The best therapist?

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm wondering who the best therapist for a crossdresser is. I've thought about this on occasion and have access to free counseling if I want to take advantage of it. There are several professionals there and I would have my pick of who to see. For those of who who know, have you had better experience with a male or female therapist? How do the others feel? Would you be more willing to see a woman or would it be better to work with a man? Would a younger man be better than an older woman and how would you choose? Does it even matter so long as they are a professional?

omg I need therapy over seeing a therapist!!!

[Jonianne]

Hi Sara,
I was with a male therapist for 2 years in individual and just as soon as I was in group with the same male therapist and also a female therapist, then I had the need to go to group crossdressed, which I did. (my first time in somewhat public) I had no desire to cd in front of the male for those two years. I desperatly wanted a female therapist. It worked out though having both.

[KarenCDFL]

My therapist is female and have been seeing her on and off for about 15 years.

The lady is excellent and never lets me get away with anything!

I have had male therapists in the past and could never connect with them in any way.

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve spent my year and a half in therapy with a female therapist. [I had the choice of male or female.]
I just wouldn,t have felt comfortable talking to a male about my crossdressing in the beginning and i may never have come out to him about it.

[Wendy me]

The best therapist? simple the one that your comfy with ..............

[Amy Hepker]

The best way to get a therapist is for you to decide who you will feel better talking to about this kind of thing. For me I rather see a Female, as I have done twice and a male once.

The biggest thing to do is to go by yourself, don't let others tell therapist that you are crazy and need help, or have someone send you to one, they may have talked with them first and that can be bad for you.

Find one on your own, and be open and honest with them. Tell them how you feel and what you want, they will help you. If you tell them you are there because your wife sent you they will side with your wife, don't let that happen. Let them know that you are a CDer and happy to be that way, but you need to talk to someone about it. They will ask how it is going in your world and they will help you deal with it.

[Paula Rae]

Hey Sara,
Read this and you may not need a theapist, Paula Rae

THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT CROSSDRESSING
By Ellen Sherman

Every Fall, several hundred traditional husbands, fathers and businessmen come together in Provincetown for Fantasia Fair with parties, seminars and workshops exploring the thorny issue of how to buy the right wig and hide a 5 o'clock shadow with the foundation and blush-on. Heterosexual married men from suburbia with families who cross-dress? What's going on?

Apparently a much more common practice than most people would imagine. It's estimated that at least 2% of the male population cross dresses. And even as we approach the 21st Century, the idea of a heterosexual man in heels is still more than a little threatening, and confusing even for the crossdressers themselves. As Jo Ann Roberts, founder of Renaissance, a Delaware Valley crossdressing support group of over 400 said "I knew growing up that I wasn't gay and I was heterosexual. I thought I might be crazy, but I knew I wasn't gay." Crossdressing is a subject that's been universally misunderstood. While producing the first documentary on heterosexual crossdressing called "All Dressed Up And No Place To Go", I found a host of misconceptions rampant in most people's thinking. The following are the Top Eleven Misconceptions that abound:

1) Crossdressers Are Gay
More than likely not. As Dr. William Stayton, Head of the University of Pennsylvania's Department of Human Sexuality and himself a therapist for crossdressers, reported "People associate crossdressing with effeminacy and being gay and the fact is most of them are not gay. They are very definitely heterosexual. "In fact one of the most difficult areas for crossdressers was how to deal with the women with whom they wanted to be involved.

2) Crossdressers Don't Like Women
The truth is that rather than shying away from women, most crossdressers are as married or looking for a relationship as any cross section of men in America. "There is even some advantage to being a heterosexual crossdresser," says Dr. Stayton. "When dressed they often become more sensitive and understanding to the women in their lives. Their wives tend to find them delightful and often it can become a real enhancement to marital relations. However that "enhancement" can only come if the woman feels comfortable with her husband's occasional dressing. Many don't. As Florida lawyer Jeff/Jean reports, "What would happen was that as soon as women found out about " Jean" the relationship would end, so why did I have to keep banging myself in the head. I was married to a woman that didn't approve and it was painful. Now I tell the women and let them even see "Jean." If we're going to be involved then they'll have to accept all of me just like I have to accept all of them."

3) Women Who Love Crossdressers Must Be Lesbians
What's it like to love a man who's wearing a dress? Pam, the wife of a Bank V.P crossdresser recounts "I did feel funny at first. I love my husband as a man but when I saw him in a dress as "Barbara," I thought how could I love him? The answer was I didn't have to love him the same way. With "Barbara," we're friends like I would be with any girlfriend. When he's dressed as a man, I feel free to love him as a man."

4) Crossdressers Dress For Sexual Gratification
Most crossdressers reveal that relieving stress and relaxation were the feelings they most associated with their crossdressing. However many revealed that while teenagers there was a high degree of sexual excitement related to crossdressing mostly relieved through masturbation. As hormones calmed down and they reached adulthood the sexual element declined and the feelings the crossdressing elicited were very different." What you'll find," Dr. Stayton reported, "is that very early on they associate these clothes with relaxation and stress relievable. They often use it to feel calmer. There is an erotic element to the crossdressing. Many will cross-dress or fantasize about being CD to enhance sexual enjoyment, but it's not necessary."

5) Crossdressers Always Wear Women's Clothes
In fact, most may only dress once a month or once every six months. Many men don't ever even reach the point of fully dressing but feel the same relaxed feeling by just wearing women's undies under their suits. "You can't imagine how many politicians can't give a speech in Congress without wearing women's panties," Dr. Stayton commented, adding he has first hand knowledge since many are his patients.

6) Crossdressers Have Weird Sexual Habits
No more than most. However crossdressers did report their sex lives were enhanced by crossdressing to some degree. "Dale" recounted that "Although many CDs will deny it, there is a degree of extra arousal that comes with being crossdresser when making love but many women are not comfortable with that and we men have to be sensitive to that and accept it."

7) Crossdressers Look Like RuPaul
In fact many crossdressers are most comfortable dressing their " femme " selves as they would dress their male selves. Therefore most conventions of crossdressers find a roomful of men in dressed for success women's suits, low heels, tasteful makeup and coifed hair...much more Margaret Thatcher than RuPaul.

8) Crossdressing Develops in Adulthood
"We really find that crossdressing starts very young," reports Dr. Stayton. Many remember that as preschoolers they got a certain feeling with Mom's clothing. It's very rarely something that develops in adulthood.

9) Crossdressers Are Made, Not Born
The current conventional wisdom seems to be that crossdressing is a result of both Nature and Nurture. "I certainly think there's a genetic influence just as for all of us there are things that happen that program us as to how we'll be sexual, whether we'll like redheads or thin women. We all have preferences, but the truth is there's no common thread and we really don't know why it happens," reports Dr. Stayton.

10) Crossdressers Are Schizophrenic
In reality crossdressers exhibit slight personality alterations in their "femme" role, but in general, their personalities only change to the extent that many people do when assuming different roles in life, i.e. CEO, husband, father. One wife reports her husband likes to dance as his "femme" self where he wouldn't feel that free as a man. Other wives recount how their husbands will shop with them when otherwise they'd never have the patience.

11) Crossdressing Can Be Cured
"Truth is you can't change it," Dr. Stayton concludes. Most professionals now try to counsel the crossdresser to deal with his crossdressing rather than eradicate it. "When someone comes to me and feels it's sick behavior, then to me helping them to be healthy is to help them accept it and to be able to appropriately accept their own crossdressing feelings."
__________________

[Caroline C]

Thanks Paula, I'm going to print that for the next time I have to explain myself.

[BillieJoe]

When I was 15 I got into trouble with the law about CDing. The judge ordered psychiatric evaluation and counseling. My psychiatrist was a man. He asked very probing questions. I felt very uncomfortable and refused to cooperate. The judge threatened juvenile confinement if I didn't cooperate. I did but just enough to get set up with a counselor (another man). I didn't cooperate with him either. It was just too shameful and embarrassing. Years later my wife ordered me into counseling in order to 'cure' me of my TS and CDing. Another man. I just didn't or wouldn't feel comfortable talking to another man about my situation. I came away with NOTHING resolved. Just my opinion- men couldn't and didn't do anything for me. I think for some reason a woman woulkd perhaps be more understanding. Just my opinion...

[Sarasometimes]

I am with the majority and have always had women for therapists. The most important thing beyond your ability to feel comfortable with the person is thier understanding of CDing. Few therapist really know how to counsel us. i have educated 4 of my last 6 therapists. It wasnt until i met nombers 5 and 6 did i realize that. I had to switch from 5 to 6 due to her maternity leave. If your person isn't actively giving you tools to help you understand and deal with CDing then you are teaching them on your dime. Good Luck

[Paula Rae]

Caroline C,
And any others who are interested, I have given out at least 50 copies of:
The Real Truth About Crossdressing. It's an excellent tool for explaining CDing.
It explained my situation much better than I could.

Paula Rae

[chaotropic]

at this point I just want to see a therapist period. I have been waiting since last august to see a therapist, specifically someone for gender dysphoria. they know I am suicidal. the system sucks.

[Paula Rae]

I Thought the "The Real Truth About Crossdressing" article is too important to miss.
Hopefully others who wish to come out, will copy it and use it to explain what we are about.
So up to the top it goes

Paula Rae

[Stephanie-L]

Seeing a therapist for any reason is a very personal choice. You have to find one that you are comfortable with, but not too comfortable, as they may be too easy on you and won't force you to grow. My choice was a woman, about my age (mid 40s) who had a lot of experience with gay and lesbian issues, dealt with a lot of marriage issues, and had seen transgender patients previously. There was nobody in my area who specificaly listed TG issues in any of their ads. I only saw her for 8 or 10 sessions, but she helped me a lot. She helped me see myself more clearly, and not to be afraid of some of the choices I may have to make. Anyway, as I said, it is a very personal thing. One question to ask is, which of your friends do you feel most comfortable talking with, male, female, young, old? Just be careful you don't get one who feels that it their duty to "cure" you of your crossdressing or other TG issues. I suspect that they be more common among the faith based therapy types, though again, not always. Just my point of view, good luck. Stephanie

[Tomara]

I started to see my female therapist alittle over 2 years ago after my divorce ( not related to crossdressing) We have worked on personal issues with very good success and have just started to work on crossdressing issues . It wasn`t easy for me to tell her I crossdressed but she was very understanding and told me that she has worked with many others with gender issues . With that said I felt much more comfortable with sharing my feelings with her and am looking forward to our future sessions. I think the most important part is to find someone that your comfortable with male or female . But I also prefer a female therapist . Tomara

[Marissa Mae]

I recently told my therapist about my CD'ing. This was after I had talked with her 3 or 4 times about depression I have been fighting; near the end of the last session she asked if there was anything I needed to talk about... I paused, took a deep breath, and said "yeaaah, there is one other thing: I am a crossdresser ". She seemed rather caught off guard, because I had always shown up in professional work clothes, drive a manly car etc. our next session will probably focus entirely on the dressing aspect, but this thread made me wonder if she actually will be able to talk to me about it, or am I going to be teaching her?! What if she tells me to attend a session dressed or something? And what if she tells me to invite someone along so that I get used to telling? So many questions!!!!!!

[Emily Anderson]

In my humble opinion, the best therapist is that one that feels right to you.

You are an individual, with unique thoughts and feelings, desires and phobias, wants and needs etc. and so are the therapists that you seek.

The only way to find a good therapist is by trying. A recommendation for a good one is great, but only if the person recommending them has a similar style/train of thought as yourself.

Basically, it's trial and error, and I would highly recommend that you keep looking if you don't find one that suits you.

[annabellesmooth]

started young, sisters pantys (green shiny soft ) couldnt resist,...
im also bi sexual, didnt have any girl frends, i like girls but... paid for sex when young... then discoverd trannies omg this is were i be long.. a light bulb moment,.. but im influnced by sociteys percived view of the world...(went to an all boys school an was cort kissing another boy... not good for the social statious,.. blue coller area)but as i get older 45 now i relise that, war is started by idiots and we as the people are sold up the garden path by our world so called leaders that are influinced by the all mighty dollar n bussness scoundrells... do they realy care, dont do this dont do that drugs are bad but they sell cigeretts n whisky for revenu, wd n ho wills cousens to the queen, maryjane banded cause buissness frends of congress in vented nilyon,.. so if we like to dress up n relax with out hurting anyone please do if it brings a smile to our faces great.. please dont get cort up in the properganda of modern society most of it is all smoke n mirrors to concell the panty wereing people in goverment (edger im looking at you), doctors telling us that opium smokeing is bad for your helth... what about the people in nth thiland been doing it for a mellenium and liveing working till 80,s 90,s (that is an example only)of if are happy doing what pleases us do so,...
all ways rember,.... dont worry be happy,.. all ways look on the bright side of life,.. we are not alone...just a little crazy,.. crazy enough to be free to our feelings....

[cdpam02]

Well, in my case, I started counselling with a male therapist and didn't last long at all. In my case I think I would feel much more comfortable with a woman as I would likely be more in touch with her and I'm sure want to emulate her. Just my thoughts. Good luck. Pam