Wife says OK! Should I play?

[Stapler]

The last time I was here was in 2006.

Since then my wife and I have enjoyed dressing me up many times.

She is not turned on by it as I am however she enjoys doing my hair and makeup.

I have thought seriously about going out and meeting a man as being (romanticaly) with a guy while I am dressed up apeals to me. We role play and we imagine and tell stories while we are in bed about these fantasies and I simply asked her what she seriously thought of the idea.

While not being entirely over the moon about it and feeling a little threatened by it which I feel it quite natural, I told her that I actually would be OK if she just plainly said "NO" if that is how she felt.

My problem is that in 16 years of being together I have never strayed other than pashing with some drunk while I was drunk too quite some time ago. I value my relationship and I wonder whether sleeping with a guy with no guilt from "cheeting" is something I really want to do and if it is whether I can live with it OK.

What are your thoughts?

[Annaliese]

Cheeting is cheeting. Your wife in not ok with it. So NO!!!!!!

[Kieron Andrew]

nuh uhh deal breaker right there, you married your SO for better or worse, cheating is cheating! you wanna sleep with a man, then leave the wife alone

[Vicky_Scot]

I will probably be accused of being unsupportive but imagine putting your wife of 16 years in that position.

Fantasies and real life are completely different.

The headline state the wife says ok but I can not see where in your post that your wife says it's ok.

[lu-bunny]

if she said it was ok, in my mind it isn't cheating and she has no right get mad if you do, she shouldn't have said ok if she really wasn't ok with it.

[Dee Jay]

Some fantasies are best left fantasies.
Fulfilling this one could ruin everything.
Leave it alone and stay faithful to your wife. You are lucky to have her, so don't risk losing her.

DJ

[Desiree2bababe]

Go for IT if she says OK. Maybe let her pick out the man.

[KimberlyS]

Saying ok is one thing. Being ok with it afterwards is something else. If there was any hesitation to your wifes answer I would say no. Also double check with her on her answer if it was yes. How do you feel about her being with another guy? Some can deal with having a more open relationship. Most people from an article I read, need the one to one commitment in a relationship. The article went on to state that even if the relationship stayed together after wards, the relationship was never the same and usually for the worse. It also stated it mattered little if the third party relationship was once or multiple times and if it was known ahead of time or behind the back of the other person (ie cheating). And the one affected was not always the other partner. Often the partner that had the other relationship changed in how they were within the main relationship being more distant and less involved.

Just some thoughts. I found it an interesting article at the time and have referred to the information multiple times. I just wish I could reference the source. It was pre-internet in some magazine if I remember correctly.

[Stapler]

Thankyou all for your replies.

[jaina]

When she says its ok, its not cheating.

[kim85]

If it was me id say stay clear, maybe she said yes in fear........ fear that she may lose you and wants to keep you happy.
How would you feel if she turned and said to you she wanted a night out with another male who doesnt dress !!!! Would you be able to still look at your wife the same way

Just my thoughts
Kim
xxx

[MJ]

NO please don't do that. as Kim said how would you feel if it was your wife !!!
Be Thankful of what you have . you may end up losing it all !!

How come you don't look at each human being male or female as a biological hazard until medical cleared ? eww . i am sorry if i had a wonderful woman i make dame sure i do my best to keep her ... i am not a big fan of the clapper

[UASIANGAL]

The last time I was here was in 2006.
I value my relationship and I wonder whether sleeping with a guy with no guilt from "cheeting" is something I really want to do and if it is whether I can live with it OK.

What are your thoughts?

My personal feelings on this is a bit shocking. First, I would think you are bisexual now? If you have realized this, it is great that you have come out about it to your wife, along with CDing (which most folks thinks we are gay anyhow!). Let's not fool ourselves, your wife is NOT ENJOYING any of this and maybe she also wants to stay a marriage too after 16 years as change is hard. I would not want to have another relationship if I was married since I have signed a legally binding contact to be faithful. I would get a divorce, set my spouse free and if we can still be friends and lovers, wonderful. It is great to indulge in one's fantasies, but I would not do so if it would hurt someone I loved. Where is our sense of moral responsibility? In this case, if you were single, I would say absolutely go for it, but here, I really feel sympathy for your wife.

[UASIANGAL]

When she says its ok, its not cheating.

Yes, this is cheating. A signed marriage contact supercedes a verbal approval. Try proving she said yes in court!

[guardian832]

The words "feeling a little bit threatened" should be screaming the answer into your head; cheating is cheating, and it's just plain WRONG to consider doing that to someone who has been at your side for so many years

[Dana]

No! Just that plain and simple!

Its a fantasy of yours and fantasy seldom matches up to reality!

[~Seana~]

Sigh. Mine may be an unpopular answer here.

I'm about to be married, less than 2 months in fact. I love her dearly and intend to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm also ethically polyamorous. I DO have relationships with men. My spouse has absolutely no fear whatsoever I'll ever leave her for a man. Bear in mind she also CD's and is ALSO polyamorous. She has a GG girl who has some male personass as well. Welcome to the gender****.
Now my fiance DOES have problems if I was to play with females. So I shy away from them, and that includes anyone who starts transition through HRT...off limits. By limiting the people and being respectful of others feelings poly families can work extremely well. Mutual and regularly scheduled STD testing makes sure that nothing slips into your circle . And I wont play with anyone who isnt either single or who's partner isnt both aware and consenting. That eliminates alot of partners. Think of it as being an ethical ****.

So when I see a post like this I ask myself:
1) are yoou willing to be respectful of your partners wishes and feelings?
2) is she ok with it?
3) How would you feel if she TOO took on a partner?
4) are you prepared to march your ass to the doctors every month and get tested and to be vigilent and assurtain that your partners are going to do so so your lovely and accepting wife doesn catch hepc HIV or clamydia?

Think about it

[UASIANGAL]

Gee Amanda, did you just hijacked this forum!?
I just wonder why bother getting married? Will you be changing the marriage contact so you both DO NOT have to be faithful to each other. Maybe there are tax benefits to being married or you want to have children. Good luck and congratulations. I would envy an open and CD accepting relationship like yours and you sure are challenging the concept of marriage!

[shalini_ukunge]

Some couples handle open relationships quite well, but only if it was part of the deal before marriage. Otherwise, cheating is cheating, and your marriage will never be the same again.

Don't do it under any circumstances. But the very fact that she said it was OK is worrying...

Take care, be safe.

Shalini

[~Seana~]

Gee Amanda, did you just hijacked this forum!?
I just wonder why bother getting married? Will you be changing the marriage contact so you both DO NOT have to be faithful to each other. Maybe there are tax benefits to being married or you want to have children. Good luck and congratulations. I would envy an open and CD accepting relationship like yours and you sure are challenging the concept of marriage!

Sweetie i have children. One by her. Two from a prior partner. She also has a child who I stepfather. Very full life.Why bother getting married? Because she's my primary partner and I intend to spend the rest of my life with her. She introduced me to poly. Slowly. I accepted slowly and I've become quite happy with my life. My needs are met. Hers are met. YOu just have to look at it differently. If you love someone does it not make sense that you want to see them happy? If THEIR needs arent being met they arent likely to be.

[KimberlyS]

Amanda that is a great response for that type of relationship. I think what is key is:

She introduced me to poly. Slowly. I accepted slowly and I've become quite happy with my life. My needs are met. Hers are met. You just have to look at it differently.

This was not an over night decision of yours. It was not something you jumped into for the long term. And it is not "play" to you. And it is known pre-marriage.

It is a similar thing we go through with being CD, TG, TS and homosexual. The world most of us grew up in has been defined:

Marriage = 1 Man + 1 Woman]

What ever your beliefs, religion, society most of us have had that equation ingrained in our heads and within who we are. It all comes down to acceptance of others that are different than yourself. As long as they are not affecting and hurting others, and if it works for them I say great. It is a situation many fantasize about. But for most of us our reality and what works for us is my previous post and the fact that one man and one woman is the marriage relationship that works.

P.S. I personally think Stapler and wife need to go toy shopping. Adult toys that is. Maybe his wife will enjoy sticking it to him and that will be all he needs. Or he may get over these thoughts really quick.

[StephanieH]

[SIZE="3"]Absolutely NOT! Cheating is cheating is cheating. If you've got a tolerant and supportive wife, enjoy her and cherish her, role play all you want, have the fantasy if you want, but once you cross that threshold I think you can kiss those sixteen years of marital bliss goodbye, and I wouldn't blame her.[/SIZE]

[victoriamwilliams1]

Cheating is cheating, IMO no!

[Jodie_Lynn]

Its been said before, but bears repeating:
Cheating is cheating. You are violating your marriage vows to play with another person, whether it is male or female or in between, and whether or not your spouse gives you consent.


And, if you DO go out and sleep with another man, do you think your wife will ever look at you the same way again? Seeing as how she is tolerant, but not thrilled with your femme persona.

[brendaisagirl]

Cheating is cheating, does not change your marriage vows just because is turns you on.
Brenda