Right so as some of you may know, I've been going out with a pre-op MTF TS since mid- February.

I've been having some doubts... First of all, Dianne is a really sweet girl. She's caring and is the kind of person who would do anything for anyone. She's always been really nice to me, and we've never had any sort of an argument. Disagreement, maybe, but it never escalated at all. I'm lucky in that way, I suppose. And she's always been completely honest with me regarding her past.

But there are so many things stacked against us that I'm beginning to wonder if it's a good idea to be in this relationship at all. My problem is I don't want to leave but I think it might be better if I did. The other problem is, if I did decide to end it I would want to remain friends, but the temptation of taking it to a more physical level would always be there, and I don't know if I could refrain from playing touchy feely. I don't want to lose a friend. But I don't want to lose a girlfriend. I can't stand not being in a relationship, and this is the only good one I've ever had... And the prospects don't look good for me. I'm not the type of person guys go after.

So here are the problems:

1. We're both TG, which, while society would deem that a big obstacle, that is the least of our worries.

2. My mum won't let me see Dianne, and my dad doesn't even know we're seeing each other. I hate sneaking around but if I want to see her (which I do) I kind of have to.

3. The age difference. I'm 18, she's *gulp* 50. That's not really too much of a problem for now, but if this were to progress into, say, a marriage with kids, then it would become a huge deal. This is the main reason my mum won't let me see her.

4. Dianne still lives with her ex- wife Jeanne. I'm pretty sure she's not over Jeanne, but she really does want to be. Jeanne is very jealous (of me in particular-- she doesn't mine Dianne having flings but when feelings are involved she takes personal offence), and loves to start arguments for no reason. I've witnessed this.

5. Dianne used to have a drug problem. She was a big user of, well, pretty much everything. Pot, coke, meth, heroin, mesc, pills, peyote, acid, you name it, she did it. She quit using 8 years ago... But when I was with her at her friend's house one time they brought out the meth and snorted some. Of course, being "responsible" (ha!) they said if they ever caught me doing that they'd smack me upside the head. I didn't like the idea of Di using at all, obviously, so I told her later "look, I don't mind the weed or alcohol-- that's not a huge problem. I do it myself occasionally. And I can't stop you from doing drugs. But don't do it around me. I don't want to get involved. I could care less if your friends do, as long as I don't get into trouble, but don't use the hard shit around me." So she said ok. The next time we went to her friend's house, she didn't do anything but took some meth home with her to mainline later. So that was... considerate but I still have a problem.
She's not abusing drugs anymore. I know for a fact those were the only two times since I met her she's done anything harder than weed. And it's a start, but if she can limit it, then she can quit altogether.

6. Lately she's been pretty much ignoring me. We used to talk online all the bloody time, and when we weren't IMing we were on the phone or with each other physically a lot of the time. Then she got sick (the flu, same as me, for about a month, and then ulcers) and as soon as the ulcers started the contact dropped off significantly. I don't like to call because Jeanne answers and I don't like talking to her, even for a minute really. Every time I'd call to see if I could come over or pick her up, she didn't want to go. I understand about the ulcer pain-- I've dealt with that myself. But, for instance, last Thursday I talked to her and she said she was in a lot of pain, and then the next day we went out to a club with a couple of her friends and one of mine, and she seemed to be feeling just fine (apart from a fingernail that kept falling off. And when we were at the club, instead of pawing me all over like she used to, I was paying her all the attention in the world and she didn't reciprocate hardly at all, and a lot of the time she was off looking for a friend, leaving me alone with my friend.
She apologised today for seeming distant, in a slightly cryptic IM which I won't go into since this post is long enough already, but it almost seemed like she was trying to patch things up and maybe even get back "together" with Jeanne. But she did say she still wanted to be with me. However, she didn't say she loved me which is very odd for her. She has said many times that she doesn't think she's good for me, and she doesn't want to cause me any problems. Until now I have always thought, hey, love will conquer all. But now it's getting a bit too much for me to handle.

7. She doesn't have a job, which is the main reason she still lives with Jeanne.

So... since I don't want to just drop her... I was thinking of pointing all of this out to her and saying, "hey look... these are some obvious problems that you need to work through. I want to give you some time to do that. So why don't we give each other some time alone, and after that time if you've at least made an honest effort and some headway, then we'll see about spending time together again. But if not, then I don't think I can deal with this any more."

Or maybe I should just ask what's going on with her and if she thinks this whole thing is a good idea...

Any opinions? And I'm sorry for the ridiculously long post, but this has really been eating at me. In all honesty, it's the lack of attention that bothers me the most out of all this.

Phhhh. I'm confused as hell.