At what age did you realize you were a CD?

[whitelace]

I first started dressing at ....well let me put it this way....One very lazy summer day I went for a long walk. I was vaguely aware that I was in search of some sort of answers to the messages I was receiving from my subconscious. I saw my shadow gracefully keeping pace as I walked on and couldn't help but notice my body language.... I was at first startled to recognize and to be suspect of a female presence in me and suddenly all the pain of being him was gone. As I walked on to other neighborhoods as my new self , I met a whole new set of friends of various ages who immediately liked me for who I was which I assume to them was neither masculine or feminine just a happy spirit . I was very happy in my own skin and it showed
The dressing came shortly afterward. I had adopted certain items of clothing
a gold belt, earrings. white lacy scarf, girls boots, a wonderful girdle that had a silky crotch and always skin tight jeans ....all this occurred before I was 12. To me the dressing became the outward sign of the inner feeling but dressed or not I could always feel her wonderful presence....lacie

[deja true]

My first memory was very early, maybe around 5 or 6. The neighbor girls, twins, dressed me in one of their party dresses and we played in their bedroom with the door locked. We knew it was wrong, but it was sooo much fun. I stole items from the 'dress-up' box at after school day care and kept 'em hidden under my bed all through primary school.

But then, at about age 12, I got a job at a newstand that was filled with hundreds of titles of magazines. There, on a back rack, way up high, was a magazine called "Female Impersonators". The pictures of the gorgeous ladies from the 1/2 dozen 'drag shows' around the country, told me what I was and what I could be. But...it also told me that that was the only thing I could be. If I kept doing what I was doing, there was no hope that I ever could be a 'normal' person. The guilt started from then and it was a continuous round of dressing and purging and dressing and purging for the next decade, until I was lucky enough to finally find information in my local library (never checked those books out, no sir!) that there were more like me...and that some even led 'normal', though hidden and stressful lives. I accepted that I was a 'transvestite' but also resigned myself to being a hidden and guilt-ridden 'freak' for the rest of my life.

Thank the goddess that Al Gore invented the internet when he did (). And the hundreds of sites that showed regular people with an irregular desire started to help me lose the guilt and angst. I still hid, but I didn't feel so bad about it.

I've got to say, though, that today, thanks to this site and the talk and information that is available here and through the links that are posted here and the wonderful mentors and friends that have come my way, I've actually become happy and contented in my
life. A life that used to be a duality, but is now heading towards what Arianna calls an 'integration'.

That's 50 years of personal history in a few paragraphs. Wish it hadn't taken so long, but life is like a box of chocolates, ain't it?

[Katheryn]

That is, at what point (age) in your life did you say to yourself "I am a crossdressser!" and what brought you to that realization?

I started with my mom's clothes, as probably everyone did, found I enjoyed wearing them, but I'm not sure when I had that moment of epiphany when I realized I was a crossdresser. Took me awhile to put it all together, with some help from some understanding friends who were more aware of such things than I was at the time.

K

[Lauren1973]

I can rember back to 8 to 10 range. I can remember it being something serious at 12 ish.

[Laura_Stephens]

I started wearing around 2 or 3, but I didn't "self admit" until my early 30's. I guess that I am just a slow learner.

Actually, I hoped for years and years that I would wake up and be "normal" and that the desire would go away. After all those years, I finally figured out that I am who I am. Profound, right??

[celeste26]

When I started the word cross dresser hadn't even been invented yet, but I was fully engaged in the activity around puberty in the early 60's.

[pinkeverything]

at 35. What a bummer.

[Kimberly Marie]

My parents dressed me up for halloween when I was about ten. But I really didn't realize until I was about fifteen.

[JenniferR771]

I started out at about 10 with my mother's bra and girdle. Later I spent considerable time reading Alex Comfort's "Joy of Sex", especially a few paragraphs about crossdressing.
But I didn't call myself a crossdresser until my late 40's when I discovered some magazines at an adult bookstore. Started to read pictures and articles. "Ladylike" magazine and similar.

[MWCMDarlene]

5-6yrs. old---Started playing in box of "dress-up" clothes that belonged to my best friend's grandmother. Didn't "feel" anything about CDing at this time.

12yrs. old---Read "Dear Abby" article about wife whose husband dressed as a woman. Was living with grandparents and mowed my aunts' yard. After mowing, let myself in to get a drink and in their laundry room was one of her bras. Put it on, stuffed it with washrags, and enjoyed the thrill. Then parents split up and was staying with mom. While she was at work, would dress in one of her bras and pull-over shirt that snapped at the crotch. Got caught wearing it by my sister once, but I had a shirt that was very similar to it, so I don't think she ever knew.

13yrs. old---Parents got back together and moved to another town. From then all through high school, dressed in mom's bras, panties, and dresses every chance I could while at home alone. Was busted several times with articles in my possession, but never while wearing them. Mom thought I was gay, but I knew I wasn't. Was just curious about wearing and dressing up in women's clothes. She took me to Psych doctor, but I didn't want to talk about it. Still didn't know anything about CDing, just thought it was wrong, but knew I ccouldn't quit.

College years---stole some panties from store once and took to college dorm room (no roomate). Would wear occassionally to classes, but was always afraid someone could tell I was wearing them. Still had't heard the term or phrase "CD". Knew I wasn't "queer" or "gay", but just liked wearing women's underwear.

Mid 20's---Got married and knew I was "cured" until wife was at school one day and I started dressing in her "naughties". She came home and caught me one time, but I played it as if I was playing a "sex" game and saw her coming up the driveway.

All the way until now (45 yrs old)---Can't stop and take advantage everytime family is away, like this weekend. Wife knows, but hates what i do and wants me to be "healed".

So, I would say it was when I was about 28-30 years old when I finally conceded to being what I am now...a man who like to wear women's clothes.

[Toni_Lynn]

But then, at about age 12, I got a job at a newstand that was filled with hundreds of titles of magazines. There, on a back rack, way up high, was a magazine called "Female Impersonators". The pictures of the gorgeous ladies from the 1/2 dozen 'drag shows' around the country, told me what I was and what I could be. But...it also told me that that was the only thing I could be. If I kept doing what I was doing, there was no hope that I ever could be a 'normal' person. The guilt started from then ...

I had a similar experience. When I began seeking info about what I was about .. shortly after I bought my first training bra and panties at age 13, and was emotionally abused by my mum because of it, I read some of the stuff in Dr David Ruben's book Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex .. but where afraid to ask. What a load of old rubbish! I recall his long involved answers about gay men dressing as women, and his short somewhat graphic description of the sad life of the hetero CD (as well as -- hmm the sexual aspect), and it filled me with guilt. I came away from it saying .. so I must be gay. I remember sitting and thinking about doing gay things and feeling that I was destined to only have sex in that way. I was disgusted. I wanted to like girls and be like them too. Only after a long talk with myself did I say ... I will be me, and not what this jerk classifies me as.

It took a long time to get over feeling dirty.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Jaydee]

I finally got a chance to jump into this thread.

I first realized that I enjoyed wearing pantyhose when I was about 11 or 12. I "knew" it was wrong and kept it a secret. In my teens, I had seen articles in magazines about "Transvestites". I didn't like what I had read or the explanations of the behavior. I knew I wasn't gay, but then why did I like womens clothes so much?

I was married in my twenties and the desire, but not the interest went away for about 10 years. The desire came back suddenly and grew, but I still didn't understand it and certainly didn't think of my self as a crossdresser. It was only when I came across this site by accident a couple years ago that I soon realized at age 53 that I wasn't the only one in the world and maybe I wasn't some kind of mentally deranged pervert. So I guess the answer to the thread's question is age 53, even though I had been doing "it" for over 40 years.

Jaydee

[serinalynn]

I was 10-11 years old when i started wearing my mothers things panties at first then half slips, full slips, a bra and by the time is was 14, I was fully dressed including a nice dress, shoes, necklase, earrings. I felt so girly. I went to school on monday in boy mode just imagining how I would look as a girl walking the hallways and sitting in class as a girl. After HS graduation i took a long break from dresssing until i was 41 and when the urge to buy and wear womens clothes hit me again I've been part time ever since.

[AnnMorgan]

I guess I was around 6-7 YO. Stuffed it until my early 20's when I discovered what a kick it was to shave my legs and wear pantyhose at work. Then it's been on again-off again since then. I can just kick myself when I think of all of the dreamy outfits I threw out during the many "purges."

[susan2010]

Started borrowing my sister's petticoat when I was 4 or 5. I didn't think of myself as a crossdresser until I was in my 50's. I was just someone who really liked lingerie.
Susan

[suzy cool]

5 years old.

[Daintre]

I started dressing when I was about 10-12, I didn't realize what I was until I was able to do research at the library (that is a building with books). All I knew was that I was different from most boys and needed to find out who or what I really was.

[Jeanine]

I grew up without a father, just my Mom, my 3 older sisters and me. I have pronounced Gynecomastia and started to develop feminine breasts at 11 ... My "dressing" started at 13 when I decided to "try on" my sisters bras and found that my oldest sister's 36B underwire fit perfectly with no "stuffing" necessary ...By 14, Mom and all my sisters had caught me wearing their bras, panties, stockings, dresses, skirts, blouses etc. about a dozen times, so Mom decided that I had "Gender Identity Problems" and took me to see a Counselor ... It was my counselor who first defined me as a "crossdresser" and said she didn't think "crossdressing" meant I was crazy, or Gay.

Hugs-N-Kisses,
Jeanine

[Slip Affinity]

I guess my earliest memories are at about age 5. Like most have said, mom's things were the first items available to me. I had a sister who was 2 yrs younger but that doesn't mean I wasn't into her things but Iwas always afraid I'd stretch or rip them. My pre-teen/early teen years I was the most active and got "caught" more than once. Mom was convinced it was a "sickness" and I spent about 6 months in an institution, which ended up being just a big expense but no help. I picked right back up on it and have continued to this day, altho it has been a hidden part of my life. My wife of 40+ years has known just about ever since we met and I have the freedom now of dressing most anytime I want. Society pretty much accepts women in any type of clothing; too bad it doesn't work the other way.

[Amy Hepker]

I did not know they called it crossdressing, until the early 90s, but I have been CDing since the 60s.

[annekathleen]

When I tried on my first pair of panties and I love the way they felt, the way they looked, and the way I felt when I was wearing them. ( around 13 years old )

[SarahLynn]

Don't you just hate labels? i know i do. I knew i wasn't a homosexual but didn't know what label to put on myself until a few years ago. Saw that horrible movie put out by Woody Allen and found a title for what i did. So glad i have found this site because now i know i'm not homosexual just different in my expression of my own sexuallity. i have the best of both worlds, the freedom to enjoy my gentler self and my more rugged self too.

SarahLynn

[Tiana]

probably knew for sure around the age of 16

[LucyLuck]

I remember being around the age of 9 - 10 and getting into my mums clothes and running about the house just being silly, don't think my mother liked it much.
My mother was a hair dresser and we lived in the back of the shop, dad had moved out and my mother was out most nights leveing me by my self.
Thats when i started dressing not realy know what and why i was doing it.
It felt so go and so bad....
I can recall wearing a black mini shirt, black pantyhose (loved the feeling) And a black shirt with a long black wig I just couldn't stop looking at my self in the mirror. I just never had heels or make up witch would come years later or I probley would of whent for a walk.
Been working in the hobby ever since

[Celeste]

First I enjoyed dressing in my mid teens,of coarse I had the fear of being homosexual and thought women would despise me for it so I didn't really begin to accept it until around 30.I wasted a lot of time worrying about others opinions,so it kind of put the brakes on me being happy strait through my 20's.