Dont Rush!! Be patient

[MeraLehanga]

I have been reading and found people randomly advising others to file for a Divorce. Divorce is not an answer to the problem of after getting caught or self disclosure of being a cross dresser to your SO. Reason out with your SO. Just go slow, try to explain to her that you are the same person with the same feelings and have the same genuine respect and love for her. You have been like this since you met and married her, but kept it a secret as you don’t feel proud to be like this. Admit that you kept it a secrecy fearing the repercussion that would stem from revelations.

This is your secret world on which you have no control whatsoever, its harmless, you can contain it to some extent but cannot get rid of it. it’s there since you were born, you didn’t develop it, nor desired for it, and she shouldn’t punish you for this biological syndrome. Let her know that many a times you wish earnestly not to be what you are. Reason out with her that your femme mode comes and goes without invitation or provocation. The least she could do is to assist you in understanding your situation, being your wife.

There are millions like you who are compelled to live a dual life and can’t help it, and the constant fear built-in to lose one's own family, Isn’t that punishment enough for a CD? Question her, and let her know she is so fortunate that she is calm and at ease whereas you are in constant turmoil of indecisiveness. You want to go out in femme mode, yet you can’t, and due to kids can’t practice CDing at home. Give her importance by asking for her help.

A life is a long journey and it takes two matured people to make it, and that can happen with sheer understanding and compromising a few expectations with adjustments in order to have total control over the very large picture.
All the best to those who needs it!

[Joanne f]

I agree that divorce is not the answer but it is seldom that cross dressing is the only problem in the marriage if it comes to divorce.
You make some good points about communicating between couples as that is how it should be, but it is a big world out there and wife's/SO can get influenced from all sorts of people now who think that they know best or all about things that they have never dealt with before so it can feel like we are swimming against the tide some times .



joanne

[Nikki A.]

Cding was an issue in our marriage even though I told her about it before we got married. The issue was that as time progressed (19 years) I felt that i needed to more express this side of me. My wife felt that this was because I was not happy with us. Not true but we talked and came to some understandings of limits.
Until she died, she never understood why but did try to give me some time at home to be me. Did she talk about divorce, yes but somehow we mudded through for the sake of the kids and because we really did love one another. Talking is the key and try to understand your wife's point of view also.

[docrobbysherry]

U didn't state whether this is just your opinion, or something else. Have u had any experience in dealing with marriage and/or divorce? I think giving us your experiences, rather than opinions, may be more helpful to ALL of us.

The reason I ask is, I HAVE had some experience with both. Your advice sounds basically good. But, VERY simplistic, and possibly useful to only a few CDs who feel and dress as u do. Which I don't.

Do u have any experiences u wish to relate?

[Fab Karen]

For the most part people here only advise for divorce IF the relationship is truly bad. CDing can be the last straw in such cases. Many of us advise therapy to see if things can be worked out if the only issue is CDing.

[MJ]

sometimes we have no choice . my ex after finding out wanted nothing to do with me that night we slept in single beds and 3 days later she told everybody two days after that she told me to get out . 3.5 years later she still has never talked to me .
in my case i was lucky that this was not dragged out over years .