SO? What's That? (FtM Question)

[CaptLex]

Yes I know it stands for Significant Other. Others prefer the terms Partner or Spouse or something else.

I'm being a bit cheeky because I sometimes get a little envious when I read thread after thread where people mention their better halves (especially those that don't seem to appreciate them). And it seems to me that we - that is, FtMs, Transguys, or other female-bodied-but-not-totally-female persons are less likely to have a significant other. So by a show of hands please, how many of us do have that (however you define it: boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, etc.) and how many of us don't? I won't do a formal poll 'cause those get messed up real quick in this section. Just want to have a general idea.

Okay so I'll start. I don't have one and I have no prospects on the horizon. It's not that I wouldn't want that in some form - though probably not in the "normal" sense, if there is such a thing (maybe what I want is an insignificant other* ). It's basically that I'm not able to deal with the complexities of being in a relationship (short-term or long-term) - probably due to my trans issues, but probably due to more than that too . . . who knows?

To be clear: I'd like FtMs only to answer the question and the poll, but I'll accept general comments from everyone.

____________________________
*Sorry for pirating that

[Cai]

I'm sorta in relationship limbo - I started seeing someone, but we keep missing each other time-wise, and haven't had a conversation in about 3 weeks now. I'm not really sure I'd consider myself in a relationship with him right now.

I'd like to have an SO. I think. The problem is that life gets busy. I don't have much free time during the school year, even on weekends. And because of the school I go to, there's not really anyone there that I'm interested in dating.

[Alan]

Well, there's Ben, of course...

Okay, okay, utterly seriously (sorry, Ben), I don't have someone in my life right now. The guy I mentioned in the 'Children' post was my only possibly serious relationship -- and we never actually 'dated' per se.

My situation, of course, is a bit interesting. In high school, I didn't date for a myriad of reasons. I was then away for a year, teaching in a high school. I was pretty much too young to date any of the teachers (legally, we were fine, but, for example, my closest friend there was 35-6, so it would've been... odd, to say the least) and as a teacher, I couldn't exactly date the students @_@.

There's university now and some hope... /shrug.

I find, though, that I'm not sure I particularly want to date. I mean, I would love to be loved, but dating, with all its trappings... romance, intimacy, sex... I'm not sure I really want that, not right now. Maybe, when I'm more comfortable with who I am and whatnot, I'll be happier dating, but that's a different matter. What I really want isn't a boyfriend or a girlfriend (I'm all about equal opportunity), but a best friend.

One that doesn't want to have sex with me and doesn't even expect it, since that's not the kind of relationship we would have. Hetero life mates or something like that.

Btw, Lex! You changed your pic! /is sad now. I loved the previous one.

[Kieron Andrew]

i think im dating, doesn't answer you well does it lol, i'll tell you after the 9th

[CaptLex]

Hetero life mates or something like that.

I can relate to that . . . well, the "lifemates" part, not the "hetero".

Btw, Lex! You changed your pic! /is sad now. I loved the previous one.

I change it quite often actually, so fear not, Johnny will return at some point. But right now I need to look at something that will help me keep cool in this infernal heat.

i think im dating, doesn't answer you well does it lol, i'll tell you after the 9th

I gotta wait that long to find out?

[Kieron Andrew]

I gotta wait that long to find out?

well so have I!

[CaptLex]

We're a happening bunch . . . the score so far:

Nope - Alan and me
Not sure - Cai and Kieron

[wanttobejoe]

Well, I guess you can put up a Nope for me as well.

I wouldn't mind being in the right kind of relationship (not that I know exactly what that would entail), but to be honest I don't see it happening any time soon.

[Alan]

Well, 'hetero' doesn't apply to me either; I'm more into guys than girls (but a girl with a figure will always catch my eye ). I'm a 4 on the Kinsey scale, so I'm fine with both sexes, insofar as I am fine with intimacy.

/shrug. We're... independent! Free of all dangerous entanglements! Braving the waters alone! Making a stand! Not afraid to go it alone!

Eh, pity my spouses don't actually count. To explain: It's sorta a joke. I've been collecting spouses like people collect email addresses. It's not exactly serious, but I do have good fun with it (mostly because people don't usually realize we're just joking around.... Also, my occupation on my profile contradicts my statement about being single... ignore that)

And yay! Johnny will be back! /is happy. It'd be like me taking Hugh away (no worries, I love this pic And there are about a thousand icons with him on my comp).

[CaptLex]

Well, I guess you can put up a Nope for me as well.

I wouldn't mind being in the right kind of relationship (not that I know exactly what that would entail), but to be honest I don't see it happening any time soon.

Okay, updated score:

NOPE - Alan, Joe, me
NOT SURE - Cai, Kieron [SIZE="1"]*marks the 9th on the calendar*[/SIZE]

Joe, if you don't know what the "right" kind would be for you . . . do you have an idea what kind you don't want? Not to pry, just if you know and want to share.

/shrug. We're... independent! Free of all dangerous entanglements! Braving the waters alone! Making a stand! Not afraid to go it alone!

All my life . . .

I've been collecting spouses like people collect email addresses. It's not exactly serious, but I do have good fun with it

I have one of those too, actually

And yay! Johnny will be back! /is happy. It'd be like me taking Hugh away (no worries, I love this pic And there are about a thousand icons with him on my comp).

If you start going through withdrawal for Johnny, you can look through my "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny" album in my profile . . . notice I said "look" not "touch".

[Tristan]

I'm a yes. I've been living with my bf or so (anything but partner because it's not a business deal - his gripe not mine heh) for two months. It's going fairly well. Of course learning to live with each other after being a long distance only was a bit of an adjustment, but I do consider myself extremely lucky. I remember that one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with being trans was the fear that no one would love a trans freak, but at the same time knowing I couldn't love anyone being that unhappy with who I was. I started out as friends with my now current s.o. and I think it's fair to say he saw me make that shift over time that we knew one another from there was no way I could transition to where I am now, living full time as male.

[CaptLex]

I remember that one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with being trans was the fear that no one would love a trans freak, but at the same time knowing I couldn't love anyone being that unhappy with who I was. I started out as friends with my now current s.o. and I think it's fair to see he saw me make that shift over time that we knew one another from there was no way I could transition to where I am now, living full time as male.

You guys are the reason I haven't given up on the whole idea yet.

Whatever flavor kool-aid he's drinking, we should hand out to some of the other guys.

New scoreboard:

NOPE - Alan, Joe, me
NOT SURE - Cai, Kieron
YEP - Tristan

[Alan]

Okay, updated score:
I have one of those too, actually


If you start going through withdrawal for Johnny, you can look through my "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny" album in my profile . . . notice I said "look" not "touch".

They ARE fun. I adore my spouses. I believe you know one

I've been rewatching the Pirates of the Caribbean lately, mainly prompted by your signature, actually, so I'm not EXACTLY going through withdrawal And there's always other movies with him... /happy smile.

[DanielMacBride]

Well you can add Me to the "got an SO" camp

[CaptLex]

They ARE fun. I adore my spouses. I believe you know one

Yes I believe I do.

Well you can add Me to the "got an SO" camp

Yay . . . updated score:

NOPE: Alan, Joe, me
NOT SURE: Cai, Kieron
YEP: Tristan, Daniel

[Alan]

Lex, I retract my complaint about your picture. It's currently about 90 degrees and MUGGY (and it's one of the nicer days this week... Saturday, we hit 94-95), and looking at it IS refreshing.

[CaptLex]

Lex, I retract my complaint about your picture. It's currently about 90 degrees and MUGGY (and it's one of the nicer days this week... Saturday, we hit 94-95), and looking at it IS refreshing.

See? Looking at Johnny now might just get you overheated.

[Adam]

i am a dateless wonder not for want of trying but 3 girls i asked out in the last year said no funny enough they still want to stay freinds so thats nice but i would like to find someone one day to snuggle to

[CaptLex]

i am a dateless wonder not for want of trying but 3 girls i asked out in the last year said no funny enough they still want to stay freinds so thats nice but i would like to find someone one day to snuggle to

For what it's worth, Adam, I think you're super snuggable. It's their loss.

New score:

NOPE - Alan, Joe, Adam, me
NOT SURE - Cai, Kieron
YEP - Tristan, Daniel

[Alan]

I'm starting to think your original idea was right, Lex: most of us don't seem to have SOs. Must be why we're not posting about how accepting they are

[boi_0h]

I am mostly dateless, and most of my dates are freaked out by the whole trans thing so there's really nothing long term. I would eventually like to have a spouse, family, kids perhaps, but for now I'm not in a situation that would allow me to do such. Someday though...someday.

[ZenFrost]

You could'a done an open poll and smacked anyone who wasn't supposed to vote with a smacking stick. Like this one-->

I actually am finding it very depressing that we're afraid to post a poll in our own section anymore. I mean, really, when was the last poll we had in the Transmasculine section? Last November?

Back on topic... If we're talking SO's, I suppose that I've got and IO then. I mean, sort of. I don't really feel like sharing any details or anything, but it's a real weird situation. So I've got an IO, but not an SO, and I don't think I'll be getting an SO anytime soon (if ever) but I wouldn't really mind one... I just don't mind being alone at all either though.

[Felix]

You can most definitely add me to the yes list, cos I have an amazing SO!!!! xx Felix

[BadassBabyBrother]

I'm currently in a platonic dating/relationship with this one girl. I wouldn't call her a "significant other", but yeah. I'm dating her. Which is surprising considering I'm only interested about men. *shrugs* Ah well, she's nice, so... Oh yeah, and accepting, atleast on the outside, but she came out to me as a lesbian, so I don't know if she actually thinks of me as a man, instead of female. *shudder*

[Alan]

I'm currently in a platonic dating/relationship with this one girl. I wouldn't call her a "significant other", but yeah. I'm dating her. Which is surprising considering I'm only interested about men. *shrugs* Ah well, she's nice, so... Oh yeah, and accepting, atleast on the outside, but she came out to me as a lesbian, so I don't know if she actually thinks of me as a man, instead of female. *shudder*

I once had this major crush on a girl, but she was a lesbian, which is pretty much the only reason I didn't do anything about it. It would've killed me to have her think of me as a girl. /shudder.