There have been several good threads discussing this very same topic. I would suggest that you do a couple of searches. Be understanding of her and take it easy.
There have been several good threads discussing this very same topic. I would suggest that you do a couple of searches. Be understanding of her and take it easy.
Dana Ryan
i wasn't a spouse, i was a short term SO when i found out; no clue beforehand. with me there was more involved, but i can tell you talk talk talk talk listen listen listen like all have said before.
it takes time. and space (i don't mean the living separate kind of space.)
and i can say that my SO didn't want to talk about it. that was hard. talk to her, that is very important. answer all questions, encourage her to ask them. above all be honest.
point her to information.
This is coming from a wife who found out a year and a half ago and still trying to come to grips with this...I think shaving your legs may not have been the wisest thing to do. If your wife is still not wanting to talk about this, I think this will be a huge slap in the face to her. If my husband just decided to shave his legs without talking to me about it first, I think it would push me over the edge. I married my husband for who he is, but I also married him for "what" he is: a guy with a hairy chest, legs and arms. And if he shaved to "fem" himself up, I would find that to be completely disrespectful of our marriage and agreements. I know this may be somewhat difficult for you to understand that it's about who you are, but it truely is about how you present yourself as well. Please, if you really love her and want to try to make your marriage work, don't rock the boat. COMPROMISE (even if it seems as if you are doing all the compromising at first)is a huge word in a CD'ing relationship and you just need to be patient and try to do things at her pace. I would like to consider myself tolerating, not accepting. I know my husband has this need to fullfill and I respect this, however, it is an extremely tough pill to swallow and I don't want it shoved down my throat. I give him some space to let him dress when I'm not around, but I have NO desire to see him all femmed up! Give her time and space and hopefully she'll begin to have some understanding for you. Counselling and research is highly recommended!
If a woman can change her appearance without question I find it difficult to see why it should be any different for a man. Why do some women have trouble with things just because they're out of the ordinary? In this day and age, what IS ordinary? My solution isn't for everyone but I find it easier to stay out of relationships altogether.
Originally Posted by Laney GG
Waiting and trying to help her accept and understand would have been a better thing to do.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
If my husband wants to get a new haircut or shave off his goatee, I wouldn't have a problem with it. When women change hair cut/style or whatever, they are still looking like women. When men are wearing dresses and make up, they are trying to look like women, not a guy with a new outfit. There is a difference. I'm not saying it's right or fair, but it's just how many people feel. I think if you can find someone you truely love and can be honest from the beginning about your "true" self, then a relationship can last. Just my
honesty trust respect i find that works better than dishonesty and lies .
being honest upfront works better . putting a gun to her head and telling her you CD and you better get use to it . oh BTW i shaved my legs too !! bad idea
can you imagine what is going through that poor womans head right now ?
cool your jets . don't do anything to make things any worse
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I think I would agree with Jill... take things slowly, and communicate.. talk to her about it when she wants to talk about it, don't push the subject....If I were you, I wouldn't jump into anything as drastic as divorce. At this point you have to take things slow. Is she willing to talk without all the rants that usually come along with the shock? Even if she blows off some steam, at least try talking to her but tread carefully and take her feelings into account. She could be feeling al sorts of feelings including dismay, anger,hurt, sadness, shock, and surprise. if she starts to talk but then decides to call it off, give her time and space. Most of all, show her all the love and support you can, she needs it now more than ever. Luv andJill
This is what I mean by "every guy can look like a girl from the right angles".. this is one of the first pictures of me dressed up.. very vague look.. almost fem...
It is clear that whatever fantasy image she had of you in her head, is gone.
This a major thing for her, as it would be for you to find her dressed butch.
With a few exceptions, marriage and crossdressing do not work out very well.
All of you "ladies" thinking about "coming out" to your wives and SOs, pay close attention here!
I must disagree...
[SIZE="3"]With due respect to Melinda, I pray that anyone involved in a serious relationship doesn't take that advice seriously. It's not marraige and crossdressing that are at odds with each other - it's dishonesty and marraige that are at odds with each other.
Ask any GG on this forum and I feel certain they'll agree. The bigger issue here, and always is, honesty - not the dressing. When you hide stuff like this from someone for years or months or however long, you're laying the foundation for disaster. Anything you have to hide from your wife is probably something you're gonna' get in trouble for, no matter what it is.
If you're married and you want to do this, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to clear the air or, preferably, be up front with this issue going into things. If someone loves you, GENUINELY LOVES YOU, then wearing frillies isn't going to be a make-or-break situation. It takes a long time to earn trust and only seconds to lose it. Everyone reading this, definitely bear that in mind. If you found out your wife had been hiding something major in her life from you, would you trust her about anything? What else is she hiding? Is she having an affair? This is a two way street. It's better to lay all the cards on the table and not live in fear, that just isn't good for anyone.
As to the original post, talk to her, explain stuff, and give her time. Above all else, she needs some reassurance right now - so do something to reassure her - only you know what that is.
Take care all and God bless![/SIZE]
I'm hoping that you have a bit more sensitivity toward your wife than that which is apparent by this statement! It sounds somewhat transactional...
Shadow -- I just hope you're not winding us up. Your first post and you ask us if you should get a divorce. The dust hadn't even settled at home and you're asking that? I really feel sorry for your wife. I, too, blurted out to my wife that I CD'ed, but I immediately gave her space and backed off, hoping she wouldn't want to divorce me! When she settled down we talked. I didn't go running into the shower to shave my legs and aggravate the situation.
If you're serious with this post, I suggest (command would be a better word) that you slow down if you really care about your wife. This is not something easily digested.
Sherrie Lynn Pall
Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.
Please don't let me be the last post on this thread
No I am not "winding you up" at least I think not if you are asking "am I just posting for some sick giggles. this is all on the level. Our marage has been a little shaky for some time now. My SO started to let herself go in the last year. I work out on top of having a heavy iron workers job "I'm the idiot walking a 4 in.wide peace of steel 42 stories up" , to keep in shape so she can be proud to be seen with someone fit. She put on 45 lbs and has been going through a gallon bottle of wine a night. With the xtra weight she can't wear any of the frillies I bought for her. And with getting toasted every night it has been very hard to get romantic.
PS what dous GG stand for?
Let me see, with what you just said, you are now helping everything out by telling your wife you crossdress? That should help your marriage out a lot. I'm not sure what you are trying to do. It doesn't seem like you are doing anything to help your marriage.
Dana Ryan
I didn't tell her, She came home early from work and saw me. She hasn'nt seen my legs yet so as per the groups thought I wil let it grow back. It sounds right that smooth legs could be too much right now.
But it dous feel soooo nice
Last edited by Shadow; 06-12-2008 at 06:13 PM.
Do you actually live with your SO? Is there any intimacy?
I can't believe that you can shave your legs and expect to hide it until it grows back...
Where is the love?
thats just it ... between the wine , the xtra weight , and her working 2nd shift we don't see too much o each other
Sounds like a **** and bull story to me...
Sorry you feel this way....I am on the level
Love your avitar how do you put one up ?
I'm not going to waste any more time on this. You should open up and say something meaningful...
What would convince you my Picture??
Just go slow, and try to explain to her that you are the same person with the same feelings and love for her. And it has been like this since you met and married her, and admit this is your secret world on which you have no control whatsoever. its there since you were born, that you didnt cultivate it, nor created it, and she shouldnt punish you for that. Let her know that there are times you hate yourself for it but are helpless.
The femme mode comes and goes without invitation or provocation., and the least she could do is to assist you in understanding your situation, being your wife. There are millions like you who are suffering like you leading a dual life and cant help it, and the constant fear to lose one's own family! Is that a life? Question her, and let her know she is so fortunate that she is calm and at ease whereas you are in constant turmoil of indecisiveness. Give her importance by asking for her help.
Good luck
Mera
Have you ever stopped to wonder why your SO has gained weight and has been drinking? Do you even care? There is much more here than simple crossdressing, this marriage has been in trouble for some time. In your opening post you asked if you should go straight to divorce....is that what you want? Sorry, but without knowing your SO's side I can't comment anymore in this thread.
Super Mod
Oh God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small
The Breton Fisherman's Prayer was engraved on a brass plaque and presented to President John F. Kennedy by US Navy Admiral Hyman Rickover.
Daintre, gone but not forgotten, R.I.P. Angel xx
Tamara
I don't know the reason for the weight and the wine. I admit I never ask her, maybe for fear of insulting or imbarrising her. Her children (girl 19 boy 18 ) have told me this is s.o.p. for her. however they also tell me her average SO lasts 4 years and we are working toward our 7th aniversary. I must be doing something right to have broken the record by 3 years. BTW I'm her 3rd and she is my 2nd.
[SIZE="3"]I'm kinda' startled by the harshness in this thread. Obviously, some peeps out there have never been to the deep south, this kinda' relationship is hardly unheard of down here.
From the sounds of it, you two have much larger issues than your dressing. If she's downing that much hooch and has put on that much weight in a year, she needs help and so do you. BOTH of you need to find a therapist, you're not going to fix this relationship on your own, it sounds like it was quite broken before she came home and found you out.
Good luck and God bless. [/SIZE]
