Ideas to slowly break it to a spouse

[jen6868]

I have been given some advice but an just wanting more input and ideas on how to break this slowly to a spouse where she will at some point accept it and allow me to do this on occasion. Pleas any help and ideas will be greatly appreciated. I really don't think just sitting her down and telling her the whole thing from the beginning is the best. Also not sure dressing up and letting her see me fully dressed is a good idea out of the gate either. Only hint I have ever given is that I have a big pantyhose fetish. Again, thanks for the help and advice

[philmaria]

I wish i knew how,everytime i start to think about telling my wife she will say something about a crossdresser that she see's on the t.v. or one we see in public,I know my wife wouln't accept it,sorry i can't help you there

[juneuk]

I don't think there is an easy quick fix way of telling her.
I sat my wife down and asked her to listen and to not say anything until I had finished.
When I had, she asked a few questions and then left me!
Ooops!
I am now with a lady who I told in the first few weeks of going with her.
Again I sat her down and asked her to listen and not say anything until I'd finished.
When I had she said, "Is that all. I thought it was something bad. Would you like a cup of tea dear?" She then wondered off and made tea.
I was a little shocked that I had no fight on my hands.
That was 2 years ago. We are very happy together...She likes it so much that all her girlfriends know and have met June.

Only you know your SO and how she will react. The one bit of advise I would give is tell her sooner rather than later or she may find out and be upset that you have hidden things from her, not that you CD.

[DonnaT]

The letter at the following web page should be of help:
http://www.3dcom.com/couples/vkol/TELLING.HTML

[Wendy me]

if you don't start then sooner or lattre you will get busted and she will get it ... you did say she knows abought the pantyhose so thats a start....

[Sharon]

I have done this several times now, once with my wife, and the other times with my sisters and my best friend.
I think the best way to tell someone is to just sit them down and say it -- slowly, deliberately, and coherently. Make no apologese, don't feel the need to say what you aren't (gay, TS, etc.) unless asked. Do tell her that you are still the same person who she fell in love with and that your feelings towards her are as strong or stronger than ever. Then just encourage her to ask you questions if she doesn't do it on her own.
I would definitely advice against letting her see you dressed before telling her. It's infair, and her immediate reaction may not be the one you're looking for since you wouldn't have given her an opportunity to think about the various issues.
It's a very tough thing to go through for you, and it won't be easy getting out the first words, but be determined and swallow your courage and I hope only the best for you. Once you begin telling her your story, you'll find it easier to continue and you should become more relaxed. At least it does for me.
Good luck!

[Dragster]

Jen,
I've just started down the road you want to go down. I told my wife about 15 years ago (after 20 years of marriage) that I liked wearing women's clothes, and that I wanted to share it with her. Her reaction was very negative, it's not something she wanted any part of, she said it turned her off me and didn't want to know any more about it. Since we couldn't talk about it, I've stayed in the closet, and haven't been "caught" for the last 15 years. I don't even know whether she believes I still dress, but I didn't agree to stop, and she didn't ask me to.

Since I found this site, and told my story, I've been encouraged to buy Helen Boyd's book "My Husband Betty", read it, ask my wife to read the first 4 chapters, and hopefully discuss each issue she has as it comes up. I suggested we read it together to promote that discussion, but she said no, she wants to read it herself first. I gave it to her 5 weeks ago, she agreed she'd read it, but I don't know whether she's read any of it yet. I suspect she's afraid of what she'll find; maybe she thinks I'm gay, or want to transition, the usual fears, but I'm sure I'm not either; I want to be a guy most of the time, but I get incredible pleasure from dressing as a girl from time to time. I've told her whether she reads it or not, whether she changes her mind or not, she's still the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I'm still the same guy she fell in love with almost 40 years ago. I'm not going to push her too hard because I value my marriage and her love above anything else, but the time is coming when I'll need to bring up the subject again and ask her whether she's going to read it or not, and whether we can have a rational discussion or not. Whatever she does, I plan to buy my own clothes (I largely wear her lingerie now), a wig, a proper corset, really high stiletto heeled shoes, learn to use make up, and make contact with other CDers, either from here or at a support group, purely for friendship and support, and to dress with others who share the interest. My target is to go out confidently en femme, and my (impossible?) dream would be with my wife as two "girl friends". But I really do not want any of my regular friends or relatives to know about my "hobby"

I've no idea how this latest initiative will turn out, but it's better than carrying on in secret. At best we may establish some ground rules she can accept, and that will be step two, (step one will be talking about it rationally!). I'll keep you all posted on progress, but other than my experience to date, I've got nothing to offer you Jen, but take it very sloooooooowly.

Philmaria,
you may want to use the same tactics to broach the subject with your wife, but maybe you'll want to know how my effort works out first!

June-uk,
You luck girl! But I bet you didn't think that when your first wife walked out on you!

One thing I've learned from this forum, it takes a very special lady to accept this side of us, and we can assist that process by regularly demonstrating our love for them, and taking the revalation at their speed, not ours. Those who have found one are incredibly lucky, and the rest of us are incredibly jealous!

Good luck to all of you in this situation,
Tony