Have you ever told someone and then been betrayed.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi girls,
Tamara's post about her dilema really got me thinking. We have been let down in the past quite inocently but thoughtlessly by a friend who used our situation to persuade his mum and sister that his CDing was acceptable and not some fetish because so called normal peopl like me and my partner indulged in it. Nearly backfired big time because it turned out his sister knew a member of my church. Thankfully nothing ever came of it but I was sweating for a while there because although I am not ashamed of what Jay does, I would like if anything for us to be the ones who inform the world and not someone else.

Have any of you actually confided in someone who has let you down and betrayed the trust that you put in them and if so did it have consequences.
Take care
Bev

[Beth-Lock]

I told a woman friend, and then a neighbour of hers found out (via a buidling employee, who should have kept what he knew confidential, instead of doing the opposite and hyping it), and she shared too much of what she knew with the first man, and next thing I was fearing for my life. Also lost the friendship of the woman who still scowls at me when we run into each other. What a fiasco.
Now I am avoding making friends here completely since I want to be just another stranger in the crowd. That would seem to be safer and in the end, because more survivable, more practical. Unfortunately the loneliness resulting is depressing. But at least things have leveled out.

[sandra-leigh]

I told a woman friend, and then a neighbour of hers found out (via a buidling employee, who should have kept what he knew confidential, instead of doing the opposite and hyping it), and she shared too much of what she knew with the first man, and next thing I was fearing for my life.

I don't seem to be clear on who "the first man" is? Is "the first man" the neighbour of the woman friend?

How did the building employee find out? Listening at windows or air ducts, or happened to be around one of the times it was discussed?

How did losing the friendship of the woman friend come about? Was she upset/displeased about the cross-dressing, or was it part of the fall-out about the building employee telling? Was the woman somehow responsible for the building employee finding out?

[Nicole Erin]

I am not really closeted in my CDing so I have not had this problem. I don't tell everyone I meet but I don't really go to lengths to hide it.

Thing is, people love to talk about things like that. Some people love to gossip and finding out that someone is CDing is great gossip material for the non-TG people.

YOu always have to be careful who you tell what cause you never know what your relationship will be like down the road. Some friendships do turn real ugly.

[MJ]

well i told my wife . the consequences was that she outed me to everyone . in the long run she did me a favor as i am full time and love it ...and she did all the work

[AmandaM]

I told a girlfriend since we were getting serious. She told all my friends, cheated with two of them, then all my friends ostracized me, then I went into a depression and had major anxiety. Finally, I was alone. Now I just make friends with my wive's friends and girls at work. I have one guy friend and keep him at arms distance.

[BobbieAnne]

You know reading these posts makes me realize that I too have been the victum of someone else "outing" me.My wife and I divorced after 18 years of marrage and I moved out and got my own place. It was her infidelity and not my CDing that caused the split.She never knew of my dressing, but low and behold one evening she came to my house and caught me dressed cooking dinner. I excused myself and went into the bedroom and quickly changed clothes.When i came out she acted like nothing had happened. Then I come to find out from my oldest stepson she was telling all my friends what she saw. Now it seems they quit calling me and inviting me to all the festivities.You know its going to happen that way when people who thought they knew you find out that they don't know the real you. (Does anyone?)Yes the lonliness really sucks, but new friends can and will be made. Friends that will know Bobbie for who she is.

[tracigirl_tv]

... in the long run she did me a favor as i am full time and love it ...and she did all the work

MJ, love your perspective on that *lol*

Bev, I made a decision years ago and have kept to it: keeping my CDing entirely separate from my professional life. There have been a couple of times when I've been sorely tempted to share this with someone in my work life who has been very friendly, but I didn't share it.

On the other side of the coin, I've been so fortunate to find a caring, encouraging GG in my personal life, so Traci does have an outlet

[tricia_uktv]

Yes, I told my ex-partner who went on to tell my Mother and my Sister. Not a nice person but she is my ex and I am now pretty much totally out. So I suppose that is called a good result! Hard at the time though for all of us.

[AKAMichelle]

I told a girlfriend who I felt a serious attraction to. I did this because I didn't want her falling in love with me without knowing the truth about me. A couple of days later I found out that she told her good friend and neighbor. Now I have to feel funny everytime she sees me. I don't know exactly how to feel about the betrayal. I'm trying to understand, but so far no bad effects from it.

[Dixie]

[SIZE="3"]My wife of 18 years told my sister after we seperated, but she (my sister) has kept it to herself.[/SIZE]

[Shelly67]

The tongue certainly is a mighty and painful weapon.
Makes me wonder , all those people who spread this gossip about a person who crossdresses.... do you think in theyre quietest moments alone they take pleasure from it ? Or is it possible reality bites them with regret and maturity ?
Perhaps they are hiding something themselves , using this spitefulness as a smokescreen ?

[Beth-Lock]

Tess-Leigh:
The first man is the neighbour of the woman x-friend. I did not want to get into the details, because they could be used to identify me. To that end I have skipped the details. But the main point was how telling someone led, if somewhat indirectly, via chain reaction, to a major fiasco, even though I was not that deep into the closet, (after all, I had told the woman).

[darla_g]

I had a really good female friend at work, i mean really good, she would always me about her dating situation was, her sex life, we would discuss sex and relationships etc, I was married but she even knew my wife. Ok that sets the picture.

I had my Halloween experience i mentioned in another post . So i was just busting a gut wanting to tell someone and i thought she would be perfect. So i confided in her. Big Mistake! she bugged me like you wouldn't believe for weeks she wanted to see the pics and bring it up at very bad times. I tried hinting to tone it down but she wouldn't take a subtle hint. Eventually she moved to a different building so i didn't see her as often and eventually she left for another job.

So that is my lessons learned from that experience!

[trannie T]

I've told a couple people about myself and so far I think they have kept the secret, when I told them I was aware of the potential for me to be outed. I don't worry about it, I no longer am ashamed to be a crossdresser and would not be harmed if I was to be outed.

[Tasha T]

Of course I've been betrayed. That's what telling people your a crossdresser is all about. No one can keep it a secret. It's just too juicy.

The worst instance was when I confided in a "safe" person who did hair and makeup for crossdressers. I opened up and told her everything thinking that it would never make it outside the shop (a promise she had to make in order to get the job). She told her two best friends who, amazingly, were guys I worked closely with in a city over an hour away (the odds of that were astronomical). The result was that they told everyone I worked with, including the boss, and each day of work became a living nightmare for me. People went from being nice to me to treating me like a second class citizen. Ultimately my contract was not renewed and I was coldly dismissed with no reason given.

[Faye56]

I confided in the one person I thought I could really trust and that was my sister , despite aiding her and her family over the years with housing and welfare she did after my refusal to bankroll her daugthers latest hairbrained scheme threaten to expose all to my family and friends. I have lost my trust in her and many others , but they in my mind are the losers as I would have always been there for them.

[crusadergirl]

I told a friend at work b/c i was going to move in with him and i didn't want him freaking out seeing me dressed up, and he told alot ppl at work i like to dress as a girl for fun. But nothing happened i don't think anyone believed him. But i was shocked he told after he said he would never say tell anyone. Mistake on my part.

[Bev06 GG]

The worst instance was when I confided in a "safe" person who did hair and makeup for crossdressers. I opened up and told her everything thinking that it would never make it outside the shop (a promise she had to make in order to get the job). She told her two best friends who, amazingly, were guys I worked closely with in a city over an hour away (the odds of that were astronomical). .

That is terrible, a professional breaking a confidence like that. How awful, it makes you wonder what else she divulges from other clients.
Bev

[suzym4u]

I confided in my wife at the time and when things started going downhill in our marriage, she outted me to her mother and her best friend. Her mother has never been able to keep her mouth shut about ANYTHING.

Well, her mother took it upon herself to let other members of their family know that the problems in our marriage were caused by my CDing.

There were things that my wife and I did together while I was dressed, very intimate and personal things, that gave me hope that she would never tell anyone about my CDing. Afterall, what does it say about her to do some of the things she did with me en femme? There's no way she'd also "out" herself.

Stupid me.

[Karren H]

Told my brother when we were younger and he even saw me enfemme.... So we were in the neighborhood with some of my friends and he started to tell them.... I beat the crap out of him right then and there......... And as far as I know he never told anyone or tried to....

[Kate Simmons]

I told my brother in confidence (or so I thought) about 6 years ago. He proceeded to blab it to the rest of my family. Now that the secret is "out" it doesn't matter much. It was kind of disquieting at the time however and I will never trust him again.

[RikkiOfLA]

My first wife and I decided to tell her sister thinking she would be cool. She was not! Indeed, her true colors came out when she told their father that I must have molested their brother's daughter, since she and I once went into a public restroom at the airport together. This led to him demanding that my wife divorce me. When she refused, he disowned her a few months before her death. Can you believe it????

Since my first wife's death, I'm glad to be able to say they're not my inlaws anymore!

Rikki

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Rikki,
Its difficult to believe that people could be that narrow minded isn't it. Talk about stereotyping and classing CDs with perverts and child molesters. I sincerely hope that this man has had time to reflect in the light of his daughters death and bitterly regrets his actions. Although I have to say that might be asking too much because generally people who hold such hard lines are very hard hearted stubborn individuals.

Its awful that you lost your wife but I bet your not sorry about losing the rest of her family.
Bev

[Emily Anderson]

Not sure if I'm allowed to answer this question, seeing as it is directed toward people that have been betrayed, as opposed to those who haven't.

Still, I thought it might be interesting to know that I only associate with people who are trustworthy and intelligent enough to not go spreading the word for sake of gossip, sensationalism, blackmail or other forms of abuse.

And yet, many people know.

Choose your friends carefully!