It's over

[MJ]

i should have told her from the start That i sometimes cross-dress back when . she found out and it did not go well ...today 3.5 years later i was served divorce papers ..
the sad part is i relay did love her.
i am sure as cd'r we all love our S.O yet can't tell her our secret ..but we trust our other half with our very life and bank book .
it's over because i kept this hidden .
it's a sad day. for me .
Time to break out the rum
rant off

[Kari Lynn Franks]

MJ i am sorry that youre going through this .i wish you all the best and i hold up a rum and coke toast to you that better things come in your future if you wanna or need to talk send a note.

[Wendy me]

MJ sorry to hear that............

[Charleen]

Oh, MJ, I don't know what to say except how sorry I am.
Love, hugs and XXXX, Lily

[deja true]

It's a terrible thing to lose a loved one...

But, your son's new thread tells us that you haven't stopped being loved.

And that goes for us, too!

respect & love,

deja

[Andrea_girl]

Sorry to here your news MJ

Keep your chin up girl

Time will heal

[Alice B]

I am truly sorry. Having been through divorce I understand the pain involved and the questions about your future it creates. But be assured that it will get far better and you will be far happier. In the interm I'll pour a rum & coke and toast you.

[sandra-leigh]

i should have told her from the start That i sometimes cross-dress back when . she found out and it did not go well ...today 3.5 years later i was served divorce papers ..

I don't think anyone following your story is surprised at the divorce happening eventually... more surprised that the proceedings hadn't been started earlier.

But the timing is a bit suspect. Is it just a coincidence that it happened not too long after your family reunion -- during which, if my memory serves me correctly, she somehow got word of the meeting and arrived and insisted that your under-18 daughter leave with her?

From this distance, and as someone who has quite likely missed some key posts of yours, I have formed the impression that your ex-to-be is unhappy at the prospect that you might be happy. I think I saw a claim of "You ruined my life!" go by recently? Is there a bit of revenge being run out over there? Or am I mis-assessing, and this is just an, "MJ, I've been thinking about the situation, and as I have decided that reconciliation is not possible now, I believe it would be kinder to both of us if we were to let go of the situation and get on with our lives, time to start putting the old phase behind us." ?

What difference does the timing make? The one that crops to mind first has to do with legal custody of your youngest daughter, whom I think you said before is under-age. Another couple of years and that trauma would not have to be run through the court system. What is she offering in that regard? Is she trying for minimal access, "protect" your daughter from you as much as possible, or is she offering "No matter what the differences are between us, you are an important part of your daughter's life, and she should stay with you part of the time" ?

[Danielle Hyatt]

I'm sorry to here that MJ I know its hard.

Plese PM me if you want!!!!!

Your Friend
Dan

[TSchapes]

I'm sorry you have had to go through all that. But that is in the past and the future looks a lot better without all that nonsense. Be positive, be strong, we are here for you.

Love, Tracy

[JoanFlores]

I am very happy for you, yes happy, now you can be who you want to be, best wishes.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Sorry MJ

I know how you feel. However be aware, partners knowing doesn't always lead to happyness either. I dressed as a child, till my parent divorced when I was 16, I got married at 19, and my feelings to dress returned. I told my (Ex) wife all, she bought me clothes, and although it was never a major part of our relationship, I felt we had something that was really strong, and meaning.

I then slowly found out she had a relationship with my so called friend, had run up debts and stolen money from most of our friends. When the bubble burst, of course it was all my fault, due to my dressing, lost my kids, and havn't spoken to my sons in 20+ years (yeh I was told they weren't mine as well) I was divorced before I was 25.

I spent 7 years in the wilderness recovering, doing my own thing, dressing occationally, but generally I wasn't ready to get close to anyone for a long time, however time heals all (well most things) and I met Raksha nearly 16 years ago now, and they have been the best 16 years of my life and I'm so thankful for the day our paths crossed. She is my world, my life and my rock, I could not live with out her. She means so much to me, and I know she feels the same about me too.

But before you think all in my life mow is a bed of roses and full of glitter and gold. It's been a hard 16 years to, we have struggled to keep our heads above water. Dispite her knowing fully about my dressing from the early part our relationship, she struggles to see me crossdressed, to a point where sadly it is rarely mentioned between us now. sadly she doesn't visit here much any more, but it's not the end, it just her way of dealing with this. Shes seen me dressed just two or three times at most, in 16 years. However putting all of this aside, were still as strong as the first day we met, and thankfully my need to dress, has never affected her feeling towards me, dispite her feelings or shall we say fears about it. We have never married, but we made our own vows and commitments. we have two wonderful children together, and I have a stepson who I treat as my own. I can also dress when ever I need to, just she likes to know, if nothing more.

So what I'm trying to say here MJ, is don't blame yourself, telling does not mean instant acceptance, nor is it a path to happyness if you partner does know. What we do, we do because of a need, or a drive within us, but others,sometimes can accept it, reject it, or go along with it, so long as it not shown to them. but at the end of the day, this feeling is still with in us, and few managed to shed the desire to do it. We can not help who we are and what we do, just as much as our partners can't understand (and sadly sometimes) can't accept, this desire as only part of what makes us, us. Thankfully, in my case, Raksha sees what makes my male side a crossdresser, my female side, makes me sometimes (I hope) a more understanding man!

As I said, I spent seven year in the wilderness, living a life that was not mine, and often full of painful memories, self doubt, and blame. but I think it would have happened no matter what I was, or what I did. All I can be really greatful for, is the 16 years with Raksha, which has removed that pain, and filled my life with happer times, and memories.

SO NEVER GIVE UP, AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU ARE, EVEN WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT!

Good luck & best wishes to you MJ

Tracy

[CBlyss]

I'm sooooooo sorry, truly I am. Somehow, one has to find the courage to say something early on. I know it is hard (and that's putting it lightly) but how can one truly be free if one is hiding a major part of their being from their SO?

My heart goes out to you.

[TGMarla]

I'm so sorry to hear it, MJ. She just doesn't really understand, just as we are hard pressed to adequately explain it ourselves much of the time. We're here for you.

[Lanore]

You are in my prayers MJ.

Lanore

[MJ]

Thank you all. i guess it's another part of life . but it still hurts . i know it's time to move on . with all the good things in my life this is but a small bump in my travels .

[Holly]

MJ, I hardly know what to say. This chapter in your life is done. Honey, it's time to turn the page and move on to the next adventure. May I offer a bit of unsolicited advice? Don't waste much time trying to find someone or something to blame. Except in VERY RARE circumstances, there is plenty of blame to go around. And even if you figure it all out, how is it going to help. Keep your heels facing forward, honey! Move on to something better. You have done many things right as evidenced by your son, Jon. You have much to look forward MJ... race on to find it!

[rosepowder]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

There is no bandage big enough to heal a broken heart.

We are here. I'll join you in a rum and coke.

[Laurelanne]

MJ, I know weve chatted face2face about this a bit and remember its not over its just begun I too was devastated when i told my first SO about it the sad part was she DID know , yet chose to divorce me anyway I too was crushed I did also love her and still do she was my childhood sweetheart, any way that was alot of water ago Its a better life honest This too shall pass
Chin up Chest Out ... stay ahead Luv Yah Laurelanne

[Nicole Erin]

I thought you had been divorced for a while?
Or was it just not leagal and final and all that?

[christid66]

There's nothing that I can add to the advice that you've already been given.
I truly hope that you come though this OK

[Sharon]

Look at it this way, MJ -- the final chapter was written some time ago, but you have only just now finally read the last page. Time for the next book, Sweetie.

I know the pain and regrets are real, however, so my heart goes out to you.

[melisss2u]

MJ sorry to hear about todays events. While it seems bad. Everything will seem like it wont get better. But in time all will be fine. and you have plenty of support on here from all different parts of the world. how great a support group is that

[teresa jeen]

in reality all we can do is go toward what we want to be. I myself dont have time to tell another how to feel, im busy doing it myself. i have a little saying: lifes too short to put up with bu>> s>>>. i gotta get the "ring" while i can. that includes what makes me feel good not everyone else, much as i would like to.

[Chiana]

MJ, I don't know your story with the same level of detail that some do but I was aware that your SO was not accepting at all. I knew that you have had to endure some trying times, but my impression is that you have really grown in personal strength over the past months. You are a wonderful person and good things will happen for you.