When I returned from my Trans Australian Flight, (excuse the pun!) I was on a high for days and even now, I guess I still am. This is really nice but I think the pink fog can be dangerous. The reason I say that is because when I returned I made a few comments to the two girls I work really close with, which I think has probably outed me.
Two days after I got back the three of us agreed to meet up for coffee at a local restaurant by the river. When I arrived in the car park they were both waiting for me ~ the pair of them really looked so gorgeous. I was so envious that it hurts inside not to be the same.
Picture the scene, minutes later we sitting over looking the blue river, with the city in the background, crystal clear blue skies, two beautifully dressed and made up girls and myself still wallowing in my pink fog. I think the scene was set.
When the three of us get together it really is like being like one of the girls. They share certain secrets with me, which strikes me they would only normally share with a close girlfriend. The both of them are going through divorces at the moment and also realise that my current situation at home is also very unhappy.
I had previously told them that when I returned from holiday in October I may make major changes in my life. As far as they were concerned it was the marriage that I was referring to. But in reality I feel after I’ve spent nine days in Atlanta in October, I might well review my whole life and make massive changes such as going full time.
Eventually the conversation got around to my situation. During that time I said the thought provoking words “You don’t know the half of it”. As I said it I knew I really shouldn’t have because it switched them into high gear. The conversation went on and on and I seemed to get in deeper and deeper. They could see that I had a big secret. They both said that they feel happy sharing their secrets with me and would keep mine confidential too. I dug in deeper saying that mine was so big that they would find it difficult to keep to them-selves. This made it worse of course and set their minds racing.
One of them, who I’ve always thought had an idea about me, said the words “You know if you told us we could even help you?” I was so tempted to tell all, but I held back, especially when we got to the ‘twenty questions’ regime. I said I won’t deny each one until they came up with the right answer.
To cut a very long story short, later on in the day I had a call from one of them who got around to asking me for advice about her present love interest situation when after a while she raised mine ..and spurted out that that the other girl had said to her she thinks I want a sex change. I said “wow that’s a big thing to say, what makes her think that?” The reply was that it’s the only thing that they could think of that was so big that I’d find it difficult to tell them. She then went on to say that I should remember that they are both nurses and they’ve seen it all so nothing could shock them.
As I’m writing and going all over this in my mind I’m realising they I must be about 90% out to them. They probably know but will still have nagging doubts as I haven’t confirmed their thought yet.
The thing is: What do I do now?
If I tell them it might be a relief for me but if word does gets out it will be bad from the job point of view. In a way I’m have glad they know/suspect but in another way I’m worried what may happen in the future.
So – What do I do?
Nothing ?
Deny All ?
Tell All ?
Suzy
