is my other hobby that keeps me sane. This is a part time thing for me and I have enjoyed it for years but I know I need to do this. Summertime is my "lull" time as my loves are angora and mohair. Having needed to dress tonight for what was 6 hours (but wasn't able to go out like I wanted), it satisfied the need for awhile. Even with the air conditioning cranked up having this great 80% purple angora dress I absolutely love on with a waist length wig... phew, my makeup almost melted.
Realize that this is a part of you and you ARE in control. Enjoy what gives you pleasure and welcome back to your whole being!!!
Hi Jill, Welcome back!!!The words were taken out of my mouth by all the other girls who posted here.
H & K
Jenny K
It has been close to three weeks since I crossdressed last, as well. Like Jill said the feeling is not there anymore. I am going to keep my clothes just in case. I do still check the website once or wice a week. There is a lot of good informaion on it and the support we give each other is GREAT!!
Last edited by AmyH; 06-28-2004 at 12:33 PM. Reason: typos
Julie, you gave me some food for thought, the thought of a world or society where I could wear whatever I wanted and nobody would care or even show signs of notice. That is a good thought, but unofortunately a world that will never exist.
Never say never!
Hi Jill,
I won't even begin repeat what all the others have said even though I agree.
But, if you have been following Julie's posts about the Be-All and the reaction she has gotten from people in general, it seems clear that the world she asked you to imagine is starting to become a reality.
Rachel's Out and About posts also serve to reinforce that observation.
I have read so many posts on this board and others about CDrs' experiences that I have to believe that the day will soon arrive when we can all walk out of our homes, wearing whatever feels comfortable, and join our neighbors at the corner ice cream stand.
Most of the inhibition preventing us from doing just that is in our own minds. A prison, as Julie said, built of our own feelings of fear.
Accept yourself for who you are. Love yourself for the person you are. The rest will take care of itself.
I'm basing my feelings on the reactions of people around me to CDing. A lot of CDers go out dressed and don't get any adverse reactions but I just don't think that people really say anything to them, even though I am sure that most people that see them just think they are women. But it seems like I see a lot of crossdressers on cable tv these days. Men dressed as women or a CD related topic. My room mates reaction alone is enough to tell me that we will never be accepted, he is appalled by it. (I hope he never catches me.) Last Halloween my friends boyfriend's costume was him all en femme, the wig the heels, everything. To me that was a sure sign that the man is a crossdresser and when I mentioned the possibility to her she said that if that was the case she would dumb him right away and "that is really sick." I am just basing my feelings of acceptance from the reactions of those around me and my experiences.
What is being portrayed on TV is still the stereotypical view of the "drag queen" that has little to do with who CDrs really are. Perhaps it has been cleaned up a bit but only superficially. Someday, perhaps, the entertainment industry will get a clue. Whenever I see one of those programs my reaction is similar to your roomate's. And I AM a CD.
Only you can know what is in your heart. Only you can know what is right for you. Don't let the biased views of others cloud your inner view of yourself.
When you ask yourself "am I a CD", the true answer will come from within. It will not come from your roomate and it will not come from us.
The thought of wearing feminine attire is just like sex to grows strong and grows weak highs lows. But the girls are right it will never go away.
Oh it may go for weeks perhaps years but it will return always.
We may not walk down the street in a dress & high heels but someday perhaps decades it will be the norm.
Still never be ashamed in enjoying being in skirts you are normal.
Many guys are just like you. And many are here most are not.
You know many men and some have your secret, they wear skirts and dresses at home they too don't know that you do.
If a crossdressing day came around and [dream on Elinor] all crossdressers walked out in dresses we would all be suprised who was one of us! And how many.
Still the girls have given good advice. Purge will only cost money. But hey you will have a new girlie wardrobe girlfriend.
Jill:
I too was unable to dress for almost three weeks. However, unlike you, my urges were with me throughout the period. And these desires grew stronger as the day approached when I could again wear my breast forms, bras, panties, pantyhose, and heels once again.
Like many others including myself are recommending, your purging is not the way to go. Just pack your clothes up and store them. And when you do decide to rejoin us, we'll welcome you back with opened arms, smiling faces, and all dressed up.
Hugs,
Paula J.
Love to wear matching bras, panties, and garter belts
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