Taking hormones but still present as male?

[natasha]

How many girls are on hormones, but still dont present (at least) in public as female? I have started seeing a theripist and we have been talking hormones as an option. I have always known that this is probably the road I would end up on once Natasha busted out of the closet, but with a career, mortgage etc..... it does have me thinking at least a little now. Of course things would not be an overnight change but changes will be eminent once started.

My thoughts for hormones are not to become a beautiful centerfold, but rather to feel inside like I know I'm supposed to. At least for me the option of hormones are for mindest rather than appearence.

[melissaK]

Popular topic lately. But a recurrent one. I'm sure anyone who goes to the trouble to figure out how to buy hormones has done some significant research work, but still, read the forum's sticky note on hormones - not to be taken lightly.

Here's a doctor's essay advocating taking hormones without necessarily seeking to undergo SRS: http://www.3dcom.com/tgfs/docs97/tmed9710.html

You'll find mention of hormones without transition in this respected therapists notes too:

"The exogenous administration of cross sex hormones has shown repeatedly to have a profound, almost immediate stabilizing effect on the gender variant individual’s psyche. The medication appears to resolve a hormonal imbalance in the brain that the individual’s endocrine system cannot otherwise provide. Indeed the testes in pretreated male-to-female individuals and the ovaries in pretreated female-to-male individuals may be playing a role in exacerbating the problem. Further relief is attained with optional surgery and re-socialization into the new gender role, eliminating gender expression deprivation as an issue."

"After more than fifty years of treating gender issues hormonally, it is beyond dispute that despite some possible negative physical side effects, the introduction of cross-sex hormones has proven to be the center piece of a successful treatment regimen for this population." http://www.avitale.com/hbigdatalkplus2005.htm

And then there are many who make it without hormones. Finding your own path is a challenge.

hugs,
'lissa

[Teresa Amina]

After a year (or sooner!) you may have difficulty in presenting male, but the changes are slow at first and you have time to either change your mind or get ready for full time.

[Dawn D.]

I knew before I started seeing my therapist that I wanted hormones. I wasn't sure though, if I would still be married if I attempted to actually persue them. Fast forward six months and I am now on Estrogen and yes I am still married! A big thank you, to my therapist and my wife!

Like you Natasha, I have all the same concerns about job, mortgage, family and more. It's the therapy and the personal support system that I have aquired that is helping me move along this path. And yes, to answer your basic question. For the most part I am still presenting as male in public for now. Though at times you will find me out shopping around town, completely presenting as female. As for what I can see happening is, it will become more difficult as time goes on to continue to stay in that male mode. I am 50 years old and I didn't dream I'd have this kind of positive response on such a low dose and in such a short time span. Just started my third month and my wife has brought it to my attention that my neck, chest and shoulders are looking quite femme. As well, I am almost to the point in breast development that I can no longer wear just a tee shirt when out in public without odd looks, lol.

I guess what needs to be answered is, if you respond well to hormones, i.e. breast development, hips, butt and face, are you willing to continue presenting in your male form? Or, do you think you can live as female? I know I will at some point end my male presence and enjoy my new life as female.



Dawn

[Suzy Harrison]

Hopefully I'll be going on to hormones soon - once it's been approved by my therapist.

I want to go full time as a female as soon as possible, but only after the hormones have made some significant changes.

My reasoning behind this is a good part of my job involves going into operating theatres and in doing so, I have to change into the all familiar blue clothes before I can go in.

So I need to make sure I look presentable and convincing enough to change in the female changing rooms, as all of my customers will already know me and my male background ~ so I have to make sure they feel very comfortable with me changing with them in these open changing rooms..

[AmberTG]

I'm starting to find, after a year and a bit more on HRT, that it's becoming more difficult to pass as a man, even when presenting and dressing as one, at work, for instance. I get a lot of strange looks from people now. Apparently, they're seeing something in me now that doesn't make sense to them. I believe that I've crossed over into the "in between" area now. Last week, I got a "ma'am" at a local Subway restraunt without even dressing the part. I guess there was just enough going on for me that day to get gendered as I'd like to be.
Be careful what you wish for!

[emmicd]

To me it seems important to consider female hormones if you are TG but it requires a lot of thought and consideration. Personally I feel I would be more comfortable on female hormones as it would match how I feel but I am very afraid of taking a step like that and because I have a wonderful wife and son and major reponsibilities it just seems like a dream that is not possible.

Crossdressing is very important to me.

My wife and son are extremely important to me.

emmi

[natasha]

This is a "line" i always knew that I would approach sometime in my life. Yes, I have known for a long time that the time would come that I would start walking towards it. Even though I havent started with the hormones yet, it is comforting to know that another "line" does exist. Now I can work towards handling that day. I am finally becoming who I always have known I am.

[Joy Carter]

Does anyone know another who has taken hormone's, in low doses, just as a way of taking the edge off of their gender issues ? It sounds like from what I read here, it might help with the urges I get to be full time. Which is just about every day.

[natasha]

For as long as I can remember I have always known I was more female than male, but always had to present and act male as I was always expected too. Now that Natasha is out of the closet (to my wife anyway) I am ready to move towards what has always been known to me. I do hope that I can continue to work in my current position to retirement but being who I really am is ultimatley where I hope to be. If the hormones only make me feel as I know I should then that is good. If they do in fact make presenting male a problem then I will have to deal with it and move on. The last person I had to fire (who is still a friend by the way) told me he was looking for a job when he found this one. Life goes on one way or another, but I may be needing to wear a bra daily at that point.

Thank you all for your comments, and hopefully it has helped others to some point too.

[Dawn D.]

Joy,

I am on a very low dose of E (premarin). My wife and I were talking last week that she has noticed how, as soon as I get home I don't disappear into the bathroom to get my makeup on nearly as often since about the middle of my second month on E. And, I know, I don't obsess over "When can I go full-time!". I do however still want to, I am just better able to "regulate" my urges so that I can better plan the inevitable.

As for taking them just to take the "edge off", well, I don't know that this is a valid enough reason to take hormones. I'm not making a judgment on your inquiry, it just doesn't seem to be a good method in my mind due to the effects caused by taking E that will become a permanent part of transition. I'm sure you've looked into what E does to the male anatomy eventually?

Still it has had a very "calming" effect on me as I said before that I am quite pleased with (so is my wife). I really feel that the lack of obsession has allowed her to gain a bit more in coming to an acceptable place in her own mind and allows her to see that this is still a very real event in our lives. It has just become a lot more controllable.

Hope this helps!



Dawn

[Joy Carter]

Thanks for the information Dawn. I know I can't go make any kind of obvious gender changes. I'm kinda obsessing over this, and was thinking that a low dose, just might calm these thoughts and feelings down.

[Dawn D.]

Joy,

For as much as I know (which isn't much), E seems to affect everyone in a lot of the same ways and then at the same time it tends to give different results in other ways, it would be interesting to know if it had a wider range of altering our "obsessive" component. Sadly there just haven't been any studies (that I am aware of) to give us a definative answer. Or, maybe there has and someone else here will chime in with a more clear picture.



Dawn

[MJ]

when my shrink gave me the OK to take hormones I was also told to do my real life test IE:- live full time has Marissa no if and or buts 24/7/365.
how can you all go on hrt first and then later conduct your real life test ??? is it not the same standard everywhere ? is that not cheating ...no fair i am telling
if i had to do that you all should too

[Amy Hepker]

No Matter what you take, it will take time for them to transform your body. It may take several months before you feel any different, and it maybe longer before your breasts start to show. This will give you time to adjust to your new life. You will feel better about being seen in public with breasts as a male. I know, I have been doing this for about a year now. People at work are just starting to notice my breasts and I feel wonderful about everyone seeing them. You can always tell them that you had to take steroids and now you are growing breasts because of them.

[Kimberley]

Joy, at our age Premarin is not recommended; a transdermal patch is. That said, you may have some luck.

MJ. It is up to the doctors whether RLE is started before, after or at the same time as mones. It is case dependent according to the SOC.

Still I agree with you that if you are going to take them RLE should be in the picture but that is just my feeling and anything but a point of debate. For others HRT alone may well be indicated.

Me? Still waffling because of relationship issues.


Kimberley

[morgan pure]

I haven't read everyone's post yet, but I need to thank Melissa. I've been self-feminizing for a month on my own, and I DO feel better. Less anxious, more relaxed, life is easier. I have almost no temper, once a problem. Just thinking about my Premarin makes me happy.
Morgan

[natasha]

Here's a relavent story regarding the calming effect that happened to me last Friday. As I said before I am not taking real hormones yet. I have been though taking herbals (1 year +/-), and have seen no physical changes yet.

Without going into specific details. At work for the last 3 years I have had some drastic changes in the environment, in both upper managment and the workforce (yes I am middle management). In the past anger, resentment, lashing out, remorse has been the daily routine for me. This has led to a major loss of weight, a bad attitude at home, and general dissatisfaction of work. After finally acting on what I have hidden for many years.......Natasha.......... and exploring the herbal end of things.

Last Friday, one of the folks involved on the work force end of things confronted me in a very aggressive and abusive manner. If this were to have happened 2 years ago, my wife would have had to bale me out of jail for certain because I would have not taken this abuse.

Fast forward and insert the herbals I am now taking. Instead of fighting back with the individual. I was calm, non-confrontational, non-emotional, clear headed and actually somewhat amused by his actions. This has led to possibly he being arrested for his actions. Along with 3 formal apologies from his superiors.

Is it the result of the herbals (very low E)? or is it the result of Natasha's emergence as a person? I don't know 100% either way but I do know for certain that my thought processes have changed. For that I am all the more confident that I want to continue to walk further towards starting the hormone regime if only for completing the wiring in my head. Any physical changes I feel were meant to be and I will deal with them as needed.

[melissaK]

For reference I am genetic male, 53, had gender issues in grade school, and TS issues since I learned what one was in junior high. I have been doing low dose hormones (E's only, no anti-testosterones, no progesterone) for almost 2 years now. I have experimented with periods of higher doses (8mg/dy for a 150lb body weight), lower doses (2-4mg/dy for a 150lb body weight), and none. While self-reporting always has some subjective opinion in it, this is what I have found:

- on none, I am highly anxious and coping is a day at a time mentally challenging task. Transistioning is all I think of. It gets in the way of living, of work, and depression looms constantly. My lifelong pattern of constantly increasing and worsening anxiety continues. Weekly professional counselling is a needed resource to get by.

- on low doses - something between why bother and wowie - I feel pretty normal. I think about gender issues, but the anxiety is not all consuming. I get to work on time. I interact with people well. Depression is not a looming problem. Male sex performance is pretty normal, but response is slowed. Slight breast tenderness.

- on high doses - transitioning type dose, no messing around, lets grow breasts and stop spontaneous erections - I feel really great. 100% free from the anxiety and obsessive thoughts of transitioning. But, my wife notices the changed interest in sex, noticeably reduced erections, and is none to happy. And my life with her is truly important to me as I find great happiness in that relationship.

I am now quite intentionally living in the middle low dose world. Breasts are always a little tender - and grow very slowly. I notice them and like them; my wife notices them and doesn't like them; no one else has commented. Right now they look like breasts on an aging guy who used to lift weights and has quit and his pects have gone flabby.

I don't know how long this middle ground can be held - but, and I say this with all seriousness, life on 'none' wasn't a quality life for me anymore. I had to do something. Going all the way with SRS wasn't a desired option for me when I first considered it in the late 70's, again in the 80's, again in the 90's, or in the new millenium, for all the reasons you all know from your own reflections about it (won't pass, career loss, loss of spouse, loss of friendships, fearful of surgery, guilt). So, its still a day at a time, but my days are better.

hugs,
'lissa

[Dawn D.]

Joy, at our age Premarin is not recommended; a transdermal patch is.* That said, you may have some luck.

Kimberley, possibly you could elaborate a little more about "at our age"? I'm 50, on Premarin and through all that I have heard and read, it seems that there is a great debate as to the use of this form of E. Though I hadn't read or heard this thought about an age thing. I have an appt. next month with my OB/GYN and I intended to take up this issue of using Premarin anyway. I would like to know more if there is an actual issue as to the age thing?

MJ wrote:

when my shrink gave me the OK to take hormones I was also told to do my real life test IE:- live full time has Marissa no if and or buts 24/7/365.

I'm sorry Hun. Would it help that I am 16/7/365, lol? And, I am at least underdressed the the other 8hrs. It's the working world I am in that I still (at this point) need to show my male side to. This will change in the next 1-2 years and who knows maybe even less. Seriously, I agree with you and others here in the thought that going on hormones should be with the intent that you at least eventually will go full time.



Dawn

[Dawn D.]

Melissa,

Very poinient observations! I can relate to the none and low dose effects you had as I was/am experiencing very similar outcomes. I will watch (of course) for the higher dosage effects as they will be increasing soon.

[morgan pure]

Great Forum! I don't know if I want to transition. I've been doing both for so long and the whole world knows me as a man. I'm also 6'3" with a girl's size 14shoe. Besides work-I would be fired immediately if they knew-despite the law in NJ, I also enjoy the freedom of the male role. I've done drag out a lot and have observed women closely, and women have to be much more circumspect in social situations. The social cues and acceptable behaviors (and weight standards) are very different. As a man I can get away with a lot. I sort of like inhabiting both worlds. We'll see. My breasts are still very small.

[AmberTG]

Dawn, the reason that Premarin is not recommended for people over 40 is that it only works when swallowed (it won't absorb under the tongue) and as it's metabolized through the liver (like everything else that goes through your stomach) it raises certain liver byproducts, one of which can possibly contribute to deep vein clotting and possible strokes. Medical studies show that this tendency increases with age. With the estrogen patch, the estrogen absorbs directly into the blood stream, bypassing the liver on entry, so it doesn't raise those liver byproducts nearly as much as it's slowly metabolized. That's what makes the patch safer.

[Dawn D.]

Amber,

Thank you for that insight! I will be sure to discuss this with my Dr.



Dawn

[Ashlynne]

Excellent thread, I've been on Estradiol for the last 8 years and get along in the real world quite well as a guy. SRS is just not in cards for me, at my age (now 50) I figure it's a little late to be changing horses at this point in a deep wide river. So the hormones are a life saver in that I'm much more accepting of myself and do not need to prove to myself or the world what I really am. I often think to myself how ironic it is that I should be a woman but have to masquerade as a guy and that I need estrogen in order to live my life as a man....