Back in the Closet
I'm sure we all have delt with this situation in some way. My adult child (30) is moving back in this weekend. I have just spent the morning moving Joan out of the house. My SO is okay with Joan but she does not want the kid becoming involved sooo---it's back in the (empty) closet. I was hoping for the last few years, I'm retired, to enjoy the freedom needed to ... Of course, I am concerned about the building pressure that I lived with for 21 years . Pins and needles folks.
Thanks for reading.
joank
Southern California
Yeh, see my recent threadOriginally Posted by joank
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=82096
Quick summary: Mother-In-Law staying for an indefinite time.
So a 30 year old is moving back home? Do you think that will last. Being in the 30 something crowd myself I will say that moving back home would suck to no end.
One thing you could do to shorten the time is be unpleasant to live with. Adults don't like being told what to do by their parents. In fact we hate it and do not put up with it long, and find our own place to live.
I have moved back home, it was years ago and it sucked really bad. It was definately motivation to get my s*** together and make my own way in the world.
Christ on a pogo stick! M.I.L. coming to stay? I don't think anything THAT bad happens in the book of revelations! jeese. I'd rather live outdoors than have my MIL come and stay.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Gahhhh, I really feel for you! Fingers crossed and hope the situation resolves itself somehow. Have you got any sort of timescale here, or is it just vague?
Very strict but reasonable rules, enforced without compromise, should keep the stay short. He should pay room and board, be strict about the time it is due. Keep any money you collect reasonable for what you are providing. Most adult children move back home for monetary reasons. Make him pay you some amount that is kept in an account he can not access, that goes to him when he moves into his own place, he could really use the cash then. Make him share in the house work, just like you and your wife do.
There are a couple of homes in my neighborhood that were bought by twenty somethings, where they are renting rooms to friends. Your son could do the same to help pay for his new house. When he has a higher income, and his friends move on, he can then afford the payments on his own. You may be able to help him do this.
Pamela
Thanks for the replies. The move is this Sunday and I can hope it lasts about 6 months. Soo, all meetings and outings are off. As said previously, I moved out all of Joan. This forum will be my salvation during this upcoming time.
joank
Southern California
You don't have to explain to your adult child where you are
going some evening. You are going "out with some friends".
Keep a cell handy if you must, but you don't have to explain.
This reduces the problem from "not being able to go out" to one of finding somewhere to dress. -Most- clubs have places to change and do some light makeup... not necessarily the greatest of places, but places.
I know from my experience that even just going out and changing into a skirt and top for a meeting, without getting "all prettied up", is a lot better than trying to do without for long stretches.
lol my oldest son wanted to move back home this summer because he git in over his head with spending silly .... lol i told no way you got into it get out of it..... summer time is a wounder full time to be homeless it's warm out..........
Yeah what Tess said. Maybe it doesn't hurt to give the other households members an idea of where you are headed, in case of some emergency, but no need to go into detail.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Who is the parent in this situation? Who is the child? A lot of great advice from previous posts! Hopefully you did not purge and trash all of Joans wardrobe, but just put it into storage. If your son finds a feminine item and your wife is basically the same size, your son may assume it is your wifes. Moments will arrive when you may think you will have enough time to dress, do makeup, and enjoy some femme time, but your son may suddenly have a change of plans and be staying in. Be extra cautious until he moves out!
I think we all feel for you. Although you love your Son you must establish the rules and as mllerin mentioned a 30 year old is not going to want to be around a bitchy parent and if you are a regular dresser and have to suppress your natural desires you will become a very bitchy parent and here's the thing if he is that tolerant mayb3e he can just accept it it's all about your rights and how much you are willing to let someone (even a son) encroach.
If I put myself into the same situation I would say at this stage, it's easier to give the advise ...a sticky wicket indeed .... I wish you a happy outcome....hugs....lacie
It is a little different with me. When my daughter comes home we go SHOE SHOPPING!! My expenses do increase a bit when she is here, but to me it is well worth it.
I would just tell him that you are going to live your life as you want, and if he does not like it find someplace else to live. I know you have to deal with your SO and if you piss her off then you will probably be in the dog house instead of the closet and she may never let you back in right?? Well, I would be on him to get his s_it together and get out asap.
Ladies have a GREAT time!
Smile GOD LOVES you!!!
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY Hepker
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
I'LL BE ME
AND YOU BE YOU
And if you are worried about him telling people, don't be. No straight non-CD man is going to say "My dad is a crossdresser". He won't say a thing to anyone.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
OMG that cracked me up when I read it!!
my stepson moved in for "3 months" because he got into some bad scene. Well, now it is past four months and he says he is moving but nothing has happened. the problem in this case is that his mom doesn't want to push him.
good luck on getting him to move out. once they are "in" they suddenly realize how much easier life is with someone else to clean up after them. I would try the "being unpleasant" trick except I hardly ever see him -- he only shows up when I am in my bra and panties.
[SIZE=4]Why would the kid be involved. Coming out and telling him would shorten the stay in all probability, especially if you CD fulltime at home. Being me, I would just say this is who I am, and if you don't like it, too bad. But of course you have to follow your own path,and keep peace, etc.
[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Ascended Ancient[/SIZE]
I hope that everything works out ok for
you, at this stage of your life, your should
be able to do as you wish without any problems.
Cindi Ann
Our job as parents doesn't end when the kids leave home. The last thing I would do is be rude, unpleasant and grouchy. This is a time for you to show love for your son and show him what being a member of the family really means. The sad fact is that many parents find themselves in this situation. I would try to be helpful, make sure that he does his share of chores around the house, meets his responsibilities, cleans up after himself and help him get back on his feet. There is no reason that your relationship shouldn't be stronger when he moves out that when he moved in.
I didn't move Glenda out of the house when my son moved back in. He wasn't a child and I didn't feel that it was right for me to change my lifestyle because of him. I had my friends and a fairly active social life and Glenda was a part of that. He was welcome at my home, but if he wanted to live there then he would just have to accept how my life was. It was a little awkward at first, but if I had a group of friends over or if I was going out then he was welcome to be a part of it. I didn't flaunt it in his face or try to make him uncomfortable. Truthfully, it didn't hurt that many of my friends were single women in their late twenties to early forties. We would go out as a group fairly often.
Basically, we love each other and only wish the best for each other. After he moved out, got into a relationship and started a family, I have continued to be his dad but they know that I crossdress. My grandchildren have been exposed to me since birth and only know that Grandpa Glen loves them and will do anything for them.
What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for everyone else. We each have our comfort levels and individual needs. If Joan has to move out at least it is not a permanet move. Helping your son is the right thing to do. You may find or decide that your family, especially a son or daughter, can continue to love and respect the parent you've always been. We're not different people when we're enfemme. Sometimes, in a strange way, it shows them that it is important to be independent and responsible. That it is not necessary to expect that our lives be lived by "other people's" standards.
Good luck to you.
The best thing they did for me was to kick me out! I lasted a year! Then I moved in with my brother and his wife for a year then they kicked me out. I guess I can be tolerated for a year...
Anyways, regardless, the best thing for him is to not stay long, it is not good for him, it sure wasn't good for me. If you have HIS best interests in mind, you'll make sure his stay is short and sweet!
Love, Tracy
Everybody's normal until you get to know them. - Tracy Schapes
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
- Jef Mallett
Blog: Tracy's Happy Place
well, my latest report is that my wife says I only want her 27 yr old son to move out is so I can expose my painted toe nails.
Could it possibly be that I would like to see him "grow up" too?
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