Introductions: New Girl On The Block

[Shy Charlotte]

I've noticed that often times when I'm in a relationship with someone that I'm extremely attracted to and have great, passionate, *ahem* activities with, my urge to crossdress seems to diminish, even to the point that I look back and think "what was I thinking?". Then after a breakup or if my girlfriend doesn't do it for me anymore, I find myself falling off the wagon, as it were. I wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences, or if this is just a nuiance of myself in particular.

Just curious....
The Shy One

[shinytight]

wow,
that is a great take on it.
I agree totally, I noticed the same as well. When things are going great with the misses, the urge to dress does not even enter my mind, and if it does it is usually in the "how silly" manner. There are more dynamics at work when I desire to dress than apparent on the surface.

great perspective on that!

[CharlotteSomers]

That is the same exact thing that has happened to me. I could never figure it out. While dating someone, I've gone as long as 7-8 months (the length of the relationship) without even the desire to dress. As soon as the relationship was over, there I was again dressing. Hmm. Maybe we just need a female presence in our lives and that is our way of expressing it.

[CDKathy]

Hi All,

That is a very good thought and I am not a bit surprised at the responses so far.

No, Shy Charlotte, you are not alone in that respect. I, too, had the same experience when I was around the same age as you. Yes, I took the liberty of checking your profiles and, FYI, I am 51. The three of you are all fairly close to each other age wise. I suspect that there is a significant sexual aspect to your dressing while not in a relationship?

I believe, as others chime in, that we will find that this is a quite common thing. And, do I ever wish there was such a thing as the internet when I was going through this. I would have loved to have been able to share with someone rather than spend all those years trying to figure things out on my own.

Anyway, there seems to be something of an evolving process that takes place among CDrs. While we are younger and (dare I say it?) more sexually active, it appears that dressing tends to satisfy a need that we aren't getting another way. As we enter into relationships, now it is our partner who is doing the satisfying and the dressing goes on the back burner so to speak.

As we grow older and our "drive" tends to slow a bit, as well as becoming more comfortable with ourselves, the dressing seems to take on a more expressive role in our lives. Where we take it and how we express it varies from person to person. But, even though we may be happily married with a satisfying bedroom life, the desire to dress seems to become more pronounced rather than less as it did before. There will still be the ebbs and flows but those appear to be caused by different things than what you are experiencing now.

[Shy Charlotte]

Thanks so much for the input girls...
Regarding your posts, I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this. My average relationship length is roughly 2-3 years, so that's a long time to be away from the silk. I've often wondered if this were more a function of sexual need, realization, or both....
With my first girlfriend she was a bit of a tom-boy, and I would sometimes have to win rock-paper-scissors to even get her in a dress or skirt, and forget pantyhose or stockings. In those days my urge to dress up was strong even in the relationship. There had been an occasion or two when she'd wonder why her dresses and tops were stretched out (it was definitely an Ed Wood experience.... you should see the movie if you haven't, Johnny Depp plays a CD like a pro...) With my other two relationships, my g/f's have been very sexual, and wear provocative clothing. If I was in the mood to wear thigh highs and garters, I'd just ask my girlfriend to wear it, and that seemed to satisfy the urge. I'm wondering if maybe the need arose from simply having to see and feel sexually stimulating garments, or if it was just from sexual release. Many times I'd noticed in the past that right after sexual release, my urge to be en femme suddenly disappeared.
Perhaps it was something else entirely. As Kathy noted, age and sexual urge changes the issue. As I get older, my rabbit-like libido is slowly fading, and I notice that when I get all dressed up, I don't feel the same tingle I did when I was younger. I've noticed also that not recognizing my fem side, I often become moody and insensitive, and the sensitivity and understanding I'd felt was my dual nature was becoming more polarized toward a typically male bent. I'm sure it's different for everyone, and some people dress for different reasons (I took the Trans-gendered test, and posted 30-Androgynous). The dictionary states that a crossdresser is a male that wears women's clothing for sexual reasons, which paints us all as being perverts or sexual deviants, but I think as Shiny mentioned it's much deeper.
As Charlotte Somers mentioned, maybe we need a female/feminine presence in our lives, seeing as many of use (according to psychology literature) had a strong female presence growing up, which became one of the triggers for our transgendered-dom. I learn more and more from all your inputs, and thank you all for providing such a positive atmosphere to put these thoughts out. Sorry this text was so long...

Hugz & Kisses,
The Shy One

[Julie]

Charlotte,

You seem very introspective for someone your age. You show great insight. As Kathy said age has a lot to do with the desire to dress but each one of us also has a different degree as to how this interacts with our lives. I may be at a more extreme point than most where I am finding myself really getting down if I have to go more than a week without getting out all dolled up. But when I do get the chance I am on a high for almost the rest of the week.

I didn't get out this weekend and already I'm feeling down. I get quiet at those times and at dinner tonight my wife did almost all the talking. I just had nothing to say. But I know other CDers who would never be affected to this degree.

When I was younger (I'm 53) I experienced much the same thing as you when dating someone but only for a few months. Once the newness of the relationship wore off I started wanting to dress again. Now, after 22 years of marriage the switch is always on.

Gotta go, Jacki just called

Julie

[diane]

I always seem to be the strange one ... when our sex life is HOT I always dress more. One of my favorite times is when we head to bed with both of us wearing stockings and high heels.

We're in our 50s (as many of you are) and the big "M" has hit my wife hard so our "game time" has diminished and so has my dressing.

I guess I'm lucky to have a wife that will allow my dressing to be part of our activities so when we can't be active it takes some of the fun out of the dressing. Dressing almost always ends in a romp in the sack with my wife.