Help

[Tina Francia]

Does anyone out there have any advice on getting an SO to understand who we are? It has been 8 months sice my wife left now and she is still unwilling to accept me for who I am, yet she resists getting a divorce and calling it quits on the marriage. All the while I site here trying to keep the house, kids, and everything else going without her help. She is out there living it up with no cares.

Truthfully I'm tired of feeling rejected and alone, yet if I file for the divorce she is going to have the satisfaction of being able to say that I'm the one that called it quites and rejected her and our marriage.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[debbeelee1]

Good luck to you Tina. I'm one of the lucky ones with an understanding, supportive SO. You may want to try to get her involved with this site or another good one which has a lot of spousal supoprt info is a crossdresserssecretgarden.com

[Sophia KT]

Does anyone out there have any advice on getting an SO to understand who we are? It has been 8 months sice my wife left now and she is still unwilling to accept me for who I am, yet she resists getting a divorce and calling it quits on the marriage. All the while I site here trying to keep the house, kids, and everything else going without her help. She is out there living it up with no cares.

Truthfully I'm tired of feeling rejected and alone, yet if I file for the divorce she is going to have the satisfaction of being able to say that I'm the one that called it quites and rejected her and our marriage.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi,

She sounds manipulative to me. Can you move house to somewhere she will never find you? At least that way you didn't ask for a divorce. Assuming you are totally fed up that is.

[charlie]

What a mess! One very big reason why I don't push anything about this on my SO. It seems to me that you should look into all the ramifications of divorce..alimony, child costs, health costs, being sole provider and mom and dad in one, and if being divorced really will make you happier. Your crossdressing will be in all of your court papers if that is really why she left. Also, do you keep the kids? You need answers before making a move. Go get a referal for a informative lawyer and talk to him/her for an hour. Then make your plans and move forward. No sense waiting as it seems to make you more unhappy.

[Jodi]

Make sure you've changed the locks on the doors. You have the legal right to do this. She left. It sounds like it's time for you to get a lawyer and you file for divorce. She's playing games with you. time to dump her.

Jodi

[DemonicDaughter]

First, I would say that if she cares that little for your marriage, it is time to pick up that chin and talk to the lawyer. You need to live your life too! There's no way that anyone would see the person who is staying home, maintaining the bills, caring for the kids and striving to make it work as "the one who gave up".

Second, life is much too short to be miserable. Whether either one of you is in the right or the wrong, you have the right to find your own happiness as well. She's out finding hers, according to you, so she's obviously moved on.

Its not easy, its going to hurt like hell but in the end, what's worse? Staying in a miserable marriage or giving yourself the opportunity to find a bit of happiness while you are still on this planet?

[Caroline C]

This seems to sum it up. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...27&postcount=7
But from reading the boards many SO's don't understand or want to accept. Some have adopted a don't talk don't see policy. If she really wants to save the marriage she should be agreeable to marriage counceling, hopefully with a councelor that is experienced with this type of situation.

[Angie G]

I think your wife is just using your cd'ing to have unlimited freedom. I don't know what you can do about it but I don't think I'd make her life easy in any way.
Angie

[KarenCDFL]

Sounds to me that your wife was just looking for any excuse to leave. You may be better off.

But honestly, I hate to see any marriage fail. Maybe you should seek a marriage therapist and invite your wife after a few sessions.

Whether she responds or not, the therapist will help you and the rest of your family get back on track for all of your futures.

I wish you all the best.

[CD Susan]

My marriage failed because of the cd issue. After 15 years of hiding it from her I told her all about it. She could not accept it and rejected me from that day on. We still stayed married but not loving each other for an incredible 8 more years. I could not continue living such a miserable life and filed for divorce. It was the smartest thing I have ever done. It has been 13 years since the divorce and they heve been the happiest years of my life. I feel I wasted those agonizing 8 years of being rejected and know that I made the right decision to end the marriage.

[Sheri 4242]

I feel I wasted those agonizing 8 years of being rejected and know that I made the right decision to end the marriage.

My first marriage failed -- but not b/c of cding. It failed b/c I was married to a selfish sl*t. (Laughter rises, then subsides.)

Really, I never went to the cd subject in my first marriage -- I knew it wouldn't fly from things said and observations made.

I decided then and there, if there was ever to be a 2nd marriage, cd would be discussed and settled. It has been and life couldn't be better!!! So, this is what a happy marriage is all about?!!!!

[Staci G]

She called it quits when she left not you by getting a divorce. It's time to move on I think.

[Tina Dixon]

I'm no good at this but if she even left the kids with know care it's time to move on with out her.

[rian]

I think you should send letters thru your lawyer asking her to come back to take her responsibilities and show how , since when shwe left you without caring m, then after a while if no response is made you can file a divorve on the pretext of all the warning letters u have said ,then no aclamation on her part that u have sent her away ...good luck

[Holly]

Tina, you're worried about giving your wife the satisfaction of it being you the one who called it quits? From what you are telling us, she called it quits on you, your marriage, and your children eight months ago. Honey, it's about time you gave yourself some things... courage to move on, confidence in yourself, and the freedom to be happy.

[Miss Petra]

Seek legal advice first. There may be ramifications in being the first filing for divorce (Monetary)?

My wife of 9 years been together for 18 knew after 4th date but after engadged had to go in closet. Finally after 15 years she realized that it wasnt gonna go away and seeked counseling with me to try and make it work. But we were both willing thats the key. Now after being homophobic and being raised in a very unaccepting family environment she finally has tolerance.

1 year later after I came out her daughter announced she was gay. If it wasnt for my gender issues and her learning tolerance this announcemnet of her daughter would have been much harder. Hmm things happen for a reason.

Hugz,

MIss P

[Amy Hepker]

Why are you worried about what she thinks, it is obvious that she does not want you or the kids. Go and get a devorse and get custody of those kids. File on her for abandament. She may try to say in court that you are a CDer, but at least you are trying to take care of the kids, the courts will see that. If you can get to a free lawyer or file and have her pay for the lawyer through the courts. It is painful but don't let her do it first or you could lose everything. It is obvious that she has made up her mind, so now get your life together and find someone that wants you for you. At least you did not wait for an accident that leaves you permanently disabled or paralized to find out she was going to leave you. If she LOVED you she would not be doing this to you. I know it hurts, I have been there. She was looking for a reason to leave, believe me.

Take care of yourself and the kids. Find someone and be honest with them about your dressing upfront. It is still not saying that that person will stay with you, but do you want to go through this again.

[Melanie R]

If your wife is unwilling to go to counseling with you to save the marriage and also get help to understand that your dressing is a part of you that will not go away, this marriage is over. Move on with your life. I did 29 years ago when I stood up to my ex-wife and ended up with the full costody of the kids. A year later I met and married my wife, the ultimate supportive and accepting wife, and the rest is history.

[Kris]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Truly this is a position that hurt, not just you but the kids as well.

I just have to play devils advocate for a moment because I am shocked at all the harsh words about your wife - for a moment.

Men do the same exact thing all the time, leave their wives and children - and get to go off and live this wonderful life free of responsibility. Why is everyone so harsh on your wife? She wasn't happy and she left. Yeah, she left the kids. Somehow in our society that is unthinkable for a woman to do that, and yet is accepted for a man to do the same thing. I wonder why that is?

I also would venture to say that she moved on when she left the house and you need to realize that and take the steps forward to move on. She started this when she walked out. Her "thoughts" about who gave up on your marriage first are unimportant.. the fact is.......

She isn't happy and felt the need to leave.
You need to find happiness as well, with or without her.

Big hugs and wishes of good luck to you!
Kris

[Amy Hepker]

Oh ya, becareful she may come back and steal your car or worse and there is nothing you can do because you are still married. My x stole my car and since we were not divorsed I could not do anything about it. Your wife could back up to your house with a big moving truck someday and take everything, there is nothing you can do, it is all civil.

GET A LAWYER NOW!!! Protect yourself and kids, she can even come back and take them too. Then you can pay child support until they are 18.

[Kris]

Oh ya, becareful she may come back and steal your car or worse and there is nothing you can do because you are still married. My x stole my car and since we were not divorsed I could not do anything about it. Your wife could back up to your house with a big moving truck someday and take everything, there is nothing you can do, it is all civil.

GET A LAWYER NOW!!! Protect yourself and kids, she can even come back and take them too. Then you can pay child support until they are 18.

HAHAHA! Was I married to you? ROTFLMAO!

No, I left with the kids, but he wouldn't let me take anything, including clothes and blankets, so .. you but your behind that I came back and took clothes and blankets out of the house. LOL I even stole my car back when he was at BINGO!

Hugs,
Kris