I don't claim to be passable. But a friend of mine thinks she is...literally 100%. But I don't think she is. She wants to go out in public, etc. and I'm afraid that she will be read and mocked. So, as a friend, should I tell her? or maybe it's because I focus too closely on her "masculine" features? I don't know... should I tell her? I don't want to be the bitch or lose her as a friend. But if you can't hear the truth from a friend, who will you hear it from?
Put a femme picture of her up on hotornot and see what happens??Originally Posted by tgirlinva
Hot or not isn't the end all of deciding passing. I am pulling an 8.3 right now and there is no way I could pass. Anyone who has a picture that shows some skin is bound to get a high rating.
I would just tell her what I see when I look at her pics and leave it at that. I wouldn't try to get into the whole "you can't pass angle" Just offer your surface opinion and leave it at that. If she is hell bent on going out, a little thing like passability wont stop her.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
Or have her submit to a panel of experienced judges!
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
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Who are any of us to pass judgment on another's ability to pass or not? If you are truly concerned for your friend's welfare, offer her some suggestions to "enhance" her look.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
As said, offer suggestions on how to improve her chances of passing...
But if she is really that bad, she might have to learn the hard way.
It is not easy to tell someone they don't pass when they are convinced they do.
I agree with Holly -- give your friend some positive and helpful suggestions on how to improve her appearance. And, also, don't make too much out of having to be 100% passable, otherwise I would never have stepped outside the door.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
NO NEVER.. THE TRUTH.. ALWAYS
I like the idea of offering subtle suggestions to help improve the look, etc. Have you dressed up for your friend and asked her if she thinks you are passable? If both of you agree that you are not passable, you could discuss your issues first and maybe that will help her realize where she needs improvement. And after discussing your issues, it might break the ice for talking about her short comings. You could both help each other become more passable.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.
Its simple really, you just ask yourself, "If I saw this person out on the street would I think she was a GG?" I think we have every right to make this determination for ourselves. By "we," I mean people with eyeballs. While offering suggestions to improve her look is constructive and helpful, knowing whether she can pass or not is a big thing. If she doesn't care whether she passes or not that's fine and more power to her, if she goes out under the impression that she passes and she doesn't then she may be setting herself up for some unpleasantness.
Either way i'm mad curious!
If they thought they were 100% and they were 90% I'd tell them their "flaws". If she was closer to 50%... well the truth can be hard sometimes. But one has to remember that you KNOW who she is, so to others she may be 100%.
Lots of good advice already. I will never 'pass', but I have been out in public and had a hoot! Just returned from the beer store where a guy I hadn't seen in months chatted. Small talk, goodbye, and, "...I think I still have pics on my phone...." from the time I went to a company ball game fully dressed as a cheerleader, and then went to the bar with everyone. (Ran into him at the same bar tonight).
Like the others have said, you can offer advice and tips, get her reaction on how some things work for you, etc, but at the end of the day, if her safety is not in jeopardy, then you have to let her do it on her own. w.
I remember the first time that I went out; thought that I looked good. I was scared and looking back on earlier photo's, looked horrid. I think that your look is an evolving thing.
Dana Ryan
Well I don't have any illision about being passable (body maybe) but my face is a deal breaker. If I ever got the notion that I was passable and wasn't I'd want someone to tell me.
Treat this situation like your handling plutonium! If you decide to get candid with her...she will never forgive you. If you keep your mouth shut, you will always feel bad because you didn't spare your friend.
It's tough, but let her make her own mistakes. At least she will have no one to blame but herself. If you start critiquing, and she makes the changes and still gets clocked, guess who will get blamed.
Maybe she will fool you, maybe she will do just fine. You see the guy underneath, maybe because you already know her "secret." Others might not have such a critical eye.
Peace and Love, Joanie
I always try to be honest.
If she looked passable to me, I would say so. If not not then I say no.
What is passable is just someones opinion.
It is unlikely that she would get mocked in public.
True friends never lie to each other.
Whenever I have worn a skirt in male mode, there have never been any issues at all.
I agree with Joanie, this is a loaded question. Sometimes it's best to let the cards fall where they will. On the other hand, if advice or an opinion is asked for, it's a different story.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Being able to pass is a matter of attitude! My rule of thumb is: "If you cant say anything good about someone, say nothing."
Passing is both "attitude" and "perception". I remember once a Professor showed his students a 10 minute film. After it was over he asked if anyone noticed anything Unusual about the movie. No one said a word. he then asked if anyone noticed the man in the Gorilla suit. Again no one said anything. He then played the film again, stopping at frames that showed a man in a Gorilla suit. Sometimes he was sitting in a chair, sometimes walking among the crowd, and etc. The man in the Gorilla suit was in the film 15 times. Since his present was limited to a few seconds of exposer each time, not one person saw him. He did not jump up and down or act like a monkey, he acted like anyone else and thus was not noticed at all. he blended in with the crowd of people.
Cding is like this, If you can blend in, then even if you do have masculian features, chances are no one will notice you at all. Your just another person in the crowd.
I agree with Holly!
Vivian
Telling the truth in such a difficult case is a matter of appreciation, and of diplomacy.
Top quality friend of hers can tell her about such flaws and will, if appropriate. Of course it is difficult and risky to tell the truth to a friend/or SO , but without taking risks you can't get something important in life, such as a top quality relation.
Once I believed to have a very good friend. When I married, he told me nothing but he was very happy for me. After I lived the hell and divorced, he told me that he knew from the beginning that my wife was not the good person for me, but since it was "my" choice, he had nothing to tell me about...
What means a friend, if not willing to help you to keep open your eyes ?
They are the friends for the good days, but they fail at being the friends of the difficult days. Only in difficulty you can recognize your very friends.
Kisses
Nadia
If she wants to go to tg-friendly clubs, etc. then leave it alone. If she thinks she's going to a "straight" place, then maybe you have to speak up. For her own protection. Depends what it is like where you live.
Yeah, very delicate situation, and very common, I'm afraid. I sure have friends that are the same way and, I confess, I don't burst their bubble. The confidence they have and experience they gain by going out in public and being the woman they are is priceless. I would hate to damage that. I trust that in time, both their appearance and their expectations will evolve and come closer together.
I don't worry too much about my friends getting read and mocked. Sad as it is, learning to handle situations like that is part of the journey. Of course I'm happy to talk about appearance and blending and passing and all that stuff, but only if my friends want to talk about it.
One rule I do try to encourage my friends to follow is: never assume that you are or aren't passing with any particular person or in any particular situation. Awkward situations can result from a bad assumption either way.
Public journal at wordpress.com: soniakeys.wordpress.com
[SIZE=4]In addition to my work as a behind the chair hair and wig stylist, I run a limited transformation service. This issue is the one that causes the most strain on the relationship and always will.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Be honest with some discretion. Telling someone that they look like **** will not foster an atmosphere of support. Generally I tell my clients that for them to feel passable is wonderful, but to be judged by the rest of the world is inviting criticism. If they are strong enough to accept constructive critcisim, fine. But if they are like I still am after 40 plus years of dressing, a single comment can turn down your own attitude for days or longer.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Take the person's picture. many of them if possible. Then continue to work with them and talk about walking, makeup, whatever to move on a bit, then gently enlarge the pictures you took and ask the person to honestly re-evaluate their appearance. Appearance is about 10% of the entire passing package in my humble opinion. Attitude, carriage, clothing appropriateness, fit to atmosphere, etc. make up the other 90%.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]If you go out with a person that you don't think can pull it off (passing) you always feel like the next target and all it does is turn the night or day downward. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Get the person to practice everything until they really feel 100% confident (and if they actually reach that level you know that the pink fog has taken over because none of us, myself included, feel 100% confident when they step out)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I tend to give my clients a grade 0-100. I tell them when I feel that they have reached a grade of 85 or better, I will be happy to make an elective trip out with them. Otherwise, I travel with them as a guide and sometimes defender, taking them to safe places and into limited full exposure areas, stepping it to attempt to difuse any situations that may arise. I find that they will accept the grade I give them when we are finished for the day, and always strive to increase the grade at subsequent sessions. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Howver you handle the issue, remember you want the same support for your own passability.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your sis,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.
My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com
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