exclusion at the beauty parlour!

[Sarah_GG]

Sorry if this is going a bit off topic. my partner 'came out' to me several weeks ago and I'm totally accepting of it and am positively enjoying the benefits to our relationship.

I've welcomed everything out of storage into the home. I've enjoyed participating in the whole dressing up experience and encouraged the 'pink fog' spending on new breast forms, designer clothes, new make up, new shoes, coats and handbags. S/he has always wanted a professional makeover and I've agreed it would be fun and useful as far as wasting anymore dollars on bad wig purchases.

Now I find that s/he's booked up this makeover experience and it doesn't include me at all. I'm feeing a bit resentful. Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all. And now I feel left out.

I know it's not my 'hobby'. So I'm wondering if I should stop getting a kick out of it too and leave my partner to get on with it by himself.

Does this sound like a spoilt hissy fit on my part?!

[Shelly Preston]

I think it is surprising that you have been excluded

It does seen very strange as most would CD's would want there SO to be part of this

It may not be your hobby as you put it but you cannot help but be involved

I think you are right to feel left out

[ginger147]

firstly let me say , wow r partner is sure lucky to have your support. now my take on it is have you made your partner explicitly know that you would luv to partakein the makeover . if the answer is yes then maybe she is feeling still a little uncertain,ill at ease etc .

i am sure she would be of the persuasion that she would want you to share in this part of her life but maybe the "first makeover " is a little daunting for her .

all i can say is dicuss your feelings with her and maybe she would be delighted that you want to join in - or mybe she justs want the first one to be by herself - if she goes alone the first time then learns some new tricks and be aliitle more confident in her looks and style she will be more comfortable in getting you involved

just my few cents contribution

[Sarah_GG]

I've been told it's "safer". I don't really understand and it kind of backs up all the prejudices and keeps it sort of 'seedy' in my view. Do you think these 'parlours' really are intolerant of female partners? I suppose my partner has had to keep this thing secret for a lifetime... but I thought he wanted my involvement in it. Now I feel like my support is being thrown back in my face. I know that's probably an over reaction... but I thought it was something we could both indulge in happily. When I review all the purchases and this 'solitary' act I feel that it's all a bit selfish... something I hadn't felt before now. Sorry

[tracigirl_tv]

MOH, all I can say is WOW! Just from reading the posts here, so many CDs would give anything to have an accepting and encouraging SO. Your involvement should be a seen as a blessing.

Have you talked to your partner about it? Could s/he think you might not want to be directly involved in the makeover? Does s/he know how you feel?

Be patient. Communicate.

xxx

Traci

[Sarah_GG]

She said she wanted to do it and showed me the website. I agreed. It's been a fun and happy thing that we've both shared and enjoyed until now. I probably feel 'threatened' because the website's full of transexuals and 'tranny' sex 'n stuff.

I don't have any doubts about partner's sexuality etc blah blah but feel hurt by the exclusion. He had said he'd like me to be there and I definitely said I'd like to be there but would respect his wishes if he wanted to do it alone. The fact that it's "safer" means what exactly? I dare say we'll talk about it this evening. We're quite good at communication!

[chris80]

if it is tarnsformation that he has booked then they may not want you to see what a rip-of it can be.
you would realise that their items can be bought much more reasonbly elsewhere

birdcage preston or boudoir london are two better venues, google them

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I can't help but stick my big butt in here and make a comment. I am a makeup artist and I have a transformation studio where I do work on MtF and FtM all the time. I welcome spouses, SOs, or anyone else that wants to come along and watch the process if the client wants it. I may not understand the wording being used, "safer" but there might be more to it. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]You are such an accepting person and it seems to me that your partner may not be telling the entire story with this session. Sit and talk with her and get her to see your side of the picture.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Not trying to be out of place but I don't understand not wanting your SO to be involved if he/she wants to be.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Just me,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[BethCD]

Maid of Honour, As you state " Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all" it seems it is the makeover place excluding you, not your partner....Try to find another makeover place.
Keep us posted please!
Beth

[Sarah_GG]

she's certainly aware that 'transformation' is a rip off. she has a huge (and ever expanding) wardrobe. she just wanted some hair and make-up updating and advice. i thought it would be another fun thing we could do together, not a serious under-cover operation where she furtively disappears for a whole day. i'm aware i sound jealous and put-out - that's because i am!

[chris80]

best of luck whereever she's going. check http://www.northernconcord.org.uk/classifi.htm
for the other addresses and websites

[Sarah_GG]

thank you - and thank you for upgrading my post too - i'm not sure i should mention the name of the organization as it could open a whole pandora's box but any feedback or advice would be appreciated.

i feel better now i've got it off my chest (so to speak!) and i don't want to go now. but it has created an issue.

[charlie]

Sorry if this is going a bit off topic. my partner 'came out' to me several weeks ago and I'm totally accepting of it and am positively enjoying the benefits to our relationship.

I've welcomed everything out of storage into the home. I've enjoyed participating in the whole dressing up experience and encouraged the 'pink fog' spending on new breast forms, designer clothes, new make up, new shoes, coats and handbags. S/he has always wanted a professional makeover and I've agreed it would be fun and useful as far as wasting anymore dollars on bad wig purchases.

Now I find that s/he's booked up this makeover experience and it doesn't include me at all. I'm feeing a bit resentful. Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all. And now I feel left out.

I know it's not my 'hobby'. So I'm wondering if I should stop getting a kick out of it too and leave my partner to get on with it by himself.

Does this sound like a spoilt hissy fit on my part?!

Hello Maid of Honor!
I don't get it anymore then you do. You SO has a loving spouse that has let him come out of the closet and is supportive. Most of us would kill for such a turnaround. My spouse does not want to see me or hear about my dressing. You on the other hand are only wanting to help and be a part.Your SO should go to another salon, if that is what it is, and be more then happy that you can become part of the process. I have never heard of a salon not letting guests sit by their SO while a makeover is being done.

[suchacutie]

You must be a part of this...omg! What a perfect bonding the two of you will have! This is important for both of you and really can't be missed. I really hope everyone reconsiders and starts again in "we" mode!



tina

[Jenny Beth]

Just a thought but why don't you offer to do the make over yourself? I know the beauty salon experience is something many of us feel is another step in exploring our feminine side but if that excludes having a female partner present then to me it's hardly feeling like "just one of the girls". I've only once had a make over in a salon and even though my wife was present and the results were good it still wasn't as much fun as when she did my makeup.

[Sandra]

Well I think you're right to feel left out. Why can't another place be found that allows you both to go.

[Sarah_GG]

Well, thanks all. I feel justified in my pissed-offedness. I guess it's booked now so too late. And, yes, I thought I was helpful in the whole process (although I don't have his decades of experience) and can say when a hairstyle or eyebrow line looks unflattering. It'll just drive a bit of a wedge between us. We'll talk later! Thanks

[tracigirl_tv]

....pissed-offedness....

I checked....it's a word *lol*

[Sarah_GG]

it's definitely a word! there are others too!

[Jaclyn NM]

I just came out to my wife a few weeks ago, and like you she has been very supportive and helpful. We haven't done any makeup yet, since I,m trying to take it slow and easy, but she has bought me nylons, panties, and helped me purchase some nice stilleto heels. In turn, I went shoe shopping with her, and helped her select some nice heels that I thought looked very nice on her. We are having a ball. She has said she would help me with makeup eventually, so I'll wait till were both ready, and then let her do my makeup. It is so much more fun exploring all of this together. You need to talk to him/her, and work this out. I wouldn't want you two to ruin this great experience. Good luck.

[Paola Lobos]

Hi,

My wife has been accepting of most of my changes but drew the line at going to a transformation studio with me. If made me feel bad, like she couldn't handle seeing me completely transformed into the female-like person I'd like to become. Your partner is a lucky person and I'd recommend the appointment s/he made be cancelled and a more tolerant place selected. I think it's important.

Paola

[deja true]

Yup...something fishy there if the salon says you're not welcome....

Appointment made? So what! Cancel it...even if you lose a down payment.

If your gurl wants you there, then there you should be!

And, btw, if you do like it and are enjoying participating, then it is your hobby, too.

[Sarah...]

Aawwwwww. I feel for you, I really do. I couldn't do a makeover without my SO and she wouldn't want me to do a makeover without her. My SO expended some significant effort at a very busy time for us finding somewhere we could both go and be welcomed. So these places / people do exist. Is it definitely too late to cancel and find somewhere new? It just seems such a shame to diminish a great opportunity for you both.

Sarah...

[Bev06 GG]

You must be a part of this...omg! What a perfect bonding the two of you will have! This is important for both of you and really can't be missed. I really hope everyone reconsiders and starts again in "we" mode!



tina

I agree Tina and to be honest I am with Tamarav on this one. I would be very suspicious of any makeover business that didn't welcome SO's and I'd definitely take my business somewhere else. It almost sounds like there is a hidden agenda which with some of them there is.
Good on you for being so supportive but explain to your SO that this isn't on.
Take care
Bev

[Julogden]

Hon, sounds like you two need to some talking, bottom line.

If the makeover service doesn't welcome you (never heard of such a thing, personally), then cancel that and find one that does.

Best of luck,
Carol