What is everyones problem?

[RikkiOfLA]

Just for fun, I'm going assume that the title of this thread is a legitimate question, not a rhetorical one.

What is everyone's problem? Homophobia.

I'm not assuming you're gay. They are assuming that. And they're afraid of you because of that assumption.

In modern society, men have power. And like all power, people expect that power be exercised "properly." Men have a dress code, where women (who as a gender are not as powerful) do not have as much of one. Women can wear anything they like. Men have to dress a certain way, like people in uniform, because they have power. (Please don't take this as a slur on women. There are lots of individual women who have power because of occupation etc. and they have dress codes too.) If you violate your dress code, people feel they have a right to know why. And a man in a skirt violates the dress code, but it isn't clear enough why he's violating it. He's making a statement maybe, but not a clear one. If he dresses and acts more like a stereotype (hippie, effeminate gay, clown, guy who is so rough and tough he can dress however he wants, etc.) there won't be the stares.

Before I went full time, I used to dress androgynously a lot. I got stared at a lot too. I learned to stare back, with a kind of "What's your problem?" look in my face. I stared them down, in other words. It's a good skill to learn--it comes in handy for crossdressers. Women in miniskirts have to do the same thing. So do women who are dressed waaaaay out of fashion. In fact, I noticed that I had to do it less when I crossdressed than when I was dressed androgynously! When I went full time, life became easier (than dressing androgynously).

I figured out that by staring the starers down, I was conforming to the last of my stereotypes two paragraphs back--I was being the guy who is so rough and tough he can dress however he wants! It works. But wasn't I going round and round the gender tree?

Blessings,
Rikki

[Daphne]

I have to agree with MJ on this one. WE live in a scocity that still thinks in only 2 dementions, or genders. To them all crossdressers, and the like are nuts. It's only thoes rare individuals, that don't care what the person is, that accept us.
I know as an excample. The city I use to live in, Id see people dressed as goth or punk, and my gut reaction, Im sorry to say was: 'Stay the heck away from me, you weirdos' Now thoes people could be the nicest people you could meet. But because they look the way the do. You think of them as weird.
Maybe noname did look like a man in a skirt, that I don't know. Not all of us can pass in puplic.
But as either MJ or someone else said. There are alot of ignorint people out there. And your going to encounter them, all you can do is 'try' and not let it bother you.

[Deborah Jane]

Why don,t we just get T,shirts with...
[SIZE="4"]I,m a Crossdresser
Deal with it[/SIZE]
Emblazoned across the front...
If nothing else, they won,t wander what we are!!!

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Why don,t we just get T,shirts with...
[SIZE="4"]I,m a Crossdresser
Deal with it[/SIZE]
Emblazoned across the front...
If nothing else, they won,t wander what we are!!!

^Want.

Eye contact & a friendly smile will most times defuse the situation.

I agree. Showing fear or frusteration to a predator makes you a tastier prey.

[Julie York]

I've been out sometimes in my pink fluffy bunny rabbit costume and people stare.


I think they are just ignorant.

[jill s]

I once wore a tail, it was about 3 ft long and was spotted like a Dalmation. I wore it everywhere for a few days. Many just pointed and snickered but some were scared. Some people can't deal with new or unfamiliar stuff i.e. trannies, gays, marriages outside the family tree. You/we are a threat to some small minded folks.

[Sophia KT]

They are dim people, ignore them. You have enriched their lives by presenting something they only avoid reading about in books; they stare because they don't know what else to do, hence 'dimwits'.


Sophia

[Joy Carter]

I've been out sometimes in my pink fluffy bunny rabbit costume and people stare.


I think they are just ignorant.

I'm watching you too see where you hide your eggs...........They do that in the isles don't they ?

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

small minds cant wrap around the fact that some men want to wear womens clothes......fukthat..womens clothes/mens clothes...this country is so sexualy repressed it aint funny........

only live once,,,live your life the way YOU want to live it

[Beth785]

Just a little bit o background info. I'm an engineer for a railroad. I drive trains. There are 2 people on the train, me and the conductor. It's a rule that when we are stopped and are meeting another train, we have to get down on the ground and inspect the other train. Sometimes, we are on this train alone together for almost 12 hours, not being able to read a newspaper, a book, or basically anything fun. We have to be very creative to entertain ourselves. The other day, I made me a tin foil hat. I got down and inspected a passing train wearing the hat. When they went by, they were staring, pointing and laughing. So, to bring my point in this mess, if someone sees something they are not used to seeing, ie a guy wearing a tin foil hat, or a guy in a skirt, they don't know what to make of it. They just keep looking at it until it's either out of view or until their brain makes some sort of sense of it. Same deal as someone mentioned before about wearing a rabbit costume. People are afraid of the unknown. When they are afraid of something, they usually attack it, most likely in a verbal way.

[Stephanie Anne]

Do not ever expect to live in a world that accepts your way of life. People crave anonymity and as such normalcy in not making a statement.

Whenever someone does or acts or looks in a way outside the accepted means of not making a scene and fitting in, they get stared at, made fun of, and/or rejected.

You cannot expect people to just roll over and think what you do and did was normal and not have a reaction.

If you want to continue to do as you did then you need to accept you will be singled out until such time as you can become transparent in society.

By being a man in women's clothes in public you made people feel uncomfortable and awkward and as such they reacted. Learn to deal with it or don't but I am afraid that like MJ I just can't have sympathy for the odd man out until such time as we become accepted.

[RichardCD]

I have always wondered if the not understanding and starring goes back to out primal instincts. The male of the species that was most attractive was the most lets say "manly looking". I often wonder if it is just the survival instincts that kick in ?
I in no way mean we are not evolved enough to understand. We all are. But from what I have read and what was taught to me, was the weaker of the male species was the odd man out. Now take a man and dress him in anything feminine and he automatically becomes the odd man out. The weaker of the species if you will, in the minds of others.
I am hoping this makes sense.

I was in NYC at Christmas time and I seen 2 men that were crossdressers. They looked very nice, and almost completely passable. My girlfriend glanced and never said a word.
I on the other hand looked at them and tried to make some eye contact, and I did.
Then I smiled and nodded my head at them as to say "GOOD FOR YOU!!"
They both smiled back and just kept talking to each other as they walked as a lot of others gawked at them. Some people just glanced, others whispered.

I personally could never pass as a woman. I am told I have a "Very Intimidating Look". When ever I am out and alone, people will avoid me. I walk through a store and people step aside. I am not sure if I give off some vibe that makes people be weary of me or what. If they took the time to get to know me they would see that I enjoy talking to new people. I love to make people laugh, and do very often. My girlfriend says one day I am going to kill her death by laughter. But my appearance just me as I am makes people not want to deal with me. I get looks form other guys at times for no reason. It is almost as if they think I want to fight them. I have been going through this all my life.

I have learned to just ignore people who stare at me, or move out of my way like I am covered in blood holding a Axe in my hand. I chalk it up to human nature.

[Carrie f]

You are, of course right. It's stupid, illogical and unfair. But I'm sure you realize as most of us do that life's not fair. What were all doing is outside the social norm (I personally think it will be the norm in the not too distant future. But it isn't yet).

I admire you for wearing a skirt out like that. And yes, it would be fun to look down my nose at every woman I see wearing pants and call her a pervert. At the end of the day, your complaints are legitimate but societies attitudes are only going to change over time.

I share your frustrations and agree with you. I'm just writing to remind you that the lawn mowers could have had a few drinks in them or just been having a bad day and been physically aggressive. Please be careful. Carrie

[Rachel Morley]

Why don,t we just get T,shirts with...[SIZE="4"]I,m a Crossdresser Deal with it[/SIZE]
Emblazoned across the front...If nothing else, they won,t wonder what we are!!!

I have a t-shirt like that. Here's a pic of me in 2006 saying something similar.

Just so as I don't get accused of taking the thread off topic, my take on this is .... it's the way of the world. Noname, you have my respect in going out wearing a skirt in what is otherwise boy mode. I would totally love to go out in just a short denim skirt, and a girls t-shirt with salt water sandals in the summer. The problem (if it is a problem) is that skirts are considered "girls clothes" and people are just not used to seeing guys openly wearing girls clothes. You, me and everyone else here is an anomaly as far as the rest of the regular, mainstream (boring?) world is concerned [SIZE="1"](I like being an anomaly)[/SIZE] I'm sorry to say people looking at us goes with the territory .... even if we only wear one item (a skirt) which is considered by them as "out of the ordinary"

[Jamie001]

MJ,

I suggest that you visit www.skirtcafe.org. It is a site about men who wear skirts and other feminine items without trying to pass as women. Many of the men over there integrate skirts into their normal everyday life. Please check it out before passing judgement. We are not asking for anymore freedom than a woman already has. Women wear articles of men's clothing like neckties, shoes, pants, baseball caps, tattoos, and the list goes on and on. I just want the same freedom as a man and so do a lot of folks here and on skirtcafe.

the problem is society's views a man in a skirt will draw a lot of attention all bad ..
personally i don't care what my friends wear .. there are time i too go out without makeup or forms and i get the same response as Noname ..
my point is people will always look upon us as odd ball types



Jamie ,
Please forgive me but i speak the truth .. i am all for support and god knows i have needed it . but at the same time i call it as i see it .
as i said there are days i don't Evan try to pass and i get read "is that a boy or girl .. " That or it ..is my middle name

What do you expect in a society that still thinks in a two gender way ??? clearly a man in a skirt will get noticed.. And then you freak out ..because of peoples reactions ...
sorry i call it as i see it ...
just for the record "a nut job who is a guy in a skirt !!!! .. according to them " according to THEM ...not me ..

[bgirl]

The only way to keep from taking a 'shot' is to stay out of the line of fire.
As I see it, I have two choices. One, I can spend my time worrying about what other might think and why, or Two, not care what others may think. In the least I don't want to be any more judgemental of them, then they are of me.
Ther are two types of people in the world.
Those that understand.
Those that don't.
Those that understand don't understand how those that don't understand, don't understand.
Those that don't understand, don't understand how those that do understand, can understand.
Understand? I mean what could be clearer then that?

[Deborah Jane]

I have a t-shirt like that. Here's a pic of me in 2006 saying something similar.

I want one!!!

[MarciManseau]

But why curious? They don't stare when if they see a female wearing a skirt. In my mind it's no different. As for information, there is no more information that a female wearing a skirt. I almost always wear pants, but it was such a nice day and it's what I felt like wearing.

I just want to live my life and be treated normal. Hmm.... maybe people are not normal. I'm about to the point that I'm going to start addressing every woman I see wearing pants with 'sir'.

When women first began wearing pants, they were stared at and treated badly. That didn't make them stop, and we shouldn't allow ourselves to be intimadated either.

Personally, I prefer skirts and dresses, but I know most women don't now. The men that see me dressed up and looking feminine seem to appreciate it, and that makes me feel great

Hugs, Marci

[Fab Karen]

When women first began wearing pants, they were stared at and treated badly. That didn't make them stop, and we shouldn't allow ourselves to be intimidated either.

Personally, I prefer skirts and dresses, but I know most women don't now. The men that see me dressed up and looking feminine seem to appreciate it, and that makes me feel great

Hugs, Marci

"most women" is hard to put a percentage on, as it's a fluid thing. Some do at times, some never. So, again, I think the word MANY is better. If you go down to NYC you will see some women wearing dresses/skirts.

[Amy Hepker]

I think some of you have taken MJ the wrong way, she does not condem you for dressing that way she was saying that some people and a lot of them will look at anything that is out of place or different to look at. Down here in Florida, people cause traffic jams all the time because they have to stick their nose in everybody elses business. Like accidents or even someone getting pulled over by a cop. They back up traffic for hours. They stop in the middle of the road to see what's going on.

I myself will look at any female or person in a skirt or dress, as guys that is how we were programmed to act, like all other males. I also look at any female, I am heterosexual and will search out any female and look to see how nice she looks and dresses. I get Ideas from the way GGs dress.

Please don't be to quick to judge our own kind here as we are all in this together.

[MJ]

MJ,

I suggest that you visit www.skirtcafe.org. It is a site about men who wear skirts and other feminine items without trying to pass as women. Many of the men over there integrate skirts into their normal everyday life. Please check it out before passing judgement. We are not asking for anymore freedom than a woman already has. Women wear articles of men's clothing like neckties, shoes, pants, baseball caps, tattoos, and the list goes on and on. I just want the same freedom as a man and so do a lot of folks here and on skirtcafe.

Thank you for the link ..

I think some of you have taken MJ the wrong way, she does not condem you for dressing that way she was saying that some people and a lot of them will look at anything that is out of place or different to look at. Down here in Florida, people cause traffic jams all the time because they have to stick their nose in everybody elses business. Like accidents or even someone getting pulled over by a cop. They back up traffic for hours. They stop in the middle of the road to see what's going on.

I myself will look at any female or person in a skirt or dress, as guys that is how we were programmed to act, like all other males. I also look at any female, I am heterosexual and will search out any female and look to see how nice she looks and dresses. I get Ideas from the way GGs dress.

Please don't be to quick to judge our own kind here as we are all in this together.

and thank you Amy ..

[Nicole Erin]

If a man woears a skirt, in male mode, that doesn't reveal anything private, what would be the criminal charge?

YOu know what is funny tho is when people are trying NOT to stare at something abnormal. One time I was at Walmart and found this bushy green afro wig [it was around St Patty's day] and I wore it walking around the store. [I was not en femme or anything] A few people about flinched when they saw this. Some people were trying really hard to ignore it.

Unless someone is wearing something really crazy like a bright green afro wig, I don't know why anyone would find it so fascinating. Maybe they don't get out much?

[EveMarie]

Next time wear this T, and make sure they understand the message

[Carly D.]

I love what you did.. very brave, I wish I could do that.. as far as reaction I can't say that I would have been any different.. only in my case I would be looking with awe.. wishing I could do that... to wear a skirt in public without trying to look like a girl doing it...

[DonnaT]

All I can add is, keep on doing what you want to do. The more people see it the more they'll not see it as something strange. I've gone out in guy mode wearing a jean skirt, and I think anyone else that would like to do so should go on a do it. A friend from another forum even went to college classes without wearing a wig or makeup.

Of course, like anything else, be aware of your surroundings at all times when you do.