Should I go?

[tgirlinva]

Hi -

I met this man online and we appear to have great chemistry. He makes me laugh, makes me feel special, basically the relationship from heaven. He should be in town for business, but doesn't know. So we were talking and he asked me if he wasn't able to come to me, would I be willing to come to him. I thought at first that it was sweet. But then, I thought it would be really risky from a security standpoint. I don't really know this guy (except our awesome emails and telephone conversations) and I don't know the city at all and I don't have money to spend on tickets to just fly there, you know? But he said that he would pay for my tickets, etc. etc. So, that resolves one issue. But I wonder how easily this situation could be interpreted as me being some "call girl" or prostitute, which I certainly do not want to be associated with. I guess I've been looking for the "the ONE" for so long I wonder if I'm letting a great man go by. So part of me doesn't want to go and another part of me does want to go. What do you girls think?

[happygirl]

I always look at the first feeling. In the first part of your question, the feeling was to not go. That is your answer.

[DanaR]

I think that I would want to get to know someone around my friends, before going somewhere to be with them. These situations could go bad very quickly. Take it very slow.

[CD Susan]

tgirlinva, I can understand your desire to meet this man but I would like to give the following advice based on what you have told us. You have said that he is willing to pay for airline tickets for you to travel to meet him you and that is generous but what is preventing him from traveling to meet you? If you travel to a strange city where you do not know anyone and have no prearranged accomodations in place you could be getting yourself into a bad situation. My advice is to have him travel to meet you and meet in a place where you will feel comfortable and safe. If he cares about you as much as you think he does then he should be willing to accept these requirements for a first meeting. You have to be very carefull when you meet someone for the first time. Good luck and let us know how this turns out for you.

[Tomara]

Hi Tgirl , I agree with all of the above concernes , you should really meet this person on your terms , if he has a problem with that you should probably understand that he is not the kind of person you need in your life. I wish you the best of luck , but be CAREFUL !! Tomara

[Maria2222]

Tgirl,
If he doesn't want to meet you bad enough to meet you in your town, then he really doesn't want to meet you very badly. He may sound great to you and I don't want to hurt your feelings since you have apparently developed some feelings for him, but what kind of man would expect the woman to chase after him? If he can't spare the time or effort to take you out on a proper date in your city, then he probably isn't worth it in the long run.
If the above doesn't sway you, consider the danger of being in a strange city with a strange person, dressed enfemme, and no one you can call for help should you decide to travel to him. That's the scary part about internet dating.

[MAJESTYK]

Does anyone else see that big RED FLAG waving or is it just me? I dont think this is a good idea. I may be wrong but , I bet there is more to this than meets the eye indeed. Please, be safe. Dont go.

[Nicole Erin]

Even if he is safe and genuine, what if the guy is really boring or ugly?

I hate to say this but people often seem more interesting over the web than in person. I guess cause over the web you can still imagine how perfect they must be. Real life tends to spoil that fantasy

[DonnaT]

As Susan said, if he can buy tickets for you, he can buy tickets for himself. If he uses an excuse like having to work weekends, then somethings fishy.

You'll want to be on your home turf. You'll want to meet in a public space. You'll want to stay out of his car, and keep him out of yours. You'll want to introduce him to others, and have pictures taken with your friends. If he has trouble with any of that, don't meet him.

[sterling12]

I think the Gurls have covered most of it already. Sometimes our rational brain gets short-circuited, when our desires put the psyche on overload.

The odds are very good you are being set up. Let's start with "I will pay for your plane tickets." I'll bet he asks you to purchase them on your credit card, and "I will reimburse you later." Figure it's likely you will be waving bye-bye to that money!

As most who have tried this scenario will testify, even if there was some honesty, the guy will probably get cold feet and not show up. So let us examine the scene: You will be sitting in a motel room with NOTHING. Do you know this guy's real name? Do you know his home address? Have you checked him on The Predator List? Sometimes a couple of hundred spent with a Private Detective is a wise investment.

Let The Rational Brain kick in. An awful lot of possibilities just point to serious trouble. Real love is as scarce as The Golden Fleece. Do not mistake a chatroom conversation for reality. Your guy will come along, just be patient and wait.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Farrah]

I suggest you guys meet in a neutral place.

[Kate Simmons]

Absolutely not Hon. If you do not control the situation, you leave youself open for any number of things.

[vivianann]

dont do it, they can sound sweet on the phone and computer, then when you get in their snare watch out, you never know.

[carolinebrookes]

I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole!

All the advice given above has it's merits and most of it is very good advice.

Make sure that any date happens on your terms and not his. This means staying safe by meeting in your town, at somewhere of your choosing and above all, letting someone know exactly where you are at all times. Try to get a friend to come with you.......even if they are in the same place but a short distance away.

If he really is genuine, then he'll accept your terms and the time waiting will be worth it.
The alternative is that he doesn't accept your terms and maybe it turns out that he isn't the "one" for you.

Good luck

[Sarasometimes]

Remember that one the phone or internet epople can be totally made up. The FBI uses men to sound like 13 year old girls on the net.
Even if he sends you paid tickets he may very well expect sex in return. If you go to his town and arrive crossdressed he will have great control over you. Will you be comfortable calling the cops in that situation. I just heard a story the other day while getting a facial.
A guy calls a woman he dated after high school (18 years ago). He explains that he has never married and found her on the net one day out of curiousity and would like to stay in touch. It turns out that she has a trip planned to visit her family back home. They agree to meet in NYC for drinks with her and her friends. they seem to hit it off. He asks to see her each nite she is in town. They have great fun. She returns home and 3 days later gets a call from this guys wife (her number was on his cell phone). It turns out that he has been married with 2 kids for 15 plus years and the she vaguely knows his wife.
Trust your heart and make him do the walking adn don't let your guard down antil after many meetings.
If he is sincere he will understand and respect your comfort zone. BESAFE!!!!!

[Angie G]

A lot of bad thins have happened to people how go to meet some one on the Internet I not saying not to just be very careful. It sounds a little to good to be true hun.I'm just thinking it's not all that safe.
Angie

[docrobbysherry]

Do GGs have a problem with the "man" paying for eveything? Not usually.

I flew a woman from Russia to meet me in Turkey last summer. We had only communicated online before that. I told her up front. I'll pay for everything and had NO expectations for our meeting, except to have fun! Which we did. By the end of the holiday, we felt close enough to get intimate. But, our meeting wasn't about that.

She obviously trusted me. Only u can decide how much u trust your man! Then, act accordingly!

[KandisTX]

I have to add my own $.02 on this one. While not everyone meeting someone online is a "bad guy", there is always that chance.

Your first instinct told you "I thought it would be really risky from a security standpoint." This is a very good instinct to go with, it has been shown in the past that these types of situations do not turn out well for the traveler. Let's say he does pay for your tickets. What does he expect in return from you for that expense? While there are some who may not expect anything in return (as Sherry pointed out), more often than not these men will expect sexual repayment. They feel that they paid all this money for the tickets, they feel they are owed something in return.

My advice is to trust that first instinct and do not go. Trust your gut instinct in this type of situation, it will not fail you.

Kandis

[Roberta Llyan]

I agree with KandisTX

"Trust your gut instinct in this type of situation, it will not fail you."

[victoriamwilliams1]

Go with your first feeling, thats usually is not wrong.

[ann stef]

too many variables here, let him know more about yourself. Definitely have him meet you in your city, on your terms.